JokoJokes

Paint Jokes

180 paint jokes and hilarious paint puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paint that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your next painting project a little more lighthearted with these hilarious paint jokes! From jokes about Dulux paint to spilt paint, mural painting and more, you'll have a great time while you get the job done. Whether you're painting a wall with emulsional, varnish or spraying tartan paint, these white paint jokes will have you laughing all the way to the finish line.

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Funniest Paint Short Jokes

Short paint jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paint humour may include short brush jokes also.

  1. I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
    Leroy, please paint that wall
  2. I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
    Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
    Now the whole system is corrupt.
  3. Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
    -Rob DenBleyker
  4. Someone called me racist for saying "black paint" Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
  5. Jay Leno walked past a painting of Simon Cowell surrounded by his dogs during AGT. And said: Cowell looked at the dogs like they were on the menu at a korean restaurant.
  6. Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct, The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"
  7. People today are so politically correct. You can't even say black paint, You have to say "Leeroy, please paint my fence."
  8. My daughter painted her toenails black for winter formal tonight... I told her "I hope you don't run into anyone who's black-toes intolerant."
  9. I hate how politically correct the world is today Instead of saying "Black paint" I now have to say "Jamal please paint"
  10. Putin thought that taking Kyiv was just a matter of painting letters on tanks. It was easier Z than done.

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Paint One Liners

Which paint one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paint? I can suggest the ones about canvas and drawing.

  1. Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.
  2. What should ukrainian soldiers paint on captured Russian tanks? Ctrl-
  3. I told my girlfriend she painted her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised!
  4. What's blue and smells like red paint?


    blue paint.
  5. I painted my computer black last night Now it runs much faster
  6. What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue Paint.
  7. I was on acid and I actually tasted colors. Tasted a lot like paint.
  8. I painted my PC black to make it run faster Now it doesn't work
  9. When is paint free? When it's on the house.
  10. Muslim artists threw some paint bombs at a local building... They blue it up.
  11. So I painted my laptop black. I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.
  12. What is it called when buckets of paint conspire with each other? A colour scheme.
  13. Why did the dumpling take up painting? It wanted to “dum-paint” the town red!
  14. Who is this Rorschach guy? And why does he keep making paintings of my parents fighting?
  15. Who is Rorschach and why has he painted so many pictures of my parents arguing?

Paint Job Jokes

Here is a list of funny paint job jokes and even better paint job puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm writing a book about getting work as a painter. It's a primer for paint jobs.
  • What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job? A patchy gunship
  • Doc Brown goes for a new paint-job on his car, and decides to go that extra step and theme the vehicle after Star Wars Whenever people see it they say, "Man, DeLorean!"
  • Why did the paint job in the Autobots home base look so nice? Because Optimus Primed!
  • I got hit by a truck with a camouflage paint job. It came out of nowhere.
  • What did the Art Major say to the Other Majors? I'll paint your reactions when your Jobs are Automated if you buy me dinner!
  • I went for a job interview in a Art Gallery today, but the interviewers seemed to hate everything about me. I didn't really paint a good picture of myself.
  • Did you hear about the guy who painted Easter eggs? He did a good job. Not egg-cellent but good.
  • I has a really old computer To make it run faster, I decided to give it a nice black paint job. Now it doesn't work.
  • What's the difference between someone who makes wooden furniture and someone who does paint jobs? One is a carpenter and one is a car painter

Paint Brush Jokes

Here is a list of funny paint brush jokes and even better paint brush puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Teacher: So what's your sentence that contains the word contagious? Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.
  • Teacher: "OK Sarah, what's your sentence with contagious?" Student: "Our neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my dad said it will take the contagious."
  • I once insulted an artist about his bad painting He just brushed it off.
  • What kind of brush should you use for a painting when you are out of ideas? A makeup brush
  • Have you heard of the artist that creates beautiful artwork by dipping his girlfriend in paint and dragging her across a canvas? He always paints with a broad brush.
  • How do you spot a misogynist artist? He paints women with a broad brush.
  • How does Bob Ross exorcise his paint brush? He beats the devil out of it.
  • My wife walked into the garage where I was sitting with brush in hand and can of black paint She yelled, "No you fool!! What I said to you was to remember to turn your clock back!!"
  • What does a paint brush eat for dinner? Bristoles!
  • How many polocks does it take to paint a house? 1 to hold the brush and 1000 to turn the house!
Paint joke, How many polocks does it take to paint a house?

