The Best 54 Pardon Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Pardon jokes. There are some pardon manafort jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pardon trump puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Pardon Jokes and Puns
A guy walks into a store and says...
A guy walks into a store and says, Excuse me, I'd like to buy a guitar pick and some strings.
The clerk looks at him uncomprehendingly. Pardon?
I'd like a guitar pick, please, and some strings.
The clerk thinks for a moment and says, You're a drummer, aren't you?
Yeah! How did you know?
This is a travel agency.
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
A slightly translated Dutch joke
This is a Dutch joke where the dialog is spoken in English:
A Dutchman and an Englishman are sitting next to each other on an airplane. They start to make small talk and the Englishman asks the Dutchman what he does for a living.
The Dutchman proudly says "I fok horses!" (Fok == breed)
Shocked, the Englishman exclaims "Pardon?!?"
The Dutchman smiles and replies, "Yes! Paarden!" (Paarden == horses)
A homeless guy walks up to a table at an outdoor cafe where a woman is having lunch
"Pardon me, ma'am, for disturbing you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. I've been having a pretty rough time lately. I understand if you don't want to give cash, but could you at least spare me some of the bread off your table? I haven't eaten in two days."
She says, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
Every joke needs one
A priest and a rabbi walk into a wedding party looking for something to drink. The priest approaches some folks standing with empty glasses and asks a man "Pardon me, is this line for the punch?" To which the man replied "yep, this is the punch line."
What did Hillary say when she bumped into Barack Obama at the White House?
Pardon me.
Trump has named Bernie Madoff as Head of Treasury Department
Madoffs response when he learned of the appointment:
"Pardon Me?"
What made me Thankful this past Holiday
There's no way Obama is going to pardon that Orange-Basted Jive Turkey.
WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"
WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"
What did Edward Snowden say when he bumped into Barack Obama?
Pardon me
[DEATH ROW]
WARDEN: Last meal?
CON: Just a glass of lemonade please
*Drinks lemonade/Burps*
WARDEN: Pardon
[CON WALKS FREE]
You can explore pardon apologize reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pardon melania dad jokes. There are also pardon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I would like a pizza please
-im sorry sir this is a chinese restaurant
-oh pardon me...ahem... i foud rike e pizzah prease
President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....."
".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"
Sounds like Trump's finally learned some manners.
It's reported he's been heard saying "Pardon me" a lot lately.
I bumped into the governor when I visited the capitol
I said "Pardon me" then he quickly turned around and said "That will be five thousand dollars."
Joe Arpaio farted at a dinner with the President
"Oh!" He said, startled. "Pardon me!"
Where y'all from?
Two freshmen girls are moving into their dorm room together.
One of them's from Georgia, one of them's from Connecticut.
The girl from Connecticut's helping her mother put up curtains.
Girl from Georgia turns to them and says, "Hi. Where y'all from?"
Girl from Connecticut says, "We're from a place where we know not to end a sentence with a preposition."
The girl from Georgia says, "Oh, beg my pardon. Where y'all from...cunt?"
What did the inmate say to the governor after they accidentally bumped into each other?
Oh, pardon me.
Donald Trump's lawyer walks into a bar…
... And sits down next to Trump.
He says, "I'm sorry but I can't really help you. You're looking at life in prison for treason."
Frustrated, Trump pays the bartender and storms out. On his way out he accidentally bumps into Mike Pence.
He says to Pence, "Pardon me."
A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French.
Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".
President Trump accidentally bumped into Chief Justice Roberts.
Trump: "Pardon me."
Roberts: "Well that is your absolute right."
Paul Manafort bumps into Trump walking down a hallway.
Paul Manafort says "oops, pardon me".
Trump says "soon".
Donald Trump is heading to Trump Tower and bumps into a fellow on the busy sidewalk. He turns to the man and says...
"I pardon myself"
I'm a prate!
Pardon the missing i .
Before too long, President Trump will be the most polite guy ever.
He'll be saying, "Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me."
What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?
Pardon me.
One nice thing about the Trump White House is how polite everyone is...
You can overhear the staffers saying "pardon me..."
One thing nice about Trumps White House is how polite they are...
You can walk down the halls and everyone says "Pardon me".
