Pair Shoes Jokes
99 pair shoes jokes and hilarious pair shoes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pair shoes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pair Shoes Short Jokes
Short pair shoes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pair shoes humour may include short running shoes jokes also.
- I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- So I bought a pair of shoe from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
- I never though that orthopedic shoes would be good for me..... but, after trying a pair, I stand corrected.
- I just got my new pair of orthopenic shoes. "Actually, it's *orthopedic*", my doctor said.
"I stand corrected", I replied. - Why do they sell shoes in pairs? Because they're sole-mates.
(I made this joke up about a week ago and figured I'd tell it on non-peak hours so I don't get upvoted enough to quit my day job)... - I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill! Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.
- Guy goes to his shrink and says, "I think I'm a French pair of shoes!" The shrink replies, "What makes you chaussures?"
- I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I gotta tell you, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin all day!
- Franks wife was going away... She told him to put on a clean pair of socks everyday,
After 7 days he couldn't fit his shoes on. - My wife just came home with 12 new dresses. "What could anyone want with 12 new dresses?!?" I asked her.
She replied
"12 new pairs of shoes, of course."
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Pair Shoes One Liners
Which pair shoes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pair shoes? I can suggest the ones about shoes and heel shoes.
- What pair of shoes do kidnappers love the most? White Vans
- How many magazines do you need to buy to get a pair of tennis shoes? Ten issues.
- Why do shoes come in pairs? Because they're sole mates
- How do you confuse a girl? Buy her a pair of chocolate shoes
- Today, I picked up my first pair of running shoes. May God have mercy on my Sole.
- What do you call a pair of shoes with asthma? Wheezys.
- A girl with 2 left feet goes into a shoe shop... and asks for a pair of flip flips
- What pair of shoes could the ginger only wear? The pair with no sole.
- Why was the dog wearing a pair of shoes? Because he lost the other two
- Chuck Norris got a new pair of shoes Roundhouse kicks
- What did the pair of flip-flops say to the approaching man with disgusting feet? Shoe.
- I bet you'd like a pair of clogs Wooden shoe?
- Why are shoes always sold in pairs? Because they like to converse.
- Why does wearing a redhead's pair of shoes hurt? Because the have no soles
- What do you call a pair of shoes you can tip-toe very well in Sneak-ers
Rib-Tickling Pair Shoes Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about pair shoes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pair glasses jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pair shoes pranks.
Yo momma so ghetto, she had to steal a pair of shoes just to throw them over the power line.
A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. “Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the blonde replies.
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy.
Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:"
"Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride.
He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.
He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.
His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?'
"And so, here we are!"
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear.
The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans.
I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear."
"If you know that, why are you changing shoes?"
"Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear.
I only have to outrun you."
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator."
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style.
She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you.
Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?"
"And so, here we are!"
I just peed myself and ruined my expensive pair of pants, socks, and shoes
Trickle down economics
A man and wife are in bed one night
when suddenly there's a knock at the door. Bleary eyed, the man staggers down the stairs mumbling profanities and opens the front door to see an old man.
"Im sorry to have woken you up but i was wondering if you can help me by giving me a bit of a push?"
"what??" Replied the man, "you woke me ip at two in the morning for that? Get lost. I have work in the morning"
He slams the door and marches back upstairs. As he gets into bed his wife enquires as to who was at the door.
"Oh, some old fella wanting a push. At this time of night" he snapped.
"And you didn't help him?" His wife asked, "What if it were me and our car broke down. Do you think you'd be happy knowing someone couldn't be bothered to help me? I think you should go out there and help him right now"
"Oh alright" he muttered. He put on his housecoat and the nearest pair of shoes and went back downstairs to see if the man was still there.
Upon getting outside, he couldn't see the man or his car anywhere.
"Hello!? Are you still there?" He shouted.
"Im over here" a voice called out. "on the swings"
This is the last pair of shoes I buy from a drug dealer...
I don't know what he laced them with,
but I just keep tripping.
new shoes, new outlook on life.
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.
Don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all week.
A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.
The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"
So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.
The first one turns to the other and says, "I'll tell you what, if this next croc we see doesn't have shoes on I quit."
How do you know that a pair of shoes belong to an Asian person?
They're slanted.
I was considering buying a pair of addidas running shoes for quite some time, then one day, I thought to myself
Just do it
I bought a new pair of shoes the other day
I don't know what they laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
What's the difference between a pair of shoes and a ginger girl?
You try your best to keep your shoes from getting wet when you go to town.
Went to the shoe store and bought a pair of converse,
disappointed they haven't talked back yet.
After the American Revolution, Thomas Paine celebrates by purchasing a new pair of shoes.
He declares that these are the times to try men's soles.
My grandfather always used to say that to really know a person, you have to walk in his shoes.
He had six hundred and nine pairs when they finally caught him.
There is no single shoe store near me...
They all seem to sell them in pairs.
^^^sorry ^^^if ^^^not ^^^OC
Nike and TOMS are embarking on a joint venture...
...for every pair of shoes you buy, they'll donate a pair to the child who made them.
Girl comes home with two pair of new shoes
And her boyfriend asked her: Why did you bought two pair of shoes you s**... cow???
She said: Because cow have four legs!
I bought a pair of shoes from a ginger.
I have no idea why he sold them to me, they have no soles.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick...
It's two chicks fighting over a pair of shoes.
