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Pace Jokes

34 pace jokes and hilarious pace puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pace that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Pace Short Jokes

Short pace jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pace humour may include short peed jokes also.

  1. A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth. Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
  2. Watched a film called Speed Walker To be honest, I found it hard to keep up. The pacing was terrible.
  3. A lot of East Slavic peoples lives must be pretty fast paced.... ...I mean, most of them are always Russian
  4. As I walked around aimlessly I realized something If my life were a movie it would have pacing problem
  5. With this new app, you'll be able to keep track of the speed at which your pet mice move and share it online in just a matter of seconds. Introducing: Mice Pace
  6. My workplace is like an episode of Gilmore Girls Fast paced and full of unlikeable characters.
  7. What did the audience say about the virologist's set at the comedy club? He had an infectious sense of humor, but needed to work on telling his jokes at a less feverish pace.
  8. My dog's pace of wiggling his tail depends on how long I have been away. Longer I am away, faster he wiggles his tail. So I am going away for a year now because I want to see him fly.
  9. A lot of people say that Kim Jong Un is a terrible dictator.... but I worked as a secretary in his administration for several years, and found his speech to be clear, concise and well paced
  10. I hired a new cleaner, she was Eastern European. Not being the quickest at her job, I was going to fire her. I confronted her about her pace and she apologized and informed me she was a Slovak.

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Pace One Liners

Which pace one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pace? I can suggest the ones about timing and speed.

  1. How do you tell a lion to pick up the pace? MUFASA!
  2. A runner walks into a bar The bartender says: why the long pace?
  3. Did you hear about the Church of Walking? It's a religion of Pace
  4. What do you call a good boi running at a moderate pace? A joggo!
  5. A runner had to pick up the pace It fell on him
  6. Making the switch from medium to hot salsa. Just for a change of Pace.
  7. Latey, my aphabet has been a the pace, I bame the fact there's "noel"
  8. What's Adam Sandler's favorite salsa? Medium Pace

Pace joke, What's Adam Sandler's favorite salsa?

Hilarious Pace Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about pace you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pulse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pace pranks.

For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?
How about -
>"A dozen, a g**..., and a score,
>
>plus three times the square root of four,
>
>divided by seven,
>
>plus five times eleven,
>
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

My boss phoned me today...

My boss phoned me today. He said
"Is everything OK at the office?"
I said "It is all under control.
" It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take
a break all day."
"Can you do me a favor" he asked.
I said "Of course, What is it?"
"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the
f**... behind you."

One s**... said to the other s**... "I'll race you to the egg!"

The other s**... said "OK, but pace yourself, we just passed the t**...!"

Bill Gates is hanging out with GM's Chairman...

Gates is in a taunting mood. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas.
In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But, Bill, would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

Lourdes

A wheel-chair bound chap decided to visit the healing waters of Lourdes. It was very crowded but he spotted a gap and went for it at such a pace that he ended up in the pool, wheel-chair and all. When they fished him out he was quite disappointed to find that he was still unable to walk, but found consolation in the fact that his wheel chair had a brand new set of tires.

A man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots at once

The bartender brings out the shots and the man downs each one quickly.
The bartender is a little concerned by this and decides to say something
Bartender: "Hey Buddy, why don't you pace yourself a little? That can't be healthy."
Man: "You would be drinking like this to if you had what I have."
Bartender: " Oh I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pried. Although if you don't mind me asking, what do you have?"
Man: "75 cents."
.

The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048.

Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.

Multiple choice test

A teacher has administered a multiple choice test to his students. During the exam he notices one student is flipping a quarter and then filling in his answer key. This continues throughout the exam. Nearing the end of the exam, the techer notices the student picking up pace. He is flipping his quarter faster and faster and frantically erasing and scribbling on his test. The teacher approaches the student and asks "what are you doing?"
"Just double checking my answers"

Dead funny

Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetary. Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man.
"You gave me a fright of my life! Why are you working so late?"
"The spelled my name wrong."

My boss phoned me today. She said, "Is everything OK at the office?"

My boss phoned me today. She said, "Is everything OK at the office?"
I said, "It is all under control. It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take a break all day."
"Can you do me a favor?" she asked.
I said "Of course, What is it?"
"Can you pick up the pace a little. I'm in the f**... behind you."

I was hiking with my buddy. Suddenly, a 10ft grizzly bear appeared out of nowhere.

The bear started to charge at both of us. Luckily, I had my 9mm p**... with me. One shot to my buddy's kneecap was all it took. I walked away at a comfortable pace.

Ate a fancy French restaurant but the service was terrible.

The escargot came at a snail's pace.

A man goes to heaven

A man dies and goes to heaven, where he is met with Peter in a room full of clocks. The man looks around and sees something weird: all the clocks are going at a different pace. The man turns to Peter and asks him what all does clocks are about.
Peter replies: that is what we use to see if someone is lying. Every time someone lies, his/her clock moves by 1 second. Then the man looks up and sees a huge clock hanging on the ceiling, spinning faster than any other clock in the room. Who's clock is that? The man asks. Oh that, Peter says, that is Trump's clock. We use it as our ventilator!

I was walking home late at night along a dark street. There was a young woman walking a few steps in front of me.

She crossed over to the other side of the road; I crossed over too.
She quickened her pace a little; I quickened my pace too.
She broke into a run; I broke into a run too.
She panicked and began to scream and run h**...-for-leather; I panicked and began to scream and run h**...-for-leather too.
Whatever it was, I was d**... if it was going to catch me first.
P.S. It's an old one, but I doubt the original used semi-colons, so give me that.

Rest in pace boiling water...

You have always been missed.
Cordially,
people from Africa.

A blonde tries to go horseback riding ....

.....
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle.
In t**..., she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.
Unfortunately, the Blonde's foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again.
As her head is battered against the ground she is moments away from losing consciousness when, to her great fortune, the Walmart's Manager sees her and unplugs the horse.

Pace joke, A blonde tries to go horseback riding ....