JokoJokes

Paid Jokes

161 paid jokes and hilarious paid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Have you ever wanted to get paid for telling jokes? This article covers the different ways you can make money off your gags, ranging from hourly wages to setting up monthly or paid search subscriptions. We'll also discuss lentil jokes and how to maximize your time off to get the most out of your comedy career.

Quick Jump To

Short paid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paid humour may include short payed jokes also.

  1. My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
  2. My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I'm paid to travel My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver
  3. Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
  4. A company owner was asked a question, How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
    He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
  5. Brittney Griner had been traded for Viktor Bout This is the first wnba trade that I paid attention to.
  6. Chuck Norris got ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom If the money wasn't paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded
  7. airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual ...I just paid $18 for a coke & a ham sandwich...Let's start with that.
  8. A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store.
  9. Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2 I paid my $2 and he says "once upon a time, there was this lobster....."
  10. For anyone who says "money cant buy you happiness" You obviously have never paid for a divorce.

Share These Paid Jokes With Friends




Which paid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paid? I can suggest the ones about payment and paying.

  1. What are pornstars paid? Income.
  2. How are dog catchers paid? By the pound!
  3. What does the highest paid WNBA player make? Sandwiches.
  4. I once paid $20.00 to see Prince perform But I partied like it was $19.99
  5. They say a woman's work is never done that's probably why they get paid less
  6. What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house? mortgage freeman.
  7. This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it
  8. I defeated a state chess champion in two moves My karate lessons really paid off.
  9. How do prostitutes get paid? Income
  10. I've heard that U2 has never paid legal any legal fees Their lawyers all work pro-Bono.
  11. What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? You only get paid in tips.
  12. What do you call someone who gets paid not to work? A shareholder.
  13. Just paid a lot of money for a really unprofessional circumcision It was a rip off
  14. I never paid for my exorcism I hope I don't get repossessed.
  15. How are dog catchers in the UK paid? By the pound.

Getting Paid Jokes

Here is a list of funny getting paid jokes and even better getting paid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control. I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?
  • Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.
  • The difference between your boyfriend and Ronda Rousey is... Ronda actually gets paid to disappoint people for 48 seconds.
  • Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a loot box that MIGHT contain a fish and you'll get paid FOREVERRR!!
  • I've paid $.25 for a bag of Top Ramen since I was in college Either they don't raise their prices for inflation or I've been getting ripped off the past 20 years...
  • I heard people are getting paid to mention companies and do product placement in their Reddit posts! That's almost as crazy as the discounts at Jez's Furniture Emporium. Sale this weekend
  • Men get paid more than women because they choose high paying careers like doctor, engineer, and CEO Women pick low paying careers like woman doctor, woman engineer, or woman CEO
  • I feel bad for Anne Frank She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!
    And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.
  • How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid? $50/h plus tips
  • How do circumcision doctors get paid? In tips.

Here is a list of funny paid time off jokes and even better paid time off puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I passed by a roadside stand that said "lobster tails: $2" So I stopped, paid my $2 and the man said,
    "Once upon a time, there was a lobster..."
  • Today I stopped at the road-side stall that said "Lobster Tails: $2" So I paid my $2 and the guy goes "Once upon a time there was a lobster...."
  • I stopped at a roadside stand where a sign read "LOBSTER TAILS $5." I paid my $5 and the guy said....
    "Once upon a time, there was this lobster....."
  • UFC 207 Not the first time I've paid $60 for 48 seconds of disappointment
  • paid a compliment By a coworker, "every time I talk to you, I leave a smarter man."
    I asked where he left him.
  • When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don't understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
  • Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today? We would get paid every day, and all women would bleed to death.
  • A man walks into a bar and then proceeds to order a pint and drink in peace, disturbing no one... He was very courteous and paid his bill in a timely manner.
  • I asked my agent what time I should arrive to be paid for the Elvis impersonation gig. He said it's 1 for the money.
  • When is the only time you don't see to many women in the kitchen When the chiefs are highly paid professionals
Paid joke, When is the only time you don't see to many women in the kitchen

Here is a list of funny paid vacation jokes and even better paid vacation puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If a person becomes a m**... they go to jail If a cop becomes a m**... they get paid vacation.

Here is a list of funny paid athlete jokes and even better paid athlete puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.
  • Why do paid athletes weigh more than felons? Because the pro's outweigh the cons.
  • I just abhor the athletes They get paid, just for having fun
Paid joke, I just abhor the athletes

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about paid can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of paid puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

What funny jokes about paid you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean salary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make paid prank.

Wanted: Personal psychic for wealthy client.

Salary: $10,000 per week plus bonuses.
Free accommodation.
10 weeks paid leave per year.
Company car.
Generous pension scheme.
You know where to apply.

