Paradise Jokes
60 paradise jokes and hilarious paradise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paradise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Experience an unforgettable night of hilarity with these Paradise-themed jokes. From anecdotes about Paradise Lost to puns about the Bird of Paradise, these jokes have something for everyone. Laugh yourself silly with jokes about the Oasis, Bachelor In Paradise and the Virgins of Eden!
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Funniest Paradise Short Jokes
Short paradise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paradise humour may include short heaven jokes also.
- If adam and eve were Chinese Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
- Coolio died today. He was shocked when he got to the Pearly Gates and realized It was indeed an Amish paradise.
- "Dad, what was the name of Adam's mother in law?" "He didn't have a mother in law, son, because he lived in paradise"
- Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the apple on the tree that got us banished from Paradise. It was the pair on the ground!
- What is the longest part of a woman's body? Her legs. They go from the floor all the way to paradise.
- My wife: Are you ever going to stop quoting "Gangstas Paradise"? Me: The way things are going I don't know
- The bible says that heaven is 1500 miles wide and 1500 miles high, built out of gold as clear as glass. There are going to be a lot of birds dying in the eternal paradise...
- My friend was listening to the song "Paradise" She said, "That must be a nice pair of dice!"
- I'm going to name my next iPhone "paradise"... ...so when my Bluetooth headset disconnects it says "Paradise lost".
- Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise full game free pc, download, play. Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise iphone
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Paradise One Liners
Which paradise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paradise? I can suggest the ones about paradox and bliss.
- What's the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise? Heaven ice day
- I went to a coldplay concert once. It was paradise.
- Why is Yahtzee better than the Bahamas? Because it's more than a paradise.
- What are these two cubes with the dots all over them? Ah, it must be paradise.
- What Do You Call a Bearded Man Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins? Richard Branson.
- What was princess Diana's favourite song? Paradise by the dashboard light
- A promiscuous homosexual man who collects birds of paradise, Loves a cockatoo
- Where does every craps player want to go when they die? Paradise.
- What do you call a gay man's paradise? A fruitopia.
- TIL John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife dies so he wrote Paradise Regained.
- Why did adam not have a mother in law? He lived in paradise.
- Why don't hipsters become gangsters? It wouldn't be their paradise.
- TIL that Paradise, Nevada was completely paved over at one point. To put up a parking lot
- What's better than paradise? Three dice
- why can't a perfectionist s**... bomber get to paradise? he can't handle 72 versions
Uproarious Paradise Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about paradise you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean in heaven jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make paradise pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How about some Little Johnny...
Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."
Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...
He asks the barkeep "why does this bar have a bomb?"
The barkeep replies "don't worry, it's just for decoration. This bar, Paradise, is a wartime-themed bar"
"Well I'll be!" exclaims the Muslim. He takes a seat and orders a v**... Mary, as his religion forbids him from imbibing alcohol, but encourages the enjoyment of virgins in Paradise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS Joke
An ISIS fighter got arrested by soldiers around 10.00: "Kill me before 13.00, so that I can have lunch with the prophet and his companions in paradise" he said. One soldier answered: "No, we'll kill you after, so you'll wash the dishes"...
Neighbor got the key
Little Peter was asking his dad: What is that thing that mom has between her legs.
Dad: Son, that is the door to the paradise.
Son; What is thing that you have between your legs.
Dad: Son, this is the key that opens the door to the paradise.
Few days later son runs to his dad: Dad ,you have to change the key. The neighbor already got the copy.
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.
The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."
The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."
The North Korean says, "You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet they are being told that they live in paradise. They're clearly North Korean."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy asks his dad
Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)
Libertarian Paradise...
People often criticize a libertarian paradise saying that the homeless people would just be left to die in the gutter. This is of course complete bull. The gutter would be private property and the homeless will need to find somewhere else to die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adam and Eve must have lived in the soviet union.
They had no clothes, no roof over their heads, the only food they had was an apple and the management was constantly telling them they were in paradise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim is about to commit s**... when a Catholic priest stops him
"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit s**... to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, s**... is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.
The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mark 12:25 And Jesus said; In heaven there is no marriage. No men, no women, only angels.
So it's Social Justice Warrior paradise? Like Berkeley?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim walked into a bar and ordered 72 glasses of orange juice, each with a lemon slice
Why?
Because he wanted 72 v**... Paradise
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim s**... bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.
He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The s**... bomber is crestfallen.
"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virgins?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brit, A Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit."They must be British"
They pondered this possibility but the Frenchman and the Russians soon shake their heads in disagreement.
"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They're n**... and so beautiful, clearly they are French". The Brit and Russian agreed on this point but the Russian soon raises an objection to this.
"No clothes, no shelter and they have only an apple to eat but they're told this is Paradise. They are clearly Russian"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two tapeworms are chilling wherever it is tapeworms chill at.
One of them says, "So I found this host the other day. Man, you should have seen him! Fat as a blimp, ate more food in one day than most people eat in a week. He was roomy and comfy and spent most of his time sitting or laying down, so I didn't even NOTICE the outside world!"
The other says, "Hot d**...! Sounds like a paradise! Then why did you leave? Did he die or something?"
"Nope," answers the first. "But he reaaaaaaally loved Mexican food."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brit, a French person and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Brit says, Look, they are so calm and reserved, they must be British.
The French person says, No, look at how beautiful they are, they must be French.
The Russian says, Are you kidding me? They have no clothes and no shelter with only an apple to eat and they're being told they live in paradise. Clearly they're Russian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A jihadist was preparing himself for his mission, when suddenly he's facing the image of his dearly departed comrad
"Ahmad! How is paradise?"
"Abdul, don't go through with the mission, it is not the paradise we were promised!"
"How is that possible? How could that be? Did you get the 72 virgins?"
"Yes, and that's the problem, Abdul... think about what kind of women dies a v**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What nationality were Adam and Eve?
Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and n**..., have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?
Adam was returning home late one night at paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn.
Eve got angry and yelled at him: "YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN!"
Adam responded: "Don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth", and went to sleep.
Later that night Adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve.
"What the heck are you doing?" he asked
"I'm counting your ribs," she responded.
My wife asked me to name Meatloaf's top 3 songs… I named Paradise by the Dashboard Light and I'd do anything for love … but then couldn't come up with another one.
But hey, two out of three ain't bad.
An Englishman, Frenchman and a Soviet go to an art exhibition.
They come to a marble bust of Adam and Eve. The Englishman says "Look at their calm repose, their stiff upper lip. They must have been English."
The Frenchman says "Look at their nakedness, their natural artistic beauty. They must have been French."
The Soviet goes "No no. They have no food, no water, no clothes and no shelter, and they're told they live in a Paradise. They're obviously Russian!"
Joke best told with very bad accents
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian...
...are in The Louvre, looking at a painting of Adam and Eve.
"Behold!" says the Englishman. "Their resolve in adversity. Their stoicism. They must be English!".
"Nonsense!" cries the Frenchman. "Look at them. They are elegant. They are poised. They are beautiful. Surely they must be French?".
The Russian is quiet for a moment. Then he speaks.
"They have no clothes. They have no shelter. They have only apple to eat between them and are being told this is paradise.
They are Russian".
Three men died and as soon as they arrive in heaven they meet Jesus
'To enter heaven you must do what I say' said Jesus
He goes to the first man:
'Fernand, kiss my hand, and you're free to go.'
the man kisses Jesus hand and enters the paradise
'Pete, kiss my feet and you're free to go.'
the man kisses Jesus feet and got into the golden gate
When Jesus goes to talk to the third one, he sees the man running away
'Hey Brock, why are you running?'
