Pal Jokes
88 pal jokes and hilarious pal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this hilarious collection of Pal Jokes. Laugh your heart out with jokes about pen pals, sunil pal, gal pals and more! Read on to brighten your day with some good old-fashioned buddy humor. Gather your friends and family and spread the joy of laughter with some of these classic man jokes.
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Funniest Pal Short Jokes
Short pal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pal humour may include short buddy jokes also.
- It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting it's a boy it's a boy with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
- A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck: Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
- A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
The guys looks around, but there is no punch line. - I'm so proud of my African pen pal. He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal.
- The mafia have decided to get into online crime to keep upto date. They have just launched a new App called Pay-Up-Pal.
- A man comes to a carpet store and says: - I need a rug.
- Why so gloomy, pal? Are going to wrap a body in it, eh?
- I need two rugs. - What's the difference between a word that's spelled the same forwards and backwards and your friend in Italy? One's a palindrome and one's a pal in Rome
- I befriended a feminist pen pal, but i don't think it's going so well... She just keeps sending me hate male.
- I asked out this European Girl I know. But she said she'd rather just be friends, so now I'm stuck in the PAL Region.
- My pal Seamus is so poor... The other day I saw him walking down the street with just one shoe and I asked him Hey buddy, have you lost a shoe? And he said No, I found one .
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Pal One Liners
Which pal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pal? I can suggest the ones about boyfriend and colleague.
- In Europe, they don't call it the "Friend Zone" They call it the "Pal Region"
- What name did the Aussie give his pal who was in a vegetative state? Vege-mite!
- Why did the cactus have no friends? Because he was a no-pal.
- If Jesus was a mathematician, what would you call his followers? Deci-pals.
- What advice does Jay Leno receive when sad? Chin up pal.
- What's another word for cellmate? "Pen"-pal.
- What does an American actor say when going to Europe? Let's go PAL.
- ESPN's favorite Anchor's best friend Sal Palantonios pal Antonio from San Antonio
- So a television walks into a bar, And the bartender asks, "What will it be, PAL?"
- What do you call it when best friends are dieting together? The Pal-eo diet
- What do you call your disabled study-buddy? Your cerebral pal-sy.
- I've been writing letters to an Italian student He's my Penne Pal
- Why Gopal from India always votes for the Republican candidate? Because he is GOP pal!
- What do you call a maze with all your good pals? (Sorry in advance) A LADyrinth
- What did the hen say to his bar pals? Let's get some chicks!
Pen Pal Jokes
Here is a list of funny pen pal jokes and even better pen pal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I finally met my pen pal who had recently got out of prison. My parents didn't approve of him, but that was because they had no context.
Hilarious Pal Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about pal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comrade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pal pranks.
A horse walks into a bar...
and orders a beer.
As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.
See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
are you sure I'm drunk?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."
My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back...
Half way through he said "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand."
The tattooist said "Hang on pal, I've only just finished his turban."
Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for lunch.
I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"
A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."
The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."
The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"
"Start? Today's the last day."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man burst into a bar with a revolver on his hand
The man yelled at the top of his lungs
"WHICH ONE OF YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE?"
The whole bar went silent, one man stood up and replied
"You're gonna need more than six bullets pal!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
MY WIFE IS A LIAR!
'That wife of mine is a liar.' said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
'How do you know?' the friend asked.
'She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley.'
'So?' the friend replied.
'So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman stops p**... for directions.....
An Englishman stops p**... for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"
p**... says "Are you on foot or in the car?"
The Englishman says "In the car."
p**... replies "That's the quickest!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I walked up to the barman and asked for a v**... shot.
He said, "Straight?"
I said, "Yeah. So don't get any ideas, pal."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The guys go to the f**... of their life-long pal...
After a long eulogy and some beautiful music, the guys are overcome with emotion. The first guy walks up to the casket of his buddy.
"I know it's just a small token, but for everything you've ever done for me, buddy, all the times you helped me out. This is the least I could do."
He tucks a $50 bill into his buddy's tuxedo pocket, and he staggers away sobbing.
The second man, inspired by the gesture, walks up and places his own $50 bill in his buddy's pocket. "For all the beers you bought me, that I never had a chance to pay you back for." And he staggers away sobbing.
The third man, a lawyer, not to be out-done, says, "I know it's just a small gesture, but for all the times you've been there for me when I needed you, here's a token of my gratitude."
And he writes a check for $150, and takes the two fifties in change.
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
A man enters a bar with a revolver
He climb up a table, looked around and yell.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?!"
The bar went silent for a minute when suddenly a man at the back says.
"you are gonna need more than 6 shots pal!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bull
A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Won't even look at a cow.
Take him to the vet, his friend suggested.
The next week, John is much happier. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!
What kind of pills were they? asked the friend.
I don't know, but they've got a peppermint taste.
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..
First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"
Second fella says "A kilt of course!"
First fella "What's the tartin?"
"She's wearing white" says his pal
Nurse walks into the doctors office and says: Doctor, there's a man here who says he's invisible.
Oh that's my pal Steve from the optics lab at DARPA. They're developing electromagnetic metamaterials to use in a cloaking device.
Tell him I can't see him now.
That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.
Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?
Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.
Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!
My wife is a liar
"That wife of mine is a liar." said an angry man to his pal seated with him at the bar.
"How do you know?" the friends asks
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she spent the night with her sister Shirley"
"So? What the problem" the friend asks in a confused manner
"So she's a liar. She wasn't at Shirley's, I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donations
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over and asked, "What's the problem, pal?" "My brother just told me there's a s**... bank in his neighborhood that pays $50 for a donation." "Yeah, so?"
"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar.
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..
