The Best 76 Panda Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Panda jokes. There are some panda monkey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these panda dead panda puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Panda Jokes and Puns
A panda walks into a cáfe.
He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.
Why? Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.
I'm a panda, he says at the door, look it up.
The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves
Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves
Panda and a Prostitute
A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'
China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.
I think it was just panda ring.
A panda walks into a restaurant
He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says "Hey what was that for!?" The panda replies "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary." Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word "panda."
"Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves."
Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab?
Because it will create pandamonium
A panda walks into a restaurant
and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!
"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."
What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him?
Shoots him 8 times in the black.
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"
A panda bear walks into a resturant..
And orders some food, after his meal the server comes out and asks how everything was and the panda bear pulls a gun a shoots him. The manager comes out and says "hey man what's going on?" The panda bear replies "I'm a panda bear Google it.." and leaves. The manager curiously Googled panda bear and was reading "panda bear: black and white bear, eats chutes and leaves."
What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.
A koala, a bear and a panda owned tea shops...
But which one was the best?
The Koala's, as it was the most Koala-Tea.
You can explore panda macaque reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean panda distinct dad jokes. There are also panda puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?
Because all of their broads are in Atlanta
A panda walks into a bar
sits down and asks the bartender for food. after eating, gets up, takes out a gun and kills the bartender. as he is leaving, a shocked onlooker asks him "why did you do that?" and he answers "Hey. I'm a Panda. It's what I do."
in confusion, they look it up in an encyclopedia.
Panda. Mammal. Eats shoots and leaves.
A panda walks into a bar
He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."
"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"
"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...
What is Po's (Kung Fu Panda) dominant colour?
White because his father returned.
A Panda Walks Into a Bar
A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up, stretches, and pulls out a gun. He proceeds to shoot everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."
A Panda walks into a bar..
and asks the bartender if he can get a scotch...
.....
...and coke.
The bartender replies "Sure thing, but why the big pause?"
The Panda shrugs, lifts up his hands, and says "Was born with them."
The giant panda is no longer endangered...
It's now extinct
A panda walks into a bar...
And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'
What are the two oldest animals on Earth?
The Zebra and the Panda. Because we see them in black and white.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda.
I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
How do you confuse a panda?
You bamboo-zle it.
A panda once hid his food in order to get more.
The zookeepers were bamboozeled.
Panda walks into a bar...
...orders some food and everything seems fine. After he finishes. He pulls out a gun and starts shooting everything. As he is leaving the bartender jumps up and says, "what was that for?" Panda says, "I am a panda. Look it up." The bartender pulls out a dictionary and reads....
"Panda - eats shoots and leaves."
Did you hear the one about the panda who cheated people of their money?
I heard he bamboozled them
How does a panda do a one night stand?
Eats, shoots, and leaves.
A panda bear with a gun walks into a pub and orders some food.
He eats, shoots and leaves
What happened to the dude tricked by a panda?
He was bamboo-zled!
What do you get if you cross Human DNA and Panda DNA?
Banned from the zoo. Trust me, I found out the hard way.
A panda walks into a bar...
A panda walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says, "Can I get a
.
.
.
.
glass of water?"
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"
*ba-dum-tshh*
Did you hear about the Panda at the Philadelphia Zoo who had his meal time changed?
He was bamboo-zled.
How does a panda act when you startle it?
Bamboozled.
My lover always dresses as a panda when we are in bed
Unfortunately, I don't think we'll last; he just eats shoots and leaves.
Why are Pandas untrustworthy?
They bamboozle you.
What do you call a lying panda?
A bamboozle
A panda walks into a bar.
He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.
What is a panda afraid of?
Bam-boo
So a panda walks into a bar...
He sits down and orders: I'd like one whiskey.......and a coke please
The bartender brings him his drinks and asks:" Here you go, but why the big pause?"
The panda looks down to his hands and says:" I was born with them"
To spell Panda
You just need P and A
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
After eating, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and leaves.
Next day, the headlines read *Panda eats shoots and leaves!*
To spell Panda, all you need is
P and A
What's the difference between a panda and a cop in an ethnic restaurant?
A panda eats chutes and leaves. The cop eats, shoots and leaves.
Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie
Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man
A panda walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he knew any prostitute around so he points to this lady sitting afar so he goes over and talks to her and both of them head to a motel... After they finish she asks him
"Arent you going to pay me?" The panda was surprised and asked her why... She told him to look up prostitute and it clearly said (has sex in exchange for money) the panda laughed and told her to look up panda and it said "eats bush and leaves"
A panda walks into a bar
He orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams Why?! The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads: Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.
Why is a man like a panda?
