Pair Scissors Jokes
23 pair scissors jokes and hilarious pair scissors puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pair scissors that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Pair Scissors Short Jokes
Short pair scissors jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pair scissors humour may include short scissors jokes also.
- I was walking around a shady street late at night, and someone pulled a pair of scissors out at me. Fortunately, I pulled a rock. Had I pulled out paper, I would've have lost.
- Did you hear about the latest pair of scissors in the market? It's said to be cutting edge technology
- Make a pair of scissors, specifically designed to cut paper, made out of sharpened stone. Call them "rock paper scissors."
- I saw a pair of scissors with rounded blades the other day, and you know what I thought? What's the point.
- How do you get a pair of scissors out of the package? You can't, you need scissors to get scissors.
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Pair Scissors One Liners
Which pair scissors one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pair scissors? I can suggest the ones about pair glasses and pair shoes.
- I had to get a new pair of scissors today. The old ones just weren't cutting it.
- Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope? The knife just wasn't cutting it.
- Who do you get when you cross a large pair of scissors and a Disney villain? Shear Khan.
- What do you call a repeat line cutter? A pair of scissors.
- I've figured out how to fix our president!! Quick! Someone get me a pair of scissors!
- How does a blind man ask for a pair of scissor? He still can talk you d**...!
Delightful Fun Pair Scissors Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about pair scissors you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pair twins jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pair scissors pranks.
Little Johnny: Contagious
The teacher asks the class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence, and see's only one hand go up, yes the dreaded Little Johnny, Knowing full well she is about to be burned yet again by this little s**.... She sighs and tells him to go ahead.
With a glint in his eye, Little johnny proceeds:
"My dad and I saw our neighbour cutting his lawn with a pair of nail scissors, my dad said "Its going to take that contagious to do that"
Boom boom.
Yard work
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
A story about kinks and b**...
I started dating this girl with a really weird f**... -- she's got a very nice pair of k**..., and she loves having it smacked loudly. She really gets off from the pain and from the really loud POP sound that the slap of skin-on-skin can make. Recently, she's been getting more k**... about it, and she's escalated to asking me to hit her rack with more and more painful objects. It started with a ruler, then the flat of a large bread knife. The past few weeks, she's been asking me to use a pair of sharp scissors, but I lost them last night and I've been looking for them all day.
I apologized, but she's really upset that I lost her rack popper scissors.
When a family's lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the wife kept hinting to the husband that he should get it fixed, but somehow, he always had something else to take care of first - the shed, the boat, making beer...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When the husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. The husband watched silently for a minute, went into the house and came out again with a toothbrush. He said, "Here, when you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
Theory of Jumping Fleas
A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.
This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off Freddie the Flea's legs. He then placed his truncated pet on his hand and gave the familiar command but to no avail.
And then raising his voice he shouted "Jump, Freddie, jump!" but still the flea remained in his left hand.
'There you are,' cried the man triumphantly. 'That proves my theory, you cut off their legs they go deaf.'
Another Blonde Joke
Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.
We need to get in there, says the first blonde. Why don't we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?
No, says the second. People'd think we're trying to steal the car.
I have a pair of scissors, says the first. We could use it to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock."
No, they'd just say we're too s**... to use a coat hanger.
Well, we'd better think of something fast, sighed the first blonde. It's starting to rain and all the car windows are open.