Parcells Jokes
47 parcells jokes and hilarious parcells puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parcells that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Parcells Short Jokes
Short parcells jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parcells humour may include short jokes also.
- At Indian Restaurant "Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now." - I started a new job today doing parcel delivery, at my first drop the homeowner had left a note saying we're out so please hide in the bin. I'm still hiding, I'm hungry and it's dark, help!
- Nick Cannon one tried gifting Mariah Carey a parcel of land for the holidays but she wasn't happy. She told me, I don't want a lot for Christmas.
- I'm starting a Shakespearean delivery company. We aim to deliver your parcel tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
- My weight-gain parcels have just arrived and I'm feeling really jittery. I might have to go and see a doctor. I think I've got the shakes.
- Federal Express is to merge with United Parcel Services The resulting company will be called Federal United Parcels
Or FedUp for short - I was dropping off a parcel. On the front door there was a sign. It said, "Leave around the back."
So I drove through their garden, but there was no way out. - Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day... It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
- Little things come in small packages That's how I lost my job at the parcel delivery company
- I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human e**.... I wonder who's sending the other one?
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Parcells One Liners
Which parcells one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parcells? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx
- What langue do UPS men speak? Parcel Tongue
- What Language Does a Mailman Speak? Parcel-tongue
- What language do delivery drivers speak in the Harry Potter universe? Parcel tongue
- What language do Fed-Ex drivers speak? Parcel-tongue
- What's a postman's favourite herb? Parcel-y
- What kind of music does the new group, The Parcel play! Wrap
- What is the fastest game in the states right now? Pass the parcel
- What's brown and sticky? Parcel tape.
- I played an Italian party game at the weekend called ravioli... It was like pasta parcel
- Why did Harry Potter become a delivery boy? Because he could speak Parcel tounge
- What's the fastest game in the world? Pass the Parcel in a Belfast Pub.
- Why aren't s**... b**... good at party games? Because they never pass the parcel
Parcells Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about parcells you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make parcells pranks.
My grandfather died a few days ago after a long and debilitating illness, but he always managed to keep his good sense of humour.
Today I received an Amazon parcel containing a Ouija Board, and a note with a smiley face saying "Let's keep in touch."
I was delivering a parcel. I walked up to the front door and knocked, before noticing a sign.
"If not in, leave with neighbours."
I tried one more time and nobody answered, so I walked to their neighbour's front door.
A young couple answered. I said, "Get in the van, I've been told to take you with me."
My first one here.
Once there was an old lady who lived her life without having s**... ever. She was very proud of this achievement as the only one in the town where she lived.
While in her death bed she made a wish that this achievement of her be made public on her grave so she told someone to make her grave read as " born v**..., lived v**... and died v**...".
The sculptor who was suppose to make that text happen on her grave found the message to be long so he shortened it
"Parcel returned unopened".
A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan.
But no matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it.
The problem, she said, is that's a piece of prime real estate.
I can't believe how s**... that bloke in the Post Office was....
He said that my Parcel was too heavy and that I needed to put more stamps on it like that's going to make it lighter.
Apparantly theres a new s**... position called the Parcel Force ...
You stay in all day waiting for a big package, but no one comes.
It's the year 1987...
Last year the space station Mir appeared to be launched into orbit. The key word being appeared. The space station is actually just a hologram designed to fool the United States! Right here on Earth exists a tiny scale replica, containing tiny versions of every item that would go up in a real shuttle. There are miniature parcels of food, space suits, and even a Russian flag. The items are held in a secret base hidden in the Russian wilderness. Thus the saying...
Objects in Mir are closer than they appear.
Butcher Shop
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
Nelson Mandela
Nelson Mandela went on holiday, and booked into a hotel. After his first day he went to bed, however he was awoken in the morning by someone knocking at his door. The man at the door said "Are you Nelson Mandela?"
"Yes" He replied
"Well, I've got a parcel for you" The man replied
He was very confused by this, as no one even knew he was staying there. When he opened it, there was a bunch of steering wheels inside, which was even more strange as he couldn't drive.
He got on with the rest of his day, and yet again he was woken in the morning by the same man. This time the parcel was full of carburetors, he had no idea what was going on.
On the third morning, the man arrived again. "Got another parcel for you" He said
"Are you sure these are for me?"
"Yep, got your name on it right here" He said
Nelson had a look for himself "That's not my name" He exclaimed "This says to Nissan Main Dealer"
A fine wine
The Navajo woman accepted my offer of a lift to the reservation, but didn't seem inclined to say much more. I noticed a look of ill-disguised disapproval as she got in the car, lingering for a moment on my exposed cleavage, but that was all – she gazed stonily ahead while the car pulled away, leaving a trail of hot Nevada dust in the rear view mirror.
After a few failed attempts at small talk, and my knowledge of her culture exhausted, I kept quiet, and concentrated instead on the evening ahead: a quick bath before Jim returned from work, followed by a dinner with Michael, his boss, at Bon Vivant, the new French restaurant.
The Navajo woman eyed the silk-wrapped bottle of expensive Cabernet Sauvignon I'd bought, as it rattled gently on the dashboard, and said, 'What is in parcel?'
Though a bit surprised by her directness, I was pleased at the conversation, and I replied, 'A bottle of wine – I got it for my husband.'
She nodded thoughtfully, seeming to approve, and then replied, 'A good trade.'
A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it?
He said he'd offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16.
She agreed.
The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"