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Pardon Jokes

82 pardon jokes and hilarious pardon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pardon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy the best and funniest "Pardon Me Sir" jokes - all with humorous twists! From apologetic puns to polite quips, we have everything to make you ROFL. Read now and apologize later for all the laughter!

Funniest Pardon Short Jokes

Short pardon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pardon humour may include short excuse jokes also.

  1. What is a pirates favorite letter? The one from the Governor telling him he's been pardoned.
  2. Scene at the supermarket... Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
    Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
    Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
  3. Before too long, President Trump will be the most polite guy ever. He'll be saying, "Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me."
  4. Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross." Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."
  5. One thing nice about Trumps White House is how polite they are... You can walk down the halls and everyone says "Pardon me".
  6. What did all of Donald Trump's closest friends say to him at Christmas? I beg your pardon.
  7. Trump said he's not going to pardon the Capitol rioters. He only likes people who weren't captured.
  8. The White House has suddenly turned into such a polite place. Everyone is going around saying, "Pardon me."
  9. I bumped into the governor when I visited the capitol I said "Pardon me" then he quickly turned around and said "That will be five thousand dollars."
  10. The White House just released a statement that... Trump is only pardoning the white meat of the turkey this year.

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Pardon One Liners

Which pardon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pardon? I can suggest the ones about apologies and forgive me.

  1. What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house? Pardon me, please.
  2. What did Edward Snowden say when he bumped into Barack Obama? Pardon me
  3. What does Rudy Giuliani say to Trump when he can't hear him? Pardon me?
  4. How did the catholic cowboy greet his priest for confession? Howdy, pardoner!
  5. What did Hillary say when she bumped into barack obama at the White House? Pardon me.
  6. What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford? Pardon me.
  7. What do rude French ducks say instead of pardon ? Quoi quoi qoui
  8. What does a queen do when she burps? Issues a royal pardon!
  9. "I've never been good at dealing with confrontation." "Pardon?"
    "Nothing."
  10. What did Paul Manafort say when he bumped into the president? Pardon me.
  11. Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House? So she can be pardoned.
  12. I'm a prate! Pardon the missing i .
  13. After that abysmal finish in the playoffs... I can't believe Obama pardoned Eli Manning.
  14. What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president? Pardon me.
  15. I like to write my code comments in a foreign language. Please pardon my French.

Pardon Me Sir Jokes

Here is a list of funny pardon me sir jokes and even better pardon me sir puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I would like a pizza please -im sorry sir this is a chinese restaurant
    -oh pardon me...ahem... i foud rike e pizzah prease
  • Pardon me? Are you Chocolate Cake sir?
    That depends who's frosting?
  • Modern art.. I suppose this horrible looking
    thing is what you call modern
    art?
    I beg your pardon
    sir, that is a mirror!
Pardon joke, Modern art..

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Pardon Jokes

What funny jokes about pardon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parole jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pardon pranks.

A guy walks into a store and says...

A guy walks into a store and says, Excuse me, I'd like to buy a guitar pick and some strings.
The clerk looks at him uncomprehendingly. Pardon?
I'd like a guitar pick, please, and some strings.
The clerk thinks for a moment and says, You're a drummer, aren't you?
Yeah! How did you know?
This is a travel agency.

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

A slightly translated Dutch joke

This is a Dutch joke where the dialog is spoken in English:
A Dutchman and an Englishman are sitting next to each other on an airplane. They start to make small talk and the Englishman asks the Dutchman what he does for a living.
The Dutchman proudly says "I f**... horses!" (f**... == breed)
Shocked, the Englishman exclaims "Pardon?!?"
The Dutchman smiles and replies, "Yes! Paarden!" (Paarden == horses)

A homeless guy walks up to a table at an outdoor cafe where a woman is having lunch

"Pardon me, ma'am, for disturbing you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. I've been having a pretty rough time lately. I understand if you don't want to give cash, but could you at least spare me some of the bread off your table? I haven't eaten in two days."
She says, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Every joke needs one

A priest and a rabbi walk into a wedding party looking for something to drink. The priest approaches some folks standing with empty glasses and asks a man "Pardon me, is this line for the punch?" To which the man replied "yep, this is the punch line."

Knowledge is liberal

We are synonymous.
We are battalion.
We do not pardon.
We do not fail to recall.
Anticipate us.

Trump has named bernie madoff as Head of Treasury Department

Madoffs response when he learned of the appointment:
"Pardon Me?"

What made me Thankful this past Holiday

There's no way Obama is going to pardon that Orange-Basted Jive Turkey.

WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"

[DEATH ROW]

WARDEN: Last meal?
CON: Just a glass of lemonade please
*Drinks lemonade/Burps*
WARDEN: Pardon

[CON WALKS FREE]

President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....."

".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"

Sounds like Trump's finally learned some manners.

It's reported he's been heard saying "Pardon me" a lot lately.

Joe Arpaio f**... at a dinner with the President

"Oh!" He said, startled. "Pardon me!"

Where y'all from?

Two freshmen girls are moving into their dorm room together.
One of them's from Georgia, one of them's from Connecticut.
The girl from Connecticut's helping her mother put up curtains.
Girl from Georgia turns to them and says, "Hi. Where y'all from?"
Girl from Connecticut says, "We're from a place where we know not to end a sentence with a preposition."
The girl from Georgia says, "Oh, beg my pardon. Where y'all from...c**...?"

