Page Jokes

What are some Page jokes?

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence


I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *POOF*

He disappeared without a tres.

What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he's masturbating?

His ears.

Oooo! I get to say it! "Front page?! Wow! Thanks y'all!" Oh yea, and "RIP my inbox"
Good times!

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

I have designed a website for orphans

there isn't a home page

I just finished designing a website for an orphanage

There isn't a home page

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

What's the biggest difference between Google and Pornhub?

I'm willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Pornhub.

If you Google "lost mediaeval servant boy"

You get "This page cannot be found".

So I was about to roll a joint with a page from the Qur'an...

But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting stoned.

I just opened up a Facebook page for Chinese Nazis

It has three Reichs so far

I Googled "Missing Medieval Servant"

It came back: "Page Not Found"

I remember when my mother would tuck me in

She really wanted a daughter

(taken from a front page meme)

I started a Chinese-Nazi Facebook page

so far its got three reichs

Did you know there's an Alzhimers epidemic?

I noticed it when I saw how many reposts make it to the front page.

I set up a Facebook page for Chinese nazis

It has 3 reichs

I went to a job interview at EA

The interviewer, after reading my CV, said:

"I see that this CV was clearly printed on two pages, but I only have one. Where's the other one?"

"Page two is 19.99$"

Have you noticed that if you google the phrase "lost medieval servant boy"

The search returns "Page not found".

What's the safest place to hide a dead body?

Page 2 of Google search.

So I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis...

So far it's gotten three Reichs on Facebook

My date asked if I prefer cats or dogs.

I replied, "I don't even see them on the menu. What page are you on?"

Why did the introduction and the conclusion break up?

They were just never on the same page...

I made a website for orphans

It doesn't have a home page

So a Higgs Boson particle goes into a catholic church

And it gets stopped at the door by the bishop.

The bishop says, "Sir, I can't allow you in here."

"What? Why?" the particle responds.

"You call yourself the 'God particle.' That's blasphemy against our Lord."

"Oh, well, I guess that makes sense. Before I go, though, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah sure," the bishop responds. "Might as well."

"So," the Higgs Boson begins, "if you don't allow me in here, how do you have mass?"

My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year

But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.

What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime?

A weebsite.

Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book?

It was Wei Tu Long.

I've submitted ten puns today trying to make the front page

no pun in ten did...

Facebook

So I was in a public library and saw a homeless man I had seen around town on facebook.
It got pretty depressing because the page wouldn't load every time he tried to click 'home'...

URGENT: HOW TO SAVE NET NEUTRALITY (PLEASE READ)

Page loading...

Some of the jokes on this page are so dark

I'm surprised they haven't been shot yet

Where is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of a Google result.

A panda walks into a cΓ‘fe.

He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.

Why? Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.

I'm a panda, he says at the door, look it up.

The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves





Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves

How did realism get me banned from Facebook?

I sided with cancer on the "Kids VS Cancer" page.

8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it's someone's ATM PIN.

...it was mine.

Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.


Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.

Welcome to the Alzheimer's information support page...

...please enter your 17 digit password.

Testicles. (Not sure if a repost, found this joke on a fb page)

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results -back?

I read this whole sub twice...

Without even needing to reload the page.

A

If this 'A' gets to the front page, I'll delete this text and it'll make people go crazy wondering how an A got to the front page.
Post mysterious comments like So true! And don't talk about how it's an inside joke.

A child falls into a lion pit at the zoo...

The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."

The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads

"REPUBLICAN MARINE PUNCHES AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS LUNCH"

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

A joung Jew loved to read books

He loved to read so much that he read all of the books in the library in his town. So one day he went to a bookstore and asked if they had a book that he haven't read yet. An old Jew that worked there said yes and handed the boy a strange, covered in dust book titled "DEATH". He said to the boy:

"Here is the book that you've probably never heard of. I can sell it to you for $10 if you promise me to never, ever open it at the last page."

The boy agreed and bought the book. He read it and liked it very much, but, as promised, he didn't open it at the last page. One day he could bear it no longer and checked the last page. "Suggested Retail Price: $5".

A koala wakes up next to a prostitute....

The koala tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's look in a dictionary for the definition of prostitute". The two proceed to look up the definition to find that it is 'someone who has sex for money'. The Koala then flips a few pages back to the definition of koala, then walks out of the room. Confused, the protitute looks down at the page. The dictionary says 'Koala: An animal who eats bushes and leaves'

5 people are in a plane that is about to crash.

The five people are:
-Trump
-Morgan Freeman
-Larry Page
-The Pope
-A schoolboy

There are only 4 parachutes.

Morgan freeman says that he is an entertainer of millions, and jumps out of the plane with a parachute.

Larry Page says that he founded Google, and jumps out of the plane with a parachute.

Trump says that he is the smartest man in America, and jumps out of the plane with a parachute.

There are only two people left, and one parachute. The Pope says "I have lived a long and happy life, you can take the parachute" to the schoolboy.

The schoolboy replies "no, it's OK, we can both go, the smartest man in America took my backpack!"

I tried to start a religious social media page called Faithbook...

...but it was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association.

Tried Googling "Missing Medieval Servant"

but I kept getting Page Not Found

How to get on the front page

Not like this.

Have you noticed if you Google the term "lost medieval servant boy"

It says "page not found"

The London Philharmonic is getting set up to play Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.

