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Parachute Jokes

151 parachute jokes and hilarious parachute puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parachute that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This hilarious article delivers a collection of parachute jokes sure to please anyone with a sense of humour. From the parachute regiment to parachute pants and even the cleverest of schoolboy parachute jokes, these jokes will leave you in stitches. Get ready to chuckle at the puns and goofy stories about rude parachutes and brave boyscouts!

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Funniest Parachute Short Jokes

Short parachute jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parachute humour may include short bungee jump jokes also.

  1. Paratrooper: What happens if my parachute doesn't open? Sergeant: Bring it back and we'll give you a new one.
  2. TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom. But not twice.
  3. Have you heard about that new fad of skydiving without a parachute? It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.
  4. I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open. He said you're jumping to a conclusion.
  5. If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open don't panic You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it
  6. You don't need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute if you want to skydive twice.
  7. If you love skydiving, don't wear a parachute on your next jump Then you can skydive for the rest of your life!
  8. What is the quietest place on Earth? The complaint department at a parachute packing company.
  9. For Sale... Parachute: $300.
    Slightly stained.
    Used once; never opened.
    No strings attached.
  10. I didn't worry much when my parachute didn't open I didn't understand the gravity of the situation

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Parachute One Liners

Which parachute one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parachute? I can suggest the ones about skydiver and trampoline.

  1. What did chuck norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
  2. If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry.. You have the rest of your life to fix it.
  3. Just because nobody complains Doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
  4. How do you survive a fall without a parachute? Just like any other season
  5. You don't need a parachute to go skydiving... You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
  6. You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need it if you want to skydive twice.
  7. Never do a parachute jump with your girlfriend... Do it with a parachute.
  8. Free parachute No strings attached!
  9. How do you open a parachute?! I need answers quickly please.
  10. I'm giving away parachutes for free. No strings attached.
  11. Yo momma so fat... The dinosaurs went extinct when she forgot her parachute.
  12. Yo mama so fat that she could use a bra as a parachute
  13. I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap. No strings attached.
  14. For Sale: Parachute Never opened, slightly stained.
  15. How do you open a parachute? P.s. I need a quick answer..

Parachute Jump Jokes

Here is a list of funny parachute jump jokes and even better parachute jump puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man jumps off a plane. His friend says, "you need a parachute to go skydiving." The man says, "no, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
  • What do you call Skydiving when the parachute doesn't work?
    Jumping to a conclusion..
  • You don't need a parachute to jump out of a plane You need a parachute to jump out of a plane twice.
  • I accidentally jumped out of a plane without a parachute But dont worry i got the rest of my life to figure out how to survive it
  • A skydiving instructor tells his student, "After jumping off the plane, count to ten and pull your parachute." "W-w-what w-w-was th-th-that n-n-numb-b-ber ag-g-gain?"
    "Two."
  • Today I was jumping with a parachute for the first time and I was scared to death. It began when the guy who was in the tandem with me asked me how long am I working as an instructor.
  • I've started a new hobby of jumping out of planes without a parachute.... ......The trick is to have the plane on the ground.
  • How do the blind know when they're reaching the ground on a parachute jump? The leash goes slack
  • Forgetting a parachute meant it was his last jump. Then again it was the only one he bounced back from.
  • A Customer bought a parachute from me I realised after selling it that it was defective.
    He hasn't come back to return it.
    I wonder if he has jumped to a conclusion of not coming back.

Parachute Failed Jokes

Here is a list of funny parachute failed jokes and even better parachute failed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris once skydived and the parachute failed to open while mid-air The next day, he demanded a refund.
  • If you parachute fails, don't worry You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
  • If a parachute fails while skydiving, don't worry! You have plenty of time. You have the rest of your entire life to fix it!
  • My parachute failed, so when I deployed my backup parachute... I floated back up.
  • Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
  • I could tell you my jokes about failed parachute jumps But they don't seem to land
  • What's the difference between a c**... and a parachute? Well when c**... fails a life comes, when parachute fails a life goes.
  • What happened when the parachuter's c**...... ...failed to open, right over the clock factory?
    He fell on hard times.
  • The parachute making business must be great! Because nobody ever comes back to complain about a failed c**...!
Parachute joke, The parachute making business must be great!

Feet Parachute Jokes

Here is a list of funny feet parachute jokes and even better feet parachute puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the man..... Did you hear about the man who jumped out of a plane at 40,00 feet without a parachute and survived.....
    .....until he hit the ground

Parachute Pants Jokes

Here is a list of funny parachute pants jokes and even better parachute pants puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.
Parachute joke

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about parachute can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of parachute puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Silly & Ridiculous Parachute Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about parachute you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bungee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make parachute prank.

A bad metaphor

is like a cucumber with a parachute.

How does a blind parachuter know he's getting close to the ground?

The leash on his guide dog goes slack.

There's a plane crashing down...

On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."

