The Best 60 Painting Jokes

Following is our collection of Painting jokes which are very funny. There are some painting custer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these painting painting company puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

A couple hooked up to the Joy of painting.....

9 months later they had a happy little accident

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

Painting joke, A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

A priest is painting the outside of his church...

He realizes he won't have enough paint to complete the job unless he adds water, which he does. When he finishes, a freak rainstorm pops up and his handiwork is lost as all the paint is washed off. From the clouds, a voice calls out:

"Repaint, and thin no more."

So the painters finish painting my home...

and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."


A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in Eden.

The Frenchman says "they must be French, look at them, they are naked and eating fruit". The Brit says "No, they are English, look how politely the man offers the woman the fruit". The Russian says "You are both wrong, they are Russian. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and think they are in paradise

Typical Johnny

Teacher asks the class if they can think of a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it.

After a long pause little Johnny puts his hand up. "yes Johnny, give it a go"

I was in the car with my dad and we were driving past one of our neighbours who was painting his garden fence with a toothbrush. My dad said "it's going to take that contagious to finish that"

Painting joke, Typical Johnny

A man spent millions on an impressionist painting then ate it...

He put his Monet where his mouth is.

I hung a painting today perfectly on the first try

I straight up nailed it

How do two lesbians pass their time when on their period?

Finger painting.

Contagious

"Right class," said the teacher. "Who can make a sentence with the word 'contagious'?"

Little Johnny threw up his hand excitedly.

"Yes, Johnny?"

"My dad saw our neighbour painting his fence with a little brush, and said, 'Blimey, that'll take the contageous!'"

Top Painting Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore painting gallery reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean painting paint job dad jokes. There are also painting puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Whats the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus.

The painting only takes one nail.

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.

ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator...

...is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official.

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

It's politically incorrect to say 'black paint' these days...

You must say, "Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"

Painting joke, It's politically incorrect to say 'black paint' these days...

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.

"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

I was painting the house with my kids yesterday.

It was fun and all, but I wasn't sure where to hide the bodies.

I'm not real familiar with who this Rorschach guy is...

...but he sure loves painting pictures of naked dudes.


Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?"

Student: "Our neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious."

Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas.

It must have been a period piece.

A little girl is painting a picture and her mom asks what she's painting...

The girl says,"I'm painting a picture of God."
The mom says,"Nobody knows what God looks like."
The girl says,"Well, if you'll let me finish..."

Do you know why Van Gogh got into painting

Be cause he didn't have an ear for music.

Why did the painting go to jail?

Because it was framed!

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

My friend Todd is a midget and was asked to judge paintings at an art show...

While reviewing the entries, they came across a particularly terrible painting.

"Oh my god, this is amazing," said Todd, "I think we've found our winner."

"Are you for real?" one of the other judges asked.

"No, I'm just a little art official."

An old Soviet joke..

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

Ever since I started a company painting ceilings…

Business has been looking up.

Watson found Holmes busily painting the front door bright yellow.

"What on earth is that, Holmes?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

That has got to be the worst painting of a wagon I have ever seen

"It's a horse-drawn carriage", replied the artist.

Donald Trump was admiring the Sistine chapel

Trump : this is the bestest painting I've ever seen

Docent : yes indeed Mr. President , it was painted by Michaelangelo ..

Trump : I know the fake news media makes me look like an idiot but I'm not foolish to believe that it was painted by a freaking turtle

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences

My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.

When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.ο»Ώ

This racism thing has gone too far

I mean you can't even say black paint anymore, you have to say "Leeroy, would you mind painting the fence"

What's Michael Jackson's favorite painting?

The Sha-Mona Lisa.

I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal

It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.

The lawyer is painting his house, and a hobo comes around and asked if he could do something or in a few dollars.

The lawyer says, "sure, take a can of paint and go around to the back of the house and paint my porch."
The hobo does this and 15 minutes later comes back and says he's finished. The lawyer says, "already?" And the hobo says," yeah, but it isn't a Porsche, it's a Mercedes!"

A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"

(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)

Oh my. This painting really reminds me of my late uncle...

Because it touches me so much

A guy tries to sell his first painting ever...

So he goes to an art dealer to show it to him.

"What is it titled?" - the dealer asks.

"Me at the bar, drinking."

"But all I see is two nude bodies. Who are they?"

"My neighbor and my wife, f\*cking"

"And where are you?"

"At the bar, drinking."

What's common between an old guy and a painting?

It only takes one bad stroke to kill them.

The Swedish Navy started painting barcodes in the side of their ships.

That way when they get back to port they can Scandinavian.

IΒ΄ve just done a quote for painting Dr WhoΒ΄s TARDIS.

$50 for the outside, $400 for the inside.

Naked painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."

They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit.

The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.

The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.

Why is painting better than Jesus?

You only need one nail to nail the painting.

An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.

A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.

"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"

"Sure," replied the artist.

"Frankly, it's completely worthless."

"I know, but tell it to me anyway."

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.



Little Johnny stood up...

"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls.

The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.

The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: For best results, put on two coats.

For all my life my dad kept messing with the ledge above the fire place, lengthening it, shortening it, sanding it, painting it. But he died last week. After I got home from the funeral I compulsively got my tools out and raised it six inches higher ...

... I guess you could say I've taken up his mantel.

What do you say to a painting that has been falsely accused of being a fake?

You've been framed.

Teacher: So what's your sentence that contains the word contagious?

Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.

A wealthy man had a homeless man come to his door begging for money.

The man said I'm glad to help, but its healthy to work for your money. I've got a porch out back that needs painting. All the painting supplies are ready in the garage. If you paint the porch, I'll pay you $300. The homeless man agrees and heads to the back. About four hours later he goes to the front of the house and rings the doorbell. The man answers and says let's head back and see how well you painted the porch. The homeless man says alright, and, by the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a Lamborghini.

But painting a giant mural is going to cost us lots of money in the short term!

Well, you've just gotta think about the big picture!

I once insulted an artist about his bad painting

He just brushed it off.

A Brit, A Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit."They must be British"

They pondered this possibility but the Frenchman and the Russians soon shake their heads in disagreement.

"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They're naked and so beautiful, clearly they are French". The Brit and Russian agreed on this point but the Russian soon raises an objection to this.

"No clothes, no shelter and they have only an apple to eat but they're told this is Paradise. They are clearly Russian"

Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn...

Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn when it catches on fire. The only way down is to jump into the manure pile.

The first idiot says, I'll jump first and tell you how deep it is. He jumps, and a few seconds later the second idiot hears, it's only ankle deep!

The second idiot jumps and says, What on earth? I'm up to my neck!

And the first idiot says, Well you jumped feet first.

A Brit, a French person and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Brit says, Look, they are so calm and reserved, they must be British.

The French person says, No, look at how beautiful they are, they must be French.

The Russian says, Are you kidding me? They have no clothes and no shelter with only an apple to eat and they're being told they live in paradise. Clearly they're Russian.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are in an art gallery

They are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.

"Look at how reserved and calm they are," the Englishman says, "they would definitely be English."

"They are naked and beautiful, they would have to be French." The Frenchmen counters.

The Russian speaks up, "no clothes, no shelter, no bed, they have only an apple between them, and they're told this is paradise. They are certainly Russian."

What's the difference between jesus and a painting of jesus?

Well,you can hang the painting with only one nail.
(The joke isn't mine,but it just had to be shared)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the painting canvas jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working painting mural piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes