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Parental Rights Jokes

70 parental rights jokes and hilarious parental rights puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parental rights that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Parental Rights Short Jokes

Short parental rights jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parental rights humour may include short parental leave jokes also.

  1. Two wrongs don't make a right... ...For example, your parents.
    (Saw this spray painted on the back of a van. No idea if it's from something)
  2. Did you know that Lil Wayne's parents were murdered right in front of him? It was what inspired him to become the Batman.
  3. I told my kids I wanted to be a trans-parent They knew I was joking because they could see right through me
  4. How can you tell with 100% certainty that a parent is treating their kid right? The kids cage is cleaned regularly.
  5. My parents are really mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and right Bottom Text because you can't post title only jokes
  6. My parents kicked me out of the house because I came out of the closet. They thought I moved out three years ago, but I've been hiding in there waiting for the right time to come out.
  7. [OC] Why did Caitlyn Jenner lose custody rights of her kids? Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.
  8. My parents asked why I stood on my right leg at 11:59 PM. Because I wanted to start the year on the right foot.
  9. If you are old enough to write articles on anti-vaccination Your parents probably made the right choice, unfortunately it was on you.
  10. What is the hardest thing about playing soccer in the United States? Trying to decide when the right time to tell your parents that you are gay.

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Parental Rights One Liners

Which parental rights one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parental rights? I can suggest the ones about parent child and parenting.

  1. Raising children is hard as a trans parent They see right through me
  2. Why can Kylie Jenner see right through Caitlin? She's trans-parent.
  3. I have trans parents. I can see right through them.
  4. Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents for example.
  5. Hey kid, you're an orphan right? Yes sir, what gave me away?
    Your parents.
  6. Two wrongs don't make a right... ...just look at your parents.
  7. Parents are like boomerangs right...? (please say yes)
  8. Batman's parents were killed right in front of him. feelsbatman
  9. My Dad tried to hide his s**... change, but we could see right through him He's trans-parent
  10. Third wheeling with a toxic couple s**.... Btw.. I'm with my parents right now..

Great Parental Rights Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about parental rights you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean divorce parents jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make parental rights pranks.

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.


One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.


The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

I used to live in a place with crazy thin walls.

I used to live in a place with super thin walls, which came with a lot of pros and cons
A big con was that at all times of day, you can hear people have n**..., carnal s**... right next to you through the wall.
A pro, however, was that was if you knocked on the wall, and asked very nicely, you get to join in the sideways hokey pokey.
This led to a LOT of crazy, s**... adventures.
All the crazy s**... gets tiring after a while though, so eventually, I had to move out.
And I gotta say, it was really weird having to leave my parents place.

Remember the first time you called 911 on your parents for a b**... reason?

It was right before you had to call them for a legitimate reason.

A child was born without a body...

The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now..

So there's a family of rabbits on the side of the road...

Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Rabbit.
They're hopping across and BAM, a truck runs over Mommy and Daddy, but Baby makes it across.
Back on the other side, there's a family of skunks. Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Skunk.
They go waddling across the road and BAM, a truck runs offer Mommy and Daddy, but Baby makes it across.
So Baby Rabbit and Baby Skunk are sitting there on the side of the road.
The rabbit starts crying. The skunk asks him what's wrong, and the rabbit says "Well, my parents are dead and I'm all alone. I don't know where I'm going, I don't remember where I'm from, I don't even know what I am!"
The skunk looks him over and says "Well, let's see, you've got floppy ears and a cotton tail and hop when you walk, you must be a rabbit!"
The rabbit feels his ears, looks at his tail, takes a hop, and says "You're right, I'm a rabbit. I feel better!"
So they sit there a little longer, but the the skunk starts crying. The rabbit asks him what's wrong, and he says, "Well, my parents are dead too! I'm all alone, I don't know where I'm going, I don't remember where I'm from, I don't even know what I am, either!"
The rabbit looks him over and says, "Well...
You're not white and you're not black, and you smell kinda bad,
You must be a Mexican!"

Boy Walks In On Parents

who are in the middle of having s**.... The mom was on top of the dad when he enteres and immediately jumped off when she saw the son enter. The boy turns and runs from the room and goes back to his bedroom to think about what he just saw. The mom grabs her robe and come into his room to try and explain what he saw.
Mom: Son, I know you are confused about what you saw but its really simple. You know your dad has a big stomach so every night I sit on it to make it go down.
Son: well thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Mom: (shocked) Well what do you mean?
Son: Well thats s**... because every day you go to work the neighbor comes over and blows it right back up.

A young man, about 15, visits his local pharmacy ...