Rabbi

So today I was wondering, when a rabbi performs a circumsision, does he get paid or does he just keep the tips?

Circumcision.

My parents paid the bill, but I left the tip.

A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......

phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."

I went to the Space and Air Museum in Indiana...

I paid $20 just to see an empty warehouse.

If I die...

If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It's all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It's new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"


"No. She's left-handed."

I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums.

He was a professional tuna.

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.
The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.
The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

I didn't know you could get paid for donating s**....

When I think of all the money I've let slip through my fingers...

Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I haven't paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean in my face.

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Man, I wish I had paid for all that music...

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."

Two friends meet at a bar

Guy 1: Can you believe i just spent $3000 to cremate my mother-in-law?
Guy 2: Oh really? i only paid $500 to cremate my mother-in-law
Guy 1: Yeah but your mother-in-law was dead...

Paid a visit to 'www.conjunctivitis.com' earlier...

Believe me, it's a site for sore eyes.

Why are british employees fat

Because they get paid by the pound

Critics say Botox is too expensive...

...but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised.

How many Mexicans does it take to build a...

Never mind, they're already done, and they paid for it too.

TIL s**... donors are paid $50 per donation.

It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

My friend asked me if I've ever paid for s**...

I've paid dearly: I've got three kids.

Punctuality....

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

A man was circumcised in a dodgy alleyway...

He paid close to nothing for it but was not happy as later that day, he was complaining to his friends that it was a complete rip-off.

Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.
"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."
"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.
"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.
"Applied psychology."

Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic.

Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.

So my cousin s**... up bigtime

My cousin has two tickets for the 2017 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St. Joseph Church, in Warwick, RI at 3 p.m. Her name is Amanda. She's 5'2, about 130 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

They say a man's work is from sun up to sun down and a woman's work is never finished.

That's probably why women get paid less.

My girlfriends dad told me that he'll do to me whatever I do to her.

So I said "I paid for dinner and drove her home".

Why Do You Get Paid More At The s**... Bank Than At The Blood Bank?

s**... Is Handmade.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear! ...Next Day... (Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole! Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole) Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.

Some h**... get paid to go out on dates before s**..., and call it the "girlfriend experience."

Others t**... and humiliate you, then steal your wallet and car while you're t**....
That's called the "wife experience."

They told me to drive it like I stole it

So I stayed at the speed limit, followed the road rules and paid attention to my surroundings

A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his f**.... A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.
I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own f**....
What's so funny about that?
I'm a gynecologist.

Cardiologist and the Mechanic

A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,
"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"
The cardiologist then turns the ignition on and says, "try it with the engine running."

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
...Next Day...
(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.
Mom:...

What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton?

Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning

How much do you get paid?

The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned out the garage, pruned the hedges, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulls up and yells out her window, Say, what do you get for yard work?
The homeowner thought for a moment, then answered, The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.

Nine of ten doctors agree:

Getting paid to endorse things is awesome

I sure like that my car insurance requires a 10 character password.

I sure would hate it if someone ..... paid my car insurance?

If my grandmother knew how much we paid for her f**......

She would roll over in her ditch.

A man walks into a bar and orders a r**... and Coke...

The bartender says to the man "sorry, but is Pepsi okay?"
The man, having had a long day at work and needing a drink decided not to be picky
"Sure, why not" he said, then paid for his drink
The bartender fixed up the drink and handed it over
"Here you go," he said, "Pepsi and Coke"

A young man on his first date.

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have s**... when the girl stopped. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**.... The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asked the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase

He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"

After his wife passed away, he stopped wearing his glasses. His sister saw him and exclaimed: Aww it must be so hard for you, nothing is worth seeing anymore after she's gone?

He said: What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

A man walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing

"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm off to New York," she replies. "I hear prostitutes get paid $400 doing what I do to you for free."
The husband begins packing his bags.
"What are you doing?" asked the wife.
"I'm coming with you," he said. "I wanna see how you live off $800 a year."

A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.

The Trophy Wife

This guy is so sick of his hot trophy wife always asking for money.

So the next time she comes and asks him for some money he says "I'm not giving you any more money until you make some money for yourself."

So the next day he comes home from work and his wife says "I did it. I made money. I made $230.50!"

He says "Wow. How did you do that?"

She says "Easy: Prostitution."

So now he looks kind of perplexed he says "Who paid 50 cents?"

She says "Everybody!"

m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.

At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

I'm getting paid a lot to shut down Zoom calls...

Now I'm making ends meet by making meets end!

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock's paper scissors.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

Wait, you're getting paid?

What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

Ignorant.

Paid joke, What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

jokes about paid

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these paid jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.