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Parent Child Jokes

123 parent child jokes and hilarious parent child puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parent child that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Parent Child Short Jokes

Short parent child jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parent child humour may include short parent teacher jokes also.

  1. My parents just said they want another child. "I'd love a sibling!" I said.
    "That's not what we meant." they replied.
  2. It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today... And that's just for the alcohol.
  3. My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up I'm an only child :(
  4. Parents save more by not vaccinating their children Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
  5. My parents told me that they don't have a favourite child. It was tough, considering I am the only child.
  6. the hardest part about hitting a child in public... is avoiding getting caught by their parent's.
  7. My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign.
    If her parents didn't want her, why would I.
  8. Gifted child! My parents always said I was a gifted child. Turns out they meant someone left me on their doorstep in a box.
  9. Today I got fired for making a child cry at work. I only asked him where his parents were Working at an orphanage is no joke
  10. As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, tooth fairy and Santa I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD

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Parent Child One Liners

Which parent child one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parent child? I can suggest the ones about dead parent and parenthood.

  1. What do you call a child with redheaded parents? Ginger-bred
  2. How do parents punish their blind child? They rearranged the furniture.
  3. My parents raised me as an only child... Which really upset my sister
  4. What's the difference between an elevator and my parents An elevator can raise a child
  5. Why can't two Chinese parents make a white child Two Wongs don't make a white
  6. What's the best gift a parent can give their child? Presence
  7. My parents raised me as an only child... ...which really annoyed my younger brother.
  8. Why does the 2 year old child of the anti-vaccine parents cry? Midlife crisis.
  9. There was always one thing I wanted as a child. Richer parents.
  10. A little child has been electrocuted The parents were in shock.
  11. What happens when a child shocks his/her parents? They ground him/her!
  12. Having a child makes you a parent. Having two make you a referee.
  13. A positive parent.. A positive parent said to their negative child... Your grounded.
  14. I was a stillborn child My parents didn't want me but I was still born
  15. What's one thing that just never gets old? The child of an anti-vax parent

Parent Child Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about parent child you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parenting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make parent child pranks.

Q: What do you call the child of parents from Iceland and Cuba?
A: An ice cube.

Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him…
Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly.
He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?"
The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"

There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.

The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.
One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child's name.
The priest said I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.

A child was born without a body...

The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".

What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a c**...?

Your parents would know!
* My friend said this to me since I'm an only child *

Parents spend the first 3 years of their child's life teaching it to walk and talk..

They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up.

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today

Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

stuff me with candy when I was a kid

My parents used to stuff 
me with candy when I was a kid. M&M's, Jujubes, SweeTarts. I don't think they wanted a child; I think they wanted a piñata.

No parent should ever have to bury their child...

That's what the undertaker's for.

A married couple are having s**......

Their child walks in on them.
When the child asks what they are doing, the parents respond with "We're making you a sibling".
The child then says, "I want a dog. Do it d**...."

Quick question to all the trans-people out there.

If a trans-person has a child, does it make them trans-parent?

I got lost in a closet as a child...

When I came out, my parents, although supportive, really weren't that happy.

My parents told me if I smacked a fly an ephiopian child will die...

But if I s**... an Ethiopian child 100 flies will die.

Child walks in on parents in c**...

Mummy and Daddy are having s**... and their beautiful child walks in. Flustered, Mummy leaps off the bed (and off her husband) and wittingly tries to console what she thinks is her scarred son.

son: mummy, what's going on?
mum: oh son! I was just helping your daddy to flatten his belly
son: but why mummy? there's no point. the nanny just comes and blows it back up again.

School Teacher's Note

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

China has revised its on child per family rule. It will now allow parents to have two children.

Chinese parents were so excited, they let their kids have the day off work.

Lifehack: Make sure you give your child a normal name

Me: are you still mad your parents named you "lifehack"?

What was the Jewish child doing on the chimney?

He was waiting for his parents.

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

As a child, I wanted to be a psychologist.

But my parents told me, "We're a-Freud you're too Jung for that."

My parents are from Chicago...

...which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child.
Well, maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.

Two Asian parents gave birth to a child 2 months prematurely.

They named him,"Sudden Lee"

I wish I were Mary from the Bible

She gives birth to a child and her parents still believe she's a v**...

A police officer calls two parents...

"I'm sorry, but your child was caught setting fire to a building yesterday evening."
"No, not arson!"

I saw a story about parents selling their kids on Ebay...

This is completely nuts, who does that? That's a child. A living being that **you** made. That stuff goes on Etsy.

I used to have a dog.

But then one day, it bit child and unfortunately we just had to put em down...I mean he was prolly gonna tell his parents. It just had to be done.

Trouble of Child's name.

Question: Why do parents give children a middle name?
Answer: So the child knows when it is in seriously in trouble

My parents said they would never play favorites...

