Panties Jokes

Get ready for some knee-slapping fun! Read through this hilarious collection of jokes about panties, granny panties, bras, lacy panties, and even pantyhose! Whether you're looking to spice up your next party or just need a good chuckle, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.

Laughter Panties Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

My magical watch just told me you aren't wearing any panties.

Oh, you are? Hmmmmm...must be an hour off...

Little old lady goes to a dentist...

A little old lady goes to the dentist.

She walks in to the dentists office, sits down, drops her panties, and lifts her legs.

Rather flustered the Dentist says, "I'm sorry madam, I'm not a gynaecologist!"

She says, "I know you're not, I just need my husband's teeth back!"

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

jokes about panties

A middle aged lady decides to revamp her sex life with her husband.

She asks her friends what she should do and the concensus is to get some sexy lingerie and surprise him. So she goes out and buys a lacy bra and crotchless panties. That night when her husband is in bed watching TV she appears in the doorway wearing the lingerie and says 'hey big boy! Fancy some of this?', he looks over casually, his eyes widen, he sits bolt upright in the bed and shouts 'fuck no! Look what it did to your panties!'.

Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.

They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.

One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."

The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

nsfw Wife's New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."

Panties joke, nsfw Wife's New Panties

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat...

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'

Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine !

Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'

Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

Girls on GoneWild

Q: Why do girls on gonewild wear panties?

A: So that their ankles would keep warm

My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Why do witches not wear panties?

You get better grip on the brooms.

You can explore panties pantyhose reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean panties lingerie dad jokes. There are also panties puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...

"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."

The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"

"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."

"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.

"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and panties."

Panty Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties."

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.

When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"

"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da panties, Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"

Patriotism

A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her panties and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"

Hygienic!

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn`t wearing any panties. So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any panties.

She said, "I don't know if it's cooler but sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.

What is the difference between one night stand, long relationship and marriage?

in one night stand you tear off the panties

in long relationship you gently remove the panties

in marriage you wash and dry the panties. then fold them and put them in the clothes cupboard.

Panties joke, What is the difference between one night stand, long relationship and marriage?

Why do blondes were panties?

To keep their ankles warm.

What's the worst thing about a woman's panties?

Your nuts hang out the side.

A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change

A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early

When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and panties."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.

"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Old joke for Halloween. Why do witches not wear panties?

For better grip on the broom

From grandma: Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In memory of all the faces that were buried there.

My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work.

But he types really well.

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

What does every woman have in her panties?

A career.

Did you know that witches don't wear panties?

It's so they can get a better grip on the broomstick.

Panties joke, Did you know that witches don't wear panties?

My girlfriend asked me to take off her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

And so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

newlyweds

On their wedding night as the recently married couple undress, the groom takes his pants off and hands them to her.

"Try them on"
"They're too big"
"Exactly and now you know who wears the pants"

She then takes off her panties and tosses them to him.

"Put them on"
"I can't get in them. They're too small"
"And you won't be getting in them until you change your attitude"

Mommy! The boys at school pay me to climb trees!

"Honey, they only want you to do that so they can see your panties!"
Yeah, I know, that's why I take them off.

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip the broom.

In the locker room after the game...

The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and panties and starts to put them on.

His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"

Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."

Why don't witches wear panties?

Better grip

Sexy time with my girlfriend

So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and panties!"
I took off her bra and panties.
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"

One more for the road. Abu Al Abid went to USA for the first time,

He opened a furniture shop & a lingerie shop.
In 6 months....
he made a good business.
.
He sends an email to his wife saying:
Please rush, pack up & come to USA,
I sold 100 mattresses and 5000 panties.
I made $100,000.
She replies:
It is better that you close your shop and come back fast.
With 1 mattress & with no panties
I made $300,000.. ...

An Indian joke translated to english

A teenage girl wearing a skirt climbing up a staircase sees boys on the ground floor looking up and laughing. She goes to her mom and complains.

Girl: "Mom, boys saw me climbing up the stairs and were laughing"

Mom: "Oh dear, they must be laughing cuz they could see your panties"

Girl: "But I wasn't wearing any!"

My best friend got mad at me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that they were still on her. Or that all of his family was there too. Needless to say it made the rest of the funeral really awkward.

My friend got angry at me for sniffing his sister's panties.

It didn't help that they were still on her.

Or that their whole family was watching.

This made the rest of the funeral quite awkward.

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's panties right off!!!

They've been giving me a wedgie all day. 😎

I can't wait to get home and rip off my girlfriends panties,

they're really starting to chaffe my thighs.

My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did

Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. Then she told me to take off her bra and panties so I did. Then she told me to never wear her things again

I gently slid her panties to the side...

....so I could fit her socks into the drawer

A husband buys a dozen of panties of the same colour for his wife.

His wife protests: " Why the same colour, people will think i don't change my panties."

Husband asks" which people?

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

Two lawyers are leaving the office.

"I can't wait to get home," says one. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off."

"I know the feeling," says the other.

"No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."

As a man i avoid wearing pink shirts or anything too feminine ..

thats why my bra and panties are always black.

