Panda Bear Jokes
65 panda bear jokes and hilarious panda bear puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about panda bear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Panda Bear Short Jokes
Short panda bear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The panda bear humour may include short panda jokes also.
- What's black and white, black and white and black and white? A panda bear rolling down a hill
- A koala, a bear and a panda owned tea shops... But which one was the best?
The Koala's, as it was the most Koala-Tea. - What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.
- Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter? Seems it's a story, that bear's repeating.
- What does a Panda bear have in common with a robber at a restaurant? Eats shoots and leaves
- Are panda bear eggs black or white? That's it. That's the joke. Just ask it in a serious voice .
- What do you call a panda that graduates last in its class from medical school? Dr. Bear Li
- Why didn't the panda use a glove when playing baseball? Because he caught everything bear handed!
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Panda Bear One Liners
Which panda bear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with panda bear? I can suggest the ones about koala bear and polar bear.
- What do you call a panda fetus? The bear minimum.
- The bears in China discovered a new element... It's Panda-monium
- Why do panda bears keep buying bamboo? They just like the stock!
- A panda bear with a gun walks into a pub and orders some food. He eats, shoots and leaves
- How did the Panda defend his honor without a weapon? He used his bear hands.
- I'm sorry I haven't got back to you but I've been handcuffed to a panda So bear with me
- I stole all the panda bears' food. They were bamboozled.
- What do you need if you're wanting to cook Asian bear meat? A panda
- How are pandas made? You punch a polar bear in the eyes
- What do you call it when a panda bear disguises itself as a grizzly bear? Panda-ception
- Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda d to its every whim. - Why the panda bear has the shirt unbottoned? Because he was hot
- A panda bear walks into a bar eats, shoots and leaves.
- What's the best part about marrying a panda bear? Nobody notices the black eyes.
- Why don't pandas make good leaders? The responsibility would be too much to bear.
Comical & Quirky Panda Bear Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about panda bear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean panda bamboo jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make panda bear pranks.
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law.
The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary.
The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
A panda walks into a cáfe.
He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.
Why? Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.
I'm a panda, he says at the door, look it up.
The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves
Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves
China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.
I think it was just panda ring.
A panda walks into a restaurant
He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says "Hey what was that for!?" The panda replies "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary." Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word "panda."
"Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves."
A panda bear walks into a bar...
A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.
The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a p**..., kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop.
The panda bear asks, What do you want?
The bartender replies, First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.
The panda bear turns around and says, Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!
The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read:
Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
A married pair of Biologists are camping in China...
And after a long day of cataloging the various flora and fauna, they get down to a little love making...
When suddenly, the man feels an ungodly pressure in his stomach. He leaves hastily to the woods to find a suitable place to relieve himself, leaving his wife alone in the tent.
Outside the tent, she can hear a rustling, and after a few tense moments, a Panda sticks its head through the tent flap. It lurches in, tears off the woman's blanket and swiftly goes about l**... her lady parts with incredible skill.
Needless to say the woman is flabbergasted, but is taken by the sheer skill of the Panda's tongue, when suddenly, the Panda perks up its ears and scurries out of the tent and into the wilderness. The man returns moments later, having heard her cries of passion...
Amid gasps, she tells him about the Panda and its strange behavior. The man flips through his handbook to the section on Pandas to glean further information...
"Panda: An Asian species of bear, native to China. Eats bushes and leaves."
A panda walks into a bar.
He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She comes over and talks to the panda, and eventually the two of them go back to her place.
After having s**..., the panda abruptly leaves.
The next night the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?" says the panda.
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a p**...."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "p**...: Has s**... for money."
The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary.
It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
A panda walks into a bar...
A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having s**..., the panda abruptly leaves.
The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?"
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a p**...."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "p**...: Has s**... for money."
The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
3 Bears walk into a bar
I made up this joke in the shower the other day and have been trying to decide if it is a Great Bad joke or an Awful real joke. I hope you have an opinion on it.
A Black Bear, a Grizzly Bear, and a Panda walk into a bar.
The Black bear walks up to the bartender and says, "Excuse me sir, do you have any honey?"
The bartender says, "Sorry man, this is a bar. We don't serve honey."
The black bear says "Fine then! I'll take my business elsewhere!" and storms out.
After a moment, the grizzly bear walks up to the bar and says "Excuse me, do you have any salmon?"
The bartender sighs, and says "sorry man, we don't have any salmon."
Irritated, the Grizzly bear says 'Well then, I'm going to have to take my business elsewhere" and storms out.
The panda bear, who'd been watching the whole time walks up to the bar and plops down on a stool. He looks at the bartender and says "Jeez - those guys. Bunch of Amateurs, right?"
The bartender is a bit relieved as he says "Totally dude. Anyway, what can I get for you?"
The panda thinks for a minute and says "Oh, nothing fancy. I'll just take some bamboo."
WALKS INTO A BAR... r**... PANDA
A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having s**..., the panda abruptly leaves.The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?"
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a p**...."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "p**...: Has s**... for money."
The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary.
It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the panda at the door.
