Paddy And Murphy Jokes
15 paddy and murphy jokes and hilarious paddy and murphy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paddy and murphy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Hilarious Paddy And Murphy Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What is a good paddy and murphy joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
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p**... has s**... for the first time
After finding out p**... had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," p**... gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," p**... replied.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and Murphy are in a dark cave.
p**... says "It's too dark. Do you have a match?"
Murphy hands p**... a match, which p**... strikes against the wall..but nothing happens. He strikes the match again but, again, nothing.
p**... says to Murphy "This match doesn't work."
"That's strange," says Murphy. "It worked earlier."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and Murphy find a mirror
p**... and Murphy find a mirror. p**... picks it up, has a look and says to Murphy " that bloke looks really familiar ". Murphy grabs it off him " Its me you idiot "
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Flynn was reminiscing about the first time he took his son p**... out for a drink
They went to the local pub, which is only two blocks from their home. Flynn got him a Guinness. p**... didn't like it - so Flynn drank it. Then Flynn got him a Smithwick's, p**... didn't like it either, so Flynn drank it. It was the same with the Harp and the Murphy's. By the time they got through the Irish whiskey, Flynn could hardly push the stroller back home.
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p**... & Murphy are working on a building site.
p**... and Murphy are working on a building site.
p**... says to Murphy, I'm gonna get the day off. I'm gonna pretend I've gone mad! He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down, and shouts, I'm a lightbulb, I'm a lightbulb!
Murphy watches in amazement.
The foreman shouts: p**..., go home. You've gone mad.
So p**... leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
Where do you think you're going? asks the foreman.
Well, I can't work in the friggin dark! said Murphy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What ringtone have you got?
Murphy asked p**..., "What ringtone have you got?"
p**... said, "I've never really looked, but probably light brown
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p**... and Murphy walk into a bar...
Hand in hand
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p**... is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and getting dizzy.
He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick". Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" p**... replies "No I only live round the corner".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... And Murphy Are In The Pub
p**... and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. p**... says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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p**... and Murphy walking down the street, p**... falls over, p**... says 'Murphy, call me an ambulance' Murphy says..
PAAAADDY IS AN AMBULANCE!!
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Two Irishmen have a bright idea...
p**... and Murphy are working on a building site. p**... says to Murphy,
"I'm gonna get the day off. I'm gonna pretend I've gone mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'm a lightbulb, I'm a lightbulb!"
Murphy watches in amazement.
The foreman shouts: "p**..., go home. You've gone mad."
So p**... leaves the site. Murphy starts packing is kit up to leave as well.
"Where do you think you're going?" asks the foreman.
"Well, I can't work in the friggin dark!" said Murphy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... & Murphy had just come out of O'Reilly's Tavern
p**... says to Murphy, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
Murphy stared into the sky for a moment and stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."
Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.
"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said,
"Sorry, I don't live around here."
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THE EXPLANATION
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law
p**... in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened p**... ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife
(your daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing
trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife
Jean, n**... with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable,
the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down p**...!" says his mother-in-law. "There
is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"p**.... I told you there must be a simple explanation ....
She never got your E-mail!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Poker
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when p**... Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell p**...'s wife... who will it be?"
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife.
"I'll go tell him," says Gallagher.
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Paddy And Murphy One Liners
Which paddy and murphy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paddy and murphy? I can suggest the ones about murphy and paddy and paddy and mick.
- p**... and Murphy walk into a bar... Hand in hand