Gather Around for Fun Parent Jokes and Laughter with Friends
I often wonder what my parents did to fill their time before the internet was invented...
...I've asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they don't know either...
What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
My parents once sent me abroad for the summer
I didn't learn a thing from her.
What's black and married to my daughter?
Nothing because I'm a good parent.
My parents told me not to listen to my iPod too loud...
It was sound advice.
When I was young, at bedtimes...
My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.
Parents are worried about two things these days
1. What their sons download
2. What their daughters upload
My parents raised me as an only child...
Which really upset my sister
I'm sorry about your parents, but no spell can reawaken the dead, Harry!
Except for the time turner. We'll use that to save Buckbeak.
How can you tell my parents are abusive?
Beats me
Johnny's parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics
after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went.
johnny said "well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation"
johnny's mother was pleased: "so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!?"
johnny responded "well, not necessarily."
You can explore parent mom reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean parent parental dad jokes. There are also parent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week.
My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
To all those people who said I would be an unfit parent, have you seen the little guy lately?
Cause that would be a big help, I seem to have misplaced him.
My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me
I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
MY PARENTS NEVER BUY ME ANYTHING
-Sent from iphone 6
My parents found an s**... magazine under my brother's bed...
My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."
Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her?
I guess she is trans parent now
Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity.
But Polly wanted a c**....
What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?
I asked my 21 brothers and sisters and they had no clue either.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing
I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either
My parents just said they want another child.
"I'd love a sibling!" I said.
"That's not what we meant." they replied.
My parents wanted to name me Odysseus
because I, too, broke through the t**... wall.
My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight..
When I went downstairs the debate was on.
My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...
But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.
My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas...
Fortunately they missed.
My parents are really against my candlemaking habit.
One day, I came home, and saw that they had thrown away all of my parrafinalia.
I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman
Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?
Parents save more by not vaccinating their children
Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.
It was an autobiography...
How did my parents combat boredom before the internet?
I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
My girlfriend's parents are very religious
The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.
Which is a shame because he is very attractive.
What was o**... bin Laden's biggest regret as a parent?
kids blow up so fast
So I am a proud anti-vac parent and my kids turned out great!
The ones that survived, anyway.
I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."
"Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside."
My parents treat me like a god.
They dont believe in me.
My parents treat me like a god
they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them
So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night
Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I'm seeing a double standard here. Why isn't there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?
Dad: Smart.
My parents told me not to give up on my dreams
so I went back to sleep.
Why was the gambler obsessed with getting to heaven?
He heard it was a pair of dice.
Courtesy of my 8 year old. I'm a bad parent.
My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24
What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
Parents have "the talk" with their 7 year old son.
Mom: 'Finn, your father and I have decided to have a talk about s**....'
Finn: 'Okay, what do you want to know?'
My parents told me "you are what you eat"
And thats why I don't eat vegetables.
How do parents punish their blind child?
They rearranged the furniture.
I could tell that my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.
Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
Raising children is hard as a trans parent
They see right through me
My parents are perfectionists. They won't let me get away with anything less than an A+.
I'm currently at the hospital getting a blood transfusion.
My parents told me ANYONE could become president.
I didn't know it was a warning.
My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the w**... should be separated.
I mean, that's just basic laundry.
Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...
But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.
My girlfriend's parents are very religious
The first time I came to her house, her father insisted that we could not sleep together. It was a shame, he was very attractive.
Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!
Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?
Xbox Live has made me a better parent
My son can never win an argument after I tell him I banged his mom.
My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet
Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?
My parents don't understand my generation joking about committing s**... and said I wasn't allowed to...
Me: all my friends do it
Parents: if all you're friends jumped off a cliff would you do that too
Me: ok it's bad enough that you won't let me joke about it but you don't need to be a hypocrite
My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up
I'm an only child :(
I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?
I asked my 16 siblings and they didn't know either.
Not oc but thought I'd share.
I've never tried to hide my s**... change from my kids.