Everybody's practicing their parts, except for the bass players - they barely have any notes at all, just at the very beginning and the very end. So they hatch a plan: during the performance, they'll all sneak out and go to the pub for some brews. The lead bassist ties a string to the last page of the conductor's score, to alert them so they can get back in time.
Performance night rolls around, and the curtains roll up to a magnificent opening segment. The bassists duck behind the percussion and run to the nearest bar. They order a couple of drinks and joke to themselves about how ridiculous they look in tailed, double-breasted tuxedos when suddenly they are approached by a man dressed even more formally, wearing a crown and long gown. He introduces himself as the Count of Bavaria, a true regal fellow. Before they know it everybody is chatting it up and the Count orders a *huge* plate of nachos. This is a massive plate - big enough for three men - but the Count, he must be starving because he eats every last bite. The bassists are enjoying their drinks and starting to get a bit drunk, when they notice they've got to rush back... Meanwhile, back at the performance, the conductor has turned the last page. He sees the string, and it dawns on him: it's the bottom of the ninth, the bassists are loaded and the count is full.

Have you noticed that if you google the phrase "lost medieval servant boy"

It comes back with "this page cannot be found"

Where do Grammar Nazis get put on trial?

You're*-emburg




^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^sorry...



**

Amen

DuringΒ  Sermon at a Sunday service , the PastorΒ  said: "If I had all the Beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".

And the congregationΒ  cried, "Amen! "
"And if I had all the Wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried: "Amen!"

"And if I had all the Whiskey and Rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river".

Again the congregation cried:Β  "Amen!"...

The PastorΒ  sat down.

The JuniorΒ  Pastor then stood up and said: "For our closing Hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our Hymn books and sing,Β  "We shall drink from the river".

The whole Congregation SCREAMED *HALLELUJAH!*

Prof to the student: Did you study geography?

Student: Yes sir.
Prof: so, tell me, where is Kentucky?
Student: At page 35 prof.

What did the Muslim guy say when his joke made the front page?

What spoils quicker than unrefridgerated meat?

The Walking Dead's facebook page.

My girlfriend and I share a bookmark.

It's good that we're both on the same page.

I wanted to improve my cooking skills, so I finally decided to cook my way through Julia Child's cookbook

I'm on page 122, but no matter how much butter I use, it still just tastes like paper.

In the spirit of a TIL that made it to the front page.

I'm sitting on this plane and the pilot comes on the PA system to tell the passengers that we are now flying at cruising altitude and all that nonsense but when he put the phone down he missed the hang up. All the passengers could still hear the pilot as he turns to to copilot and says, "You know I could really go for a a cup of coffee and a blow job right now." The flight attendant went running up the aisle to tell the pilot he didn't hang up and as she races by my seat the guy behind me shouts, "Hey, honey! Don't forget that cup of coffee!"

I was so desperate to fix a problem...

That I looked on the second page of Google to find the answer.

Amish Hooker

What's an Amish Hooker do?

Ten Mennonite!

(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)

Having too much sex can cause memory loss

I read it on page 37 in a medical journal in November 2006 at 4:19pm

North Korean launches keep getting better and better

Heck, they even made it to the front page today!

I have submitted 10 jokes now trying to reach the front page...

no pun in ten did.

I made a page for Chinese nazis

It's got 3 Reichs on Facebook already

A Knight's Retinue

A knight and his page stop for the evening at an inn, a squire close behind. The knight calls for the women to come and service his men, as they've been riding long and hard all day and wish to continue in the same manner. Four girls enter the room and pair up with the men in turn, but the last two are forced to double up. As morning came, the girls found a few new problems with themselves.
"That knight had chlamydia!", shouted one.
"Well the squire had crabs!", shouted another.
The last two girls checked themselves in a hurry, but found no new afflictions.
"Wow," one said, turning to the other. "I'm glad we were on the same page."

When my daughter said she wanted a place in the sun...

I didn't realise she meant page 3.

When I have a headache, I take an Advil and follow the instructions on the bottle:



"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"



(based on Kauffman, G. and Blakeley M. eds. 1980. Pulling Our Own Strings. Page 51)

A lady comes to a writer house

- Hey, how's your book writing going?

- Really well, I'm up to page 69.

- Wow, what're you writing?

- Page numbers

Best place to hide something nobody will see?

Page two of Google

Me and my dad read a book to understand each other better.

but we were never on the same page

The best place to hide a dead body is page 2 of Google search results

or page 1 of Bing.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom of the page

Did you hear about the magic pen that God gave Joseph Smith to write the Book of Mormon?

Every time Joe wrote something made up, the pen would leave ink on the page.

Best Place to hide..

Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.

What's the best way to hide a body?

On the second page of a google search.

A computer science teacher asks the class to turn to page 404.

The students search feverishly, to no avail

I am glad

... that everyone reading this is on the same page.

I know it's just bad luck that what I post never reaches the front page.

After all, I've definitely seen it there before.

Got an email from an airline inviting me to"Discover America".

I've replied with a link to the Wikipedia page about Christopher Columbus.

What's Lady Gaga's favorite food?

Sushi because they serve it raw, raw, raw\-raw\-raw!

(sorry I just saw the guy get to the front page with his stoned asparagus joke, so I wanted to try mine).

Why do Bookworms breakup ?

Because they are not on the same page.

How to make Page jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Page to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Page? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Page pick up lines to share with friends.

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