para Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious para puns

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.

He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.

One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!

The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?

The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

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If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry..

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

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You don't need a parachute to go skydiving...

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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Paranoids

"You can learn alot about paranoids, just by following them around."

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Never do a parachute jump with your girlfriend...

Do it with a parachute.

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Was paranoid because I had a blood test

Still got an A+

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You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You only need a parachute if you want to skydive twice.

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What does "paralympics" stands for?

It doesn't.

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Parallel lines have got so much in common.

It's a shame they'll never get to meet.

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I know that I'm paranoid.

But I worry that I may not be paranoid enough.

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Two parallel lines match on tinder

But they never meet!

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If your parachute doesn't open while skydiving, don't worry!

You have the rest of your life to figure it out

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"Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."

Actually this is Oxymoron Club.

"Ok, same difference."

*looks at group*

Oh, this guy is good.

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I'm a paranoid narcissist...

I'm afraid no one's out to get me!

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If your parachute doesn't open ...

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

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A paranoid man stays at a hotel,

As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".

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A parachutist is plummeting to Earth

Because her ripcord malfunctioned.

As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.

She yells out to him, Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?

He replies back No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??

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Paraprosdokians

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

* Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put'DOCTOR'.

* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

* You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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Parallel lines have so much in common.

It's too bad they'll never meet.

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What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2" Mexican have in common?

They're both short essays.

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As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face:

I'm having a stroke.

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Do you know what paraplegics can't stand?

*that

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What's better than a paradox?

A pair of nurses

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Paratrooper initiation

After a fresh batch of paratroopers complete their first jump, some veterans take them out for a few rounds.

They're swapping stories and an old timer says: "Man, I remember the first time I jumped. Made the mistake of being the last one in line. Finally it's my turn, and I look down and freeze. The drill instructor leans in right behind me says, 'son, either you jump right now or I'm going to fuck you in the ass."

The veteran looks off wistfully and takes a pull off his beer.

A first-timer says, "Well, did you jump?"

"A little at first."

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I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.

No strings attached.

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If your parachute fails while skydiving, don't worry...

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

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You don't need a parachute to go sky diving

You need a parachute to go sky diving twice

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Paraprosdokians

*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*

Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.

I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.

If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)

You're never too old to learn ...something stupid.


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Why did the paranoid man take the elevator?

He couldn't handle the stares...

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Need help: looking for parade jokes. (I know, right?)

I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.

The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.

Thanks

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A paraplegic got prosthetic legs for a single day before they broke.

He had a one night stand.

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A paralyzed man got a new set of legs from a death row inmate.

Don't worry, the other guy got the chair.

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A paraplegic stole my camo shirt

You can hide but you can't run!

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Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid...

This must be some sort of conspiracy...

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Take me down to the paraphrase city.

Where it's nice.

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What are the most funny Para jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Para? Well, here are the best Para dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Para pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes