Panda Jokes
165 panda jokes and hilarious panda puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about panda that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good giggle? Check out this hilarious collection of Panda Jokes. These ursine-themed puns and quips will put a smile on your face. Whether you're a fan of firefox or the macaque monkey, you're sure to get a kick out of these jolly jokes. Enjoy!
Quick Jump To
- Short Panda Jokes
- Panda One Liners
- Panda Bear Jokes
- Panda Bamboo Jokes
- Kung Fu Panda Jokes
- Panda Day Jokes
- More Panda Jokes
Funniest Panda Short Jokes
Short panda jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The panda humour may include short penguin jokes also.
- The waiter asked me how I like my steak. I said rare. He said you're in luck, today's special is panda.
- What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him? Shoots him 8 times in the black.
- What are the two oldest animals on Earth? The zebra and the Panda. Because we see them in black and white.
- What's black and white, black and white and black and white? A panda bear rolling down a hill
- What do you get if you cross Human DNA and Panda DNA? Banned from the zoo. Trust me, I found out the hard way.
- What's the difference between a panda and a cop in an ethnic restaurant? A panda eats chutes and leaves. The cop eats, shoots and leaves.
- A man with a black eye Walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says 'Wow, rough night?.' The man replies back, 'no my dads a panda.'
- What do you say when a panda tells a bad joke? bamBOOOOOOO!
- Why don't bisexuals eat at Panda Express? Because they're always telling them to pick a side.
- Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man
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Panda One Liners
Which panda one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with panda? I can suggest the ones about koala and tiger.
- 6 yr old son made this up. What do exploding pandas eat? BAMBOOM!
- To spell Panda You just need P and A
- How do you confuse a panda? You bamboo-zle it.
- Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab? Because it will create pandamonium
- To spell Panda, all you need is P and A
- What's a panda's favorite cooking utensil? A pan.. duh??
- What is a panda afraid of? Bam-boo
- What do you call a panda fetus? The bear minimum.
- The bears in China discovered a new element... It's Panda-monium
- How does a panda act when you startle it? Bamboozled.
- What do a zoo owner and a Python data analyst have in common? They both import pandas.
- Who would be the mascot against racism? A panda!
He's black
He's white
Hes Asian! - Sweet jeebus, this panda is hurt! Quick call the bamboolance.
- What is Po's (Kung Fu Panda) dominant colour? White because his father returned.
- How is a cop like a panda? Eats, shoots, and leaves.
Panda Bear Jokes
Here is a list of funny panda bear jokes and even better panda bear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A koala, a bear and a panda owned tea shops... But which one was the best?
The Koala's, as it was the most Koala-Tea. - What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.
- Why do panda bears keep buying bamboo? They just like the stock!
- A panda bear with a gun walks into a pub and orders some food. He eats, shoots and leaves
- Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter? Seems it's a story, that bear's repeating.
- How did the Panda defend his honor without a weapon? He used his bear hands.
- I'm sorry I haven't got back to you but I've been handcuffed to a panda So bear with me
- I stole all the panda bears' food. They were bamboozled.
- What do you need if you're wanting to cook Asian bear meat? A panda
- What does a Panda bear have in common with a robber at a restaurant? Eats shoots and leaves
Panda Bamboo Jokes
Here is a list of funny panda bamboo jokes and even better panda bamboo puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the Panda at the Philadelphia Zoo who had his meal time changed? He was bamboo-zled.
- What happened to the dude tricked by a panda? He was bamboo-zled!
- Why did the panda get drunk? Because it had too much bamboos. (courtesy of my 10 year old).
- What do scary pandas eat? BamBOO!
- What doea a panda call a jumpscare? bamBOO
- Why did the panda bring a bamboo to the fight? Because bamboo shoots.
- Why did the panda travel to Wall Street? To buy bamboo stalks!