This used to be my Dad's favorite joke. "The End of the World"

The world is ending by nuclear warfare and there are three men riding on a plane to a fallout shelter where they would be safe and ride out the devastation. The three men are: the president, the pope, and a young hippie.
Suddenly, as they are nearing their destination, the plane malfunctions and is going down quickly. The three passengers look at each other, then realize: there are only two parachutes.
The President hastily grabs a bag and before jumping out of the hatch says," I am God's gift to you all! I rule the United States! I am the leader this world will need! I am the SMARTEST man on this planet!"
Realizing they don't have much time the pope quickly says to the hippie, "My son, you have many more years to live than I, it would only be right for you to seize this opportunity and fulfill-"
The hippie begins laughing, startling the pope into silence, and says, "Don't worry Father, the smartest man on the planet just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on!"

A skydiver jumps from a plane

but nothing happens when he pulls his rip-cord. He pulls the cord on his secondary c**..., but this too is broken. As he is hurdling toward the earth, he sees a man coming straight up toward him. 'Hey!' shouts the skydiver. 'Know anything about parachutes?!' 'No!' shouts the man. 'Know anything about gas barbecues?!'

Three men and a parachute

So, a norwegian, a danish and a swedish person are on a private flight. Suddenly, the pilot turns on the speaker and says:
"The plane is malfunctioning and is going to c**.... There's three parachutes, and I'm going to take one. You're going to have to figure out who doesn't get one".
He then proceeds to jump out of the plane.
The three men panic, but the norwegian tells the others to calm down and then says to the swedish person: "Here. You take one, we'll figure out who gets the last one." And the swedish jumps.
The norwegian then turns to the danish person and says: "Let's grab the chutes and get out of this thing."
The danish says, very confused:" But you just gave the second to last parachute to that swedish guy? There's only one left now."
To which the norwegian replies: "Relax man, I gave him my backpack."

Paraprosdokians

*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....

A nun, a priest and a politician...

are on a plane with a group of children. The pilot announces over the loudspeaker that the plane is going down and they only have a few minutes. The nun, priest and politician run to the back of the plane to grab their parachutes and notice there's not enough for everybody. The nun says "we need to save the children!" The politician yells back "SCREW THE CHILDREN!" The priest looks at the politician and says "Do we have time?"

A skydiver jumps out of a plane...

He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydiver yells "hey! Do you repair parachutes!?"
The guy yells back! "Nope, gas ovens..."
(english is not my first language, excuse my spelling please)

Three guys are aboard a jet as it's about to c**... and there are only two parachutes...

The first guy has the parachutes and gives both of them to the others, the second guy says thank you and jumps. The third guy before jumping asks "Wow, why would you do such a thing, why not save your own life?". The first guy then looks at him and says, "What are you crazy, I gave the second guy an empty backpack".

The pilot said,

"We are having engine trouble. Who here believes in the power of prayer?"
One man rose to his feet and said, "I do!"
The pilot said, "That is good because we are one parachute short."

I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition.

Never opened, only used once

I knew someone who died in a skydiving accident.

Their f**... wreath was in the shape of a parachute.
After all, that's what they would've wanted.

Man in a pasture face down

A man lays face down in the pasture with a backpack on his back and flies buzzing around him.
Question: Whats in his backpack?
Answer: Parachute

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

A guy is lying on a field. There's a backpack lying on his back, and a lot of flies are flying around. What's in the backpack?

A parachute.

A plane was once flying over an island..

A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice:
Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, you'll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, waving at you. This is a recording.

No need to worry if your parachute don't unfold...

... You'll have the rest of your life to fix it.

A plane was going down

and there were 4 people aboard: The president, the smartest man in the world, an old man, and a little girl. However, there were only 3 parachutes. The president said, "I'm too important to die," and took a parachute and jumped. The smartest man in the world said, "other people will need my smarts," and he also jumped off. The old man said,"you can go, my life is almost over anyway." The girl said," no, we can both go. The smartest man in the world took my Dora backpack."

About the blind man that took up parachuting.

He had loads of fun, but his guide dog didn't.

A rabbi and a priest...

take a group of kids on a spiritual trip to the Holy Land. During the flight, the pilot announces,
" The plane is going down, we only have two parachutes. I'm taking one. You guys figure out who gets the other one"
The priest says, " We should give it to one of the kids."
The rabbi grabs the c**... and says, " I have a life to live! F*c**... the kids! "
The priest thinks, and says,
"Do you think we have time?? "

Skydiving student recieves a lesson

A student is in a skydiving lesson and the instructor explains, "first count to ten and then rip the cord to open the parachute.
The student asks, "wha-wha-wha-what wa-wa-was that nu-nu-nu-number again?
The instructor answered, "two."

Skydiving without a parachute

Is a once in a lifetime experience!

A lawyer, a priest, and a scoutmaster with his troop

are on a plane. Suddenly the pilot has a heart attack and the plane begins to plummet.
The scoutmaster says, 'There aren't enough parachutes we must give them to the kids!'
The lawyer replies, f**... the kids!'
The priest asks, 'Do you think there's time?'

Did you guys know you don't need a parachute to skydive?

