Pare Jokes
108 pare jokes and hilarious pare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pare Short Jokes
Short pare jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pare humour may include short aver jokes also.
- I made a clock. The big hand is a butcher's knife, the small hand is a paring knife, and the clock face is a sharpening stone. There's never a dull moment.
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What funny jokes about pare you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pong jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pare pranks.
What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
My parents once sent me abroad for the summer
I didn't learn a thing from her.
My parents told me not to listen to my iPod too loud...
It was sound advice.
Parents spend the first 3 years of their child's life teaching it to walk and talk..
They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up.
Parents are worried about two things these days
1. What their sons download
2. What their daughters upload
My parents told me I should start watching less television and read more
So I turned the subtitles on
I'm sorry about your parents, but no spell can reawaken the dead, Harry!
Except for the time turner. We'll use that to save Buckbeak.
What are parents that you can see through?
Transparents
How can you tell my parents are abusive?
Beats me
Johnny's parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics
after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went.
johnny said "well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation"
johnny's mother was pleased: "so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!?"
johnny responded "well, not necessarily."
My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week.
My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me
I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
My parents never taught me how to be humble or modest
I'm just naturally incredible at it.
MY PARENTS NEVER BUY ME ANYTHING
-Sent from iphone 6
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents found an s**... magazine under my brother's bed...
My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."
Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek.
Now I'm back in the closet.
My parents had a gun to protect their 5 children
but they got rid of it to protect their 4 children.
My parents were in the iron and steel industry...
My mother had to iron and my father had to steal.
How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday?
They bring flowers to his grave.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity.
But Polly wanted a c**....
My parents were like siblings.
And according to the police that was, like, a problem.
My parents just said they want another child.
"I'd love a sibling!" I said.
"That's not what we meant." they replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents wanted to name me Odysseus
because I, too, broke through the t**... wall.
My parents didnt take me seriously when i came out
It was because i couldn't keep a straight face
My parents asked me if I wanted to watch dumb and Dumber with them tonight..
When I went downstairs the debate was on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents caught me m**....
I wasn't ashamed, I was startled - I almost dropped their wedding picture.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...
But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.
My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas...
Fortunately they missed.
My parents are really against my candlemaking habit.
One day, I came home, and saw that they had thrown away all of my parrafinalia.
My parents once made me smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in one sitting.
To teach me about brand loyalty.
Parents save more by not vaccinating their children
Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.
It was an autobiography...
I wish my parents would have named me "Sale"
I'd have a lifetime supply of free homes & cars...
My parents have been yelling at me that I'm wasting my life doing nothing but playing video games.
Luckily I have three lives left.
I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."
"Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside."
My parents treat me like a god.
They dont believe in me.
My parents treat me like a god
they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them
So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night
Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I'm seeing a double standard here. Why isn't there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?
Dad: Smart.
My parents have been saving embarrassing videos and stories of me for my entire life, hoping to one day show the person that chooses to marry me.
Jokes on them.
My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24
What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Parents have "the talk" with their 7 year old son.
Mom: 'Finn, your father and I have decided to have a talk about s**....'
Finn: 'Okay, what do you want to know?'
My parents told me "you are what you eat"
And thats why I don't eat vegetables.
I could tell that my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My parents named me Bob Ross.
They keep saying I'm a happy little accident.
My parents told me to live in the present.
Then they wrapped me up in a box.
My parents and I came to the US from Germany when I was a little girl.
They didn't speak much English, but were experienced educators back home. One winter, they decided to open a tutoring/ study session program to help students stay productive and focus over the break. It wasn't until after a flood of angry phone calls and visitors that we realized that "Concentration Camp" was not an ideal program name.
My parents are perfectionists. They won't let me get away with anything less than an A+.
I'm currently at the hospital getting a blood transfusion.
My parents got an Amazon Echo for Christmas and all they do is shout at it and get disappointed by all it can't do.
I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.
My parents told me ANYONE could become president.
I didn't know it was a warning.
Why was the parenthesis annoyed?
Because of the crying childrenthesis.
My Parents are Divorcing and Went to Court
The judge asks me who I would want to live with. "I don't want to live with my dad because he beats me, but I don't want to live with my mom because she beats me too," I say. "Then who would you rather live with," the judge asks. "The Phoenix Suns, they never beat anybody".
How are your parents? shouted Cromwell across the battlefield. And the king replied: They're very well, thank you. Isn't the weather nice for this time of year?
It was civil war.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the w**... should be separated.
I mean, that's just basic laundry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Both my parents had s**... changes
Now I have a transparent background.
Our parents had to walk uphill both ways in 2 feet of snow to get to school...
But they didn't have to dodge bullets when they get there.
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the man character wasn't likeable...
So, yeah, now I have a new hiding place for my diary.
My parents told me to work until my bank balance looked like a phone number
I'm happy to say that I've achieved my goal, and am retiring with $911.
My parents said I don't have to come home until the street lights come on
but we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don't love me
My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
My parents always expected perfect grades.
I wish they had just let me B.
Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet
Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents divorced when I was 9, and every other weekend my Dad would pick me up and take me to h**.......practically raised me there.
...so many good mammaries.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents don't understand my generation joking about committing s**... and said I wasn't allowed to...
Me: all my friends do it
Parents: if all you're friends jumped off a cliff would you do that too
Me: ok it's bad enough that you won't let me joke about it but you don't need to be a hypocrite
My parents have a serious speech impediment problem
They could never say I love you
My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up
I'm an only child :(
I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
Parents: our baby won't stop crying!
Doctor: how old is he?
Parents:one
Doctor:is he vaccinated?
Parents:no, why?
Doctor:I'm afraid he's having a midlife crisis...
All of the parents who claim that vaccines cause autism have nothing to be afraid of.
You can't get autism twice.
My parents spin a world globe and randomly point out their next vacation destination.
That's how they drowned.
I'm 28, and my parents got really angry at me for acting like a flamingo all the time.
When they told me that, I had to put my foot down.
My parents
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents changed s**...
Since both my parents changed s**..., I can't see them any more. They became transparents.
My parents both got their genders changed and I never saw them again
Because they're transparent
Why is being a parent on Christmas Day like being at work?
You do all the work and some guy in a suit takes credit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most s**....
"Mine is very s**...", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"
"Nah... mine is even more s**..." replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."
Later, the two sons meet up outside the cafeteria.
"Hey, my father is very s**..." says the first one, "He gave me this dollar to go and buy him a piano, and he didn't even tell me which brand he wants it!"
"That's so s**..., but mine is the most s**...! He asked me to go to the cafeteria to check if he's there. Like, he just cant call and check!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents allways warned me to never h**... through the cellar door and one day when i was fifteen i pushed it open and saw some incredible things i never saw before...
Like trees, and birds, green grass and the sun, my god it was beautiful.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once, my parents walked in on me m**...
Why they were walking around m**... is beyond me.
I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession!
I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.
They laughed at me.
Parents should be cautious about having there kids do virtual learning...
The internet has a lot of PDF files.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Parents in 2020 B.C. vs Parents in 2020 A.D.
"These kids and their d**... tablets"
My parents named me after my older brother.
And before my younger brother.
My parents didn't raise a quitter!
They raised a procrastinator.