...and heads straight to the family planning section. He takes a look around the c**... section and appears a little unsure of himself.
The pharmacist, an older gentleman, comes over and asks, "Excuse me son, what seems to be the trouble?"
The young man says, "Well, you see…I have a date tonight with my girlfriend. Actually, I'm going to meet her family for the first time. And then..well, I was thinking of…losing my…well, having our first.."
The young man mumbles a bit, but the pharmacist smiles and replies, "You want to make the night special, right?" He seemed like a good natured fellow, so the young man allows him to help him pick a pack of condoms. He rang up the price and the young man left.
Still very nervous, the young man goes to his girlfriend's house. After hugging his girlfriend, she introduces him to her parents.
After exchanging some pleasantries, the family and the young man sit down for dinner. The young man says that he will give the prayer before they eat and they all bow their heads. After about five minutes, the young man and the family are still praying. After another few minutes of prayer the girlfriend leans over and whispers "Wow, I didn't know you were so religious."
The young man leans over and replies, "I didn't know your father was a pharmacist."

The week before senior prom the two young lovers anxiously planned the consummation of their love. Even though they had just met they knew it was right.

Tammy was going to secure the hotel reservation
and set up the alibi so that neither's parents
would know. Jimmy was given the unenviable
task of purchasing condoms. Having no idea
what he was doing he enlisted the help of the
man at the counter who advised him that a
package of 12 would be best.
Prom night began with dinner at Tammy's house.
After Grace was said and the dinner blessed
Jimmy's head remained bowed with his face in
his hands. When the pause became
uncomfortable Tammy leaned in and whispered
"I had no idea that you were so religious" to
which he replied:
"I had no idea your father was a Pharmacist"
[edit] format for mobile
[edit] I thought the post was funny and now I think comments are...

Little Johnny at the Farm

Little Johnny lives on a farm with his family. One evening the family notices that one of the donkeys had manage to get out of the stables.
Johnny's dad tries to lead the donkey back into the stables but the stubborn animal will not budge. Johnny's mom tries to coax the donkey with carrots and hay, but the donkey just ignores the food.
Seeing his parents becoming increasingly agitated at the stubborn animal, Johnny offers to try and get the donkey back into the stables. He quickly fetches a pail of water from the trough and proceeds to dump it over the donkey's head. Both of his parents stare in awe as the donkey calmly saunters back into the stables and gently closes the door behind itself.
Still in disbelief at what he just saw, Johnny's father asks Johnny, Son, how did you know to do that?
Johnny replies, I was walking past y'alls bedroom last night when I overheard ma telling you, 'If you wet the head first, it'll go right in.'

Once upon a time, there was a computer

Once upon a time, there was a village idiot. He excelled at doing precisely what he was told to do. However, being an idiot, he never questioned his orders.
His parents convinced the village blacksmith to apprentice the idiot.
The blacksmith explains to the idiot, "Grab a rod with these tongs, and put it on the anvil, and I'll hit it with this hammer." The idiot puts the rod on the anvil OK, but it's at the wrong angle. The blacksmith realizes his instructions were a little vague on that point, and he tries giving clearer directions. But it's no use -- he can't explain it precisely enough for the idiot to hold the rod just right.
So the blacksmith says, "Let's change jobs -- **I'll** position the rod and **you** hit it with the hammer." The instant the blacksmith touches the rod to the anvil, before even he has a chance to position it properly, the idiot starts hammering away at the rod.
Frustrated, the blacksmith thinks to himself -- how can he phrase this so there's NO POSSIBLE WAY the idiot can screw up? Aha!
The blacksmith says: "I am going to put the rod on the anvil -- **do not** hit it. When I nod my head, you hit it."

Appalachian couple get married

Jethro and Ellie Mae get married, and after the wedding party they happily drive off in his 68 Ford truck for their honeymoon. But about an hour later, Jethro storms back into his parents house, angrily slamming the door.
The father asks what's going on, and Jethro says, "The weddins off!" The father says, "Well, now sit down there young fella. I don't understand it. Uns had a nice big weddin, all the clans showed up, you youngins seem perfect for each other, what could go wrong?" Jethro says, "I know pa, but she's a v**...!" And the father says,"Well then you dun the right thing: if she's not good enuf fer her own family, she ain't god enuf fer ours."

I've got two right here for ya

Who are the easiest kids to pick on?
Orphans. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
Jews should feel lucky. They got their grandparents cremated for free!

Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian

"Me and girlfriend..... we're not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I've heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."
"My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore.
When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head." - Anthony Jeselnik

Why do Anti-Gay Parents of Gay Children hate taking pictures?

Because they never turn out right!

A man phones home from his business trip...

