Palm Jokes
123 palm jokes and hilarious palm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about palm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest jokes related to date palms, Google palms, hairy palms, palm trees, Palm Sunday, Palm Springs, and palm reading. Tightly grasp your sides as these jokes have you questioningly asking, "What do you call the fronds of a palm tree?" Get ready for the laughs with these palm jokes!
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Funniest Palm Short Jokes
Short palm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The palm humour may include short wrist jokes also.
- If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men? Palm Sunday.
First time posting, please be gentle. - Valentine's day Mothers have mothers day, father's have father's day, couples have valentine's day and I have palm sunday
- So I was at the bar the other night exchanging pleasantries with an attractive woman. She said she would like to read my palm... Okay!
She takes my hand and asks... "Do you come here often?" - After seeing a palm reader, I gave him my money. He held the note up to the light and frowned. "This is fake," he said.
I said, "Now you know what it feels like." - The wife complains to the husband... Wife: I already have blisters on my palms because of the broom
Husband: Next time try to go by car - Mothers have Mother's Day, fathers have father's Day, couples have valentine's Day And I have palm Sunday.
- My wife wanted to visit a jubilant psychic, and I wanted to see a jovial palm reader. Thankfully, we managed to find a happy medium.
- A man with no hands walks into a palm reader's business The palm reader looks at him and says, "well, I'm stumped."
- Mildly racist! Why do all black people have white palms? There is a bit of good in everybody.
- Palm Sunday For Dads ... Fathers Day,
For mothers ... Mothers Day,
For Lovers ... Valentines Day
For Wankers there is Palm Sunday
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Palm One Liners
Which palm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with palm? I can suggest the ones about forearm and coconut.
- What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red.
- EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
- Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
- What tree gives the best high-fives? A PALM tree!
- What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand? A PALM TREE!!!
- What do you get when you finger a gypsy on the rag? Your palm red for free.
- If Valentine's Day is for lovers.. then Palm Sunday is for the single.
- Happy palm Sunday To all the single guys out there
- If couples celebrate Valentine's Day, what do single men celebrate? Palm Sunday.
- What do you get if you finger a Gypsy on her period? You get your palms red for free!
- What you call a tree that grows fingers? A palm tree
- Best part about finger blasting a gypsie? Get your palms red for free.
- What do you call an exploding horse? Neigh-Palm
- Why do black people have white palms? Because everyone has a little bit of good in them.
- What do you call a handful of gravel A palm-o-granite!
Palm Hand Jokes
Here is a list of funny palm hand jokes and even better palm hand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I am bored I enjoy rubbing dried herbs into my palms. I have way too much Thyme on my hands.
- I would help you carry some of those bushes... but I've already got two palms on my hands.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
- My brother-in-law is missing half of his hand due to a horrific logging injury, so I asked him do you get half off when you get your palm read?
- I was wondering why I had pentagrams on my palms. Then I remembered: I've been using hand satanizer.
- I bet a lady I met in the bar I could tell where she was born by reading her palm. After looking over her hand and asking silly questions for a minute I told her my answer, a hospital!
- Gave a sales pitch at a petting zoo today They were eating out the palm of my hand
- Yesterday I glued my palms to the kitchen floor It's hands-down the best decision I've ever made
- Did you know my girlfriend is a fortune teller? Once a month I put my hand down her knickers and get my palm red!
- Did some stand up at a bird sanctuary... They were eating out of the palm of my hands.
Palm Tree Jokes
Here is a list of funny palm tree jokes and even better palm tree puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the psychic carry a book to the top of a tree on the beach? To practice palm reading.
- How do you know a palm tree is getting old? It's coconuts hang lower than its trunk.
- What did the man get when he ran into a palm tree? facepalm
- Why is that palm tree reading out your dead grandfather's will? Isn't it obvious? He's the Exeggutor of the estate.
- Southern family trees are like palm trees... No branches and the family members are fronds with benefits
- What kind of tree likes a high five? A palm tree
- What do you call a duck that falls out of a palm tree? A quackanut
- The Kardashians and Palm Trees are similar They look good in pictures, but what's their purpose?
- How'd Florida man break his leg raking leaves? He fell off the palm tree
- A palm tree asked another, "Why do you always look so empty?" He replied, "I just don't have very many fronds."
Palm Reading Jokes
Here is a list of funny palm reading jokes and even better palm reading puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the best part being with a gypsy on her period? When youre done you get your palm read
- I went to a palm reading. He said, "I can tell by looking at your hand that you have been in an accident recently."
I said, "That's incredible, but how?"
"Because your other arm is prosthetic." - Going to a psychic for a palm reading >gives psychic hand
>psychic sees wrist
>"These lines are telling me you're depressed" - I went to a fortune teller and told her I wanted my palm read... ...the b**... stabbed my hand.
- Best thing about f**... a psychic on her period? You still get your palm read.
- What's the benefits of f**... a gypsy on her period Yew get your palm read for free.
Palm Sunday Jokes
Here is a list of funny palm sunday jokes and even better palm sunday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If guys in relationships celebrate Valentines's Day, what do single guys celebrate? Palm Sunday.
- Palm Sunday A day that single men thank their palms for all the good work they did this past year...
- Bachelor's Day Just a reminder that Bachelor's Day will be here soon...
...Also known as Palm Sunday.
Date Palm Jokes
Here is a list of funny date palm jokes and even better date palm puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm dating a palm tree. It's nothing serious though. Just fronds with benefits.