White Paint Jokes

Here is a list of funny white paint jokes and even better white paint puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I painted my living room white the other day and for a short while I could swear it looked slightly blue.... ...then I realised it was just a pigment of my imagination.
  • I asked my handyman why did he paint my staircase white He was indeed puzzled. The only thing I got from him is a blank stair
  • What do Paint Samples and Michael Jackson have in common? They both come in little white cans...
  • What would America do if Russia painted the moon red? Paint Coca Cola over it in white.
  • What colour did Matthew McConaughey paint his house? All white, all white, all white...
  • What did the black paint say to the white paint as it smeared across the canvas? Oh my you're looking gradient today.
  • A model asked a painter girl "Why do you always paint me in black and white"
    "There is no u in color" She said
  • I painted my computer black now it doesn't work I painted it white to make it work again now the whole system is corrupt - daddypig-ncsu
  • The Wong Brothers Painting Company was hired to paint Rick's house white while he was on vacation. He came back to a blue home. Two Wongs don't make it white.
  • The difference between my mom and clown..... Is that the clown face painted white before they meet men

Spray Paint Jokes

Here is a list of funny spray paint jokes and even better spray paint puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature? Because the spray paint can wasn't invented until 1949.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right... ...For example, your parents.
    (Saw this spray painted on the back of a van. No idea if it's from something)
  • My mom asked me to paint her room for her. Apparently duct taping spray paint cans to a roomba Is not helping and why we don't love you anymore
  • Why are there so few black doctors? Because you can't write a prescription with spray paint.
  • How do you turn a Russian into an Asian? Spray paint them yellow, put their eyes towards the sun, and punch them in the gut so they scream, NEE!
  • Why are Black People's Hands and Feet White? God put them on all fours when he spray-painted them.
  • A s**... has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame... ...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
  • What do the Welsh call safe s**...? Spray painting the sheep that bite.

Dulux Paint Jokes

Here is a list of funny dulux paint jokes and even better dulux paint puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The owner of dulux paints died today, he froze to death atop a mountain Police report states he could of done with another coat.
  • I just heard the owner of Dulux paint passed away on Mount Everest Apparently he could've done with another coat
Paint joke, I just heard the owner of Dulux paint passed away on Mount Everest

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about paint can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of paint puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Amusing Paint Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about paint you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean draw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make paint prank.

A rich guy hires an out of work Mexican to do some work.

The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."
The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."

A priest is painting the outside of his church...

He realizes he won't have enough paint to complete the job unless he adds water, which he does. When he finishes, a freak rainstorm pops up and his handiwork is lost as all the paint is washed off. From the clouds, a voice calls out:
"Repaint, and thin no more."

Blonde Paint Job Warning:Long

A blonde,wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself as a handyman type and started canvasing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the man asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."

Blonde Paint Job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

A man walking down the street

A man walking down the street when he is approached by a p**....
"For $200 I'll perform any act for you, provided that you can describe the act in three words"
The man thinks about the offer for less than a minute and gives the woman for $200.
"OK tell me what you want me to do, but remember only in three words."
The man replies "Paint my house."

Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects

for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.
"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"
So now, every time Mr Snail drives past the insects, speeding like a maniac, all the insects look and say: "Wow, look at that 'S' car go!"

My girlfriend told me this one

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Recreational tampons...

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

So the painters finish painting my home...

and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."

The painters

I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0.
I asked them, "Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"
They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

Why did the snail paint an S on the back of his car?

So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"

Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs

The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."
The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.
About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."
One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."

A Painter and a Gallery Owner

Painter: How are my paintings selling?
Gallery Owner: Well, there is some good news and some bad news. A man came in the other day and asked me if you were a painter whose work would become more valuable after your death. When I told him I thought you were, he bought everything you had in the gallery.
Painter: Wow! That's terrific! What's the bad news?
Gallery Owner: He was your doctor

A guy meets a h**... in a bar

She says to him, "this is your lucky night. I've got a special going, for $300 i'll do absolutely anything you can think of but the catch is you have to be able to say it in 3 words or less."
The guy replies, "thats a great deal" then slowly lays out 3 &100 dollar notes and says "Paint... My... House."

Football joke

How do you keep the St. Louis Rams off of your lawn?
Paint an endzone on it.

A painter got a call...

from the gallery that was showing his work. The gallery owner said, "I have good news and bad news. A fellow came in this morning and asked if your work is the kind that would increase in value after the artist's death. I sad yes, and he bought all fifteen paintings. The bad news is that he's your doctor."

What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

The mistress says "Oh darling! That was *wonderful*!"
The wife says "Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige."

I hate how politically correct the world is becoming...

No longer am I allowed to say "black paint." Now I have to say "Tyrone can you please paint."

A ship carrying red paint collided with another that was carrying purple paint

Both crews were marooned

Everyone's so politically correct these days.

You can't even say "black paint" anymore. You have to say "Tyrone, would you kindly paint my fence?"

