Painter Jokes
106 painter jokes and hilarious painter puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about painter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of painter jokes. Whether you're a artist yourself or just looking for a way to brighten someone's day, these jokes are sure to do the trick.
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Funniest Painter Short Jokes
Short painter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The painter humour may include short painting art jokes also.
- The painters I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0.
I asked them, "Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"
They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house." - A painter was murdered while working in his latest painting. The police still can't see the full picture.
- I started studying art history. I'm really learning a lot. This painter named 'Renaissance' is just amazing.
- Van Gogh masterpiece defaced by Just Stop Oil activists in London. A spokesman for the group said, 'We will not rest until all 19th century painters switch to acrylics or watercolours.'
- Shakespeare Joke Painter: "Y'are a dog."
Apemantus: "Your mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?" - A painter asked me.. .. if he can make a painting of my wife.
Me: Sure, but make it beautiful.
Painter: Of course. You will feel as if the paiting will talk to you.
Me: Oh! Sorry, leave it then. - Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends? He was way too autistic for his own good.
- It was my childhood dream to become a painter... ever since my doctor first told me I was artistic.
- What is the difference between a painter in Florida and a painter in Alaska? The painter in Alaska has to put on another coat
- Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.
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Painter One Liners
Which painter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with painter? I can suggest the ones about photographer and painting house.
- Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn't have an ear for music.
- What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
- I always wanted to be an abstract painter. I won't go into detail.
- I tried to be a self-portrait painter. But in the end it just wasn't me.
- My wife was cheating on me with the painter. I caught him red-handed.
- Why are there no fat painters? Because they all went to the paint store to get thinner
- I'm writing a book about getting work as a painter. It's a primer for paint jobs.
- How do painters stay warm? They add another coat.
- What do you get when you cross Hank Hill with Bob Ross? A Pro-painter.
- what language do slavic painters speak A-Cyrillic
- What sort of fact does a Historian and a Painter enjoy? An ARTY-Fact
- Did 'ja hear the one about the criminal painter? he was framed
- What do you call a 15th century Renaissance painter who is also a crab? Leonardo da Pinci
- I was a house painter for 4 years... I never thought I'd get that house done.
- I used to be a painter but I could never stop crying... The work was just so emulsional
House Painter Jokes
Here is a list of funny house painter jokes and even better house painter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just got my roof painted. The painters worked all day long, when I asked them how much I had to pay, they just replied,
"Don't worry about the paint, it's on the house. " - House Painter I was a house painter for five years, I never thought I was going to get that house painted.
- Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job? Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.
Famous Painter Jokes
Here is a list of funny famous painter jokes and even better famous painter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A very famous painter died recently. I don't know anything about the case, the details are sketchy.
- Hear about the famous chain-smoking Dutch painter? Vincent Van Cough
- I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
- You know that famous painter Rorschach? Why does he only draw d**...?
Bad Painter Jokes
Here is a list of funny bad painter jokes and even better bad painter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was h**... such a bad painter He could only paint reichtangles
Car Painter Jokes
Here is a list of funny car painter jokes and even better car painter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.
- What did the car-painter say to the carpenter? "You sound just like me!"
- What's the difference between someone who makes wooden furniture and someone who does paint jobs? One is a carpenter and one is a car painter
Painter And Decorator Jokes
Here is a list of funny painter and decorator jokes and even better painter and decorator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Went to the f**... of a Painter and Decorator who died young It was emulsional
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Painter Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about painter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean paint brush jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make painter pranks.
So the painters finish painting my home...
and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."
A Painter and a Gallery Owner
Painter: How are my paintings selling?
Gallery Owner: Well, there is some good news and some bad news. A man came in the other day and asked me if you were a painter whose work would become more valuable after your death. When I told him I thought you were, he bought everything you had in the gallery.
Painter: Wow! That's terrific! What's the bad news?
Gallery Owner: He was your doctor
A painter got a call...
from the gallery that was showing his work. The gallery owner said, "I have good news and bad news. A fellow came in this morning and asked if your work is the kind that would increase in value after the artist's death. I sad yes, and he bought all fifteen paintings. The bad news is that he's your doctor."
My friend decided to take up wood working and he heard this joke at his new work place
A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter.
A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter.
A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter.
If the painter makes it to the right address, it's a good thing.
h**... wanted to be a painter but failed. Ended up almost killing entire ethnicities of people.
He never did learn to mix the colours.
Made this up while laying in bed and yes it's bad. I apologize in advance
A 35 year old house painter walks out of his home on a snowy winter day but quickly scurries back inside and says with a grin on his face "It likes like I'M the one that needs another coat today"
So a man gets a job working as a highway stripe painter
The foreman gives the guy a paint brush and a fat bucket of paint and tells the dood where to paint and off the guy goes.
End of the first day the newbie comes back and tells the foreman he did 10 miles. "Outstanding!" The foreman says.
Second day newbie comes back to the shop at the end of the day and tells the foreman he's done 4 miles. 'Not impressive.' The foreman thinks.
