pant Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pant puns

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.


These pants fit like a cheap hotel...

No ballroom.



LUST : Tearing her panties off.

Love : Sliding them down gently

Marriage : Folding them regularly



How many animals can you fit in a pantyhose?
10 little piggies
2 calves
1 ass
1 beaver
A bunch of hares and..
1 fish that no one can find.


Panty Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties."

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.

When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"

"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da panties, Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"


Panties aren't the best thing in the world

But they're REAL close to it...


Why did the chemist's pants keep falling down?

He had no *acetol*.


What are Mario's pants made of?

Denim denim denim.


Off With The Panties

Two neighbor women are taking their weekly walk together, when one of the women begins to complain about the heat.

The other lady states, "I took my panties off three blocks ago, and now I'm much cooler. You should really try it." "I don't know. That seems kind of weird, but I guess I'll try it" the first lady replied.

After a couple blocks, she confesses that the wind making its way up her skirt is refreshing indeed.

Two blocks later, the women notice another woman sitting on her porch, eating watermelon. The woman is also wearing a skirt, and undoubtedly has no underwear on.

The first lady exclaims "Isn't it so much cooler to sit outside with no panties on?!" The woman replies "I don't know about being cooler, but it sure keeps the flies away from the watermelon!"


So a buddy of mine was riding his motorcycle...

(This is a joke that my own, dearest father got me with today.)

...and, you know how the underneath of the bike can get pretty hot, under the motor. Well, his boot caught fire! He looks down, and sees that it spread to his pant leg, so he reaches down and tries to pat it out with his glove, and his damn shirt sleeve caught fire! So he pulls the bike over immediately, and he's patting at the flames trying to put himself out, when a cop pulls up behind him, jumps out of the squad, and says, "I'm placing you under arrest!" And my buddy's, like, "What the hell did I do? I'm on fire, here!" And the cop tells him "You're under arrest for having an unauthorized fire arm."

My dad. I love 'im.


"Don't get your panties in a bunch" is terrible advice

They're bound to be more expensive when purchased separately.


What did the pants say to the belt?

Don't let me down


No Pants Grandpa

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck... so this was your Grandma's idea."


What are Mario's pants made out of?




The General was reviewing the troops during camouflage training when suddenly a tree trunk starts jumping around.

"Soldier, what are you doing?" screamed the General.

"When the bird shit on my arm, I didn't move a muscle," said the private. "And when the dog pissed on my leg, I kept still. But when two squirrels ran up my pant leg, and the big one says to the little one 'We'll eat one now and save the other for later'. Well sir, I jumped!"


What do pantyhose and Brooklyn have in common?



Did you get those pants on sale?

Cause they'd be 100% off at my place.


Do these pants make my butt look fat?

No, but those glasses do.


I went to a Pantheist forest yesterday.

I tried to read the map, but all it said was, "You are HERE"


How are new pants like a sub-par mansion?

There's no ball room


Why are the golfer's pants never wrinkled?

Because he has 9 irons


Not my panties

A wife goes on a retreat for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her.
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry!"
So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her.
Indignant, the maid replies, "Madam, how should I know? These panties don't belong to me. I don't even wear panties just ask your husband!"


What do you get when you pants the Pillsbury boy?

Dough nuts!


Teacher: Why do many bald men have torn pant pockets?

Johnny: Sometimes, they too feel like stroking their hair...


I like my pants like I like my women...

Skinny and cheap


A pirate walks into a bar...

So a little pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pant and orders a drink. The bartender give him the drink but first asks, "Doesn't that steering wheel bother you? It looks uncomfortable."
The pirate replies "Argh!! Its driving me nuts!!"


Tell me

"Tell me when you've come," I panted to my wife as I pumped away.

"2007 and twice in 2013." she said.


If Hillary Clinton stripped off her pant suit, what would you see?



These pants are not gay.

They come straight from the closet.


I got in my wife's pants this morning.

She wasn't too happy once she found out.


Nothing gets panties wet like a Navier-Stokes equation.

It's not called fluid mechanics for nothing.


Why were the pants so sad?

You can't spell pantalones without alone.


Why are a golfer's pants always straight?

Because he has 9 irons


What's the difference between Gordon Ramsey and a run in the countryside?

One's a pant in the country.

The other's a c××t in the pantry.


I didn't like my pants because they were too tight

But then they grew on me


What are the most funny Pant jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pant? Well, here are the best Pant dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pant pick up lines to share with friends.

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