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say

Girlfriend: Are you done already?
Mistress: Are you done yet?
Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

Girlfriends, wives, and h**..., and the differences between them.

h**... say "Are you done yet?"
Girlfriends say "Are you done already?"
Wives say "Tan, we should paint the ceiling tan."

Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint

CNN reports that both crews are marooned

Everything's racist these days.

You can't even say "black paint" anymore.
You have to say "Tyrone, paint that wall".

So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter

The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.
End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.
Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.
End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"
"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.

A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a p**....

"For $200 I'll perform any act you want, provided you can describe it in 3 words."
The man thinks about the offer for a moment then hands over the money and replies,
"Paint my house."

Why did the elephant paint the bottom of its feet yellow?

So it could hide in a bowl of custard.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a bowl of custard? No?
That means it's working, the crafty b**....

What's the difference between a h**..., a lover and a housewife?

A h**... says "Faster! faster!"

A lover says "Slower....slooower..."

A housewife says "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say "black paint."

Instead you have to say "Jamaal please paint my fence."

Stalin appears in Putin's dream...

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.
Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
"Why blue?" Putin asks.
"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

Black paint

Political correctness has gone to far these days. You cant even say black paint any more, you have to say "Tyrone, please will you paint my house?"

In the words of Bill Murray...

An Irish man knocks on the door of an old lady, he says he's broke and looking for work. The old lady says "Sure, I'll pay you to paint my porch." So she gives the Irish man some paint and he leaves.
One hour later the man comes back, "Are you already done?" the lady asked, "Aye." said the Irish man, "But it's not a porch it's a Mazda."

The world is so politically correct these days.

You used to be able to say "black paint." Now it has to be "Jamal can you please paint my wall?"

A guy is sitting alone at the bar

when a hot girl comes up to him. She leans to his ear and whispers in a seductive tone:
"For $100 I'll do anything, as long as you can describe it in no more than three words!"
She leans back, and the man thinks about the offer for a second and answers:
"Paint my house"

Another blonde joke.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Being politically correct s**.... I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say, "hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

A blonde, wanting to earn some money...

decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

What does a painter do when he gets cold?

Puts on another coat.

$1,000 worth of products were stolen from a Games Workshop today

Police are looking for a book and three pots of paint.

PC is getting way out of hand. You can't even say black paint anymore.

Instead it's gotta be "Jamal, please paint."

What's the difference between a h**..., your girlfriend, and your wife?

When you're having s**... a h**... says "are you done yet?" Your girlfriend says "you're done already?" And your wife says "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."

Political Correctness has gone mad...

You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."

Why do elephants paint their t**... red?

To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works.
What's the loudest sound in the forest?
Giraffes eating cherries.

2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".

Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"

The world is becoming too politically correct

You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence".

What's the difference between a p**..., a girlfriend and a wife?

A p**... says "Faster, faster!"
A girlfriend says "More, more!"
A wife says "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Why do elephants paint their t**... red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea.

One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.
They collide...
All the survivors were marooned.

I hate how politically correct we have become as a society ...

You can't even say black paint anymore. Now you have to say, "Jamal kindly paint my house?"

These days you can't even say ''black paint'' anymore

You have to politely ask, "Tyrone, will you please paint the wall?"

I hate how you cant even say black paint anymore

Now I have to say "Leroy can you please paint the fence?"

Apparently saying "Black paint" is racist...

Now I have to say "Please paint the wall DeMarcus".

What's red and tastes like blue paint?

Red paint

A guy meets a h**... in a bar

And buys her a drink. She says to him "For $300, I'll do anything you want as long as you can ask for it in 3 words." So he thinks about it for a minute, reaches into his wallet, pulls out three Benjamins, slaps them on the bar and says "Paint. My. House".

What's the difference between a h**..., a girlfriend and a wife?

A h**... says "that's all", a girlfriend says "is that all?" and a wife says "blue. I think I'll paint the ceiling blue."

I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore.

Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."

A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a p**......

... "For $200, I'll perform any act for you," she tells him, "provided that you can describe the act in three words." The man thinks about the offer for less than a moment and gives the woman $200. "OK, tell me what you want me to do, but remember, only in three words," she tells him. The man, who has been quiet throughout the exchange says, "Paint my house."

Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...

You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."

Did you hear about the new paint called "blonde" paint?

It's not very bright but it spreads easily.

Everything has to be politically correct nowadays..

Back in the day you could say black paint, nowadays you have to say 'Jerome, please paint the fence.'

Political correctness has gotten so restrictive these days. Now I can't even say, "Black paint."

I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."

People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

Paint joke, People are so political these days...

jokes about paint

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these paint jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.