Paces Jokes
20 paces jokes and hilarious paces puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paces that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Paces Short Jokes
Short paces jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paces humour may include short space jokes also.
- A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth. Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
- Watched a film called Speed Walker To be honest, I found it hard to keep up. The pacing was terrible.
- A lot of East Slavic peoples lives must be pretty fast paced.... ...I mean, most of them are always Russian
- As I walked around aimlessly I realized something If my life were a movie it would have pacing problem
- With this new app, you'll be able to keep track of the speed at which your pet mice move and share it online in just a matter of seconds. Introducing: Mice Pace
- My workplace is like an episode of Gilmore Girls Fast paced and full of unlikeable characters.
- What did the audience say about the virologist's set at the comedy club? He had an infectious sense of humor, but needed to work on telling his jokes at a less feverish pace.
- My dog's pace of wiggling his tail depends on how long I have been away. Longer I am away, faster he wiggles his tail. So I am going away for a year now because I want to see him fly.
- A lot of people say that Kim Jong Un is a terrible dictator.... but I worked as a secretary in his administration for several years, and found his speech to be clear, concise and well paced
- I hired a new cleaner, she was Eastern European. Not being the quickest at her job, I was going to fire her. I confronted her about her pace and she apologized and informed me she was a Slovak.
Share These Paces Jokes With Friends
Paces One Liners
Which paces one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paces? I can suggest the ones about rooms and areas.
- How do you tell a lion to pick up the pace? MUFASA!
- A runner walks into a bar The bartender says: why the long pace?
- Did you hear about the Church of Walking? It's a religion of Pace
- What do you call a good boi running at a moderate pace? A joggo!
- A runner had to pick up the pace It fell on him
- Making the switch from medium to hot salsa. Just for a change of Pace.
- Latey, my aphabet has been a the pace, I bame the fact there's "noel"
- What's Adam Sandler's favorite salsa? Medium Pace
Quirky and Hilarious Paces Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about paces you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zones jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make paces pranks.
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
Gender Equality
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.
"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.
A man is walking his pet carrot
As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.
A woman must walk 5 paces behind...
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
A drunken bearded man is stumbling around outside a bar . . .
"I'm Jesus Christ! I am Jesus Christ!" He's yelling. No one bothers with him as he paces around waving his arms. Finally a man walks up, "I'm Jesus Christ" he yells at the man. "Ok" says the man "prove it and I'll give you 10 dollars." So the drunk nods and walks into the bar. "OH JESUS CHRIST!" Says the bartender, "not you again!"
In the shrinks office...
* jack paces around muttering "I'm a wig-Wam; I'm a tee-pee. I'm a wig-wam; I'm a tee-pee." Shrink urges, "you need to take a seat, you're too tents."
* meanwhile the receptionist presses the emergency button because a deranged man walked in wearing nothing but a plastic wrap thong. Shrink asks through the intercom, "why do you think he's deranged?" The receptionist responds, "Doc, I can clearly see he's nuts."
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
Land mines.
An archery contest
Once upon a time there was an archery competition.
The first contestant, wearing a long cape covering his face, put a watermelon on a volunteer, took 100 paces away then turned and fired. The watermelon exploded. The archer took off his cape and claimed: I AM ROBINHOOD!
The second one with a hood put an apple above the volunteer head, took 200 paces and fired right through the apple. He then removed the hood and shouted: I AM BAYEK OF SIWA!
Finally, a third man with a mask lined up in position. He put a grape on the volunteer's head and went away for 500 paces. He shot, then grinned and said: ^^^^^I ^^^^^am ^^^^^sorry .
3 gunmen died from a car c**......
... when the devil shows up, and holds up a key. He says 'I will let one of you go, if you get this key.'
The three men look at each other, and realize that if any one of them were to take it, the other two would shoot them. So they agree to have a duel - each of them can choose a weapon for the duel, and they agree to shoot at 10 paces.
'I'll take this one' said the first gunman, grabbing a large p**... with a lot of rounds.
'I want this one!' said the second, taking one with a laser pointer.
'Ummm... That one!' said the third, who grabbed a lasso.
The others stare at him in disbelief, but let hi choose it anyway.
They place the key on top of a little mound of rock, and each take 10 steps from that rock. Then the instant they do, they take aim. Not caring about the third gunman, the first gunman points his gun at the second, and the second at the first. They look viciously into each others eyes.
Then they look at the third gunman, who's disappeared with the key.
American female journalist in Afghanistan
An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men.
She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home.
A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead.
She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?"
The guide answered, "Land mines."
First day at Navy school.
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
