Packed Jokes
133 packed jokes and hilarious packed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about packed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Packed jokes - everyone loves a good laugh! Find out what's packed tighter than a packed lunch, packed like a crossdressing, and full of more nutrients than a boxed lunch. Read this article for laughs that are sure to bring a smile to your face!
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Funniest Packed Short Jokes
Short packed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The packed humour may include short packing jokes also.
- Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes. - Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.
- My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
- Everyone told me smoking kills, I had no idea how fast. My dad went to get his first pack of cigarettes ever and I never saw him again.
- My wife is furious at me because I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right left away.
- My wife packed my bags and told me to leave . . . As I was headed out the door, she said "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I said, "so now you want me to stay?"
- My wife said she has had enough of me because I always get my directions mixed up... So I just packed my bags and right...
- "Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. "What?! Really?!", I said.
"Yep! Go pack your things and get ready", my dad said. "They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes." - My wife kicked me out. She says it's because I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
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Packed One Liners
Which packed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with packed? I can suggest the ones about packs and loaded.
- The wife caught me cross-dressing So I packed her things and left
- What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack? A Tupac...
- Why is Jesus always shown having a 6 pack? Because of all his cross training
- RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombie :(
- My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised. So she packed my suitcase and I left.
- My GF said she hates my sense of direction. So I packed my stuff and right.
- My dad said I have no sense of direction in life. So I packed my stuff and right
- I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato
- What do you call a yeti with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- If you're ever chased by a pack of taxidermists DO NOT play dead.
- Finally took that warning on the cigarette pack to heart and stopped littering
- What do you call the pack of boars who killed members of Isis? Squeal Team 6
- For my next trick I'll turn a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
- All I got for Christmas was a pack of sticky cards. It was difficult to deal with.
- What's a 7 course meal for an Irishman? A six-pack and a potato.
Packed Like Jokes
Here is a list of funny packed like jokes and even better packed like puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man walks into a convenience store.. A man walks into a convenience store to buy a pack of condoms ..
The clerk asks if he would like a bag ..
He responds "No thanks, she's not that ugly," - I'm going to start brewing beer and name it after the first day of the week. Whenever a 24 or 30 pack is brought to a party they'll say, "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays".
- What do rappers like to add to their coffee? Two pack sugar.
- I bought a 12 pack of condoms the other day. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag, I said "Nah, I'll just turn the lights off".
- Olive Garden really does treat you like family... My waiter left to go buy a pack cigarettes, and he still hasn't come back yet. 😢
- Pharmacy A man walks into a pharmacy - "Id like 3 packs of condoms please".
The pharmacist - "Here you go sir, would you like a bag".
Man: "No thanks, the girl is good looking". - When I get home from work, I like to pack myself into really small suitcases. I can hardly contain myself.
- I bought a pack of condoms and the pharmacist asked if I'd like a bag for that. I said, "no I'm good, she's actually quite pretty"
- Marriage is a lot like PLASTIC BAGS… They help hold a lot of trash together.
Source: my brother during a round of joke boat on jackbox party pack 6 - My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence
Packed Lunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny packed lunch jokes and even better packed lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Sandwich in Notre Dame Cathedral ? The Lunch pack of Notre dame
😀😭😂😅😢🤣 - Had Irish 7 coarse meal for lunch today 6 pack and a baked potato. Was delicious!
- My daughter packed a light bulb in her lunch box this morning. I asked her, "why did you put that in there?"
She replied, "I want a light snack." - I forgot to pack a fork with my lunch today. It was a pointless lunch.
- Had an expired snack pack at lunch today... It was offpudding.
- Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch... ...and now there are doctors EVERYWHERE!!
- Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch all I wanna know is what I did wrong.
- Let's get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.
- What's similar between a packed lunch and an anniversary? You forget them.
Hilarious Fun Packed Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about packed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wrapped jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make packed pranks.
My wife got mad at me for not knowing my sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
My marriage is over.
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
Irish guy in a parking lo
theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"
I witnessed a huge accident on the highway today involving a semi truck packed full of toupees that overturned.
police are still there combing the scene.
Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."
Who says men don't remember?
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
What did the jungle cat say to the comedian in a packed laugh house?
"Stop making me laugh, you are going to make me puma pants".
BIG fight
Me and the wife had a big fight,she told me to leave the house. To spite her I went upstairs and packed my bags. As I was walking down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. When we're at eye level, she says to me. 'I hope you die a slow and painful death.' Looking into her eyes, I reply, "So, now you want me to stay?'
What's the best thing about going on a surprise vacation with a gay guy?
His s**...'s already packed.
My wife just accused me of being a t**....
So I packed her things and left!!
until tomorrow joke
I think my wife has a surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
Gf just passed her driving test
My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.
It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.
"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said
She slowly started unziping my flies.
My wife caught me cheating
My wife, Lorraine, has just found out that I have been cheating on her with Clara next door. Last night, she packed her things and was off on her way.
I can see Clara now, Lorraine has gone.
Why were the Beakers all packed and moved out of the university lab?
They were graduated
My wife has packed her things and left me...
My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects.
Frankly, I'm shattered.
My girlfriend just accused me of being a t**...
I was absolutely furious, so I packed her things and left
My wife caught me cross-dressing...
...and said we're finished.
So I packed her clothes & left.
My girlfriend caught me cross-dressing
So I packed up her clothes and left
My ex-wife accused me of being a crossdresser...
So I packed her things and left
My wife said I'm an idiot who can't do the simplest of things right
So I packed her bags and left.
I hate it when people lie to me
Like one time I broke up with a girl who told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and it isn't even a real magazine.
So I just up and packed my things and left right there in the middle of the night.
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
21000lbs, packed full and waiting to blow your head off
Mother of all bongs.
Husband on second day of marriage...
...goes to the beautician who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her beautifully packed iphone 7 plus box.
She opened the box with great happiness and was depressed to see a Nokia 1100.
Husband smiled and said
' same feeling '
I hate women who lie over the smallest things.
My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.
Five years and she was leaving.
The dough was walking down the steps with her packed bag refusing to look back. The baker wanted to know what it was he had to say, but there were no words for him to find there. He reached a hand out at the air behind her and whispered, "Please, I knead you."
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
Because there wasn't a single person there.
Husband on second day of marriage :-
He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.
Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.
Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"
My wife got mad at me for crossdressing
so I packed her clothes and left.
A seventh grader asked his English teacher a question in class
"Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H .......in Hour, Honour. .....etc. She replied, "We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent."
During lunch break that day, the teacher gave the student her packed lunch and asked him to heat it in the Cafeteria. He ate all the food and returned her the empty container.
Shocked, she asked: "What happened? The boy replied: "Madam, I thought 'H' was silent.
My wife accused me that I would cross dress every now and than...
I told her:"That's an outrageous thing to say to me!"
So I packed all of her stuff in my suitcase and left her.
I broke up with my boyfriend and fell asleep while he packed his stuff. I woke up to him gone and he took my toilet also.
Police were called, they saw the hole in the bathroom and are looking into it. Meanwhile, they have nothing to go on.
My mom was at the airport on her way home from Wisconsin when she got stopped by TSA.
Ma'am, do you have any sharp objects in your luggage?
He proceeded to unzip her luggage and pulled out a block of cheese she had packed.
She smiled and said Just that sharp cheddar
My missus packed my bags.
As I was walking out the door she said 'I wish you a slow and painful death you b**...!'
'Oh' I replied 'So you want me to stay now then?!'
An older couple finds genie lamp.
The genie pops out and says they each get a wish.
The wife guys 1st and says, "I want to travel around the world with my husband!"
Suddenly plane tickets and packed bags appear cute both of them.
The husband grins and says, "I wish my wife was younger!"
In an instant the husband was aged twenty years.
On my first day working for TSA we searched a neat, sandwich shaped suitcase.
It was jam packed.
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickly picked it up, ran out the door, and saw her. I handed it to her and said:
It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take this.
My wife wouldn't stop making fun of me for my sense of direction.