I'm very trans parent about it.
Dad jokes and Yo Mama jokes seem like they'd be the same
But the difference is a parent.
My parents
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
My parents changed s**...
Since both my parents changed s**..., I can't see them any more. They became transparents.
I wonder what my parents did before the internet
I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either
My parents are always telling me that their world doesn't revolve around me
So....I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?
The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.
Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most s**....
"Mine is very s**...", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"
"Nah... mine is even more s**..." replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."
Later, the two sons meet up outside the cafeteria.
"Hey, my father is very s**..." says the first one, "He gave me this dollar to go and buy him a piano, and he didn't even tell me which brand he wants it!"
"That's so s**..., but mine is the most s**...! He asked me to go to the cafeteria to check if he's there. Like, he just cant call and check!"
Once, my parents walked in on me m**...
Why they were walking around m**... is beyond me.
What's the best gift a parent can give their child?
Presence
When my parents were growing up it was pound not hashtag
Good thing it changed too because otherwise pound metoo would have sent a wrong message
Parents in 2020 B.C. vs Parents in 2020 A.D.
"These kids and their d**... tablets"
My parents named me after my older brother.
And before my younger brother.
Watching my daughter at the park earlier.
Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
A little boy's parents were getting divorced and he was in front of the judge....
Well, little boy, I've decided you're going to live with your mother.
NOOOOOOOOO! Not my mom! She beats me!!!!! Screamed the kid.
Oh. That's terrible. Ok. Well, your father, then.
NOOOOOOO! Not my father! He beats me, too!
The judge was totally perplexed. He has never had this problem.
Well, son, who would you like to live with?
The NY JETS. They don't beat nobody.
My parents didn't raise a quitter!
They raised a procrastinator.
Both of my parents died in a car c**... when I was a kid.
Not only did I lose my parents, but Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny all forgot about me that year too.
Well my parents are finally sick of all my electronics puns.
Now I'm grounded.
My parents are old fashioned. When I was a boy they wanted me to play baseball.
And When I was a girl they wanted me to see a psychiatrist
I'm an antivax parent, I want to keep my 3 children healthy
My parents are so poor
They can't even pay attention to me
Parents always tell their kids to say 'no' to drugs.
If you're talking to drugs already, I think it's too late.
My parents told me that they don't have a favourite child.
It was tough, considering I am the only child.
I'm a screenwriter and I just signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures!
I'm going to be getting the basic cable plus HBO.
When I was little, my parents got me a Dog and a Cat for my birthday.
The next day we named the Dog curiosity.
I haven't seen my parents since they changed their gender
They became transparents
What's the best way to make trans people disappear?
Give them all kids so they become trans parent
Child to Parent - If you didn't see me for 10 mins would you remember me? Parent - Of course! Child - How about 10 hours, days, weeks, months, years? Parent - I will love and remember you for ever!
Child - Knock knock
Parent - Who's there?
Child - You've forgotten me already!
What's the difference between growing up and becoming a parent?
Growing up is realizing alcohol is not neccessary to have a good time.
Becoming a parent is realizing having a good time is not neccessary for needing alcohol.
Polish, Ukrainian and Russian babies get mixed up in the hospital
Now, parents are trying to figure out which baby belongs to which parent.
Ukrainian decides to go first and yells "Slava Ukraini!"
One baby immediately jumps up and pulls into the attention position.
Ukrainian knows that's their baby and picks it up.
Polish takes the second baby and Russian looks completely confused.
"How did you know the second baby is yours?" asks the Russian.
"The one who smiled when Ukrainian yelled is mine" Polish answered, "but the one who wetted the nursing bed, is yours."
What goes down but never goes up?
My parents expectations of me
My parents always told me I'm a gift from the Lord
They just have to figure out how to return it.
If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for tea you are a terrible parent.
I don't care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them first at least.
What do parents feeding their kids and t**... have in common?
Here comes the airplane!