He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'
Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'
Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys at a yard sale are chatting, one says whatcha got there, pal?
Fella over there sold me a bunch of dominoes, a paint can, a ball, and a mousetrap
What in the h**... would you need all that junk for?
He said I can use it to crack an egg
You're such a rube, Goldberg
At the dinner party...
the suave man asks his wife "Pass the sugar, sugar!"
Not to be outdone, his buddy says to his own wife "Pass the honey, honey!"
Their biker pal turns to his old lady and yells "Pass the pork, pig!"
2 newfies go fishing
So they go to the local marina and rent a small boat. After trying several spots they find a good spot and land many nice fish.
The guy in the front says to his buddy:
" This is a great spot, we should mark it"
So his pal pulls a sharpie marker out of his coat and draws a big X on the bottom of the boat.
"That ain't gonna work, siily" says the guy in the bow.
"Why not?" Asks the other guy. Bow guy responds:
"We might not get the same boat next time"
Two men are arguing loudly. A robot approaches and says "May I be of assistance?"
One man turns to it and says *back off pal, this is an organic matter!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brit joke about Americans...
An American takes a sightseeing tour around London. While watching around he smiles and tells the guide:
"Listen pal, why is everything so small here? Look at this building for example. In America it would be 10 times as big..."
"I completely agree, sir! That's the madhouse."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Russian pal is such a hopeless drunk that he joined the Red Army just to go to Ukraine
He heard that in the land of Ukraine, cocktails literally fall from the sky.
This guy thought I was staring at him in the pub.
He walked up to me, chest out, and said, "Have you got a problem, pal?"
"Absolutely," I replied. "What's 60 plus 13 divided by 4?"
GUY: hey pal, if you have a problem, say it to my face
ME: [*gets really close*] i'm two months behind on my rent
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I became best friends with my artificially intelligent remote control quadcopter named "ROTOR".
He is my **pal** n **drone**.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother sat down with my girlfriend and I. He said, "Pal, I've got a confession to make. Last night I had s**... with your girlfriend. We went to a party, she was drinking beer, I was drinking wine. One thing led to another..."
I turned to my girlfriend, in shock. "Tell me he's lying."
She said, "He is, it wasn't beer it was cider."
After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!
In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"
I said, "What's wrong with you?!"
"Nothing, I'm a self loathing dishwasher."
Co-Written by: IveyRoney
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My pal got Einstein tattooed onto his a**....
He's such a wisecrack.
An Australian is traveling to New York. The jet lag is a bit too much so he decides to sleep it off.
When he wakes in the morning he goes outside and almost gets hit by a taxi. The driver says "watch where your going pal! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies " Nah mate, I got here yesterday."
Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt...
"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.
"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my c**...
I've never been so touched on an emotional level.
Man walks into a bar
"2 whisky, 1 pint and 3 brandy"
Drinks all and takes the bottle of whisky and continues to fill and drink.
Barman " WOAHHH Slow down pal take it easy, what's the problem?"
Man " I only have £1.60"
Two babies are sitting in their playpen cooing away...
Baby 1: Well, looks like I'm getting circumcised tomorrow.
Baby 2: Ouch, I had it done when I was just a few days old.
Baby 1: Well then, does it hurt mate?
Baby 2: I'll put it to you this way pal, after I had it done I couldn't walk for about a year.
So me and my pal George went down the river to get some firewood when an angry bear began to charge!
George explained we weren't Packers fans, so the property owner didn't charge us for trespassing.
What's the difference between a French Knight and my friend with a genie?
One's a Paladin, and the other's my pal Alladin
A dog walks into this bar..
A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall."
So i told my girlfriend that there was someone out there making parrot noises..
My parrot replied, "I'm not you girlfriend, pal".
My 7 y/o pal told me this.
What does the hamburger say when you ask it a question?
Zero.
Because hamburgers are round, like a zero.
What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow?
Hey pal, you just need to branch out more.
An alien enters a bar
An alien enters a bar and shouts the drinks are on me. He shouts out " everybody can drink whatever they want and as much as you want all night long" . So people start ordering bottles of champagne and whisky and beer all night. At the end of the night the drinks are sold out and the bartender says "that was an expensive tab OK that's $133,48,56 you owe me"
The alien then replies " No problem pal BTW have you got change of a zonk?"
On a cold, late December day...
... the wall calendar looked across the room at the advent calendar and said:
"It looks like our days are numbered, pal".
Why was the rooster angry?
He just found his chicken strips.
(Courtesy of my creative bartender pal)
An attractive snow-woman notices a snowman gawking at her. She says,
Listen pal, my ice are up here.
A horse was in a horrific accident.
I'm too tired to write the whole story.
Basically, the bartender goes, "Hey, pal. Why such the long face?"
Why is the worldwide online payment supergiant called Paypal?
Because you still gotta pay, pal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A nose walks into a bar
The bartender says, "hey pal, you look sick" to which the nose replies "blow me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What should you never say to a neurotic strangler?
Get a grip, pal!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son tells his father he lost his virginity...
... the father high-fives his kid and says, "that's great pal, let's sit down and have a beer."
the boy replies to his father, "I'll have a beer but I can't sit down"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One cold January morning
On a cold January morning a f**... was being held for a man who passed away. After the service the pal barers are caring the coffin out of the church. As they walk down the steps one man slips and loses his grip on the casket causing the others to lose their grips. The coffin goes sliding down then steps, into the road and down a hill. At the bottom of the hill it crashes through the front window of a local pharmacy and goes crashing through the whole store and slams into the counter in the back. As soon as it hits the coffin opens and the dead guy sits up. The Pharmacist asks How can i help you? The dead guy says Ya you got anything to stop this coffin?
