Panties Jokes
104 panties jokes and hilarious panties puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about panties that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for some knee-slapping fun! Read through this hilarious collection of jokes about panties, granny panties, bras, lacy panties, and even pantyhose! Whether you're looking to spice up your next party or just need a good chuckle, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
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Funniest Panties Short Jokes
Short panties jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The panties humour may include short underpants jokes also.
- Did you know that William Shatner once tried to start up his own line of l**... for women? Unfortunately for him, Shatner p**... was a terrible brand name.
- She's gonna boycott the Oscars? Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's p**.... I wasn't invited. That's not an invitation I would turn down, but I understand, I'm not hating.
- William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line... In hindsight "Shatner p**..." wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.
- From grandma: Why do women wear p**... with flowers on them? In memory of all the faces that were buried there.
- It was just announced that William Shatner's womens' l**... company has been discontinued. Apparently "Shatner p**..." isn't a great name for an underwear brand.
- What do women's p**... and nail polish have in common? What do women's p**... and nail polish have in common?
They both come off with alcohol. - What's the worst thing about a woman's p**...? Your nuts hang out the side.
A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change - I can't wait to get home and rip off my girlfriends p**..., they're really starting to chaffe my thighs.
- My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line. I got such a fright I almost wet her p**....
- Bought the ex wife some crotchless p**... for Halloween... Nothing s**..., just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.
Share These Panties Jokes With Friends
Panties One Liners
Which panties one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with panties? I can suggest the ones about underwear and pajamas.
- Prank to send Granny's Pantys to anyone in the US
- I gently slid her p**... to the side... ....so I could fit her socks into the drawer
- Why dont witches wear p**...? So they can grip the broom.
- Why don't witches wear p**...? Better grip
- My secretary doesn't wear any bra or p**... to work. But he types really well.
- Why do witches not wear p**...? You get better grip on the brooms.
- Why don't programmers go on p**... raids? Because they get undie find errors.
- When I get get home I'm ripping my wife's p**... off They're starting to chafe
- Why don't witches wear p**...? To get a better grip on the broomstick.
- Do old women wear p**... or thongs???? Depends
- p**... aren't the best thing in the world But they're REAL close to it...
- Old joke for Halloween. Why do witches not wear p**...? For better grip on the broom
- What does every woman have in her p**...? A career.
- Why do blondes were p**...? To keep their ankles warm.
- What does nail polish and p**... have in common? They both come off with alcohol.
Granny Panties Jokes
Here is a list of funny granny panties jokes and even better granny panties puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Send Granny's p**... To Enemies
- What do granny p**... taste like? Depends.
Laughter Panties Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about panties you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knickers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make panties pranks.
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
My magical watch just told me you aren't wearing any p**....
Oh, you are? Hmmmmm...must be an hour off...
Little old lady goes to a dentist...
A little old lady goes to the dentist.
She walks in to the dentists office, sits down, drops her p**..., and lifts her legs.
Rather flustered the Dentist says, "I'm sorry madam, I'm not a gynaecologist!"
She says, "I know you're not, I just need my husband's teeth back!"
Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.
When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing p**.... The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."
A middle aged lady decides to revamp her s**... life with her husband.
She asks her friends what she should do and the concensus is to get some s**... l**... and surprise him. So she goes out and buys a lacy bra and crotchless p**.... That night when her husband is in bed watching TV she appears in the doorway wearing the l**... and says 'hey big boy! Fancy some of this?', he looks over casually, his eyes widen, he sits bolt upright in the bed and shouts 'fuck no! Look what it did to your p**...!'.
Two wives go out for girls night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her p**... the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no p**...."
The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!
n**... Wife's New p**...
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless p**... in an attempt to spice up her dead s**... life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless p**...?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat...
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''
She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Karen took off her p**... and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine !
Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your p**....'
Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-a**... attitude, you never will.'
Girls on GoneWild
Q: Why do girls on gonewild wear p**...?
A: So that their ankles would keep warm
My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and p**...." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Why don't witches wear p**...?
Because they need to grip the broom.
A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...
"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."
The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"
"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."
"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.
"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and p**...."
p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter
Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"
Patriotism
A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
Hygienic!
Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn`t wearing any p**.... So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any p**....
She said, "I don't know if it's cooler but sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.
What is the difference between one night stand, long relationship and marriage?
in one night stand you tear off the p**...
in long relationship you gently remove the p**...
in marriage you wash and dry the p**.... then fold them and put them in the clothes cupboard.
A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early
When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and p**...."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
So my wife said "take off my shirt".
So I did as she said and took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.
"Now my hose, bra, and p**...." And lastly, I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Did you know that witches don't wear p**...?
It's so they can get a better grip on the broomstick.
My girlfriend asked me to take off her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
And so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
newlyweds
On their wedding night as the recently married couple undress, the groom takes his pants off and hands them to her.
"Try them on"
"They're too big"
"Exactly and now you know who wears the pants"
She then takes off her p**... and tosses them to him.
"Put them on"
"I can't get in them. They're too small"
"And you won't be getting in them until you change your attitude"
Mommy! The boys at school pay me to climb trees!
"Honey, they only want you to do that so they can see your p**...!"
Yeah, I know, that's why I take them off.
In the locker room after the game...
The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and p**... and starts to put them on.
His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"
Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."
s**... time with my girlfriend
So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and p**...!"
I took off her bra and p**....
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"
One more for the road. Abu Al Abid went to USA for the first time,
He opened a furniture shop & a l**... shop.