- What does a panda eat on Halloween? BamBOO
- What are the three combined sounds that PANDAS hate? NO!;
BAM!; and,
BOO!
no bamboo - Why did all the female pandas want to mate with that one male panda? Because he had the big bamboo.
Kung Fu Panda Jokes
Here is a list of funny kung fu panda jokes and even better kung fu panda puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Kung Fu Panda's Script In the first draft for Kung Fu Panda's script the country of origin was written as TH, instead of CHN. However, it was just a Thai Po.
- I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
- What do you call a Kung Fu Panda President? The PoeTUS
- What do call it when you loan a cop Kung-Fu Panda Po-lease
- I guess you can say that Kung Fu Panda 3 is pretty CHIsy
Panda Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny panda day jokes and even better panda day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. After eating, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and leaves.
Next day, the headlines read *Panda eats shoots and leaves!* - What do you call the day the pandas go extinct ? A pandamonium
Howlingly Hilarious Panda Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about panda you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean koala bear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make panda pranks.
A panda walks into a cáfe.
He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.
Why? Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.
I'm a panda, he says at the door, look it up.
The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves
Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves
Panda and a p**...
A panda spent the night in bed with a p**.... The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'
China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.
I think it was just panda ring.
A panda walks into a restaurant
He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says "Hey what was that for!?" The panda replies "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary." Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word "panda."
"Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves."
Where do Pandas live?
On the road to Extinction.
A panda walks into a restaurant
and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!
"The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling-mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white-coloring. Eats, shoots and leaves."
A Panda goes into a bar and is asked what he would like to drink, the panda says 'I would like a....
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... Pint of Guinness please. The bartender says, sure no problem but why the big pause?
Panda
Two guys are walking in a bamboo forest when the spot a panda. One says to the other "Dude, that panda just ate an entire bamboo shoot!" The panda then pulls out a gun and shoots the one man. The other man says "Why did you shoot my friend?" The panda tosses him an encyclopedia and says "I'm a panda, look it up." The panda bear walks off as the man skims through the pages. He finds the panda entry and reads it aloud. "Panda Bear: Eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."
Did you hear about the gangster panda?
It eats shoots and leaves.
A panda walks into a bar...
A panda walks into a bar, orders a sandwich, eats it, shoots the bartender, and leaves.
As he gets outside, someone on the sidewalk asks why he would do such a horrible thing. The panda replies, "Look up panda in the dictionary. It says eats chutes and leaves."
What's the most obvious name you can give a Panda?
Pan, duh!
How many pandas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Technically, just two, but it is really hard to get them to breed in captivity.
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"
What do you call an all panda furry o**...?
Panda-moan-ium
A panda bear walks into a resturant..
And orders some food, after his meal the server comes out and asks how everything was and the panda bear pulls a gun a shoots him. The manager comes out and says "hey man what's going on?" The panda bear replies "I'm a panda bear Google it.." and leaves. The manager curiously Googled panda bear and was reading "panda bear: black and white bear, eats chutes and leaves."
What do you call a con artist panda?
A bamboozler
Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?
Because all of their broads are in Atlanta
A panda walks into a bar
sits down and asks the bartender for food. after eating, gets up, takes out a gun and kills the bartender. as he is leaving, a shocked onlooker asks him "why did you do that?" and he answers "Hey. I'm a Panda. It's what I do."
in confusion, they look it up in an encyclopedia.
Panda. Mammal. Eats shoots and leaves.
A panda walks into a bar
He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."
"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"
"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.
Have you heard that China's panda project is disastrously failing?
All of the pandas are dying of pneumonia.
It's causing pandaneumonium.
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...
I told my parents I wanted a panda for christmas.
all I got was a white x6
What's black, white, asian, and mexican?
A lazy panda.
I don't like black and white jewelry.
I feel like it's panda ring.
A panda is the greatest restaurant assassin.
It eats shoots and leaves.
Why is a panda a lot like Charles Barkley at basketball practice?