The president is walking down a narrow hallway
Mitch McConnell was walking down the hallway in the same direction but, being half-tortoise, was moving far slower.
Trump pushes past him, shouting, "Get outta my way!"
McConnell says, "Pardon me, Mr. President."
Trump stops and turns around. "I didn't know you worked on my campaign. What did they get you for?"
What did Paul Manafort say when he bumped into the president?
Pardon me.
What does a queen do when she burps?
Issues a royal pardon!
Jesus: "Pardon me, I'm afraid I don't know what to do with this cross."
Roman soldier: "Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."
Karen visits an art gallery
Karen: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon Ma'am, that is a mirror.
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.
The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."
The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."
A cowboy walks into a bar and accidentally bumps shoulders with someone while walking up to the bartender
The cowboy says politely, Scuse me, sir.
The person looks over at the cowboy uncomfortably and responds, Uh, actually I'm non-binary. The cowboy tips his hat respectfully and says, Oh, pardon me M'theydy.
A man wins big...
*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."
What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house?
Pardon me, please.
What does Rudy Giuliani say to Trump when he can't hear him?
Pardon me?
The White House has suddenly turned into such a polite place.
Everyone is going around saying, "Pardon me."
What did all of Donald Trump's closest friends say to him at Christmas?
I beg your pardon.
Trump said he's not going to pardon the Capitol rioters.
He only likes people who weren't captured.
Joe exotic was hoping for a Presidential pardon and even had a limo waiting
but it was a stretch.
TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers
It's known as the Dalai Pardon
"I've never been good at dealing with confrontation."
"Pardon?"
"Nothing."
An English farmer was walking through his field
He spotted a intruder crouched down by his pond. As he approached he realised the man was drinking pond water, cupping his hands.
"Oy ye dinnae wanna drink from there. It be full of hoss an' muck!" shouted the farmer.
The man looked up, startled. "Pardon monsieur but i am french. I am not understand well, please speak slow."
The farmer replied slowly and clearly "I said would you like a cup, you can drink faster that way."
So a chicken walks into a bar...
Fellow is about to order a beer, when the bartender cuts him off -
> Pardon, but we're closing early tonight - my wife's birthday! And we did last call a few minutes ago.
> Why don't you try the place across the street?
Old lady on a cruise...
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
We went to see a movie the other night.
I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, as it feels a little roomier.
Just as the movie was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started making her way out, saying, "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, got to hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me, I was pretty annoyed with her and asked, "Could you have not done this a little earlier?"
"No", she whispered loudly to me, "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just came up on the screen, and mine is in the car."
Pardon me but I live in France and am writing this by Google Translate. Thank my God for modern day technology. I am speaking French into my phone this moment and I get the English translation. Father, if you are reading this, I need to tell you about my true sexuality and why I have no girlfriend.
I like ten.
A Dutchman and an Englishmen meet in a beach bar on holiday.
The Dutchman speaks hardly any English and the Englishman, inevitably, even less Dutch, but they still enjoy each other's company and knock back a few beers together. After a while the Englishman manages to get across a question: "what is it that you do for a living?"
The Dutchman says carefully "I... *fok\**... horses."
"Pardon?!" exclaims the Englishman.
"*Ja! Paarden!*" says the Dutchman, beaming widely.
\----
\* \['breed'\]
A man is trying to avoid being conscripted.
He runs from his house as soldiers come for him. As he heads down the street, he sees a nun. He runs up to her and says "please sister, let me hide under your dress, I don't want to die in the war".
The nun takes pity on him and lets him hide under her dress. The soldiers pass them by. As he emerges, the man blushes and says to the nun "pardon my saying sister, but you have a lovely pair of legs."
The nun smiles and replies "if you looked a little higher, you would've seen a lovely pair of balls. I don't want to die in the war either."
A Englishman walks into a bar...
He walks over to two women sitting near the bar and says, "Are you two ladies from England?"
"Wales.", replies the one woman.
So the man says, "Pardon me, are you two whales from England?"
Scene at the supermarket...
Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
So, we've all seen Biden's pardon for marijuana users, but we need Bipartisan legislation....
We need Bipartisan legislation for the use of medical marijuana for arthritis patients.
Joint support for joint support for joint support.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pardon beg puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working pardon inauguration piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
