Package Jokes
162 package jokes and hilarious package puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about package that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest package jokes that UPS, Fedex, doorstep delivery, and more have inspired. From the clever to the classic, these jokes will make you see the lighter side of package design, total package, NPM package, care package, envelope and more.
Quick Jump To
- Short Package Jokes
- Package One Liners
- Ups Package Jokes
- Package Delivery Jokes
- Care Package Jokes
- Package Deal Jokes
- More Package Jokes
Funniest Package Short Jokes
Short package jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The package humour may include short packed jokes also.
- Cigarette warnings should also include how dangerous it is just going to purchase a package... My dad left 19 years ago to buy some and he still hasn't made it back.
- Yo mama so dumb that she spent 5 hours staring at a glass of orange juice because it said 'concentrate' on the package.
- If shoe size really is directly related to the size of a man's package... Then clowns are way scarier than we all thought.
- Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated? She was never able to receive her Severus package.
- My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves... Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
- I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona... He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
- A man walks into a bar... *[This joke is not a part of your premier package. To see this joke you must upgrade to our Platinum Plus Elite Tier.]*
- The verdict on Net Neutrality [Please pay $49.98 for the 'News' Package Bundle to see the verdict]
- Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality? Sorry, your current internet package does not support punchlines. Please upgrade to the higher end package.
- Someone threw a dollar coin at the mayor of Detroit Police are trying to figure out if it's assault or a bailout package.
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Package One Liners
Which package one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with package? I can suggest the ones about patch and pong.
- I had to report my stolen amazon package The police are still looking for a prime suspect
- M&Ms should change their packaging. They should make it a white wrapper.
- I punched a mailman yesterday. He said I had a small package.
- How do they package bread at the bakery? They baguette.
- Why don't Ethiopians ever take medicine? The package says, "take in after eating".
- What system does Satan use to weigh packages? Penta-grams
- Did you hear the joke about the FedEx package? I didn't get it.
- The postman said he'd hold my package till I got home... it was an uncomfortable walk.
- What do you call a package of documents sent via boat? Pier to pier file transfer!
- I think Debian Linux.... .... has a very `apt` package manager.
- Had my full Office 365 package stolen from my laptop. I'll find you You have my Word
- Why do old wolves hate plastics Packaging
- What's the first step to preparing American cuisine? Remove packaging and pierce film
- They were having a sale at the hospital for vasectomies... It was a package deal.
- Dating a UPS employee is great They really know how to handle your package
Ups Package Jokes
Here is a list of funny ups package jokes and even better ups package puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is house arrest for grown-ups? "Your package will be delivered tomorrow between 9AM and 5PM."
- UPS- Your package has been delivered Me- Ok, thanks, but why was it livered in the first place?
- I competed in a contest to see who could throw a package the farthest. I won and got the job as an UPS driver!
- The UPS guy accidentally dropped my package Ups
- Yo girl, are you from UPS? Cause I saw you checkin' out my package.
- Excuse me, do you work for UPS? Because I swear I saw you checking out my package.
- I told my girlfriend she should work at UPS She's good at handling packages
- I deliver jokes the same way UPS delivers packages... ...mangled and missing the most important parts.
- FedEx has come up with a new slogan to compete with UPS "You'll get your package in a blast!"
- So a gay UPS delivery man came to my door today... He was very persistant on checking my package.
Package Delivery Jokes
Here is a list of funny package delivery jokes and even better package delivery puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A mailman was trying to tell a joke while transporting a package But he messed up the delivery
- Jokes are like packages. While the content is important you mustn't forget about the delivery.
- I got an empty package from Acuvue. It was a contactless delivery.
- I had a package delivered And it was covered in drool and crayon.
That's the last time I pay for a special delivery. - I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today I wanted to be sure *all* of my last minute packages had flat rate shipping.
- Gay men would make great Amazon Delivery guys... They know how to handle large packages & have no problems delivering loads in the rear
- Little things come in small packages That's how I lost my job at the parcel delivery company
- Why do l**... make horrible delivery drivers? They only focus on the box and ignore the package!