I had ordered a DIY, non-invasive, homeopathic fat reduction kit, and I was really excited that the package just arrived today!
But when I opened it up, it was just a pair of running shoes :(
What do you call 2 shoes?
A pair...
Have you heard the one about the guy that spent years looking for the perfect pair of shoes that ended up being way too narrow?
It was sole-crushing.
A boy is walking down the street when a man runs from the opposite direction holding a nice shirt.
"Why are you running?" asked the boy.
"I just got this really nice shirt," the man answered.
"Where from?" asked the boy.
"JC Penny," the man answered before resuming his run.
Shortly after, another man came running from the same direction as the first holding a nice pair of khakis, to which the same exchange occurred. This happened two more times, one holding a pair of socks and another a pair of shoes, until a man wearing just underwear ran by.
"Where are you going like that?" the boy asked incredibly.
"To get my clothes back. I'm JC Penny."
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
My drug dealer gave me a pair of shoes
I'm beginning to think I misunderstood what being a drug runner meant.
When I was a kid, my mom always used to tell me to put a clean pair of socks on, everyday...
By the time Saturday rolled around, I could hardly even fit in my shoes...
I ordered a pair of sneakers from an online shopping site and found it to be defective.
Is that an e-shoe?
Did you hear about the guy who put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week?
By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.
What do you get when a pair of shoes crosses the finish line together?
Tied shoes
Physics Joke
I just bought a pair of bad frequency shoes. I keep doppling over and my foot hertz.
How do you know it's time for a new pair of shoes?
The homeless guy gives you back change for your dollar
A Newfie walking around
A newfie is walking around with his new pair of shoes but only one is tied. He trips and a guy goes to him and says you need to tie your other shoe the Newfie respond with it's fine I know what I'm doing .
After walking for a bit longer the Newfie trips again, the same guy says you really should tie your other shoe the Confused Newfie says but I read the bottom of the shoe and it says Taiwan
In love and war.
A couple is going through a bitter divorce. The mans prize possession: baseball collectibles valued at $10000. Everyone knows, his spouse is entitled to half, in lieu of splitting his prized collection, he offers 8k cash. Out of spite she denies the offer and insists the collection be split. She too had a collection of shoes and has over 1000 pairs with roughly the same value. Fair being fair he insists on taking half.
She gets half of his Yankees, Red Sox, and Cubs collectibles. He gets all the lefts.
A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing.
No, argues the assistant, look at the label – it says Taiwan.
I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer
I've been a customer for years and I never realized he was a barber.
I bought a new pair of running shoes.
I can hardly catch up to them!
Whenever I race them, I never lose, but I never win either.
I always tie my shoes.
I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer.
I can't tell if they are laced or not but I've been tripping all day!
The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects
He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.
The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''
The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''
The king's eyes teard up, till his beard became soaking wet
And he quickly ran his bone saw and cut the man toes, and told him now they fit the shoes.
Agamemnon was talking to Achilles
Agamemnon: what's the deal? These are the fourth pair of shoes you bought this week alone!
Achilles: I just cannot help it.... heels are my only weakness!
A couple economists are strolling down the street
One looks in a store front window and says "That's a nice pair of shoes". The other replies, "Nonsense, if there was a nice pair of shoes, someone would have looted them already."
I was once so broke and down on my luck...
I didn't even own a pair of shoes.
I thought my life was utterly bleak until I seen a man with no feet and I thought to myself
"I bet this guy has a pair of shoes he doesn't need"
Ruined a brand new pair of shoes.
It's raining cats and dogs out and I stepped in a poodle.
An aide slides up to Trump and whispers in his ear discreetly
"Mr.President, one of your shoes is black, and the other is brown!"
Trump said
, "Yes, I noticed it myself. I went to change but when I looked in the closet, the only other pair I had was also one black and one brown"
When I was a kid, you could go in a store with 10 dollars and get out with a new ball, 4 milk j**..., a shirt and a pair of shoes.
Nowadays you can't. There are security cameras everywhere.
A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!
I was on a trip to Dubai, and in my stay, I met a rich man
Over time, we actually became friends, and he told me about this shoes company he owns.
He said:
Each pair of shoes we manufacture costs us about 2$, and we manage to sell them for 250$
What?! this is insane, why is it so expensive, ? I asked
Well I actually tried to make them cheaper for 25$ each
Then what happend?
People stopped buying them
Did you hear about the man who had two left feet?
He went to the shoe shop and bought a pair of flip flips
As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:
"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"
"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."
A guy walks into a bar
"Well, today is my lucky day. Walking over here I found a brand new pair of Yeezy shoes nailed to a tree with a note that said "Free" next to it. So I took it," the guy tells the bartender. "You never know when you might need a nail."
I just bought a new pair of shoes.
I don't know what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day!
A centipede walked into a shop and asked for a pair of shoes.
The shopkeeper looked at him and checked it was just the one pair that the centipede wanted.
The centipede laughed and assured the shopkeeper that yes, although one pair would be useless for himself, the shoes were a birthday gift for someone else and that he did indeed only want one pair.
The shopkeeper laughed too. "Who's the lucky person you're buying for?" he asked.
"The millipede", replied the centipede. "I don't like him."
Buying a shoe
A man walks into a shoe store...
...and tries on a pair of shoes.
\- "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
\- "Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet.
\- "Try pulling the tongue out." offers the clerk.
\- "Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.