The Best 44 Packs Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Packs jokes. There are some packs cigarettes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these packs cvs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Packs Jokes and Puns

A tourist is in Russia and they see a frail little babushka sitting in front of her house, smoking a cigarette and drinking vodka.

So he stops and asks her: "Excuse me, but are you celebrating something?"

"No, I drink a few bottles of vodka every day. Always have."

"Amazing. And the cigarettes?"

"At least four packs a day, since I was a little girl."

"That's amazing! May I ask, how old are you?"

"Twenty-five".

My favorite golf joke

Two guys are out golfing and a big thunderstorm rolls in. The first guy packs up his gear and starts running for the clubhouse when he sees his buddy take his 1-iron out of his bag and hold it above his head while casually walking in.

First guy says, "What are you doing?! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Don't you see all the lightning?"

"Don't worry," says the second guy, "even God can't hit a 1-iron."

Cowboy and a Drugstore Clerk

Cowboy: Give me three packs of condoms please.

Clerk: You need a bag with that?

Cowboy: Nah... She's purty good lookin...

Packs joke, Cowboy and a Drugstore Clerk

A married couple are having a fight.

Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable." So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"

Gone Fishing.

This guy came home from work and said to his wife, "I need a vacation. I'm too stressed out. I think I'll go fishing for the weekend."

"Okay," she says. "I'll pack for you."

So she packs for him and he goes away for the weekend. When he comes back he says, "Wow, I feel a lot better now!"

"How did I pack?" the wife asks.

"You did fine, except you forgot my pajamas," he replies.

"No I didn't," she says. "I didn't have enough room in your bag so I put them in your tackle box."


Four Men Are In A Rowboat...

They're fishing and after a couple hours without success, they all decide it's time for a smoke. They pull out their packs, but alas, no one has anything to light the cigarettes with.

That's when they throw one of their cigarettes over board.

Now the boat is a cigarette lighter.

What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?

He packs his trunk and leaves.

I should go back to studying now. K bye.

Packs joke, What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?

My wife and I only smoke after sex; I've had the same pack since 2003.

She's up to three packs a day.

COUNTING CONDOMS

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Secret to Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

You can explore packs bundle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean packs pack of condoms dad jokes. There are also packs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...

She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.

My wife and I said we would only smoke after sex....

I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day!

How do men show that they have long term plans for the future?

They buy 2 packs of beer instead of 1.

Pharmacy

A man walks into a pharmacy - "Id like 3 packs of condoms please".

The pharmacist - "Here you go sir, would you like a bag".

Man: "No thanks, the girl is good looking".

I got two packs o' sugar...

Call me Two Canes

^I'm ^sorry.

Packs joke, I got two packs o' sugar...

My wife and I agreed to only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack of cigarettes for 6 months...

She's up to 2 packs a day.

My wife and I only smoke cigarettes after sex

I've had the same pack since we were married but she's up to three packs a day!

(Thanks, Rodney!)

A man is married to his wife Lorraine

But he is secretly having an affair with his neighbor Claire Lee.
One day Lorraine discovers her husband has been cheating on her and swiftly packs her bags and leaves the next morning.
The man doesn't mind, and on his way to see Claire Lee the next morning he can't stop singing that one song
"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone"


What condom packs do rednecks buy?

Family-Size.

Today I bought some frozen waffles, and it said "2 packs inside"

I knew he wasn't dead.

Why do blondes travel in odd-numbered packs?

Because they can't even.

How would you describe a bodybuilder who doesn't have six packs

Abnormal.

Bartering with Beer

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.

I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less self almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,
would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked,
"Depends on what kind of beer you've got!"

Under my doctor's advice, I am now healthily smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day.

He told me smoking just 1 pack a day would kill me

A guy enters the pharmacy...

Guy: 5 packs of condoms please.

Cashier: Do you need a bag with those?

Guy: Don't worry she's pretty.

Kid asks is paw why do these condoms come in 3 packs?

Father: Those are for highschool boys son. One for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Son: Then what is this 6 pack for?

Father: Those are for college men! 2 for Friday 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday!

Son: WOW!! And the 12 pack of condoms?

Father: Sigh.... Those are for married men. One for January.... One for February..... One for...

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.

"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."

When is was a kid, mum used to send me the shops wtih 50p. i could come home with a chicken, 2 pints of milk, 6 eggs, 2 packs of bacon and a comic book...

You can't do this nowadays though because of CCTV.

My wife and I decided only to smoke after sex

I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day

Quiting smoking and I'm down to five cigarettes a week, since the wife and I made a deal that we would only light up after sex.

She's up to three packs a day.

My wife tried one of those expensive beauty mud packs on her face and it worked!

Till she took it off.

Did you hear about the man with a stutter who went to the shop for a mars bar?

He came back with 50 packs of m and m's

I only smoke when I drink

Doctor: "Do you smoke?"

Me: "Only when I drink."

Doctor: "Well, how much do you drink?"

Me: "About two packs a day."

My wife and I decided to curb our smoking habit a bit by only smoking after sex.

I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day.

RIP Rodney.

Smoking joke

Girlfriend: How many ciggerates do you smoke per day?

Boyfriend: 5 packs, give or take

Girlfriend: If you quit smoking, you could even buy a car in a year.

Boyfriend: huh...do you smoke?

Girlfriend: God, no.

Boyfriend: Where is your car?

My wife told me that she's done talking to me until I stop smoking a pack a day.

So far I'm up to 2 packs a day and getting along peacefully better than ever with her.

I remember when I was a kid, I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips, 2 candy bars, 6 packs of now or laters, and an ice cold drink.

Nowadays, they got cameras everywhere.

My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive

He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence

I used to be an avid hunter of wolves, but I had to quit. I got addicted to it...

I was up to two packs a day.



True story.

My wife and I made a stop smoking pact, so now we only light up after sex and I've only had six cigarettes in the last two months

my wife is up to three packs a day

Here's a sweet (But corny) joke!

Q: What do you call three packs of Twix?

A: Six.

Who were the first people with six packs?

Ab originals

Light bulb

Paddy and John are working on a building site. Paddy says to John, I need a day off, I'm going to pretend I've gone mad!

Paddy climbs up to the rafters, hangs upside down from them and shouts, I'm a light bulb! I'm a light bulb! While John looks on in amazement.
The foreman shouts, Paddy go home, you've gone mad!
As Paddy packs his kit, the foreman sees John packing his kit as well.
Foreman says, John where do you think you're going?!
John says, Well I'm not working in the friggen dark!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the packs prepackaged jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working packs carton piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes