Para Jokes
92 para jokes and hilarious para puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about para that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Para Short Jokes
Short para jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The para humour may include short pour jokes also.
- I went to make a joke on the Para-Olympic's YouTube channel but the comments were disabled.
- Having someone respond to a medical emergency has gotten sooo expensive. Maybe instead of sending a Para Medics they should only send one.
- I noticed the Para Olympics distances are in Meters I guess they don't have or can't use Feet
- Why can't you reveal someone's private information online while flying? Because that would be a para-dox.
- My friend found a Paras while we were playing Pokemon Go. So I asked him, "Was it under a truck?"
- I hate that pizza guy...
I think my pizza guy poisoned my pizza.
i guess i'm just para-NOID.
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Para One Liners
Which para one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with para? I can suggest the ones about pare and persona.
- What is a Pokémon's favourite place to go in France? Paras
- What do you call Donald and Daisy when they contradict themselves? A para-ducks
- ¿Se te hace tarde para ir al trabajo?
- What is Sara Palins favorite passtime? Para Salin.
- Estágios para Estagiário de Marketing Estágios para Estagiário de Marketing
- What do you call an i**... immigrant who wants to become a lawyer? A para-i**....
Uproarious Para Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about para you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pres jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make para pranks.
Paranoids
"You can learn alot about paranoids, just by following them around."
I'm a paranoid narcissist...
I'm afraid no one's out to get me!
Take me down to the paraphrase city.
Where it's nice.
Need help: looking for parade jokes. (I know, right?)
I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.
The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.
Thanks
So
the new Paranormal Activity 3 is about a ghost who stalks little girls and makes them play with him late at night when the mum and step-dad are not around.
Glad to see Michael Jackson back to his old tricks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
How did the paramedics know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove box
A paraplegic went down a runway...
She made for a great roll-model.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Paramount is making a movie about a pair of Chinese race car drivers...
It's called "Two Wongs Don't Make a Right"
What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2" Mexican have in common?
They're both short essays.
"Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."
Actually this is Oxymoron Club.
"Ok, same difference."
*looks at group*
Oh, this guy is good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The parachute making business must be great!
Because nobody ever comes back to complain about a failed c**...!
What is a paradox?
A small medical clinic.
Paradox Corporation just opened.
They're doing everything they can to go out of business.
Parallel lines have got so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never get to meet.
Why didn't the paranoid schizophrenic have any money in the bank?
He had a tendency to withdraw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know what paraplegics can't stand?
*that
A paralyzed man calls U-Haul...
"Hey can you help me move?"
A parachutist died
I didn't know him but his friend said he was a real ' down to earth' guy
Two parallel lines match on tinder
But they never meet!
A paraplegic got prosthetic legs for a single day before they broke.
He had a one night stand.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the paradox of l**...'?
Done right, it doesn't linger.
If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry..
You have the rest of your life to fix it.
Never do a parachute jump with your girlfriend...
Do it with a parachute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm really paranoid that I'll see a n**... picture of my sister on the Internet and not know it.
It would be way hotter if I knew that it was her.
How does a paralympian call home, after winning a medal?
handsfree
Everyone keeps saying I'm paranoid...
This must be some sort of conspiracy...
A paranoid man stays at a hotel,
As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal object & throws it out the window.
The next morning the hotel manager knocks on his door & asks him,
"Good morning sir, did you have any problems last night?"
"Not at all" the man answered, "why do you ask?"
"Well, it's very strange" said the manager, "but in the room directly below yours, the chandelier suddenly fell down in the middle of the night".
Paramedics
When one medic just isn't enough
What's better than a paradox?
A pair of nurses
The paraplegic mythical creature wasn't walking...
He was draggin!
Paranoia Hotline
I phoned the Paranoia Helpline, but I hung up after fifty-nine seconds.
I'm sure they were trying to trace my call.
Being paranoid isn't so bad.
Wait, who said that?!
Why did the paranoid man take the elevator?
He couldn't handle the stares...
What did the paraphilic do after one night stand?
The other night stand, the bed post and the dressing table
I know that I'm paranoid.
But I worry that I may not be paranoid enough.
What does "paralympics" stands for?
It doesn't.
What did one parallel line say to the other?
It's a shame we'll never meet.
What is the best paradox?
A Stormtrooper shooting at a red shirt. One can't hit anything, and the other won't dodge.
