paper Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious paper puns

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

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I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

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I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

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My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!

You lied to me!

You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"

I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

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A man arrived to a Duel with only a pen and a piece of paper

He proceeded to draw his weapon

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I wrote the names of everyone I've de-friended onto a piece of paper. But my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint...

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

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Teenage sex

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

'I've just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!'

I put down my paper: 'Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.'

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A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

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Life is a lot like toilet paper.

You're either on a roll.....or you're taking shit from some asshole.

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An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

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I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self.

That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

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My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper

looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

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I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

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A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells,

All politicians are assholes.

A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, I take offense to that!

The pissed-off guy asks him, Why? Are you a politician?

No, he replies, I'm an asshole.

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My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.

"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."

"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.

"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.

"But don't they just fall off?"

"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."

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What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?

An empty toilet paper roll.

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I got in touch with my inner self once...

Never buying single ply toilet paper again.

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A woman gets up in the morning

wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."

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My teacher accused me of plagiarising my paper.

His words. Not mine.

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I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday's joke was plotting....

...weapons of math instruction.

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I just found an origami porn channel...

... but it is paper view only.

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My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

'I've just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!'

I put down my paper: 'Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.'

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Today i got in touch with my inner self

That's the last time I buy cheap toilet paper

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Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?

They hate plaque buildup.

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Got an A on my paper...

Time to write the rest of it

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A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this…

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
The next day her door bell rings, looking down on her doorstep was a man with no arms and legs.
He says Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away.
She says, What makes you think you are so great in bed?

He smiles and says how do you think I rang your fucking door bell?

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I was reading in the paper today about a midget that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

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I read in the local paper someone was going around pickpocketing midgets.

I never thought someone could stoop so low.

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Two men sit down at a restaurant.

A waitress comes to their table and takes their drink order. When she returns a few minutes later with their beverages, she finds them both eating sandwiches out of paper bags. "Hey!" she says, "you can't eat your own food here!" So they trade sandwiches.

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Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise

it circles Uranus looking for Klingons

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A man enters a pun contest in a local paper...

He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.

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I said to my wife this morning, "I was just reading in a scientific paper now, that blades of grass can actually feel pain. Amazing isn't it?"

"Nice try dickhead. The lawnmower's in the shed."

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I wrote a book on penguins...

In hindsight, I realize that paper would have been much easier...

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A man walks into a brothel. NSFW

He goes to the first floor to find a sign that says "slow fucks"

Then he goes to the second floor to find another sign that says "fast fucks"

When he reached the third floor he found a paper on the ground he bend over to pick it up, only to find someone fucking him,he reads the paper, it said "sudden fucks".


Note :Egypt translated joke, sorry for any wrong grammar.

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Lost: bucket of sand, silt, and gravel

Great sedimental value.



(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)

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What are the most funny Paper jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Paper? Well, here are the best Paper dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Paper pick up lines to share with friends.

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