What do Japanese people say when someone takes their panties?

"Those aren't ja-panese!"

My 11 year old just said she made this up. I had to share.

Do old women wear panties or thongs????

Depends

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your panties, she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

She told me to remove the bra, so i did. Then she told me to remove the panties, so i did. Then she looked me the eyes and said

Stop wearing my underwear.

Panties aren't the best thing in the world

But they're REAL close to it...

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

daughter : MOM I JUST GOT $10 FOR CLIMBING A TREE

mom : those boys just wanted to see your panties.

daughter : yea i know. i took off my panties before climbing

My wife came into the bedroom & said "Take off my bra"......

So I took her bra off.

She then said "Take off my panties"

So I took her panties off.

She then said "Stop wearing my underwear!!"

What does nail polish and panties have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about

how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

Becky discussing with her friend Karen

Becky: Last week, my uncle was taking pictures of me and asked me to climb up a ladder so he could get a better angle.

Karen: did you do it?.. it was just an excuse to see your panties.

Becky: I know. That's why I took it off before climbing the ladder.

A lady of the house lost three pairs of expensive panties and blamed the maid, in front of her husband.

The maid looked at the husband and said "Sir, you're my witness. You know I never wear panties."

A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.

As they are undressing for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.

"Here, try these on," he says.

"What? Why?" she says.

"Just put them on," he insists.

"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."

"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."

"Got it," she says, slipping off her panties and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."

He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.

"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your panties!"

"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

A mother says to her young son, "It's high time you learned the difference between a man and a woman."

"Take off my shirt," she says. So he takes off her shirt.

"Take off my pants," she says. So he takes off her pants.

"Take off my bra," she says. So he takes off her bra.

"Take off my panties," she says. So he takes off her panties.

Then the mother says to her son, "I don't want you ever to wear my clothes in public again!"

My Encounter With My Step-Mom

My step mom came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, Now off with my skirt. I did, and she continued, Now take off my stockings. And when I did that, she said, Now my bra and the panties. I took them off. She continued, And don't ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!

When I get get home I'm ripping my wife's panties off

They're starting to chafe

My step-sister walked into my room one day and

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.

Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Bought the ex wife some crotchless panties for Halloween...

Nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.

I just can't stop ogling at hot 18 year olds dressed in nothing but panties.

I could say I've a knicker teen addiction.

It was just announced that William Shatner's womens' lingerie company has been discontinued.

Apparently "Shatner Panties" isn't a great name for an underwear brand.

William Shatner just discontinued his line of ladies lingerie

Apparently Shatner Panties was not a good choice of name!

Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy...

Her mother says, "Where'd you get the money for that!?"

Sally laughs and says, "Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn't climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!"

Her mother shakes her head. "You dummy! He was just trying to get a peek at your panties!"

"Oh no!" Little Sally says, embarrassed.

But the next day, she comes home with two bags of candy.

Her mother says, "Did Little Johnny pay you to climb the flag pole again!??"

"Yes!" says Little Sally. "But I sure fooled him! I didn't even wear any panties!"

Take off my bra, said my wife, so I took off her bra. Now take off my panties, she said, and I took off her panties.

Then she said, If I ever catch you wearing them again ...

Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.

Once done, one uses her panties to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.


The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any panties!"


"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Why don't witches wear panties?

To get a better grip on the broomstick.

[Translated] A man saw a good deal and bought 20 panties of the same pattern and color to his wife.

Wife : Oh My God,now people will think I never change my panties.

Husband : Which people?

(Hope the joke didnt get lost in translation)

My wife told me to take off her shirt

I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt off. "Take off my shoes" I took off her shoes. "Now my stockings, bra, and panties!" I took all of them off. Then she looks at me and said, "I dont want to catch you wearing my things ever again!"

2 wives go on a girls night out

On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.

The first takes off her panties and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.

The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:

"No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no panties. "

The other husband says:

"Thats nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. "

He gently slid her panties to one side...

...so the rest of her socks would fit in the drawer.

I was shopping for lingerie for my girlfriend. I asked if their panties were satin.

They said "No. They're new."

Why do women have flowers on the front of thier panties?

In memory of all the faces buried there.

Sales of William Shatners new line of women's lingerie have been shockingly low

Maybe Shatner Panties wasn't the best brand name

A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry.

Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her!
Furious, she questions her husband.

The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!"

The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here."

"Nah," said the husband musingly, "she doesn't even wear panties.

Two cowboys walk into a bar and sit down for a drink.

A woman sitting next to them drinking her martin starts choking on her olive.

One cowboy says to the other cowboy, "I'm going to help that there woman." He looks at her and says, "Are you choking?" And she nods yes. "Do you want me to help you?" Again she nods yes.

With that, the cowboy lifts up her dress, pulls down her panties, and licks her bare butt. She gets so flustered she spits out the olive and he saves her life.

As the cowboy sits down next to his friend he says, "That there hind lick maneuver works every time."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the panties glove and panties puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working panties granny panties piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes