Parent Jokes

Following is our collection of mom humor and adults one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Parent puns for adults, dirty parental jokes or clean why parents get gray gags for kids.

There is an abundance of kid jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 85 funniest jokes on parent. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any children witze you can hear about parent.

The Best jokes about Parent

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography...

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

Parent joke

Sir, your son was smoking marijuana at school during the class!

Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.

-- Did he say where he got it?

-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.


The father, cleaning his tears:

-- Did he really say that?

My parents told me ANYONE could become president.

I didn't know it was a warning.


My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

My parents treat me like a god.

They dont believe in me.

Parent joke

Raising children is hard as a trans parent

They see right through me

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either

I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."

"Okay, that's fine." they replied.

I added, "Your luggage is outside."

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.


My parents just said they want another child.

"I'd love a sibling!" I said.

"That's not what we meant." they replied.

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

My parents always warned me about having sex before marriage...

But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.

My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week.

My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.

My girlfriend's parents are very religious

The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.

Which is a shame because he is very attractive.

Parent joke

My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight..

When I went downstairs the debate was on.

My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas...

Fortunately they missed.

How can you tell my parents are abusive?

Beats me


My parents found an S&M magazine under my brother's bed...

My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."

My parents are always telling me that their world doesn't revolve around me

So....I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman

Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?

Parents have "the talk" with their 7 year old son.

Mom: 'Finn, your father and I have decided to have a talk about sex.'

Finn: 'Okay, what do you want to know?'

My parents treat me like a god

they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them

My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up

I'm an only child :(

How did my parents combat boredom before the internet?

I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

I could tell that my parents hated me.

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Parents save more by not vaccinating their children

Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.

Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven?

He heard it was a pair of dice.

Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.

My parents don't understand my generation joking about committing suicide and said I wasn't allowed to...

Me: all my friends do it

Parents: if all you're friends jumped off a cliff would you do that too

Me: ok it's bad enough that you won't let me joke about it but you don't need to be a hypocrite

Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her?

I guess she is trans parent now

I wonder what my parents did before the internet

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either

So I am a proud anti-vac parent and my kids turned out great!

The ones that survived, anyway.

How do parents punish their blind child?

They rearranged the furniture.

Johnny's parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics

after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went.

johnny said "well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation"

johnny's mother was pleased: "so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!?"

johnny responded "well, not necessarily."

When I was young, at bedtimes...

My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.

My parents changed sex

Since both my parents changed sex, I can't see them any more. They became transparents.

My parents raised me as an only child...

Which really upset my sister

My parents wanted to name me Odysseus

because I, too, broke through the Trojan wall.

Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity.

But Polly wanted a cracker.

My girlfriend's parents are very religious

The first time I came to her house, her father insisted that we could not sleep together. It was a shame, he was very attractive.

So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night

Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I'm seeing a double standard here. Why isn't there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?

Dad: Smart.

What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?

I asked my 16 siblings and they didn't know either.


Not oc but thought I'd share.

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

What's black and married to my daughter?

Nothing because I'm a good parent.

I often wonder what my parents did to fill their time before the internet was invented...

...I've asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they don't know either...

My parents told me "you are what you eat"

And thats why I don't eat vegetables.

I've never tried to hide my sex change from my kids.

I'm very trans parent about it.

My parents told me not to listen to my iPod too loud...

It was sound advice.

Dad jokes and Yo Mama jokes seem like they'd be the same

But the difference is a parent.

To all those people who said I would be an unfit parent, have you seen the little guy lately?

Cause that would be a big help, I seem to have misplaced him.

MY PARENTS NEVER BUY ME ANYTHING

-Sent from iphone 6

My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the whites should be separated.

I mean, that's just basic laundry.

My parents are really against my candlemaking habit.

One day, I came home, and saw that they had thrown away all of my parrafinalia.

My parents are perfectionists. They won't let me get away with anything less than an A+.

I'm currently at the hospital getting a blood transfusion.

What was Osama bin Laden's biggest regret as a parent?

kids blow up so fast

My parents told me not to give up on my dreams

so I went back to sleep.

My parents

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...

But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.

What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?

I asked my 21 brothers and sisters and they had no clue either.

Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet

Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?

I'm sorry about your parents, but no spell can reawaken the dead, Harry!

Except for the time turner. We'll use that to save Buckbeak.

Xbox Live has made me a better parent

My son can never win an argument after I tell him I banged his mom.

Two Parents Want to Adopt a Child...

so they head down to adoption agency. They say to the matron,

"We'd like to adopt a child please."

She responds, "Well, we only have one child left. And he's a head."

"What?"

"He has no arms or legs. He's really just a head, poor thing."

But the new parents decide they want him anyway. So they take him home, and he has a great childhood. He does well in school, learns to overcome his disability, and his parents support him.

Eventually, he turns 21 and his dad takes him out for his first drink. They head up the hill to the local bar and take a seat.

The dad says, "Two beers please."

The bartender gives them the drinks and the son enjoys his first beer. Then, poof! Two arms pop out. Two drunks sitting over at a nearby table yell, "Give 'im another one! Give 'im another one!"

So he has another beer and poof! Two legs pop out. Everyone celebrates, the son is dancing around and having a good time, when the drunks say, "Give 'im another one!"

The son has another beer and poof! He disappears!

The two drunks look at each other and say, "He should have quit while he was a head."

I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.

They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.

Parents are worried about two things these days

1. What their sons download

2. What their daughters upload

My parents once sent me abroad for the summer

I didn't learn a thing from her.

(Thought of this tonight) I saw my cat go under the porch. I thought it might give birth.

Then it became a parent.

My parents were in the iron and steel industry...

My mother had to iron and my father had to steal.

Son, you're adopted

Son: Whoa, I wonder who my real parents are.

Parent: We are your real parents, your NEW parents are on the way.

What did our parents do when they were bored back in the days before the internet or video games?

I asked this question to my 24 brothers and sisters too...

Why was the parenthesis annoyed?

Because of the crying childrenthesis.

My parents spin a world globe and randomly point out their next vacation destination.

That's how they drowned.

Someday when I am a parent, I will not vaccinate my kids...

I'll get a doctor to do it instead.

My parents have been yelling at me that I'm wasting my life doing nothing but playing video games.

Luckily I have three lives left.

Both my parents had sex changes

Now I have a transparent background.

What do you call someone who has one parent that is a Jew?

Jew...ish

As I read my son's suicide letter, I couldn't help but feel that I had failed him as a parent....

His grammar and spelling were terrible.

What are parents that you can see through?

Transparents

Little Johnny told his parent "I'm a grown up now, I am ready to live by myself"

His parent, being very proud of their son, said "Well that's great! We have no reason to stop you"

To which he replied "Awesome! Your luggage is at the front door"

How are your parents? shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied: They're very well, thank you. Isn't the weather nice for this time of year?

It was civil war.

Mama Bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce

Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce. The judge asks baby bear what parent he wants to live with.

Judge: Ok baby bear, do you want to live with your Mama?

Baby Bear: No, she beats me.

Judge: Ok how about your Papa?

Baby Bear: No he beats me even more...

Judge: Then who do you want to live with?

Baby Bear: I want to live with the Chicago Bears! They don't beat anyone!

My parents got an Amazon Echo for Christmas and all they do is shout at it and get disappointed by all it can't do.

I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.

Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.

Now I'm back in the closet.

My parents said they would never play favorites...

Which is sad considering I was an only child

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes