Pal Jokes
90 pal jokes and hilarious pal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this hilarious collection of Pal Jokes. Laugh your heart out with jokes about pen pals, sunil pal, gal pals and more! Read on to brighten your day with some good old-fashioned buddy humor. Gather your friends and family and spread the joy of laughter with some of these classic man jokes.
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Funniest Pal Short Jokes
Short pal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pal humour may include short buddy jokes also.
- It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting it's a boy it's a boy with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
- I asked my North korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea "I can't complain" he wrote back.
- A guy says to his buddy, "I'm thinking about buying a labrador." His pal warns, "That might not be such a good idea. Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
- A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck: Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
- A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
The guys looks around, but there is no punch line. - I'm so proud of my African pen pal. He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal.
- The mafia have decided to get into online crime to keep upto date. They have just launched a new App called Pay-Up-Pal.
- A bishop walks into a bar and walks straight up to the bartender who shouts, Hey pal! You can't do that!" "Bishops can only move diagonally!"
- A man comes to a carpet store and says: - I need a rug.
- Why so gloomy, pal? Are going to wrap a body in it, eh?
- I need two rugs. - A bear walked into a bar... Waiter: What will it be pal?
Bear: Gin.....
....
....
and tonic
Waiter: Why the big pause?
Bear: I don't know. My dad had them too.
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Pal One Liners
Which pal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pal? I can suggest the ones about boyfriend and colleague.
- In Europe, they don't call it the "Friend Zone" They call it the "Pal Region"
- So my pal asked Siri why he's still single.. Siri activated the front camera
- What kind of payment does the Pope use to make online transactions? Pa'pal.
- How did Jesus pay for our sins? Pray-Pal
- I'm selling all of my John Lennon collection on EBay Imagine all the pay pal
- Octopus: "Don't move or I'll shoot!" Cat: *squinting* "You're one short, pal."
- What name did the Aussie give his pal who was in a vegetative state? Vege-mite!
- Why did the cactus have no friends? Because he was a no-pal.
- I'm very proud of my African pen pal. He told me he hasn't had a drink in days!
- If Jesus was a mathematician, what would you call his followers? Deci-pals.
- What advice does Jay Leno receive when sad? Chin up pal.
- What's another word for cellmate? "Pen"-pal.
- What does an American actor say when going to Europe? Let's go PAL.
- ESPN's favorite Anchor's best friend Sal Palantonios pal Antonio from San Antonio
- So a television walks into a bar, And the bartender asks, "What will it be, PAL?"
Pen Pal Jokes
Here is a list of funny pen pal jokes and even better pen pal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I befriended a feminist pen pal, but i don't think it's going so well... She just keeps sending me hate male.
- I'm so proud of my Ethiopian pen pal. He tells me he hasn't had a drink in weeks. Hang in there mate.
- I finally met my pen pal who had recently got out of prison. My parents didn't approve of him, but that was because they had no context.
Hilarious Pal Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about pal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comrade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pal pranks.
A horse walks into a bar...
and orders a beer.
As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.
See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
are you sure I'm drunk?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."
My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back...
Half way through he said "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand."
The tattooist said "Hang on pal, I've only just finished his turban."
Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for lunch.
I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"
A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."
The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."
The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"
"Start? Today's the last day."
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
MY WIFE IS A LIAR!
'That wife of mine is a liar.' said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
'How do you know?' the friend asked.
'She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley.'
'So?' the friend replied.
'So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!
An Englishman stops p**... for directions.....
An Englishman stops p**... for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"
p**... says "Are you on foot or in the car?"
The Englishman says "In the car."
p**... replies "That's the quickest!"
I walked up to the barman and asked for a v**... shot.
He said, "Straight?"
I said, "Yeah. So don't get any ideas, pal."
The guys go to the f**... of their life-long pal...
After a long eulogy and some beautiful music, the guys are overcome with emotion. The first guy walks up to the casket of his buddy.
"I know it's just a small token, but for everything you've ever done for me, buddy, all the times you helped me out. This is the least I could do."