He eats shoots and leaves
If a red panda is caught stealing, what do you call it?
It was caught Red Panded
A Panda Walks Into a Bar
A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up, stretches, and pulls out a gun. He proceeds to shoot everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."
A Panda walks into a bar..
and asks the bartender if he can get a scotch...
.....
...and coke.
The bartender replies "Sure thing, but why the big pause?"
The Panda shrugs, lifts up his hands, and says "Was born with them."
The giant panda is no longer endangered...
It's now extinct
A panda walks into a bar...
And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'
What does a g**... at a carribean festival have in common with a panda?
He eats shoots and leaves!
What does a panda say when it's out of food?
c**...
What do you call a Panda who eats, shoots, and leaves?
A Pandit.
(bandit)
OC by BatManBenJamIn
A panda once hid his food in order to get more.
The zookeepers were bamboozeled.
What do a Zebra and a Panda have in common?
It's pretty black and white
My karate teacher insited I learnt mantis style
I learnt panda style instead
came back with two black eyes
What killed Snoop Panda?
No Bamboozle
Panda walks into a bar...
...orders some food and everything seems fine. After he finishes. He pulls out a gun and starts shooting everything. As he is leaving the bartender jumps up and says, "what was that for?" Panda says, "I am a panda. Look it up." The bartender pulls out a dictionary and reads....
"Panda - eats shoots and leaves."
Did you hear the one about the panda who cheated people of their money?
I heard he bamboozled them
How does a panda do a one night stand?
Eats, shoots, and leaves.
What did the customer say about Panda Express's Internet Security?
It had nice Authentic Asian.
Why don't you want a panda in your restaurant?
Because it eats, shoots, and leaves.
A panda walks into a bar...
A panda walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says, "Can I get a
.
.
.
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glass of water?"
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"
*ba-dum-tshh*
What happens when you drop a religious panda in the middle of a crowded public place?
Mass Pandamonium
My lover always dresses as a panda when we are in bed
Unfortunately, I don't think we'll last; he just eats shoots and leaves.
Why did the Doctor think the Panda had a concussion?
It kept calling saying its head was fuzzy.
Why are Pandas untrustworthy?
They bamboozle you.
A panda walks into a restaurant
And is promptly tasered by the waiter.
What do you call a lying panda?
A bamboozle
A panda walks into a restaurant...
A panda walks into a restaurant. He orders some food,then shoots the waiter dead. Then he gets up to leave. The manager said: "Hey! What are you doing?! You shot my waiter!" The panda said: "What did you expect? I'm a PANDA. Look me up!" The manager looks up the definition. "The panda: and animal of black and white coloring that eats, shoots,and leaves."
A panda walks into a bar.
He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.
What do you called a confused Panda?
Bamboozaled
A group dressed in panda masks tried to rob a bank...
It was an embarrassment.
So a panda walks into a bar...
He sits down and orders: I'd like one whiskey.......and a coke please
The bartender brings him his drinks and asks:" Here you go, but why the big pause?"
The panda looks down to his hands and says:" I was born with them"
A panda walks into a bar.
Pandas are now endangered again.
A panda walks into a restaurant
He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and leaves without paying.
The police question the panda.
They ask why he did it
The panda says to look up 'panda' in the dictionary.
Dictionary:
/Panda/
Eats shoots and leaves.
A panda walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he knew any p**... around so he points to this lady sitting afar so he goes over and talks to her and both of them head to a motel... After they finish she asks him
"Arent you going to pay me?" The panda was surprised and asked her why... She told him to look up p**... and it clearly said (has s**... in exchange for money) the panda laughed and told her to look up panda and it said "eats bush and leaves"
A panda walks into a bar
He orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams Why?! The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads: Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.
How did they know the panda was the one who robbed the resturant at gun point?
Panda's eat shoots and leaves
What do you call a panda preserve?
A soon-to-be Jurassic Park.