In 6 months....
he made a good business.
.
He sends an email to his wife saying:
Please rush, pack up & come to USA,
I sold 100 mattresses and 5000 p**....
I made $100,000.
She replies:
It is better that you close your shop and come back fast.
With 1 mattress & with no p**...
I made $300,000.. ...
An Indian joke translated to english
A teenage girl wearing a skirt climbing up a staircase sees boys on the ground floor looking up and laughing. She goes to her mom and complains.
Girl: "Mom, boys saw me climbing up the stairs and were laughing"
Mom: "Oh dear, they must be laughing cuz they could see your p**..."
Girl: "But I wasn't wearing any!"
My best friend got mad at me sniffing his sister's p**...
It didn't help that they were still on her. Or that all of his family was there too. Needless to say it made the rest of the f**... really awkward.
My friend got angry at me for sniffing his sister's p**....
It didn't help that they were still on her.
Or that their whole family was watching.
This made the rest of the f**... quite awkward.
My sister asked me to remove her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."
I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's p**... right off!!!
They've been giving me a w**... all day. 😎
My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did
Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. Then she told me to take off her bra and p**... so I did. Then she told me to never wear her things again
A husband buys a dozen of p**... of the same colour for his wife.
His wife protests: " Why the same colour, people will think i don't change my p**...."
Husband asks" which people?
Two lawyers are leaving the office.
"I can't wait to get home," says one. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's p**... right off."
"I know the feeling," says the other.
"No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."
As a man i avoid wearing pink shirts or anything too feminine ..
thats why my bra and p**... are always black.
What do Japanese people say when someone takes their p**...?
"Those aren't ja-panese!"
My 11 year old just said she made this up. I had to share.
Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your p**..., she said what about the smell?
I said, well if it dies it dies...
She told me to remove the bra, so i did. Then she told me to remove the p**..., so i did. Then she looked me the eyes and said
Stop wearing my underwear.
I breathe heavy whenever I'm around woman's underwear.
I guess that's why they call them p**....
daughter : MOM I JUST GOT $10 FOR CLIMBING A TREE
mom : those boys just wanted to see your p**....
daughter : yea i know. i took off my p**... before climbing
My wife came into the bedroom & said "Take off my bra"......
So I took her bra off.
She then said "Take off my p**..."
So I took her p**... off.
She then said "Stop wearing my underwear!!"
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and p**...." and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about
how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your p**...!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Becky discussing with her friend Karen
Becky: Last week, my uncle was taking pictures of me and asked me to climb up a ladder so he could get a better angle.
Karen: did you do it?.. it was just an excuse to see your p**....
Becky: I know. That's why I took it off before climbing the ladder.
A lady of the house lost three pairs of expensive p**... and blamed the maid, in front of her husband.
The maid looked at the husband and said "Sir, you're my witness. You know I never wear p**...."
A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.
As they are u**... for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.
"Here, try these on," he says.
"What? Why?" she says.
"Just put them on," he insists.
"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."
"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."
"Got it," she says, slipping off her p**... and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."
He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.
"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your p**...!"
"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt.
Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."
So I took off her skirt.
Then she says, "Take off my bra and p**......"
So I took off her bra and p**....
Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"
A mother says to her young son, "It's high time you learned the difference between a man and a woman."
"Take off my shirt," she says. So he takes off her shirt.
"Take off my pants," she says. So he takes off her pants.
"Take off my bra," she says. So he takes off her bra.
"Take off my p**...," she says. So he takes off her p**....
Then the mother says to her son, "I don't want you ever to wear my clothes in public again!"
My step-sister walked into my room one day and
My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt.
Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."
So I took off her skirt.
Then she says, "Take off my bra and p**......"
So I took off her bra and p**....
Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"
Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...
The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
I just can't stop ogling at hot 18 year olds dressed in nothing but p**....
I could say I've a knicker teen addiction.
William Shatner just discontinued his line of ladies l**...
Apparently Shatner p**... was not a good choice of name!
Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy...
Her mother says, "Where'd you get the money for that!?"
Sally laughs and says, "Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn't climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!"
Her mother shakes her head. "You d**...! He was just trying to get a peek at your p**...!"
"Oh no!" Little Sally says, embarrassed.
But the next day, she comes home with two bags of candy.
Her mother says, "Did Little Johnny pay you to climb the flag pole again!??"
"Yes!" says Little Sally. "But I sure fooled him! I didn't even wear any p**...!"
Take off my bra, said my wife, so I took off her bra. Now take off my p**..., she said, and I took off her p**....
Then she said, If I ever catch you wearing them again ...
Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.
Once done, one uses her p**... to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any p**...!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
[Translated] A man saw a good deal and bought 20 p**... of the same pattern and color to his wife.
Wife : Oh My God,now people will think I never change my p**....
Husband : Which people?
(Hope the joke didnt get lost in translation)
My wife told me to take off her shirt
I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt off. "Take off my shoes" I took off her shoes. "Now my stockings, bra, and p**...!" I took all of them off. Then she looks at me and said, "I dont want to catch you wearing my things ever again!"
2 wives go on a girls night out
On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.
The first takes off her p**... and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.
The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:
"No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no p**.... "
The other husband says:
"Thats nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. "
He gently slid her p**... to one side...
...so the rest of her socks would fit in the drawer.
I was shopping for l**... for my girlfriend. I asked if their p**... were satin.
They said "No. They're new."
Why do women have flowers on the front of thier p**...?
In memory of all the faces buried there.