" Hey, you just shot my waiter and didn't even pay for your meal!" screams the manager.
The panda replies "I'm a panda, it's what I do. Look it up."
As the panda walks out the door the manager runs to his office and looks up panda in the dictionary:
Panda- A mammal from the bear family with black and white markings originating from the continent of Asia.
Eats chutes and leaves.
Look it up in the dictionary
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a p**..., kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading "Panda". It reads:
"panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves."
Panda
Two guys are walking in a bamboo forest when the spot a panda. One says to the other "Dude, that panda just ate an entire bamboo shoot!" The panda then pulls out a gun and shoots the one man. The other man says "Why did you shoot my friend?" The panda tosses him an encyclopedia and says "I'm a panda, look it up." The panda bear walks off as the man skims through the pages. He finds the panda entry and reads it aloud. "Panda Bear: Eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."
So a panda walks into a restaurant....
sits down and begins looking at the menu. The waiter quite taken aback by this panda decides he doesn't look dangerous and takes his order. The panda eats his meal, takes out a handgun, shoots a few rounds off and gets up to leave.
The waiter now freaking out asks the panda "Why would you do that?!?" In which the panda replies "look it up" and hands him a really c**... looking dictionary. The waiter thumbs through it and finds the word "Panda"
It says:
Panda: a bear-like mammal that Eats, shoots and leaves.
A panda bear walks into a resturant..
And orders some food, after his meal the server comes out and asks how everything was and the panda bear pulls a gun a shoots him. The manager comes out and says "hey man what's going on?" The panda bear replies "I'm a panda bear Google it.." and leaves. The manager curiously Googled panda bear and was reading "panda bear: black and white bear, eats chutes and leaves."
A panda walks into a restaurant
and orders some spaghetti. The waiter is surprised but still serves his order.
The panda eats the spaghetti slowly while reading a dictionary. After he is finished, he pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and exits the restaurant.
The manager is staggered by the turn of events and moves to check what the panda had left behind. He sees the open page on the dictionary and finds the following definition of 'panda':
"a large bear-like mammal with characteristic black-and-white markings, native to certain mountain forests in China. Eats shoots and leaves."
The real joke is in the commas
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation:
"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
A panda walks into a bar.
He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.
A Panda Walls into a Bar
A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having s**..., the panda abruptly leaves.
The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?"
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a p**...."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "p**...: Has s**... for money."
The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
Bamboo
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the panda at the door.
" Hey, you just shot my waiter!" screams the manager.
The panda replies "I'm a panda, it's what I do. Look it up."
As the panda walks out the door the manager runs to his office and looks up panda in the dictionary:
Panda\- A mammal from the bear family with black and white markings originating from the continent of Asia.
Eats shoots and leaves.
The killer panda
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."
So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."
A Panda Walks into a Bar
The Bartender is a little confused but hands the Panda a Menu.
The Panda points to a side of celery sticks, which the bartender quickly gives to him.
After a few moments of chomping loudly on the celery sticks, the panda abruptly gets up out of his chair, pulls out a gun, and fires several shots in the air!
Everyone freaks out but the Panda then makes his way to the door!
The frazzled Bartender asks the Panda,
Why do you do that?
The panda replies,
I'm a Panda! Look it up!
He leaves and the confused Bartender takes out his phone and looks up Panda, in the encyclopedia, to which he finds:
Panda- A black and white colored Chinese Bear-like animal. Eats, shoots, and leaves.
A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger, downs it in a few bites, pulls out a gun and shoots two bullets into the roof.
On his way to the door the waiter exclaims why the f*c**... did you do that?!
To which the tired looking panda rolls his eyes and tosses a torn up wildlife manual across the counter, i'm a panda, look it up... before casually walking out the exit
After finding the relevant chapter the waiter reads:
Panda: Large black and white bear-like mammal; eats, shoots and leaves.
An armed panda bear and a scientist walk into a bar.
The panda orders a sandwich, eats it, shoots the scientist, and walks out of the bar.
The scientist explains while dying: a panda bear eats chutes and leaves
A panda walks into a cafe...
A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit.
The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. "Well, I'm a panda," he says. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. **Eats, shoots and leaves.**"
\* Stolen from Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
A panda walks into a bar...
A panda walks into a bar. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
"Why? Why are you behaving in this strange, un-panda-like fashion?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda walks towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
"Panda: Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
Panda's Day Out
A panda walks into high-end restaurant and sits down at a table. A waiter quickly asks for the order and brings it to him after thirty minutes.
After the delicious meal, the panda asks for the bill. As soon as the waiter brings it, the panda whips out a p**... and shoots him. The waiter dies on the spot and the panda runs away.
The police are called and owner explains the situation. But the police refuse to investigate. When the puzzled owner enquires why, the police just show a dictionary. It says,
"*Panda: A type of bear that eats shoots and leaves*"
A panda bear walks into a restaurant
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a p**..., kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out of the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading 'Panda'. It reads:
'Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.'
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo…
When he's finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.
When the guns empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, Hey! What the h**..., man?
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling bear of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats bamboo shoots and leaves.
