Following is our collection of funny Pain jokes. There are some pain anguish jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pain neck pain puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.
Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.
I responded, "How about now?"
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
0 Hz
One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.
As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.
A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."
and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."
I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0.
I asked them, "Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"
They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
through the board fence he hears the nuts inside chanting, thirteen...thirteen...thirteen. Curious, peeks through a knot hole and someone pokes him in the eye! As he jumps back in pain he hears the nuts start chanting, fourteen...fourteen...fourteen.
You can explore pain aches and pains reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pain discomfort dad jokes. There are also pain puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Painter: How are my paintings selling?
Gallery Owner: Well, there is some good news and some bad news. A man came in the other day and asked me if you were a painter whose work would become more valuable after your death. When I told him I thought you were, he bought everything you had in the gallery.
Painter: Wow! That's terrific! What's the bad news?
Gallery Owner: He was your doctor
So that it never tips
Doctor: "Well I cant find anything wrong with you , it must be the drinking"
Mick : "Ill come back when you're sober Doctor"
It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)
It's called wedding cake
[Visiting father on death bed] "Dad, I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. "
*Dad struggling to talk* "Hi sorry for the pain I caused you, I'm Dad."
Now it doesn't work
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"
When it's on the house.
Now it just doesn't work.
Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt.
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure thisβ¦ Β
Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault.
A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"
The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorryβ¦I don't understand."
The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"
The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor.
"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."
She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"
Gigahurts.
(Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)
Now it runs much faster
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"
She says, "Don't worry. It's not your fault."
Woman: No thanks, whisky is bad for my legs.
Man: Legs? Thats strange, do they pain or swell?
Woman: No, they spread.
A mother and father are sitting with a judge during a custody battle
Mom: Sir, I went through hours of pain and suffering to bring my daughter into this world. I should have full custody.
Judge: Do you have anything to say in your defense?
Father: When you put money into a vending machine and a Coke comes out, who does the coke belong to. You or the vending machine?
Two young boys are waiting for their
surgeryβ¦
What operation are you having done?
Getting my tonsils out, what about you?
Circumcision
Oh that's bad, I had that done when I was born
and I couldn't walk for a year
In other words, here are your brand new safety shoes.
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought soβ¦. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.
Now I'm in a world of pain.
I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.
"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.
"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"
**It must have been the delivery.**
A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.
"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.
"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"
The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**
Had to explain to her that we use names here. It was a pain.
It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."
...from upstairs and asked "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sound concerned, I replied, "No..."
She responded, "How about now?"
a pain in the ass
Ouch
You know, there is an experimental technology that can transfer your pain to the father, but he will feel the pain 10 times as much
The husband, seeing his wife in pain hurt him too much and said, Do it. I'm strong enough
The doctor then did it, and the man didn't feel a thing, which the doctor found odd.
Later, the couple came home, and found their mailman, on their driveway, dead.
I am sorry, honey, I replied. What is wrong?
It's a site for sore eyes.
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned I replied "No..."
She responded "How about now?"
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Darthritis
Apparently "zero stars, would not recommend" was the wrong answer.
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on the ground & rolled around in pain.
She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken"
Wife: "Do yo ever get a shooting pain across your body,
like someones got a voodoo doll of you and the're stabbing it.?"
Me: "No.. why."
Wife:. "How about now.?"
To cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!
It caused severe pain To-ma-toes.
a real pain in the ass
"Daddy, daddy!" says the boy, excitedly. "Did you get shot in the army?"
The father looks away and grimaces. The pain is etched clearly on this face. He gets a faraway look in his eye, and a tear rolls down his face, as he says, "No, son..."
"...but I did get shot in the leggy."
Now all I have is pain.
She yelled back, "How about now?"
She rushes over to the man who is on the ground, rolling around screaming in pain with his hands between his legs.
She profusely apologizes and offers to relieve his pain since she is a doctor and reluctantly he agrees. She gently moves his hands to his sides and unzips his pants and puts her hands inside. She massages him tenderly for a few minutes and asks: "How does it feel?"
He replies: "It feels great but I still think my thumb is broken".
Poison I, II, III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However poison IV would make you really itchy.
He said For fuck's sake, will you stop painting the damn things and just hammer them into the damn wall
Because it's a coat.
and it may be my crowning achievement.
(Sorry for being a royal pain).
Riding back home was a huge pain in the ass.
A pain in the ass.
The sandwich artist began making my selection, using his right hand to place the slices of ham.
Suddenly, he pulled his hand away and cried out in pain.
Ouch! Hand cramp!
Before I could ask if he was ok, he finished stacking the slices of ham with his left hand.
Lucky for you I'm hambidexterous he said.
A Khan artist.
And asks "Hey Dad how's the door doin'?"
And I respond "eh it's hanging in there."
Best setup for a Dad joke I had yet.
I went to the doctor who asked me what the problem was.
Me: I have this pain in my ass
Dr: Oh yeah, what's the problem
Me: We'll she's always hogging the remote to watch Grey's Anatomy
Dr: π
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pain back pain jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working pain tooth pain piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.