His 9yo son answers and says hey.
"Hey buddy, it's dad! Wheres youre mom?"
"I will check", replies the son as he walks to his parents' bedroom and sees his mom in bed with uncle Jim. "She is playing in bed with uncle Jim"
"What?! Uncle Jim?! Tell them I will be right over!" the man fumes.
"Mom, dad says he'll be right over", says the kid. His mom starts panicking and shouting, uncle Jim jumps quickly from the window and falls in the empty pool and cracks his head. The mom rolls in sheets, exits the room and falls down the stairs and cracks her head.
The kid looks around and starts crying.
"What happened son?"
"Mom fell down the stairs abd uncle Jim jumped into the empty pool and died" he squeals.
"The pool?" Asks the man. "Is this the Goldberg house??"

Pumping up his stomach

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**... and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

Now Its the Father Problem

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

"32 years old"

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Johnny was in class one day...

and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have s**... with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."

Funny f**... Jokes (family friendly)...

A boy comes home proudly announces to his parents "Mom, dad, the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the right answer!"
The parents are very happy and ask, "That's amazing Lenny! And what was the question?"
Sticking out his chest, the boys says, "Who f**...?"

In what store will you always find a drunkard and a teen mom?

Any store with the right parents

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....

"Mommy, why are you on top of Daddy?" he says. The mom thinks fast and says "Well, your daddy has a big belly, so sometimes I get on top of him and try to flatten it out." The boy says "well that will never work." "Why?" says the mom. "Because when you go out shopping on Saturdays, the lady next door comes over and blows it right back up again."

A little kid walks into his parents' bedroom while they're having s**...

The little boy asked, "What are you doing?"

His mother explains, "Your dad was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out."
The boy says, "That's really funny. Whenever you go out for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."

Two boys argue over whose parents are better.

The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."
The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."
The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."

Lawnmower for sale

A little boy hears the doorbell and answers the door. The gentleman at the door says, "Hi, I'm here about the lawnmower that's for sale."
The little boy replies, "My parents aren't home right now, but it's in the garage if you want to look at it."
The man starts pulling the rope to make sure it will crank. After several tries, he says, "Son, this lawnmower won't start."
The boy says, "That's because you haven't cussed at it yet."
Startled, the man replies, "I'm a man of the cloth. I haven't said any swear words in years."
The boy says, "Keep pulling that rope - it'll come back to you."

A r**... couple from West Virginia get married..

That night, they stay in a cheap motel. Just as they're about to consummate the marriage, the woman says- "Be gentle- it's my first time."
The new husband gets dressed and storms home to tell his parents the devastating news:
"You did the right thing, son", says his father. "If she ain't good enough for her own family- she ain't good enough for ours!"

Son walks in on Parents...

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

A feller from Arkansas went to Tennessee.

While he was there he met a girl and they fell in love. Eventually they got married and went on their honeymoon. They are about to do the deed when she tells him she is a v**..., that she has saved herself for him. He gets flustered and doesn't know what to do, so he gets up and goes back home to ask his parents what to do. After explaining about his new bride being a v**..., his father says, "You done right. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for you!"

A kid is with his friends at school

One of his friends tells him, "If you want money go up to one of your parents and say I know the truth." The kid is like heck yeah I want money and goes up to his mom. "Mom I know the truth." The mom hands the kid 50 bucks and says, "Now your father doesn't need to hear about this right?" The kid thinks "Wow that worked great! I wonder if it works on other adults." So he goes to his mailman and says, "I know the truth." The mailman opens his arms wide and says, "Come here son!"

An elementary teacher was talking to her class about safety when crossing the street.

"I used to have a little brother, and on his eighth birthday my parents got him a brand new red bike. He was across the street at his grandmas' when dad wheeled it outside. My brother was so excited that he ran across the street without looking, right in front of a car. The car hit him and he died." One of the children raised his hand and asked, "Where's his bike?"

Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.

"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....

Ever since I decided to swap gender my son never notices me…

Honestly he looks right through me and doesn't acknowledge my existence and seems to be frightened when I say something. It's like I'm totally trans-parent

Mom got a s**... change operation

After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a s**... change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a s**... change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."

The science teacher is in trouble for slapping his student

The parents phones says "I'm sending two coppers right now to charge you with battery."
He says "You can't charge a battery with two coppers. You need a copper and a zinc."

A little boy walks into his parents' room

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Sandbox games

The newlyweds and young parents in town discover that the fine sand in the nearby nature resort makes for excellent sandbox sand. So people go in to get a big cart of sand and make some cheap garden sandboxes for their children. The park rangers forbid this and nobody can steal sand anymore. This guy sneaks in with a big cart and scoops it full but on his way out he sees a park ranger and starts to quickly shovel the sand out of his cart. "Oh no sir! You won't get away with it that easily!" the park ranger barks,
"You can't dump that here so take it right back home with you!"

Once upon a time, a man was saying...

"All my life, I've been afraid.
First I was afraid of my parents.
Then my teachers.
Then my Boss.
And finally of death."
Someone interrupted, " Why didn't you mention your wife?".
The man replied, " Because I am afraid, she is right here."