Because he eats shoots and leaves.
The killer panda
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."
So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."
Why don't bisexuals eat at Panda Express?
Because they're always telling them to pick a side.
A lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie...
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom...
What's black and white, black and white and black and white?
A panda bear rolling down a hill
Why is the panda so likely to shoot up a restaurant?
He eats shoots and leaves.
Sweet jeebus, this panda is hurt! Quick call the
bamboolance.
Who would be the mascot against racism?
A panda!
He's black
He's white
Hes Asian!
What doea a panda call a jumpscare?
bamBOO
What is white, black and Asian
A panda
A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people every time they tell a lie...
Dad: what were you watching?
Son: Kung-Fu Panda
*\*robot slaps son\**
Son: Ok! It was an erotic movie.
Dad: WHAT?! When I was your age i didn't even know what an erotic movie was
*\*robot slaps dad\**
Mum: HAHAHA!!! He's your son after all
*\*robot slaps mum\**
A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger, downs it in a few bites, pulls out a gun and shoots two bullets into the roof.
On his way to the door the waiter exclaims why the f*ck did you do that?!
To which the tired looking panda rolls his eyes and tosses a torn up wildlife manual across the counter, i'm a panda, look it up... before casually walking out the exit
After finding the relevant chapter the waiter reads:
Panda: Large black and white bear-like mammal; eats, shoots and leaves.
A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute
The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.' The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'
An armed panda bear and a scientist walk into a bar.
The panda orders a sandwich, eats it, shoots the scientist, and walks out of the bar.
The scientist explains while dying: a panda bear eats chutes and leaves
People tell me we should be preserving endangered species.
But you offer someone a jar of your pickled panda and they lose their shit.
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant. He is shown to his seat and orders some food. When he is done eating, he pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter. The chef runs out of the kitchen and asks the panda "what did you do!?!?" The panda responds, "I'm a panda, look it up" and walks away. the chef looks on his phone and looks up panda. The first result says "pandas eat shoots and leaves"
Why do panda bears keep buying bamboo?
They just like the stock!
"Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend."
He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.
A panda goes to a restaurant.
After finishing his meal, he takes out a gun and shoots 3 shots at the ceiling. He then exits the restaurant. A guy outside who saw the whole thing asks, Hey! Why'd you do that?!
The panda replies, I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary.
Panda: eats shoots and leaves
A dad buys a lie detector robot and it slaps anyone who lies
The dad asks his son, where were you today ? And the son says, at school and the robot slaps him. Then the son says ok, ok, ok,... I was watching Kung Fu Panda . Then the robot slaps him again. So the sons says fine...I was hanging out with a girl. And the dad goes what? You're too young to hang out with girls I never hung out with girls at your age and the robot slaps him. Then the mom starts laughing and says well he is your son after all and the robot slaps her.
A panda walks into a bar...
A panda walks into a bar. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
"Why? Why are you behaving in this strange, un-panda-like fashion?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda walks towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
"Panda: Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
Why did the panda get drunk?
Because it had too much bamboos. (courtesy of my 10 year old).
Panda's Day Out
A panda walks into high-end restaurant and sits down at a table. A waiter quickly asks for the order and brings it to him after thirty minutes.
After the delicious meal, the panda asks for the bill. As soon as the waiter brings it, the panda whips out a pistol and shoots him. The waiter dies on the spot and the panda runs away.
The police are called and owner explains the situation. But the police refuse to investigate. When the puzzled owner enquires why, the police just show a dictionary. It says,
"*Panda: A type of bear that eats shoots and leaves*"
A panda bear walks into a restaurant
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out of the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading 'Panda'. It reads:
'Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.'
What do you say when a panda tells a bad joke?
bamBOOOOOOO!
idk what to put the title as
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........
The man decided to try it out at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?
Son: At school
*The robot slaps the son*
Son: OK! I was at my friend's house watching a DVD
Dad: Which one?
Son: Kung Fu Panda
*The robot slaps the son again.*
Son: Ok! It was an erotic movie.
Dad: What!? When I was your age I didn't even know what an erotic movie was.
*The robot slaps the dad.*
Mom: HAHAHAHA. He is your son after all!
*The robot slaps the mom.*
Panda death fact
Did you know that when a panda dies it actually gets bigger?
That is because it becomes an ex-panda.
Pandas have finally started breeding together in captivity
According to staffers, the place just suddenly erupted into panda-moan-ium
What do you call a panda fetus?
The bear minimum.
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo…
When he's finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.
When the guns empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, Hey! What the hell, man?
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling bear of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats bamboo shoots and leaves.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the panda panda bears jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working panda chimp piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.