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Paralyzed Jokes

58 paralyzed jokes and hilarious paralyzed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paralyzed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Paralyzed Short Jokes

Short paralyzed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paralyzed humour may include short paraplegic jokes also.

  1. A paralyzed man got a new set of legs from a death row inmate. Don't worry, the other guy got the chair.
  2. Do you know what the worst part of being paralyzed is? I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
  3. I once saw a dart hit a man and instantly paralyze him. Those little Dodge's sure can pack a punch.
  4. Did you hear about that guy who got the whole left side of his body paralyzed? I heard he's all right now.
  5. "I like my women like I like my Stephen Hawkings... ...paralyzed and unable to talk." - Bill Cosby
    I'll see myself out.
  6. Few months ago I was involved in an accident which left half of my entire body paralyzed. I am all right now.
  7. What do you call a gay guy paralyzed from the neck down? A Tomato
    (because he's both a fruit AND a vegetable)
  8. "I'm afraid your son might never walk again, madam." "Oh my God, doctor! Is he paralyzed?"
    "No, just really lazy."
  9. What do you call two doctors What do you call two paralyzed doctors with good *standing* in the scientific community.
    A paradox.
  10. A friend of mine was in a horrible car wreck. It left him completely paralyzed on the left side. He's alright now.

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Paralyzed One Liners

Which paralyzed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paralyzed? I can suggest the ones about petrified and impotent.

  1. I told my paralyzed girlfriend I was leaving her... She couldn't stand to see me go...
  2. One thing a paralyzed person can not do is? Stand up comedy
  3. What does a horse and kryptonite have in common? They both paralyze superman
  4. My girlfriend broke with me because i lie all the time.. I'm paralyzed..
  5. My ex-boyfriend paralyzed the left side of his body. He's all right now.
    (True Story)
  6. What do you call a group of paralyzed hippies? Organic Vegetables.
  7. What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.
  8. A paralyzed man calls U-Haul... "Hey can you help me move?"
  9. What do you call a gang of people paralyzed in all four limbs? Squadriplegic.
  10. What do you call a gay man paralyzed from the waist down? Half fruit, half vegetable.
  11. If a gay guy gets paralyzed... Is he a fruit or a vegetable?
  12. My friend wanted to be a standup comedian But couldn't, because his legs are paralyzed
  13. What do you call a man who's blind, deaf, mute, and paralyzed? Probably dead.
  14. Alert! Widespread, paralyzing, life-consuming, pandemic virus!! Norton.
  15. "You are what you eat." Not exactly the best thing to say to a paralyzed vegetarian

Paralyzed Waist Jokes

Here is a list of funny paralyzed waist jokes and even better paralyzed waist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What has arms but can't move them? A small child paralyzed from the waist up.
  • My friend is paralyzed from the waist up Which is a blessing, cause he's a dancer.
  • I hope you don't mind me asking Sir, but is it hard being paralyzed from the waist down? "I don't mind you asking and to answer your question, you think it might be hard, but it never is"
  • What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? Marriage.
  • If a normal guy m**... is called "beating his meat"... ...does it mean when a guy paralyzed from waist down m**..., he's "beating his veggies"?
Paralyzed joke, If a normal guy m**... is called "beating his meat"...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about paralyzed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of paralyzed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Gather Around for Fun Paralyzed Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about paralyzed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean terrified jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make paralyzed prank.

A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck....

The truck driver jumps out to check on her.
Are you all right? he asks.
Everything is just a blur, says the blonde as she's lying in the street.
The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, How many fingers have I got up?
Oh, no! she yells. Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down too!

A guy driving down the road hits a p**... with his car

He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road.
She is groaning in pain. She mumbles, "I think I'm blind, I think I'm blind..."
Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, "How many fingers do I have up?"
"Oh my God," she says. "I'm not paralyzed too, am I?!?"

What, do you call a paralyzed Dutchman getting an e**...?

A Brussels sprout,

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.

According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled, 
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.

I had a s**... of genius this morning

And now my genius is paralyzed

Went to a Black Church to listen to gospel. The preacher came over and said "YOU WILL WALK TODAY!!"

I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with even more enthusiasm.
After the service I went to leave. My car was gone.

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to c**....

The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.

Ever since becoming paralyzed in a car c**..., my wife has had to do everything for me.

Including wiping my a**..., feeding me and all of the house work.
But still, we just thank god she survived the c**....

Car c**...

Today I came upon a car c**.... The female driver was hysterical. She kept screaming I'm blind, I'm blind I tried to calm her down and reassure her she was just in shock. I asked her How many fingers do I have up? She screamed even louder Oh my God, I'm paralyzed from the waist down too

Old joke from my m**... grandpa.

Two guys go to a preacher to be healed. o**..., Danny, has a lisp. The other, Mr. Smith, is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot walk. The preacher tells them, however, not to worry.
"The Lord is going to heal you. Are you ready?"
"Yes," says Mr. Smith,. "Yeth", says Danny.
"Okay, when I say the word, Mr. Smith, throw down your crutches! And Danny, you say the first thing that comes to your mind!"
The preacher begins some silent prayer, and after a few seconds, he shouts: "Now! Now!"
A thud is heard. "Mr. Thmifth juth fell on the flo"

Jesus walks into a bar and says "who will buy me a beer" the guy with the 1 eye walks over and buys him a beer..Jesus raises his hand and touches the guys eye healing it instantly! he then asks for another beer..an old veteran paralyzed from the chest down rolls over to him and says

Ill buy your next beer Jesus..once again Jesus raises his hand to heal the veteran and the veteran screams
"NO JESUS DON'T!!!! IM ON THE DISABILITY BENEFIT!"

Blonde in a car c**....

Blonde says to the paramedic, "I think I have concussion."
Paramedic asks the blonde, "How many fingers have I got up?"
Blonde screams, "Oh my God, "I'm paralyzed from the waist down."

A truck carrying synonym dictionaries has had an accident on the highway.

From the other cars, the passengers were shocked, tormented, amazed, incredulous, confused, paralyzed, stunned, bewildered, perplexed, amazed, dumbfounded, dumbstruck.

Paralyzed joke, A truck carrying synonym dictionaries has had an accident on the highway.

jokes about paralyzed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these paralyzed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.