- My friend was worried that was not getting dates, so.. I told him to get a palm tree.
- What do Arabs do on weekends? They sit under palm trees and eat their dates.
- A teenage boy going through puberty and a fruit-bearing Phoenix tree. Both date palms.
- My s**... life is hot like the Sahara desert. Just two palms and no dates.
- My s**... life is like the Sahara desert. It's basically just intolerable heat, two palms, no dates and lots of emptiness.
(OC)
Ridiculous Palm Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about palm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make palm pranks.
Jesus and his disciples at last dinner.
"Waiter!", Jesus called, "Can I get a receipt please?"
After some time, waiter finally comes to Jesus and puts a receipt in his palm.
Jesus is looking at receipt for 10 seconds straight with confusion and shock all over his face.
He turns to disciples and shouts "Didn't I tell y'all to order water instead of wine?!"
What did the Hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary b**....
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm?
Hold on to your nuts, it will only be a quick blow.
What's the best thing about f**... a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red for free.
At the fortune teller
h**... went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.
Questions about what? asked h**....
About anything, replied the psychic.
But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that? complained h**....
Maybe, said the palmist, and what is your last question?
I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand.
Must have been an insight joke...
Jesus goes to a palm reader
And she nailed it!
Saw Gallagher last weekend and this had me in tears.
What fruit fits best in your palm?
a palm-agranate!
His palms are sweaty...
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already.
WebMD: *TYPHOID fever*
Why do elephants have flat feet?
from jumpin' outta palm trees, duh
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, I'm giving you a b**...!
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...
Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!
What's the best part about f**......
What's the best part of f**... a psychic while she's on her period?
You still get your palm red
Why do palm readers make such good friends?
They're always there to hold your hand.
A sailor is stranded on a desert island with nothing but palm fronds and sea anemones to live off. Finally when he was recused the rescuers asked why was he covered in anemones with a ring of palm fronds in arms reach. He replies, 'I keep my fronds close but my anemones closer'.
'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'
TIL about Kopi Luwak, an expensive coffee made from partially digested coffee cherries defecated by the Asian palm civet.
Imagine the barista's face when you go to the coffee shop then ask for a crappuccino.
What did the palm say to the face?
SLAP
What do you call a s**... palm reader on the dance floor?
A high medium getting low.
What did I do wrong?
My father-in-law has been pretty depressed since losing his job last year. I wanted to help out so I pulled some strings and got him a job at the palm reading business where I work. I thought my wife would be thrilled but somehow here I am sleeping on the couch. That's the thanks I get for giving her dad a h**....
Why is it the palms and bottoms of black peoples feet are much whiter?
Because everyone has a little good in them.
If your palm itches, you're going to get something.
If your c**... itches... you've already got it.
A 30 year old jobless, homeless, broke guy went to a palm reading fortune teller to know when will his life be better.
Guy: How will my future be?
FT: Till you're 42, you'll suffer thinking about your life getting ruined, cleaned out, agonized, strapped, tortured, penniless, distressed, dirt poor, tormented, wasted, unproductive, exhausted, dried up and living a lifeless life.
Guy: So what happens after 42.
FT: You'll stop thinking about it.
I asked a tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a pigeon into my p**... region.
He took a look at the picture and agreed to do it for $120.
It looked amazing. So, a couple weeks later, I went back and asked him to give me a matching tattoo on my palm. He looked again at the picture and said, That will be $240.
I said, Why the price jump? You did the exact same design last time for only $120.
He told me, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A guy gave me a badass eagle tattoo in my c**... region for $50.
It looked so sick that I asked him to give me a matching tattoo in the palm of my hand so I could show it to everyone, but he said this one would cost $100. He said, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A guy in a train lets a loud f**...
He puts his two hands together, crossing his fingers and claps the palm of his hands to imitate the sound of a f**....
Another passenger asks: "How do you do the smell?"
Mr Palmer was given the cow farmer of the year award today.
He said "this is the first time I've had a pat on the back"
A dying kid makes a wish to meet Dwayne Johnson
Dwayne sits at the side of the hospital bed and asks the kid if he was a fan of wrestling.
The kid says yeah, and that he knows his only weakness.
Dwayne looks puzzled, and asks what it is.
"Come closer" says the kid.
Dwayne leans in, and the kid shows him his open palm. Dwayne looks confused, and the next second the kid slaps him full power across the face.
"Paper beats rock."
A Frog Visits A Fortune Teller
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
The frog asks for the good news first.
The fortune teller says, "You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart."
That's great!" says the frog. "But what's the bad news?"
Well, you're going to meet her in Biology class."
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts this will be one h**... of a b**...!
(My brother and I heard this in the school yard when we were 9&6 respectively. That night he told it at the dinner table when my grandma was over!)
Sago Palm fronds, dried and ground, make an excellent, all natural laxative. The best part?
With fronds like these, who needs enemas?
One day, I was speaking with a martial arts master.
I asked, "Is it true that you once defeated one hundred men in only a few seconds using the Way of the Fist?"
He replied, "Nay, Palm."
I took my son to the fair on the weekend…
…and we we're having a great time. At least we were until I let him go in to see the palm reader. When he came out he was sad and when I asked what happened, he said She told me that in 15 years I would have one of the worst days of my life after a loss.
Being the great dad I am, on the way home we stopped and rescued a puppy that he's been begging me for, for years. Thanks to me, he'll never think about that palm reader again.