Care Package Jokes
Here is a list of funny care package jokes and even better care package puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a pregnant women in the army? Care package
- On the front of my boxer shorts it reads handle with care I have a fragile package.
- Why don't congressional interns care for Christmas? Because by the end of the year they're pretty tired of seeing surprise packages
- What do Kevin Spacey and a mail thief have in common? If you're not careful they'll grab your package.
- What is it called when a Sailor in the Navy gets a care package from home? Underwear Replenishment
- The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound w**... of chocolate on a toothpick.
If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.
Package Deal Jokes
Here is a list of funny package deal jokes and even better package deal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If they ever start charging for air... I'll buy a bag of chips, at least it will be a package deal.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Package Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about package you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toolbox jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make package pranks.
The Meaning of dreams
One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "Maybe you'll find out tonight…," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled:"The Meaning of Dreams."
Ey gurl, are you a TSA agent?
Because I've got an unattended package I think you should investigate.
Not what he was expecting....
A hot divorcee moved in next door to an elderly man who has been lonely for most of his life. A couple of weeks later, she stops at his house for a moment. "I'm ready", she says to him, and his package starts to rise-----he can't help himself! "I wanna blow off some steam, get drunk, and get laid! Can I ask you something before I do that?" The man replies, "Sure!" and is so hard, he can't think clearly. "Can you watch my kids?" the divorcee asks.
Mario and Luigi got a package in the mail...
Luigi opened it, and exclaimed 'it's a Wii, Mario!'
Why does Santa have no children?
Because he only comes once a year.
Bonus! Why did Santa's wife divorce him?
She wasn't the only one receiving his "package".
I asked my boss for a raise and full-benefits package.
But before I knew it, she was going down on me.
A husband was in big trouble...
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
f**... arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls
Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"
The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You`ll know tonight," he softly whispered.
That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.
It contained a book entitled, 'The Meaning of Dreams'.
Dear lady with six screaming kids in Walmart...
... if you are wondering how a package of condoms got in your cart,
you're welcome.
I planted some flowers, but they never grew.
Should have seen it coming. The package did warn that they were p**....
How do you package a 21st century classical jazz singer?
Buble wrap
Sorry 😜
A black guy and a white girl hookup at a club...
And after a while of dancing and drinks both were getting eager to get under the sheets. They drive back to the girls place and just as the guy was taking out his package, the girl asked "is it true about what they say about black guys?" And he whispered in her ear "you bet it is", he then continued to stab her 5 times and steal her purse.
I couldn't afford a coffin, and had to bury my father in the package my TV came in.
Obligatory RIP inbox
Hey, Baby, you work for the TSA?
'Cause I've got a suspicious package, and I need you to blow it.
Hey honey, I bought some steaks. I need you to stand on this box next to me while I eat them.
Because it says right here, "Best if consumed by date on package."
What did one gay box say to the other?
"Nice package..."
Why is it called a mail truck?
...because it goes around sticking its package in everyone's boxes.
What do you call an exploding box?
Your new Note 7 package
Duck walks into a drugstore, asks for some Chap Stick.
Guy behind the counter says "That'll be fifty-nine cents"
Duck says "Put it on my bill.'
Next day, duck walks into a drugstore again. Asks for a package of condoms.
Guy behind the counter says "That's three bucks; you want I should put them on your bill?"
Duck says "Sorry, I'm not that kind of duck"
Dreams.
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?
You'll know tonight, he said.
That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–to find a book entitled:
The Meaning of Dreams.
Selling Condoms
An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the c**... display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.
The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.
So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"
The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."
I bought a LazyBoy chair last year
It's still in the package
I forgot my wife's anniversary again this year
So she told me to make up for it she expects to see something in the driveway that goes 0 to 200 in two seconds the next morning. The next morning she goes into the driveway and sees a small package wrapped up. She opens it up and find a scale inside.
Valentine's Day Gift
A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.
"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"
"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.
That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."
Pepsi had a new idea about how to package their cola
But then they canned it.
I had a dream that I ordered a package and it never came...
...It was a logistical nightmare.
A knights wife recieves a package from the blacksmith
The knight asks her: "Is this my new chest plate?"
She replies: "Sorry my dear, it's just a chain mail."
A doctor ordered a cadaver...
