Paddy And Mick Jokes
25 paddy and mick jokes and hilarious paddy and mick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paddy and mick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Happy Paddy And Mick Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What is a good paddy and mick joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I'm ready for a holiday.
p**... says to m**...,
I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant, last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."
m**... asks,
"So what are you going to do this year?"
p**... replies,
"I'll b**... take her with me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... and p**... are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
m**... says," Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
p**... says, "What's his name?"
m**... replies, "Miles, from London."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man starts work on a construction site in Liverpool.
The other workers nickname him "w**...".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got m**... and p**..., they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland".
The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "m**..., Mack, p**..., Wac leave the w**... alone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circumcised
p**... says to m**....
I'm getting circumcised tomorrow!
m**... says
I had that done when I was a few days old
p**... asks
Does it hurt?
m**... then replies
Well I couldn't walk for about a year after
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and m**... take a short cut home across a farmers field
p**...: "Ahhh, m**... look: there's a flock of Cows in the next field"
m**... says: "Herd of Cows, p**...... Herd of Cows"
Mildly infuriated, p**... replies:
"Of course I've heard of Cows, m**...: there's a b**... flock of them in the next field!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... was at the airport and was stopped by customs.
Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders.?
p**...: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.
Customs: So why so many mobile phones.?
p**...: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate m**...,
He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band, and could
I bring him back two Saxophones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police in Belfast have now been given permission to shoot people who break the curfew.
p**... and m**..., have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.
The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and m**... takes his gun and shoots a man.
"What are you doing m**..." said p**..., "It's only a quarter to eight!"
"That was wee Jimmy, I know where he lives, he would never have made it home in time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish Doughnuts
p**... and m**... are walking down the road and p**...'s got a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
p**... says to m**..., If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish lawnmower
p**... was waiting at the bus stop with m**... when a truck went by loaded with rolls of turf.
I gonna do that when I win the lottery, says p**....
What's dat? says m**....
Send me lawn away to be cut, says p**....
edit;typing
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mrs Donnelly: m**...? You took me husband Donnie on da trip to Guinness brewery, and heres you are alone. Where's me Donnie?
m**...: Its terrible news, miss. Donnie were leanin over one of those great big vats of stout, fell in and drowned.
Mrs Donnelly (starting to tear up): Oh lord in heaven... m**...! At least tell me he died quick.
m**...: I can't miss. He got out to pee three times.
Happy Saint Paddies ta ya all!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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m**... was going to see p**......
He went to his farm and p**...'s wife Mary said he's out in the barn.
When m**... walked in to the barn he seen p**... dancing n**... in front of his tractor.
m**... said what are you doing p**...?
p**... replied, you know me and Mary were having problems in the bed room, so we went to a therapist and he said do something s**... to a tractor..
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p**... and m**... are on a rollercoaster
Getting strapped in, p**... turns to m**....
"When we go upside down, will we fall out?"
"I hope not p**..., we've been pals for years."
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p**...
"Would you like to buy my dog?" m**... : "What kind is it?" p**...: "It's a Dalmatian." m**... : "Is it clean?" p**...: "Spotless."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Farmer p**...: "My cow fell down a hole, and I had to shoot her!"
Farmer m**...: "Bejeesuss! Did you shoot her in the hole?"
Farmer p**...: "No. I shot her in the head."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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p**... the Bear
p**... is out around town doing a bit of shopping, in one particular store he spots something shiny behind the counter and says to the assistant "What's that thing there?"
"Its a thermos flask" says the assistant.
"What does it do?" p**... asks.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, sir" She replies.
p**... buys the thermos flask and takes it to work the next day. At lunch time he sits down and takes it out of his rucksack.
"What's that thing?" m**... asks.
"Its a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" p**... says.
"Is that so? What've got in it?" Asks m**....
p**... says "Two cups of coffee and an ice cream"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... walks into a bar....
and orders his usual. As he's pouring out the Guiness, the bartender notices that p**... looks distraught. Worried about his best customer, the bartender asks, "What's the matter, p**...? You're looking glum".
p**... responds with a sigh and sips his Guiness. After a minute, p**... tells the bartender the source of his dispair. "I lost my best mate m**... today you see", says p**....
"Oh dear p**.... If you don't mind me asking, how did it happen?" asked the bartender.
p**... groaned in discontent.
"He got his finger caught in a wedding ring".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen were working for the city public works department.
p**... would dig a hole and m**... would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, p**... digging a hole, and m**... filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
So he asked p**..., I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it:why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?
p**... wiped his brow and sighed, Well, we're normally a three-person team, but today the lad who plants the trees called in sick .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... and m**... are at a job interview for a labourer by a builder
p**... goes first and is asked, "If you lost an eye, what would you be?"
He answers, "Half blind."
Then he was asked, "What would you be if you lost both eyes?"
He answers, "Blind."...
Builder says, "Great, you got the job - send m**... in."
m**... over heard the interview and thinks, "Great, I'll just give the same answers."
The builder asks, "If you lost an ear, what would you be?"
m**... says, "Half blind."
Then was asked, "What about if you lost both ears?"
m**... says, "Blind."
The builder, a bit puzzled, asked, "How would that be?"
m**... says, "My hat would slip down!!..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Has A Broken Leg
p**... has a broken leg and his buddy m**... comes over to see him.
m**... says, "How you doin'?"
p**... says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
m**... goes upstairs and sees p**...'s gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed.
He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."
m**... shouts downstairs, "p**..., both of 'em?"
p**... shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of f**...' one?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little Irish humor
p**... and m**... were walking along a street in London.
p**... looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".
p**... said to his pal, "m**... look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are p**..., I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business" said m**....
They go in and p**... said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised p**.... "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**...'s 18th birthday
p**... had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when p**...'s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal m**..., took a boat out to the middle of the lake, p**..., stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!
m**... just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, p**... went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him "
Granny looked deeply into p**...'s, troubled blue eyes and said,
"Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
6 Moose
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They
managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could
take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
"Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the
same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, p**..., m**... & the pilot
survived the c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, p**... asked m**..., "Any idea where we
are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
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