Paramedics Jokes
51 paramedics jokes and hilarious paramedics puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paramedics that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Paramedics Short Jokes
Short paramedics jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paramedics humour may include short ambulance jokes also.
- My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
- I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex Now she'll know what rejection feels like
- After a crazy night on the town, all I can remember before blacking out is paramedics approaching me with a stretcher. I guess I got carried away.
- It's crazy. One minute you're getting drunk as a skunk, then next thing you know, you're in the back of an ambulance. I really shouldn't be a paramedic.
- Blood type My father died while the paramedics were trying to figure out his blood type he kept saying Be Positive but it's just so hard.
- How did the paramedics know Paul Walker had clean hair? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box
- I drove past an accident involving an ice cream truck. It must have been pretty bad because I heard one of the paramedics say that it looks like they lost a few pints.
- Red Riding Hood was attacked on her way to grandma's house. Paramedics are on the scene but she's not out of the woods yet.
- Did you hear that the spaghetti noodle got into a car accident? Paramedics tried to save him, but in the end, he pasta-way.
- After 4 months without the gym I finally went back and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders After they removed the weight, the paramedics then took me to the hospital for extensive surgery.
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Paramedics One Liners
Which paramedics one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paramedics? I can suggest the ones about emergency services and emergency nurse.
- What do you call two healthcare professionals hanging out? A paramedics.
- Why do they always send out two EMT's? So there will be a paramedics.
- What do you call two guys in an ambulance? paramedics
- What do you call a medic who jumps out of a plane? A paramedic.
- Paramedics When one medic just isn't enough
- What's better than a pair of Emerency Medical Technicians? A paramedic(s)!
- Why do paramedics always drink coffee? Because they don't have time for casual-tea!
- Why do mumble rappers have neck tattoos? So the paramedics know it was fentanyl.
- What the first question a paramedic should ask the patient? Are you a republican?
- When I go running, I meet new people.... Mostly paramedics.
- What do you call a couple of doctors? Paramedics....
- what do you call gay paramedics? First-AIDS
- A man who suffers from epilepsy is carried by two paramedics in a single s**....
Comical Paramedics Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about paramedics you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fire fighters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make paramedics pranks.
On the day of Michael Jackson's death
The two paramedics arrive at Neverland Ranch to find Michael unconscious and not breathing.
The rookie says to the veteran "What should we try first?"
"I reckon the roller coaster."
How did the paramedics know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove box
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car Accident
Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car c**.... The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.
"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.
The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"
A Jewish man is in a car accident.
A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?"
The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."
Tom Cruise was carrying amphetamine when he was mugged.
When the ambulance arrived the paramedic examined Tom Cruise and determined he was winded by a swift knee to the solar plexus.
The police officer wrote in his file: "The victim, Tom Cruise, got kneed for speed."
Singer Adele was rushed to the hospital after a fatal car accident
Paramedics said they found her rolling in the jeep.
My landscaper is also a paramedic
He told me he makes more money mowing my lawn than he would finding me on my lawn having a heart attack.
Elvis was driving down the highway when he got into an accident.
The paramedics found him and realised he was in shock and so they told him, "Mr. Presley, we need you to step out of the vehicle, you're all shook up."
"Uhuh huh"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face:
I'm having a s**....
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I walked in last night to find a paramedic crouching over my wife. Get your lips off my wife,
I snapped pulling him off her. But sir, I'm not kissing her! He pleaded. She's stopped breathing.
Do I need to repeat myself?
When Stephen Hawking was found dead yesterday...
Did they call the paramedics or the IT guys first?
A Man Walks Into A French Restaurant And Orders Fish...
The waiter brings out his order and the man begins to eat it. After about fifteen minutes, the man keels over and dies. The waiter, panicking, calls the paramedics. When they arrive, they examine the body of the deceased man.
"Well?" asks the concerned waiter "What killed this poor man?"
One of the paramedics solemnly looks into the eyes of waiter and simply replies "Poisson"
A bus full of journalists is on its way to Mar-a-Lago.
The bus veers off the road and overturns. Emergency vehicles rush to the scene, only to find Trump with a shovel in his hand, and Stephen Miller on a bulldozer.
A paramedic asks " What happened to all the passengers ? "
Trump says " They were all dead, so we buried them ! "
Stunned, the paramedic says " Do you mean everybody died ? "
Trump replies " Some of them claimed they weren't dead, but you know how the press lies ! "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My older, attractive next door neighbor had a seizure on her front yard today.
The m**... shakes brought paramedics to the yard.
A doctor sees a brains for sale sign in front of a shop.
He goes in and sees a doctor's brain is $8 a pound, paramedic brain is $12 a pound, nurses brain is $30 a pound, truck driver is $40, and a lawyer brain is $90 a pound. He asks the person behind the cash register, Why is a doctor brain worth $8 a pound but a lawyer brain is worth $90? The cashier responds, Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dave knows everyone joke
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f**... is that on the balcony with Dave?’
Always pray in English...
Mr. Sharma, a Hindu suffered a heart attack. The paramedics arrived and put Mr. Sharma in the ambulance and raced towards the hospital. Realizing his time had come, Mr. Sharma started reciting the Hindu prayer, "Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om..."
10 minutes later the paramedics brought him back to his house. His wife was aghast and asked the paramedics why they brought him back home?
The paramedics replied, "as soon as we were on our way, he kept shouting hurry home, hurry home, hurry home, so we brought him back..."
An ambulance was called to a local restaurant this afternoon.
When the paramedics walked in, the saw two men on the floor having seizures. The paramedics split up, each going to one of the men. Suddenly, both men stopped their convulsing. The paramedics asked if they were all right.
"Oh, we're fine. We both have epilepsy, but we don't let it interfere with our work. This always happens when we finalize a job."
"What do you mean."
"I'm a salesman for my company, he's the buyer for his. We just completed the deal, so we had to shake on it..."
Due to the cost of living crisis, a paramedic has had to take a second job as a Buzzfeed writer.
Their first article was on the 2 best forms of resuscitation.
Number 1 was CPR,
Number 2... WILL SHOCK YOU