End of the third day the newbie tells his foreman he did one mile. The foreman has to ask, "The first day you did 10 miles, the second day you did 4, and today you only accomplished one measly mile? What gives?"
"Well," The newbie says, "Every day the paint can gets farther and farther away.
What did the painter do when he was angry?
He made a scene.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter?
Because he wanted to be a musician but he just didn't have an ear for music.
Why are all painters talented?
It comes to them easel-y.
What do you get if you cross a Boxer and a Painter?
Mohammed Dali
A rich snail goes into a car shop...
He picks out a super fast car and says, "I want a big S painted on the left side, the right side, the front, the back. I want big Ss everywhere! The car painter asks why, and the snail says, "Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say, 'Wow! Look at that escargot!'"
Why Couldn't the Painter Make Money at Comic-Con?
Nobody wanted to deal with a con artist.
Needed a new paint job
My house needed a new paint job on the outside so I called up a painter and he came and a did a couple hours of work.
Knowing how expensive painters usually are I begrudgingly asked
"So how much is this gonna bankrupt me"
He replied
"Nothing it's on the house!"
What do you call a painter with a brown finger?
Picasso
A model asked a painter girl
"Why do you always paint me in black and white"
"There is no u in color" She said
An Italian painter loved spice
So he boughtachili
What do you call a deceitful painter that has a passion for vegetables?
A corn artist
What do you call a surrealist painter that converts to Islam?
Muhammad Dali
I was talking to a painter once
I asked him why did he insist on old styles, he told me that old habits dye hard
Who's Nelly's favorite painter?
Heeeeey! Must be the Monet!
What's a painters favorite Slum Village song?
Get Dis Monet
The perfume factory owned by a surrealist painter has had to close down...
.. because it never made scents.
A painter asked: How am I selling?
Gallery Owner: Well there's good news and bad news. A man came in and asked me if you were a painter whose work would become more valuable after your death. When I told him I thought you were, he brought everything you had in the gallery.
Painter: Wow! That's terrific! What's the bad news?
Gallery Owner: He was your doctor
I have a violin and a painting made by Stradivarius and Rembrandt, the dealer said they were worthless...
Unfortunately Rembrandt made poor violins, and Stradivarius was no painter.
What do you call a horrible painter?
An autist.
What painter was always sick?
Vincent Van *cough*
My painter friend died recently.
He died from a s**....
I took my pet snail to get his car painted..
We drive over to the painters garage and he asks:
hey, what color would you like you car ?
Snail says back to him:
I would a black car with a green S on top
Painter exclaims:
Oh that's cool, S for snail
Snail lashes back:
No, not S for snail, that way when people see me drive by they say hey look at that escargot !
How did the unsuccessful painter die?
Art failure.
Why did the mathematician fail as a painter?
His art was derivative.
what do you call a painter who gets terrible headaches?
an aspirin artist.
What is Pastamania's favorite painter?
Henry *Fusili*
An archeologist finds three coffins. The first two have ornate drawing of a person covering each of their front sides. The third one, however, possessed only a primitive sort of stick figure. Who did the archeologist think was buried in the last coffin?
The coffin painter
When a painter gets excited
He gets a huge rush of emulsion
Why did the painter give the wall 2 coats?
Because it was winter
Why do painters prefer working in teams?
They don't want to dye alone.
17th century painter Peter Paul Rubens walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Bartender asks how are you going to pay for that?
Peter Paul Rubens says put it on my tab. I'm baroque.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."
When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
What do you call a dancing painter?
Bob Floss
Q. Why did Germany provide aid to artists hit by coronavirus?
A. They know what happen when painter suffer setbacks.
If a painter records his videos painting and posts it on social media,
Is he considered a recording artist?
I told my wife that last night I had a dream about a painter coming down from the Heavens to recreate her beauty on canvas
But after he saw her in person, he said that he had to return to heaven for more paint.
What do you call a painter with Coronavirus?
Van Cough
The art critic
A young painter is exhibiting his work for the first time, and a famous art critic is in attendance.
The critic has a look around and then finds the artist, saying to him: "Do you want my opinion on your art?"
The artist of course says "yes"
The critic replies "it's worthless"
"I know. But tell me anyway."
A man requested a female painter to paint him in the n**....
"No" the talented artist said. "I don't do that sort of thing.
"I'll increase your fee two times," he said.
"No, no thanks!!"
"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."
Okay, said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to place my brushes."
Did you hear about the Dutch painter that swapped a Hemi into his Chrysler Voyager?
Everyone in town said, "Look at Vincent's van go!"
I found an old violin and a painting in the attic.
The antique dealer said, "The good news is you've got a Stradivarius and a Picasso. The bad news is Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Picasso made c**... violins."
Mid age humor..
The guest of a famous painter, who was also known for having ugly children, remarked, "The people in your paintings are much more beautiful than your children". To which the painter replied: I make the pictures in the light, the children in the dark.
A painter is employed to whitewash the local church. But he makes the mistake of thinning the paint down too much, so that it all washes away the first time it rains.
The minister rings the painter to complain. "What do you want me to do about it?" says the painter.
"Repaint," says the minister, "And thin no more."