So I packed up and Right.
My girlfriend was mad at me for not having a sense of direction and cross dressing.
So I packed her clothes and right.
Peter wakes up one morning
"I don't wanna go to the school!"
"Give me one good reason why you should stay home!"
"I can give you three: I don't like the school cafeteria's food, I don't like the teachers and I don't like the students"
"Well, Peter, I've already packed your lunch. You're 54 years old and the principal. GO TO WORK!"
Snickers bars are now being shipped in packaging made from recycled old newspaper comics.
They're packed with Peanuts.
My wife is really mad that I have no sense of direction
So I packed up and right
There is a new autopsy club in town and last night it was packed.
It was open mike night.
My wife got really mad at me for my lack of direction
So I packed up my things and right
My parents are really mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and right
Bottom Text because you can't post title only jokes
My wife accused me of being a cross dresser the other day...
So i packed her things and left
My wife says I have a bad sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
My girlfriend complained that I was crossdressing
So I packed her clothes and left
My wife was mad at me for not having a sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
There is a Spanish family on holiday in England
When they are in England, the trains are packed and everyone is drunk and half n**.... Everywhere is mayhem and the little Spanish boy is confused why. "Dad, why is everyone celebrating, is there an event or something happening?" The dad replies, "The sun has come out."
My mom said that I have no sense of direction
So I packed all my stuff and right.
My wife is really upset that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed down my stuff, and right.
Mind Your Words...
In a packed auditorium, a hypnotist hypnotized the whole audience with a Pendulum.
Suddenly, the Pendulum fell down.
He said "s**..."...
It took 3 Days to clean the whole auditorium...
My boyfriend is always annoyed that I always mix up my directions, and he finally told me to leave,
So I packed my bags and I right left away
The electron asked the photon, Have you packed a suitcase?
The photon said, No, I'm travelling light.
I held up by TSA because I packed a deck of fortune telling cards
They must have thought I was a taroist
Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church."
Did you give it back?"
"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer."
A young woman boards a packed bus and goes: "Won't someone give their seat to a pregnant woman?"
As she looks around, a young man jumps up and offers his seat: "Here, sit down!"
With a sigh, she lets herself down on the seat and says "Thank you so much!". The young man: "I'm sorry, but it's not very visible yet. How long have you been pregnant?" She answers: "For about half an hour now. My knees are still all wobbly!"
My girlfriend is always complaining about how I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife used to get really mad about the fact I have no sense of direction
So I packed all my things and right!
One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????
My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!!!
My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.
I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent.
A vulture and his wife are going on vacation to the Bahamas.
With many large suitcases packed, they arrive at the airport and saunter up to the check-in counter. The agent weighs, tags, and sends each bag off, until she notices one giving off a foul smell.
"Sir, are you checking this bag?" The agent asks.
"No, sorry, that's our carrion"
She caught me cross dressing and said it's over
So I packed her clothes and left
I made a suitcase out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
It's jam packed.
Henry Ford owned a brothel
He packed the brothel with the most beautiful women in Detroit. Any man could come in and take one out on a date. They were known as the Ford Escorts.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As the husband was walking to the door, the wife yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
Husband turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
Get the h**... out!
A wife got so mad at her husband that she packed his bags and told him to get the h**... out. As he walked to the door she yelled "and I hope you die a long, slow, and very painful death". He turned around and said, "so you want me to stay"?
Well after 20 years of marriage, my wife caught me cross dressing and unfortunately its over....
So i packed up her clothes and left.
My wife caught me cross dressing today, and said it's over.
So I packed her clothes and left.
A Man ask's his friend how he could understand women
The Friend Replies:
Well if you understand why a pizza is made into a circle, packed into a square box, and eaten as a triangle, then my friend, you will understand women.
My girlfriend says I'm an idiot who can't do anything right.
So I packed her bags and left.
Back in my day
Back in my day you use to be able to go into a Shop with £1.00 and come out with 2 Chocolate Bars and a Packed Of Crisps, but now these days they have Cameras.
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!
