The Best 95 Pants Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pants jokes. There are some pants glove jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pants khakis puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pants Jokes and Puns

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it

Trying to get into smaller pants

YO momma so nasty...

She pours salt water down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.

Pants joke, YO momma so nasty...

Girls pants are like a cheap hotel...

... no ballroom.

The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.


There are 2 ducks. One duck pulls his pants down. What does the other duck see?

His but-quack.

What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common?

No ballroom.

Pants joke, What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common?

A man walks into a doctors office

A man walks into a doctors office and says
Man: "Doctor, Doctor! I have 5 penises!!"

Doctor: "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?!"

Man: "Like a glove."

Why did the snowman take his pants off?

He heard the snow blower was coming.

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have?

Someone else's pants on.

My grandfathers favorite joke.

You can explore pants trouser reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pants britches dad jokes. There are also pants puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today

then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on

These pants fit like a cheap hotel...

No ballroom.

5 penises

A man visits his doctor and tells him,

"You've got to help me doc. I've got 5 penises!"

To which the doctor replies,

"5 penises! How do your pants fit?"

"Like a glove!"

There's a man with two penises? That's nothing, I once knew a guy with FIVE penises...

...and his pants fit like a glove.

What's the best way to make pants last?

Make the jacket first.

Pants joke, What's the best way to make pants last?

Sammy just bought a new pair of pants.

He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing.

"Ballroom?" Dean asks.

"Not much," Sammy replies.

Why did Frosty the snowman pull down his pants?

He heard the snow-blower was coming.

Food has replaced sex in my life.

I can't even get into my own pants.


During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"?

"Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.

How do you know your girlfriend is getting too fat?

Because she tried on your wife's pants and they fit.

Black guy and a white girl hook up.

A black guy and a white girl meet at a bar and go back to her house. They start fooling around and he begins taking his pants off. She stops him and says "is it true what they say about black guys"? He says " yes. Yes it is" then stabs her and takes her purse.

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.

The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop masturbating."

"What? Why?" asks the guy.

"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."

Does it hurt anymore?

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"

Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way.

Trying to get into smaller pants.

What is worse than ants in your pants?

......... Uncles.

What did O say to Q?

"Pull your pants up will ya?"

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.

The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an erection at this moment".

The man says "But I don't have an erection" "No but I do" the doctor replied.

My girlfriend peed her pants and asked me if she was still beautiful.

I told her, "urinate out of ten."

My granma got my granpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, "like a cheap castle".

When I looked confused, he explained, "no ballroom"

Why do electricians wear pants?

Because they hate shorts.

A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a problem, I have 5 penises"

The doctor says "Woow, how do your pants fit?", he replies "like a glove"

I went to see a therapist.

I said, "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."

He said, "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."

I said, "No."

He said, "You're a woman."

Why is wrestling stupid??

It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....

What has 100 legs but can't walk?

50 pairs of pants.

Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

A woman was breastfeeding in the bus the other day

...And suddenly, this old lady gets up and starts screaming "you can't do that here, have you no shame? in front of everyone???".

Everybody turns around, the old lady keeps screaming, the woman with her baby stands here mortified...

...I had to pull my pants back up and get off the bus...

What did the letter O say to the letter Q?

"For God's sake man, put some pants on!"

What type of pants do you need to start a car?

Cargo pants

Boss perv

I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.

I was invited to a party...

'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"

The pirate says, "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."

What's the difference between a priest and his dog?

One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.

A captain and his crew...

A crew mate runs to his captain "Captain! Captain! There is an enemy ship on the horizon! What do we do?" The captain replies "Grab me my red shirt." "Why?" The crew mate asks. "So that my crew doesn't see me bleeding from the battle." The captain replies. Another guy runs up "Captain! Captain! I have an update there are 7 more ships what should I do?" "Go get me my brown pants."

Told my girlfriend that there was a party in my pants and that she was invited.

She asked if it was a search party :(

Wife walks up to husband, takes off her pants and says, "Make me feel like a woman"

Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."

~~

A nun asks another

What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?

Nun: I would lift up my dress

Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?

Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down

Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?

Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.

Happiness is like peeing in your pants

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth

I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class

It really killed my teaching career.

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

When is a pixie not a pixie?

When she's got her head down an elf's pants, then she's a goblin.

Three things that never lie.....

Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants

I saw my girlfriend midway through sex with another guy.

So I pulled up my pants and told him to hide.

Wrestling is stupid

Men without pants fighting over a belt.

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants.

He could have called it Billie Jeans.

Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!

Kids pants would be half off there.

Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants?

So he could run his fingers through his hair!

A father is teaching his boy how to pee in the toilet.

"OK son", he says. It's as easy as counting to 5.

1. Pull down your pants.
2. Pull back your foreskin.
3. Pee in the toilet.
4. Put your foreskin back.
5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4".

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants.

The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish?

Aunts in his pants...

When I go to a costume party this year, I'm showing up wearing only a pair of jeans.

That way when I'm asked what my costume is, I'll say "I'm a premature ejaculator. I just came in my pants."

You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing.

Just in case you get a hole in one.

A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps.

The next day he pooped his pants.

I didn't know what to wear to my first Masturbaters Anonymous meeting the other day...

So I just came in my pants

Just pooped my pants.

Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.

My next-door neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear from her washing line.

I was so shocked I almost crapped her pants.

I was having a prostate exam...

Me:*squirms
Doctor: Don't worry, it's perfectly fine to have an erection at a time like this.

So I tried to ignore the bulge in his pants.

How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career?

By trying to get into smaller pants.

This woman got mad I was reading the back of her pants

It's not my fault I have to read things in braille

Dave's wife tied him to the bed posts last night.

Dave's wife tied him to the bed posts last night. Unable to move, he could do nothing to stop her slowly stripping down to her bra and pants in front of him.

She knelt on the bed, between his thighs and said

"Ok big boy, what would you like me to take off next?"

Dave gulped: "My glasses, please."

What's the difference between my parents and my girlfriend?

I don't need to take my pants off to disappoint my parents.

Also, my parents are real.

Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?

A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises.

The doctor says, " 5 penises!? How do your pants fit?"

The man replies, " like a glove."

I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her 'What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of "pensi"?'

It was as she pulled my pants down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was my spine.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.

Over there next to mine, was not the answer I was expecting.

Wrestling is so stupid;

men with no pants, fighting for a belt.

A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.

As they are undressing for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.

"Here, try these on," he says.

"What? Why?" she says.

"Just put them on," he insists.

"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."

"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."

"Got it," she says, slipping off her panties and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."

He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.

"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your panties!"

"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."

At birth, success is being alive. At age 3, success is not pooping your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a driver's license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 30, success is having money...

At age 40, success is having money.

At age 55, success is having sex.

At age 70, success is having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is having friends.

At age 80, success is not pooping your pants.

At age 100, success is being alive.

My friend said, That's a nice-ass shirt you're wearing.

I said, Thanks. They are called pants, not an ass shirt.

I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar

Almost made me puma pants

A doctor received a call from his colleague.

"We need a fourth to join us for a game of golf," said his friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting his pants on, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," he answered gravely. "In fact, they are three doctors there already."

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,

but he's still making fun of me.

My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?

Because he took a leek!

(Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

The bartender says Hey pirate, why do you have a steering wheel in your pants? Isn't that annoying? The pirate says Arrr, it drives me nuts.

A man takes off his shirt in the gym.

A blonde comes up to him and says, wow what a great chest you have! The man replies, Thats one hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes off his pants. The blonde says, Wow! What great calf's you have! The man then replies, that's two hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes of his underwear. The blonde runs off screaming in fear. When the man catches up to her he asks, Why did you run away? The blonde replies, I didn't wanna be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby.

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on the ground & rolled around in pain.

She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"

He replied: "Feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken"

I was trying to milk a goat once...

One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn.

I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole.

Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down...



And my wife came to the barn...



There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.

An Artist asks his model if she's okay with nudity

Model- Yes I am
Artist- Thank God! These pants were killing me!

Melvin capital was caught with their pants down by the short squeeze

but it seems the SEC didn't like seeing a full debriefing

Why did the snow man pull down his pants?

Because he heard the snow blower coming.

Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."

So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"

The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"

Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."

There was a robbery in the laundry room.

Two clothespins held up a pair of pants.

Why did the golfer take 2 pants when he went to the golf course

In case he got a **hole in one**

My pants are French.

They are....Toulouse

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pants robe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pants overalls piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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