He tucks a $50 bill into his buddy's tuxedo pocket, and he staggers away sobbing.
The second man, inspired by the gesture, walks up and places his own $50 bill in his buddy's pocket. "For all the beers you bought me, that I never had a chance to pay you back for." And he staggers away sobbing.
The third man, a lawyer, not to be out-done, says, "I know it's just a small gesture, but for all the times you've been there for me when I needed you, here's a token of my gratitude."
And he writes a check for $150, and takes the two fifties in change.
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
A man enters a bar with a revolver
He climb up a table, looked around and yell.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?!"
The bar went silent for a minute when suddenly a man at the back says.
"you are gonna need more than 6 shots pal!"
Bull
A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Won't even look at a cow.
Take him to the vet, his friend suggested.
The next week, John is much happier. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!
What kind of pills were they? asked the friend.
I don't know, but they've got a peppermint taste.
A guy sits down in a bar and orders drink after drink.
Is everything okay, pal? asks the bartender.
My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month he replied.
Trying to put a positive spin on it, the barman says well maybe see it as a good thing? You know, some peace and quiet?
Yeah, but today is the last day
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
A chicken walks up to a duck that's considering crossing the road.
Don't do it, pal, the chicken says, you'll never hear the end of it.
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line" Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..
First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"
Second fella says "A kilt of course!"
First fella "What's the tartin?"
"She's wearing white" says his pal
Exactly 10 years ago my pal Jon came running out shouting it's a boy with tears streaming down his face...
We never went back to Thailand
What's the difference between a word that's spelled the same forwards and backwards and your friend in Italy?
One's a palindrome and one's a pal in Rome
A guy goes golfing with a pal on Saturday morning.
When they're on the eighth hole, they see a f**... procession pass the golf course, at which point the guy stops, lowers his head for a few seconds, and then heads to the tee.
Whereupon his friend says, "That's so respectful. Here we are playing golf and you take a moment to pay your respects."
To which the guy responds, "Well, we had a great marriage."
My pal called me and told me he's changing his name to Spinal Column.
I said, "I'll call you back !!"
Nurse walks into the doctors office and says: Doctor, there's a man here who says he's invisible.
Oh that's my pal Steve from the optics lab at DARPA. They're developing electromagnetic metamaterials to use in a cloaking device.
Tell him I can't see him now.
That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.
Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?
Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.
Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!
My wife is a liar
"That wife of mine is a liar." said an angry man to his pal seated with him at the bar.
"How do you know?" the friends asks
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she spent the night with her sister Shirley"
"So? What the problem" the friend asks in a confused manner
"So she's a liar. She wasn't at Shirley's, I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"
Donations
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over and asked, "What's the problem, pal?" "My brother just told me there's a s**... bank in his neighborhood that pays $50 for a donation." "Yeah, so?"
"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar.
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..
He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'
Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'
Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'
Two guys at a yard sale are chatting, one says whatcha got there, pal?
Fella over there sold me a bunch of dominoes, a paint can, a ball, and a mousetrap
What in the h**... would you need all that junk for?
He said I can use it to crack an egg
You're such a rube, Goldberg
I asked out this European Girl I know.
But she said she'd rather just be friends, so now I'm stuck in the PAL Region.
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's f**...,
a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward s**... air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late pal, I've already done the paperwork."
At the dinner party...
the suave man asks his wife "Pass the sugar, sugar!"
Not to be outdone, his buddy says to his own wife "Pass the honey, honey!"
Their biker pal turns to his old lady and yells "Pass the pork, pig!"
2 newfies go fishing
So they go to the local marina and rent a small boat. After trying several spots they find a good spot and land many nice fish.
The guy in the front says to his buddy:
" This is a great spot, we should mark it"
So his pal pulls a sharpie marker out of his coat and draws a big X on the bottom of the boat.
"That ain't gonna work, siily" says the guy in the bow.
"Why not?" Asks the other guy. Bow guy responds:
"We might not get the same boat next time"
My pal Seamus is so poor...
The other day I saw him walking down the street with just one shoe and I asked him Hey buddy, have you lost a shoe? And he said No, I found one .
A drunk stumbles out of a bar...
...and meanders down the street. He makes his way into a church and enters the confessional booth. A priest is there and waits a minute, but the drunk says nothing. He waits 5 minutes, then 10, and still there's silence. Finally, the priest knocks loudly on the dividing wall, and the drunk pipes up, "Sorry, pal, I can't help you. I've got no paper over here, either."
Two men are arguing loudly. A robot approaches and says "May I be of assistance?"
One man turns to it and says *back off pal, this is an organic matter!"
Guy walks into a bar.
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line , guy looks around,
but there is no punch line
A Brit joke about Americans...
An American takes a sightseeing tour around London. While watching around he smiles and tells the guide:
"Listen pal, why is everything so small here? Look at this building for example. In America it would be 10 times as big..."
"I completely agree, sir! That's the madhouse."
My Russian pal is such a hopeless drunk that he joined the Red Army just to go to Ukraine
He heard that in the land of Ukraine, cocktails literally fall from the sky.
This guy thought I was staring at him in the pub.
He walked up to me, chest out, and said, "Have you got a problem, pal?"
"Absolutely," I replied. "What's 60 plus 13 divided by 4?"
Bartender joke
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
12 shots of your finest tequila please
So the bartender starts pouring the shots and on the last one he notices that half of them have been drunk already so the bartender says
Whats going on pal, you drunk those really fast
The guy replies
Youd drink this much if you had what i have
The bartender then asks
What do you have?
He replied i have 50 pence and then made a bee line for the door
A completely drunk man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."
GUY: hey pal, if you have a problem, say it to my face
ME: [*gets really close*] i'm two months behind on my rent
I became best friends with my artificially intelligent remote control quadcopter named "ROTOR".
He is my **pal** n **drone**.
My brother sat down with my girlfriend and I. He said, "Pal, I've got a confession to make. Last night I had s**... with your girlfriend. We went to a party, she was drinking beer, I was drinking wine. One thing led to another..."
I turned to my girlfriend, in shock. "Tell me he's lying."
She said, "He is, it wasn't beer it was cider."
After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!
In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"
I said, "What's wrong with you?!"
"Nothing, I'm a self loathing dishwasher."
Co-Written by: IveyRoney
Could have been a rich man
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over and asked, "What's the problem, pal?"
"My brother just told me there's a s**... bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation."
"Yeah, so?" "Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers! -
My pal got Einstein tattooed onto his a**....
He's such a wisecrack.
An Australian is traveling to New York. The jet lag is a bit too much so he decides to sleep it off.
When he wakes in the morning he goes outside and almost gets hit by a taxi. The driver says "watch where your going pal! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies " Nah mate, I got here yesterday."
Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt...
"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.
"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.
While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my c**...
I've never been so touched on an emotional level.
Man walks into a bar
"2 whisky, 1 pint and 3 brandy"
Drinks all and takes the bottle of whisky and continues to fill and drink.
Barman " WOAHHH Slow down pal take it easy, what's the problem?"
Man " I only have £1.60"
Two babies are sitting in their playpen cooing away...
Baby 1: Well, looks like I'm getting circumcised tomorrow.
Baby 2: Ouch, I had it done when I was just a few days old.
Baby 1: Well then, does it hurt mate?
Baby 2: I'll put it to you this way pal, after I had it done I couldn't walk for about a year.
A pirate walks into a bar...
...and requests a grog of ale.
"Sure thing pal," says the bartender. But he sees the pirate has his ship's wheel stuck in his pants. "Mr. Pirate," he says, "you do realize your wheel is in your pants?"
The pirate looks at the bartender with a fury-induced bloodshot eye that held years of rage. "Aye...it's driving me *nuts*!"
So me and my pal George went down the river to get some firewood when an angry bear began to charge!
George explained we weren't Packers fans, so the property owner didn't charge us for trespassing.
