Pad Jokes
54 pad jokes and hilarious pad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Feeling a bit blue? Tired of the same old wisecracks? Check out our hilarious collection of pad jokes featuring knee pads, lily pads, maxi pads, Sakuya pads, mouse pads, brake pads, shoulder pads, brillo pads, snooker, pens, and keyboards. Guaranteed to get you laughing!
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Funniest Pad Short Jokes
Short pad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pad humour may include short snooker jokes also.
- A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back, "Naw man, you're in de-nile"
- Why did Steve Jobs' face always look so calm and collected? Because he used eye-pads before sleep
- Got sent home from work for my Halloween costume.. Apparently, being a brillo pad was too abrasive for some people.
- Girls hate it when you give them gifts implying that you will somehow benefit from them as well. Take knee pads for example.
- I bought a shabby little place in Bangkok above a nice restaurant. It was a bad Thai pad, but good pad Thai
- My niece just showed me a picture of her new girlfriend dressed in hockey gear, pads, mask and all I said "She looks like a keeper"
- What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.
- How to irritate an archaeologist? Show him a used women's pad and ask him which period it belongs to.
- What does a Polish woman and a hockey team have in common? They both change their pads after three periods.
- Where does the male mouse live since his wife caught him cheating and kicked him out of the house? His mouse pad
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Pad One Liners
Which pad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pad? I can suggest the ones about pen and keyboard.
- What's a frog's favorite springtime sport? Lily-pad-leboarding!
- A dyslexic put a dinner roll on a chair before he sat down... It was a pad bun.
- Why cant a woman be the goalie for hockey? 3 periods 2 pads.
- Hockey seems like a women's sport.... It has periods and the players wear pads.
- Why can't girls play hockey? Their pads can't last three periods
- Why do hockey players wear so many pads? Because they have 3 periods every game!
- What is the strongest plant in the bog? Lilly pads. They're toad bearing.
- Women make terrible hockey goalies... Their pads only last one period.
- Are knee pads... ... the perfect gift, for givers?
- My friend thinks I'm nuts. Says I belong in a padded room. I said it couldn't hurt.
- What's the fastest way from A to B? A little padding.
- Polish women are like goalies. They both change their pads every 3 periods.
- How can you tell who's the head nurse at a hospital? It's the one who has knee pads on.
- Working for Kotex would actually be a logical way to pad your resume.
- Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover?
A: Your mouse pad.
Lily Pad Jokes
Here is a list of funny lily pad jokes and even better lily pad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the frog's girlfriend need when she was on her period? A lily pad.
- Why were the frog's feet red? It jumped onto Lily's pad.
Knee Pad Jokes
Here is a list of funny knee pad jokes and even better knee pad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Every time a try to talk to the football team after practice Les tries to steal my Knee pads.. Knee'd Les to say, tomorrow WILL be different
- What's the quickest path to becoming a general? Working hard, and having a good pair of knee pads.
- How do you identify the head waitress at a restaurant? She's the one wearing knee pads.
Mouse Pad Jokes
Here is a list of funny mouse pad jokes and even better mouse pad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Told my PC gamer friend that I bought a home for my rodent. He should see my new mouse pad.
- So I just upgraded to Windows 10, I'm not happy about it. My mouse cursor was on the left side of the screen but my mouse was in the middle of my mouse pad.
Maxi Pad Jokes
Here is a list of funny maxi pad jokes and even better maxi pad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the m**...-pad say to the f**...? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
- what did the m**... pad say to the f**...? you are the wind beneath my wings. :D
I heard this from someone, somewhere, many moons ago. - What is the opposite of an iPad Mini? A m**... Pad
- What do you call a m**...-pad with a brain? a ThinkPad™
- I tried wrapping m**... Pads around my headphones But the sound keeps on bleeding through.
- Your mamma so fat she uses a mattress as a m**... pad.
- Your momma is soo fat... Her m**... pads come with wings and a side of ranch.
The Funniest Pad Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about pad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sanitary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pad pranks.
DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"
Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy are playing golf...
Moses steps up first and lands his ball in a water hazard. He then proceeds to part the water where the ball is and lands it in the hole.
Jesus hits his ball and also lands it in the water hazard. So he walk on the water, picks it up, places it on a nearby lily pad and also lands it in the hole.
Now the old bearded guy steps up and just hits the ball with all his strength. The ball goes flying! It then proceeds to hit a nearby rooftop, bounce along the grass and land on a lily pad. A frog appears and eats the golf ball. Then out of nowhere a bird picks up the frog in its talons and flies off. As the bird flies over the green, the frog spits out the ball and it manages to land the ball in the hole...
After witnessing this Moses turns towards Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."
A cop shows up to a gory car wreck (long)
A cop shows up to a gory car wreck and immediately sees several body parts lying around. He takes out his pen and pad to make some notes for his report.
"Left arm - found in ditch"
"Left leg - found in ditch"
~~"Head - found in bulavard~~
~~"Head - found in boulavard~~
*kick*
"Head - found in ditch"
There was a father with three daughters...
The first daughter came up to him and said, "Dad, why is my name daisy?"
He replies, "because when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up to him and asks the same, "Dad, why is my name lily?"
"When you were born, a lily pad fell on your head."
The third daughter walks up to him and says, "MAUUUNGUNNFFFAUUUUUUU!"
"Shut up Brick!"
A mathematician is paying for his groceries...
A mathmatician is paying for his groceries and the cashier asks for him to write his signature. He draws a single wave on the pad. When he sees the cashiers' confused look he says, "What? it says 'sign here'."
A census taker
An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.
"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."
"A what?" the man asked.
"A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."
"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me; I have no idea."
An old lady is sitting with her doctor
I've been having the most terrible flatulence, doctor. I just can't stop passing gas. Luckily, they're silent and they don't smell at all. Why, you couldn't tell but I've f**... at least five or six times in the few minutes I've been here with you.
The doctor pulled out his prescription pad and began writing.
Are these pills to help with my stomach?
The doctor replied, no – your sense of smell.
A chicken walks into a library and up to the desk (Long)
"Buk", says the chicken,
The librarian hands the chicken a book. The chicken then leaves.
Five minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk", says the chicken.
The librarian hands the chicken a book, and the chicken leaves again.
This goes on for seven or eight more times. Finally the librarian decides to take her break and follows the chicken.
The chicken goes behind the library to a pond. In the pond sits a frog on a lily pad.
The chicken throws the book into the pond. "Buk", says the chicken.
"Reddit", says the frog.
A Vampire met a genie
"I'll give you three wishes, no more, no less" Said the Genie to the Vampire.
"I want to have wings. It's weird to be able to fly without wings." Said the Vampire.
"It shall be done, what about the second wish?"
"I want virgins! Lots of virgins!"
"It shall be done, and the last?"
"I want blood! Lots of blood!"
"Abracadabra hocus pocus" The genie casted the spell.
****p**...****
.
.
.
.
.
And the Vampire turned into a sanitary pad.
The police are using s**... now as a way of fingerprinting people.
I don't know what was wrong with the old ink pad myself.
Makes me chuckle every time, name that sitcom.
I gave my dad a pad on the back to say "Good morning". He said "Social distancing."
I replied, "I thought you already bought life insurance."
How can you tell an elephant is on its period?
There's a quarter on your night stand and your mattress pad is missing.
The following ran on Internet Explorer's Facebook pad yesterday:
We have finally made a vaccine! Thanks to the hundreds of brilliant scientists worldwide working tirelessly on a vaccine, we have finally found a vaccine.
It is reported that mass production of the newly discovered smallpox vaccine will begin from next week.
Why would Tobin Bell be perfect in a sanitary pad commercial?
"Oh yes, there will be blood"
A man walks in to a psychiatrists office.
He lays on the couch and says "Teepee, wig-wom, teepee, wig-wom..."
The psychiatrist writes a few notes on his pad and replies "You're too tents..."