What did the inmate say to the governor after they accidentally bumped into each other?

Oh, pardon me.

Donald Trump's lawyer walks into a bar…

... And sits down next to Trump.
He says, "I'm sorry but I can't really help you. You're looking at life in prison for treason."
Frustrated, Trump pays the bartender and storms out. On his way out he accidentally bumps into Mike Pence.
He says to Pence, "Pardon me."

I tried to come up with a nursing joke about foleys with the punchline "Pardon my French"...

... but I just couldn't fit it in!

A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French.

Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".

President Trump accidentally bumped into Chief Justice Roberts.

Trump: "Pardon me."
Roberts: "Well that is your absolute right."

Paul Manafort bumps into Trump walking down a hallway.

Paul Manafort says "oops, pardon me".
Trump says "soon".

Donald Trump is heading to Trump Tower and bumps into a fellow on the busy sidewalk. He turns to the man and says...

"I pardon myself"

What did the pony say at karaoke night when he went up to sing?

Pardon my voice, I'm just a little horse.

One nice thing about the Trump White House is how polite everyone is...

You can overhear the staffers saying "pardon me..."

Is Brett Kavanaugh hard of hearing or something?

Everytime he hears a testimony, he just keeps asking, "Pardon? Pardon?"

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

The president is walking down a narrow hallway

Mitch McConnell was walking down the hallway in the same direction but, being half-tortoise, was moving far slower.
Trump pushes past him, shouting, "Get outta my way!"
McConnell says, "Pardon me, Mr. President."
Trump stops and turns around. "I didn't know you worked on my campaign. What did they get you for?"

Karen visits an art gallery

Karen: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon Ma'am, that is a mirror.

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.

The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."
The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

A pony walks into a bar

A pony walks into a bar and says I'll take a drink.
The bartender says Pardon me?
The pony clears his t**... and says Please, I'll take a drink.
The bartender says Oh, can do. Sorry I couldn't hear you the first time, you sound like you're a little hoarse.

A cowboy walks into a bar and accidentally bumps shoulders with someone while walking up to the bartender

The cowboy says politely, Scuse me, sir.
The person looks over at the cowboy uncomfortably and responds, Uh, actually I'm non-binary. The cowboy tips his hat respectfully and says, Oh, pardon me M'theydy.

A man wins big...

*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."

Joe exotic was hoping for a Presidential pardon and even had a limo waiting

but it was a stretch.

TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers

It's known as the Dalai Pardon

An English farmer was walking through his field

He spotted a intruder crouched down by his pond. As he approached he realised the man was drinking pond water, cupping his hands.
"Oy ye dinnae wanna drink from there. It be full of hoss an' muck!" shouted the farmer.
The man looked up, startled. "Pardon monsieur but i am french. I am not understand well, please speak slow."
The farmer replied slowly and clearly "I said would you like a cup, you can drink faster that way."

So a chicken walks into a bar...

Fellow is about to order a beer, when the bartender cuts him off -
> Pardon, but we're closing early tonight - my wife's birthday! And we did last call a few minutes ago.
> Why don't you try the place across the street?

Old lady on a cruise...

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

We went to see a movie the other night.

I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, as it feels a little roomier.
Just as the movie was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started making her way out, saying, "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, got to hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me, I was pretty annoyed with her and asked, "Could you have not done this a little earlier?"
"No", she whispered loudly to me, "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just came up on the screen, and mine is in the car."

Pardon me but I live in France and am writing this by Google Translate. Thank my God for modern day technology. I am speaking French into my phone this moment and I get the English translation. Father, if you are reading this, I need to tell you about my true sexuality and why I have no girlfriend.

I like ten.

A Dutchman and an Englishmen meet in a beach bar on holiday.

The Dutchman speaks hardly any English and the Englishman, inevitably, even less Dutch, but they still enjoy each other's company and knock back a few beers together. After a while the Englishman manages to get across a question: "what is it that you do for a living?"
The Dutchman says carefully "I... *f**...\**... horses."
"Pardon?!" exclaims the Englishman.
"*Ja! Paarden!*" says the Dutchman, beaming widely.
\----
\* \['breed'\]

A man is trying to avoid being conscripted.

He runs from his house as soldiers come for him. As he heads down the street, he sees a nun. He runs up to her and says "please sister, let me hide under your dress, I don't want to die in the war".
The nun takes pity on him and lets him hide under her dress. The soldiers pass them by. As he emerges, the man blushes and says to the nun "pardon my saying sister, but you have a lovely pair of legs."
The nun smiles and replies "if you looked a little higher, you would've seen a lovely pair of b**.... I don't want to die in the war either."

A Englishman walks into a bar...

He walks over to two women sitting near the bar and says, "Are you two ladies from England?"
"Wales.", replies the one woman.
So the man says, "Pardon me, are you two whales from England?"

So, we've all seen Biden's pardon for m**... users, but we need Bipartisan legislation....

We need Bipartisan legislation for the use of medical m**... for arthritis patients.
Joint support for joint support for joint support.

A Saudi woman goes into a doctor's clinic

Doctor: Mrs Saud there's some good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Pardon me. Miss Saud, there's some bad news for you.

Pardon joke, What do rude French ducks say instead of  pardon ?

jokes about pardon