Paralyzed Jokes
53 paralyzed jokes and hilarious paralyzed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paralyzed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Paralyzed Short Jokes
Short paralyzed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paralyzed humour may include short paraplegic jokes also.
- A paralyzed man got a new set of legs from a death row inmate. Don't worry, the other guy got the chair.
- Do you know what the worst part of being paralyzed is? I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
- I once saw a dart hit a man and instantly paralyze him. Those little Dodge's sure can pack a punch.
- Few months ago I was involved in an accident which left half of my entire body paralyzed. I am all right now.
- "I'm afraid your son might never walk again, madam." "Oh my God, doctor! Is he paralyzed?"
"No, just really lazy." - My friend is paralyzed from the waist up Which is a blessing, cause he's a dancer.
- My friend got paralyzed He says he can't stand living like this
- What did the paralyzed man say to his loud neighbour I can't stand you guys
- I hope you don't mind me asking Sir, but is it hard being paralyzed from the waist down? "I don't mind you asking and to answer your question, you think it might be hard, but it never is"
- I'm paralyzed from the neck down. I had to raise my hands above the neck to type this.
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Paralyzed One Liners
Which paralyzed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paralyzed? I can suggest the ones about petrified and terrified.
- I told my paralyzed girlfriend I was leaving her... She couldn't stand to see me go...
- One thing a paralyzed person can not do is? Stand up comedy
- What does a horse and kryptonite have in common? They both paralyze superman
- My girlfriend broke with me because i lie all the time.. I'm paralyzed..
- My ex-boyfriend paralyzed the left side of his body. He's all right now.
(True Story) - What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.
- A paralyzed man calls U-Haul... "Hey can you help me move?"
- What do you call a gang of people paralyzed in all four limbs? Squadriplegic.
- My friend wanted to be a standup comedian But couldn't, because his legs are paralyzed
- What do you call a man who's blind, deaf, mute, and paralyzed? Probably dead.
- Alert! Widespread, paralyzing, life-consuming, pandemic virus!! Norton.
- "You are what you eat." Not exactly the best thing to say to a paralyzed vegetarian
- I had an annoying friend who was paralyzed from the hip down I couldn't stand him.
- What do you call a disease that paralyzes half of a chickens face? Bells Poultry
- What has arms but can't move them? A small child paralyzed from the waist up.
Gather Around for Fun Paralyzed Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about paralyzed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean injured jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make paralyzed pranks.
A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck....
The truck driver jumps out to check on her.
Are you all right? he asks.
Everything is just a blur, says the blonde as she's lying in the street.
The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, How many fingers have I got up?
Oh, no! she yells. Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a gay guy gets paralyzed...
Is he a fruit or a vegetable?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy driving down the road hits a p**... with his car
He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.
She is groaning in pain. She mumbles, "I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind..."
Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, "How many fingers do I have up?"
"Oh my God," she says. "I'm not paralyzed too, am I?!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a group of paralyzed hippies?
Organic Vegetables.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What, do you call a paralyzed Dutchman getting an e**...?
A Brussels sprout,
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.
According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a s**... of genius this morning
And now my genius is paralyzed
Went to a Black Church to listen to gospel. The preacher came over and said "YOU WILL WALK TODAY!!"
I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with even more enthusiasm.
After the service I went to leave. My car was gone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a normal guy m**... is called "beating his meat"...
...does it mean when a guy paralyzed from waist down m**..., he's "beating his veggies"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to c**....
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever since becoming paralyzed in a car c**..., my wife has had to do everything for me.
Including wiping my a**..., feeding me and all of the house work.
But still, we just thank god she survived the c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car c**...
Today I came upon a car c**.... The female driver was hysterical. She kept screaming I'm blind, I'm blind I tried to calm her down and reassure her she was just in shock. I asked her How many fingers do I have up? She screamed even louder Oh my God, I'm paralyzed from the waist down too
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old joke from my m**... grandpa.
Two guys go to a preacher to be healed. o**..., Danny, has a lisp. The other, Mr. Smith, is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot walk. The preacher tells them, however, not to worry.
"The Lord is going to heal you. Are you ready?"
"Yes," says Mr. Smith,. "Yeth", says Danny.
"Okay, when I say the word, Mr. Smith, throw down your crutches! And Danny, you say the first thing that comes to your mind!"
The preacher begins some silent prayer, and after a few seconds, he shouts: "Now! Now!"
A thud is heard. "Mr. Thmifth juth fell on the flo"
Jesus walks into a bar and says "who will buy me a beer" the guy with the 1 eye walks over and buys him a beer..Jesus raises his hand and touches the guys eye healing it instantly! he then asks for another beer..an old veteran paralyzed from the chest down rolls over to him and says
Ill buy your next beer Jesus..once again Jesus raises his hand to heal the veteran and the veteran screams
"NO JESUS DON'T!!!! IM ON THE DISABILITY BENEFIT!"