Which is sad considering I was an only child

My parents just told me they'd love another child. I said, I'd love a little brother or sister!

They said, That's not what we meant.

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."

The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

Two parents are with their infant child

The child says "Mother".
The mom is happy and says "He just said his first word!"
The dad says "No, he only said half a word."

What does a German parent say to their child with Celiac disease when they tuck them in?

Gluten Naught

How do you tell a child their parents aren't coming back because they died due to gas poisoning?

They argon

A child overhears their parents saying his game would cost an arm and a leg! The child really wants that new game, he would do anything for it

*Ambulance siren sounds in the background*

Giving a child alcohol is child a**......

In Canada. In the U.S. it's fine. In Russia it's good parenting.

To say I was unpopular as a child is a huge understatement.

Neither of my parents showed up to my birth.

One day, these parents wanted to find out what their Son was going to be when he grew up,

So they put a $100 bill, a bible and a whiskey bottle on a table.
If he picked up the $100 bill, it means that he was going to be a businessman, if he picked up the whiskey bottle, it means that he was going to be in the entertainment industry, and if he picked up the bible, it means that he was going to be a pastor.
The child came in and picked up the bible, his Mother smiled.
Then he picked up the whiskey bottle and took a swig of it then proceeded to pocket the $100 bill and left.
Well I'll be d**... the father said
He's going to become a politician.

Someone asked me why I'd suddenly become see through...

I told them that my child had recently changed gender. So that made me trans-parent.

Timmy's parents were awoken by the sound of their 13 year old child screaming

They rushed into his room to see his hands and c**... covered in blood, they quickly ring an ambulance and ask Timmy what had happened, Timmy told them I was playing with 'Henry' and he spat at me, so I bit him

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her as a child?

They told her to sit in the corner of a circular room.

Being a second child my parents always told me that unlike my sister I was planned

What they failed to mention was the parenthood part

A young kid asked a question

A young kid asked his parents one how he was made.
The parents ,not wanting to scar him, replied that he was delivered by a stork
Later on in his room the child started on his paper and it read
Today I learned that I am the only person in the entire world not born regularly

A child is raised with antivaxxor parents...

And lives a very happy and healthy life.
Thats it. Thats the joke

What do you call a child who ate his parents?

An orphant

What does a child get when their parents get divorced

a choice

I was always a favourite child.

My parents always let me win at hide and seek. Two weeks was my record.

Many people say it is better to be Polite than Frank, but there are more parents that choose "Frank" as their child name.

What do you call a child who was born to parents from Holland and The Phillippines?

Hollappino

The couple living next to me are expecting a child. Today the husband's orthodox parents revealed to me they expect the firstborn to be male.

I told them to keep me posted.

How did the child with ADD find out his parents were racist?

They sent him to a concentration camp.

I thought my son was going out as a dog because he asked me to buy him a dog kennel for Halloween

But it turned out he was going as migrant child taken away from his parents

There is something holy about every newborn child.

Especially if the parents prevented with condoms.

How do you give a child a fever?

Ask its parents to hang out on a Friday night.

How to abort a new born child?

Simple! Become an anti vax parent.

There are two types of parents...

The ones who had their child through an accidental pregnancy, and the liars.

If your parents kept an old jacket or sweater from when you were a kid.

Would that make it your child hood?

Statistics have proven that the average parent communciates with their child using smartphones

Antivaxxer parents use an Ouija board.

A child asks their parent, "What's an alcoholic?"

"Well", the parent says, "You see those two buses over there? An alcoholic would see four".
The child responds, "there's only one".

Did you hear about the child who's parents gave him 10 names?

Did you hear about the child whose parents gave him 10 names? He struggled initially.

"mom, dad, I have something important to tell you: I'm straight"

Parents: "You do realize we just assume you're straight until you tell us otherwise, yes?"
Child: "HA! Got you! April fools!"

When i was a child, my parents wanted to me to come out in flying colours.

So i told them that i'm gay.

Scientists discovered that brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born

They become brain-dad

A Child walks in on his parents...

He says "Mom, Dad what are you doing?"
The Dad replies "I'm playing poker and your mom is the wild card"
1 week later He walks in on his grandparents
He says "Grandpa, Grandma what are you doing?"
The Grandpa says "I'm playing poker and your grandma is the wild card"
Another week passes and the dad walks in on his son m**...
The Dad says "Son don't you need a wild card for that?
The Son says "Not as long as you have a good hand

Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most s**....

"Mine is very s**...", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"
"Nah... mine is even more s**..." replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."
Later, the two sons meet up outside the cafeteria.
"Hey, my father is very s**..." says the first one, "He gave me this dollar to go and buy him a piano, and he didn't even tell me which brand he wants it!"
"That's so s**..., but mine is the most s**...! He asked me to go to the cafeteria to check if he's there. Like, he just cant call and check!"