...for his med students to dissect. When it arrived, the doctor noticed it was missing an o**....
I guess you could say his package was de-livered. ^I'm^sorry
My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had s**......
[to view this body of this joke, please upgrade to the Tier II telecom package]
...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.
Apparantly theres a new s**... position called the Parcel Force ...
You stay in all day waiting for a big package, but no one comes.
If Snape got fired...
Would he receive a Severus package?
I was working in poultry and a women held up a package and asked me, "When does the chicken expire?"
"At the factory, when they cut its head off."
A woman gets up in the morning
wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."
A Blonde hear a "thud" on the ground
Too her surprise, it was a wallet. She decided to do the right thing and turn it in to the police.
After arriving at the police station, the Blonde says,'I'm here to turn in someone's lost wallet.' The officer thanked the Blonde for her deeds and the Blonde returns to her home.
The next day, a package arrived in the mailbox with a wallet inside. The Blonde responds with, ' Thank god someone found my wallet, I must've dropped it while walking yesterday.'
My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...
I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.
Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.
I told a p**... to give me the full EA package
And then she started s**....
Failure is not an option
It comes bundled with your Microsoft package
Can't catch a break
As a child: 'You are grounded.'
As an adult: 'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm.'
Presents are like p**...
The size of the package matters less than the size of the smile on the recipient's face.
Why were the Adjacent and Hypotenuse unable to accept a package without each other?
Because they could only.... cosine
On Valentine's Day
On Valentine's Day , a man and his wife got up from bed
The wife told the man that she dreamt of him giving her a diamond ring on Valentine's Day. She asked him what it meant. He said, " You'll see tonight."
That night he came home with a small package.
Excited, his wife opened the package to find a book named "The Meaning of Dreams"
My dog ate a package of peanut butter cups.
Now he's p**... out Reeses f**....
I bought a package with pre-measured ingredients to make Vietnamese soup, but the instructions were so hard to follow I gave up.
No surprise, I guess--it was called PhoKit.
I just got a notification from Amazon about the package of spices that I ordered
The thyme has come.
Did you know ISIS has really good retirement package?
I've heard it's the bomb.
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store,
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that p**... Treats' are meant for 'cats'?"
The sign on the music shop read "Get Your Free Guitar Now! No Terms and Conditions applied".
Bob quickly got hold of one of them and unpacked the package. He was surprised to see that the guitar lacked strings.
I guess you could say:
"There were no strings attached."
What's the difference between a woman and a Fed-Ex package?
One is female, the other is mail.
My SO has both reproductive organs
It's really the hole package.
How do you keep an idiot occupied without Net Neutrality laws?
Please insert credit card information for punchline. If you would like a funnier punchline, choose our premium package for only twice the price!
How did the mailman know the package was meant for the gelatin enthusiast?
The package was signed, congealed and delivered.
The entire Slytherin staff is getting laid off soon
I hear they're getting a good Severus package.
Even though it's a surplus store, I'm pretty proud of myself for going into Costco and purchasing only ONE item.
A single package of 160 AA batteries.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves
Looks like the boa cons tricked her
The morning of his birthday, Timmy told his mom, I had a dream I got a BB Gun for my birthday. What do you think that dream means?
You'll know what it means tonight, Timmy's mom said with an encouraging smile. That night, after the birthday cake, Timmy's mom came in with a long narrow package and gave it to her son. Timmy tore the box open. Finally I get a BB gun, he thought. But he thought wrong. The box was empty except for a book called The Meaning of Dreams.
Following the events of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, how did the Hogwarts payroll department satisfy the sudden termination of Albus Dumbledore?
Severus Package
They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise
I wanted to test this out and Googled "h**... President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
I went to the doctor to have my leg amputated and he cut off the wrong one.
I heard he got a nice severance package.
Courage, Discipline, Faith. We are the total package.
Join the United States Postal Service.
Light bulb thief
I came across an open package of light bulbs at work today.
I thought to myself, "Stealing lightbulbs? This guy must be in a really dark place".
What kind of condolence package do you send to the family of a deceased soul singer?
A wreath of franklins
What did the package say to the scary 18 wheeler?
I'm not a freight.
