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Panting Jokes

30 panting jokes and hilarious panting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about panting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Panting Short Jokes

Short panting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The panting humour may include short sweat jokes also.

  1. Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants
  2. Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don't care.
  3. My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
    (Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)
  4. Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants.
  5. During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
  6. Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler.... The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"
  7. Happiness is like peeing in your pants Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth
  8. I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination. Over there next to mine, was not the answer I was expecting.
  9. If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.
    My grandfathers favorite joke.
  10. The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

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Panting One Liners

Which panting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with panting? I can suggest the ones about shivering and breathing.

  1. Why is Jon Snow so ticklish? Aunts in his pants...
  2. What did the letter O say to the letter Q? "For God's sake man, put some pants on!"
  3. You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.
  4. Why did the snowman take his pants off? He heard the snow blower was coming.
  5. What has 100 legs but can't walk? 50 pairs of pants.
  6. Why do electricians wear pants? Because they hate shorts.
  7. Just pooped my pants. Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.
  8. What's worse than 10 ants in your pants? One uncle.
  9. I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar Almost made me puma pants
  10. What's the best way to make pants last? Make the jacket first.
  11. Girls pants are like a cheap hotel... ... no ballroom.
  12. What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom.
  13. Three things that never lie..... Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants
  14. Why did Frosty the snowman pull down his pants? He heard the snow-blower was coming.
  15. From my 6 year old: What does a cloud wear beneath its pants? Thunderwear!

Panting joke, From my 6 year old: What does a cloud wear beneath its pants?

Hilarious Fun Panting Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about panting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peeing pants jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make panting pranks.

My wife phoned me, panting and breathless.

"Where are you?" she moaned.
"I'm at the pub." I replied.
She said, "I think the baby's coming!"
I said, "Well, he won't get in. He's underage."

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So that the neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"
Also, so that I can still take her breath away, after all these years...

Well me and the wife have doggy s**... every night.

I sit at the end of the bed panting and begging and she rolls over and plays dead

The Heart Attack

THE HEART ATTACK
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband n**... lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to use the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son says
"Mummy mummy, aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom
right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is
her sister, totally n**... and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten b**...', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
n**... playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

What's the difference between Jesus and a panting of Jesus?

The painting only takes one nail to hang up.

a cannibal family is sitting at the dinner table...

finishing up, when the youngest cannibal comes rushing in, panting, "am i too late?" the dad replies, picking his teeth "yep, everyone's already eaten".

A man runs into a bar.

Panting, he tells the bartender, Give me five shots of your best whiskey; quick!
The bartender pours the drinks and the man knocks them all back within seconds.
Why you drinking so fast? asks the perplexed bartender.
You'd drink fast too, if you were me. says the man.
Why, what do you have? asks the bartender.
* A dollar."*

Things to expect when you're expecting

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. After a bit, his cellphone rings and he answers it to hear his pregnant wife on the line out of breath and panting loudly. "Where are you!" she moans. "I'm down at the bar," the guy replies. "I think the baby is coming!" she gasps. "Well he won't get in," the guy says. "He's underage."

A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband...

A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband, she is panting and shaking.
_Wife:_ We have to fire the chauffeur, it's the second time he's tried to kill me!
_Husband:_ Come on, honey. You gotta give him another chance!

A man runs up to the conductor of a train that is about to depart from a station in Paris...

A man runs up to the conductor of a train that is about to depart from a station in Paris. Panting, he asks the conductor:
"Excuse me, does this train go to Toulouse?"
"Non monsieur," replies the conductor.
"Zis train goes 'WOOOOT WOOOOOOT!'"

A man and his new guard dog

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The guy orders a beer and the dog flops down on the floor and immediately starts l**... its b**.... "This is my new attack dog," the guy tells the bartender. "He's very dangerous." The bartender looks at the dog that is still flopped down, panting, l**.... "He doesn't look too scary from here, he's more interested in his b**...." "Oh, don't mind that," the guy replies. "He just got done biting my lawyer. He's still trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

Golf joke

Golfer decides to have a drink after a solo round of golf and heads in to the clubhouse.
Golfer [panting]: I'm spent. I just played 18 holes.
Gay bartender: Amateur.

An American walks into an Irish bar

he says " I'm from Texas and challenge any Pom to a drinking challenge. 10 drinks in 10 minutes you win 100 pounds!"
p**... yells "I'll take you on!" , and runs out of the bar. No one challenges the y**... for 20 minutes until p**... comes back in the door panting.
y**... says "where the h**... were you?"
p**... says " I ran to the bar down the the road to see if I could do it.

A Carnival worker and a woman get married

The couple, being good Christians never have relations until their wedding night. As the woman ends up finally seeing the Carney's room, notices that he has shelves and shelves of stuffed animals.
They finally do the deed. As they are laying there exasperated, she, panting, asks her husband So how was it? He replied You may have any animal off of the 2 shelf.

Panting joke, A Carnival worker and a woman get married