Parallel Parking
They say that the worst problem with parallel parking is the witnesses.
But if you are really bad at it, you can eliminate that problem.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face:
I'm having a s**....
Why do paramedics always drink coffee?
Because they don't have time for casual-tea!
If a parachute fails while skydiving, don't worry!
You have plenty of time. You have the rest of your entire life to fix it!
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving...
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
I think my paranoia is getting worse.
But that's just what they want me to think.
I'm paradoxical and contradictory,
I hate redundancy and repetition.
A paraplegic stole my camo shirt
You can hide but you can't run!
"You think parachuting will finally bring joy to your life?"
"You're just setting yourself up for a bigger fall"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't paraplegics cook Chinese food?
Because they can't "wok."
Note: May be cheesy and offensive, but I coined this joke when humor could be silly and irreverent, and y'all were begging for non-reposts.
I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.
No strings attached.
What is a paranormal inestigator's favorite type of gun?
A colt.
A paralyzed man got a new set of legs from a death row inmate.
Don't worry, the other guy got the chair.
Was paranoid because I had a blood test
Still got an A+
Paranoia is a man's best friend
You really shouldn't trust him though
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was always paranoid and afraid that everyone would s**... assult me, so I went to see a therapist. And my fear came true.
Apparently I didn't see the space in between therapist.
Parapsychologists
I just want to take this moment to give a shout out to parapsychologists, the only folks brave enough to jump out of airplanes to provide emergency counseling.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
Why don't paraplegic people like eye contact?
Idunno, they just really not a fan of stares.
Paratrooper
How many successful jumps does a paratrooper have to make before he is ready for combat?
All of them.
What are parallel lines ?
They are vegetarians because they never meat.
What did the paraplegic track event and the Cold War have in common?
They were both an arms race.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
How did the paramedics know Paul Walker had clean hair?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box
You may think I'm paranoid
But I think diet soda is just another form of pop elation control.
My parachute failed, so when I deployed my backup parachute...
I floated back up.
Paraphrased Russian joke about jokes
Tell a German a joke and he won't get it.
Tell an Englishman a joke and he'll get it, but he won't laugh.
Tell an American a joke and he won't get it, but he'll laugh anyway.
Tell a Russian a joke and he'll say:
"I already heard that one."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't the paranoid plane take off?
It had t**... issues
I actually come from a parallel universe where Earth was destroyed by Larry the Cable Guy.
We called the event Arma-Git-R-Done.
There's a parallel universe where people age non-linearly, and every day you have no idea how old you'll wake up.
So sometimes you'd have to call into work like, Sorry, can't make it in today, I'm 6.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever since becoming paralyzed in a car c**..., my wife has had to do everything for me.
Including wiping my a**..., feeding me and all of the house work.
But still, we just thank god she survived the c**....
A paraplegic walks into a bar...
...and says, "It's a miracle!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Parachutists
Two parachutists jumped out of a plane, they had headsets on so they could talk to each other on the way down.
One man's parachute opened, the other one's didn't.
The guy with the defective c**... was falling fast but appeared to be slowly and very calmly trying to figure out the issue. Appeared to be in no rush.
The other guy with the good c**... said Hey, you look so calm and collected. Why are you taking your time? Why aren't you panicking?
The guy with the unopened c**... said Hey, why should I rush? I've got the rest of my life to figure it out .
Why did the paralytic person not laugh at his friends' jokes?
He didn't realise they were pulling his leg.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Paralampics
Three wheelchair users in the Paralympics have tested positive for WD40
Paradigm Shift
Teacher: Can anyone give me an example of a paradigm shift?
Little Johnny: It's when you change a pair of dimes into four nickels.
A paranoid patient goes to the doctor,
"Doctor please help me, I feel like I've only got 59 seconds to live!"Doctor - "Yes please wait, I'll be with you in a minute."
Paranormal experience
-Son: Dad have you ever had any paranormal experiences?
-Dad: Yes I did, your mother told me once that i was right.
Did you know that you don't actually need a parachute to skydive?
But you do though, if you want to skydive \*again\*.
paranoid fantasies
A woman is laying on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist says, "I want to talk about these paranoid fantasies you've been having of being stalked by a man who is disguising himself as furniture. How long have you been having these delusions?"
The woman says, "About 5 months."
The couch says, "It's been 6 months, actually."
I don't really believe in parallel universes.
But there could be a version of me who does.