You just need a parachute to skydive twice.

Why don't women wear dresses when parachuting?

Because they'd whistle on the way down.

I was always afraid of dying alone, so thanks for being with me in my final moments.

Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!

Donald Trump and his two bodyguards are on a crashing airplane. There are only two parachutes.

Trump declares "I am the President of the United States and also the smartest one. It's unbelievable." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
One of the bodyguards says "Hey, man, you have a wife and kids. Take the parachute."
The other replies "There are enough parachutes for both of us, Tim. Mr Trump took my knapsack."

My wife's skydiving experience ended horrifically.

The parachute worked.

In case your parachute does not open

You have a lifetime ahead of you to fix it.

A school teacher with her class, a lawyer and priest were on a plane.

The pilot announces that they have lost power in the engine and that they will have to use parachutes to jump from the plane.
The teacher says "let the kids go first!"
The lawyer says "screw the kids!"
The priest asks "do we have time!?"

An American, a Brit, and a Canadian are in a plane ...

The pilot informs them that the plane is going down, there's no more parachutes, and they're going to have to jump anyway. The American yells for god and country! , and jumps out. The Brit yells for the Queen! , and jumps out. The Canadian yells for fun! , and jumps out.

What is the difference between a c**... and a parachute?

If one is torn, you get +1 human, if another -1 human.

My friend decided to skydive without a parachute

I didn't hear from him after that, but someone told me he had a once in a lifetime experience.

A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

Translated Chinese joke

Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!
Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off
Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out
Bad news: The parachute failed midair
Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him
Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with s**...t
Good news: He didn't land on the s**...t
Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either

My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"

I answered, "YES!! NOW COULD YOU **PLEASE** OPEN THE PARACHUTE NOW!!!???"

A guy goes into a parachute store.....

and sees a row of parachutes selling for $200 and another row of parachutes selling for $6,000. Confused, he asks a salesman what the $200 rigs were for. The salesman says they were for parachuting. More confused, he asked the salesman what the $6,000 rigs were for. The salesman said they were for parachuting twice.

Plane Joke

There was a plane about to go down. The people who were on there were: Trump, The Pope, The Pilot, and 3rd grader. There are three parachutes. The Pope grabs a parachute and says; "I am more important" Then bails. Trump grabs a parachute and says "I am the worlds smartest man. I can't die" Then bails. The Pilot looks at the kid and said here have my Parachute, the kid responded No need to, the "worlds smartest man" grabbed my backpack.

If you're skydiving and your parachute jams...

there's no need to panic; You have rest of your life to fix it.

Donald Trump, Angela Merkel, the Pope and a little girl are on a crashing plane.

But there are only three parachutes. So Angela Merkel takes one, saying: "I'm really important so I should live." Donald Trump takes one, saying: "I'm the world's cleverest man, I should live!" But the Pope says to the little girl: "You're a young child, you're more important than me." But the girl says: "It's ok, the world's cleverest man just jumped off with my rucksack."

As a supplier for paramilitary troops, i can confirm...

Nobody has ever complained about their parachute not opening mid-flight.

You are unlikely to see negative reviews when shopping online for Parachutes

Know what I mean!!!
If any such review you find out, let me know. LOL

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?

A parachutist is plummeting to Earth

Because her ripcord malfunctioned.
As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.
She yells out to him, Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?
He replies back No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??

The upside to your parachute not working

You have the rest of your life to fix it!

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

A plane is about to c**....

The pilot comes out of the cockpit, and solemnly addresses the passengers.
"The plane is going to c**.... There are 286 passengers, but only 285 parachutes. Does anybody know how to pray?"
A minister in the middle row raises his hand.
"Good." The pilot says. "You start praying. The rest of us will take the parachutes."

So there were 4 people on a private jet

Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to c**....
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.

If you don't succeed the first time...

...maybe parachuting isn't for you

A man goes to buy a parachute

He asks the cashier,
what happens if the parachute fails to deploy?
The cashier responds: Oh, Just pull the reserve c**..., you will be fine.
The man asks again: What if the reserve c**... fails???
The cashier responds: Well, In that case bring it back and we will give you a full refund!

Spy

A spy is getting instructions for his mission: You will parachute in a field behind the enemy lines. By the field there is a shack by a road. Behind the shack there is bicycle. Ride the bicycle 10 miles north and you will be in a village where you will meet your contact at the local tavern. He will give further information.
That evening the spy is dropped from the airplane. The parachute doesn't open. The spy complains: I bet there is no bicycle either .

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving

You need one to go twice

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving

Although you need a parachute to go skydiving for a second time.

If you're skydiving and your parachute doesn't open...

Don't panic, you've got the rest of your life to open it.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

Unless you want to go skydiving twice.

I was skydiving and my parachute malfunctioned.

Luckily, I had the rest of my life to fix it.

Parachute for sale

Parachute for sale: used once, never opened, small stain

Second-hand parachute for sale

Only used once, never opened.

Parachute joke, Second-hand parachute for sale

jokes about parachute

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these parachute jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.