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Paper Towels Jokes

56 paper towels jokes and hilarious paper towels puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paper towels that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Paper Towels Short Jokes

Short paper towels jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paper towels humour may include short toilet paper jokes also.

  1. Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.
    ...I'll see myself out. :-/
  2. I came into a large sum of money recently... Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towel.
  3. pirate joke I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."
  4. A pirate walks in a bar... A pirate walks in a bar with a paper towel on his head, the bartender says "whats with that" the Pirate says "ARR!! I have Bounty on me head"
  5. A pirate wearing a paper towel on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks What's with the paper towel? The pirate says Arrr matey, I have a bounty on me head!
  6. A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel on your head?"
    The pirate replies, "Arrr, I got a bounty on me head."
  7. A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender sees this and asks him why.
    The pirate replies, "Arr, I've got a bounty on me head!"
  8. A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head The bartender says " What's with the paper towels Skipper? "
    The pirate says " Arr, there be a bounty on me head "
  9. A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuck under his hat... The bartender says "what's up with the paper towel under your hat?"
    The pirate replied "Arrgh, there be a Bounty on me head!"
  10. I'm gonna start a business I'm gonna start a business where I sell exclusively paper towels. Not by the roll, but by the square. You have to pay-per-towel

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Paper Towels One Liners

Which paper towels one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paper towels? I can suggest the ones about bath towel and towel.

  1. My paper towels went missing so I hired a Bounty hunter.
  2. Paper towels? OH! You mean napkins on the cob?
  3. What do you get when paper towels fall asleep? Napkins!
  4. What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels? nothing they were tearable.
  5. What paper towel brand do pirates treasure? Bounty.
  6. I got a job in prison making paper towels.. I hope I get paid per roll
  7. [new euphemism]: "As worthless as the last sheet on a roll of paper towels"
  8. I lost my paper towels, I think I need a bounty hunter.
  9. The paper towel holder kept ripping the paper towels... It was tear-able!
  10. What do you call a sleeping paper towel? A napkin.
  11. I should make a blanket that looks like a paper towel. I'll call it a napkin.
  12. What do paper towels call their family? NapKIN

The Funniest Paper Towels Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about paper towels you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toilet roll jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make paper towels pranks.

Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off.
I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager.
A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand.
"All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"

A middle aged woman walks into a grocery store…

She has been single for the past 5 years and is extremely lonely. She proceeds to collect a few things here and there from throughout the store. Lip balm, a gallon of milk, a few rolls of paper towels, chicken p**... pies, and laundry detergent.
When she finishes finding all of her items she proceeded to the checkout counter. Immediately after she got in line a man came up behind her and began to wait as well. He had a 12 pack with him and was obviously drunk. He was staring at her groceries then up at her, swaying back and forth trying to keep balance.
You must be single? he asked her.
Normally she would ignore a stranger talking to her, especially one this drunk, but she was for some reason slightly intrigued. She noticed he kept looking at her groceries and up at her. Maybe he thought she was single based off what she was purchasing. Maybe he could point out something that would help her find someone to love.
Yes, I am single , she said. But can you tell me something? How can you tell I'm single? she said as she looked down at the few things in her basket.
cause….. he struggled to stand up and looked her in the eye. cause you're ugly.

i don't get this joke

Louis c**... said it was one of his terrible early standup jokes
"I asked my mom what s**... was and she said 'it's what happens when Mrs. Brady turns off the lights. So I always thought s**... was a commercial for paper towels"

A pirate walks into a bar...

Disclaimer: I heard this joke from a friend at work. I've no idea where he heard it or if he happened to make it up. If someone could provide a source, I'll gladly edit the post.
~
A pirate walks into the bar and the bartender just stares at him. There's a paper towel stuck to his forehead. The pirate walks up, slams his hand on the counter and exclaims, "I need some r**...!"
Ignoring the paper towel for now, the bartender complies. After a few more rounds, the pirate's loud and obnoxious and having a great time in general.
At the request of the next round, the bartender complies once again, this time asking, "Alright, I just have to know. Are you aware there's a paper towel stuck to your forehead?"
The pirate nods and sigh dejectedly. "Aye, I've got a bounty on me head."

Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Linus Torvalds walk into a restroom in 2005...

When Bill Gates finishes doing his business, he goes to the sink, washes his hands, pulls 20 paper towels from the dispenser, and dries his hands completely as Steve Jobs walks up.
Bill says "at Microsoft, we like to be thorough."
Steve Jobs washes his hands even cleaner than Bill, then takes only one paper towel, using every last little bit of it, and still managing to dry his hands completely.
Steve says "at Apple, we like to be thorough AND efficient."
Just then, Linus Torvalds walks up to the sink and pulls out a laptop.
Bill and Steve give Linus a confused look. "what are you doing?" they ask.
Linus says "I'm reading the man page for the sink."

A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head.

He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty r**....
The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Arrrrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

A pirate is sitting at the bar

With a paper towel hat on his head, the bartender, being curious to why this pirate would make himself look completely ridiculous, goes to the pirate and asks him why on earth does he have a paper towel hat on. The pirate looks the bartender right in the eye and says "Arrrg I have a bounty on me head"

I was really upset when I lost my paper towels

I was SO upset that they had gone missing that I had to hire a BOUNTY hunter *ba dum tss*

Ladies room

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Please let us know if this restroom needs attention

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly s**... his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to s**... them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

What's the difference between a hand towel and toilet paper?

"What?"
"You aren't coming to my house"

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.

Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"

I've trained my German Shepherd to find any paper towels that are missing from my house.

He is auditioning for the next Dog the Bounty hunter.

Guys, you've been seeing Trump throwing paper towels at the hurricane affected Puerto Ricans the wrong way

Clearly, he's a fill-n'-throw-pist.

Finals be like.

**EXAMINATION COUNCIL OF ZAMBIA**
SPECIAL PAPER 6
Time: 15 minutes.
Answer all questions. Do not turn this paper until you are told to do so. Each question carries 10 marks.
1-Black is a color and white is also a color, but black and white television is not a color television. Discuss, 10 marks.
2-1f soap and water makes the body clean, then what makes the towel dirt after bath? Discuss, 10 marks.
3-Can you trust a nurse whose husband sells coffins? Discuss, 10 marks.
You are free to use a calculator

7 Eleven apparently had to remove paper towels from the bathroom because people were flushing them.

Apparently they were having problems with it clogging the chili dispenser.

I'm looking for the man who wears a paper towel as a hat...

...he has a bounty on his head.

With all the missing paper towels and napkins everywhere...

You could say that right now, I'm a Bounty hunter

A man had trouble trusting people

However, everytime he used paper towels to clean his nose, he was perfectly fine.
He had trust tissues.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

He asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks "Hey, what's with the paper towel on your head?"
The pirate responds "ARRR, I got a Bounty on me head!"

Three automobile managers at the u**...

The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.
The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."
The third walks past the sink and says, "At Daimler, we don't p**... all over our hands!"

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel tucked partially under his hat. The bartender says to him, "Oi, what's that?" The pirate responds, "Aargggh, I've got a bounty on me head."

A pirate walks into a bar

I pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel where his hat should be, hanging down covering part of his face. The bartender asked if he was hiding his face for a reason.
"Aye," the pirate said. "I have a bounty on me head."