Owl Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you

is an owl?

ME: Who?

*everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180°*

What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh*t

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlette.

Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.

The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:

"What happened to the cheese?"

They replied:

"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be the holes."

How long does an owl live?

six and a half books.

You wanna know who sounds like an owl?

What's the difference between a short sighted marksman and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but can't hit..

What does a pretentious owl say?

Whom whom.

I know someone who talks like an owl

The thing about bird jokes are...

sometimes they're hard to swallow.

Owl let myself out.

Whats the difference between a blind sniper and a constipated owl

One shoots and cant hit...

How long does it take for an owl to die?

Six and a fifth books.

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees

I only lasted a day. All I had was 3 apples and an owl.

My website just crashed from a huge influx of traffic today...

I wonder why so many people are interested in my superb owl, today of all days. I mean, he's really great and all, but he's just an owl.

Did you hear about the cursed night bird that lives in the reservoir?

Well owl be damned.

What do you call a baby owl in the rain?

A moist owlette

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

I don't care how great owls are

I'm not throwing some stupid party over a superb owl.

What do you call a magic owl?

HOOdini

What do you call a magic owl?

Hoo-dini!

What's the average lifespan of an owl?

About six and a half books.

A man and his pet owl go to the bar together

They had a hoot.

What do you call an owl that does magic?

Hooooooo-dini!

What's the difference between a hoedown and a hootenanny?

One's when your prostitute falls on the floor, and the other is when your babbysitter is making owl sounds.

Joker: "Someone said you sound like an owl more than a bat"

Bat: "WHO?"

I tried being a fruitarian

I tried being a fruitarian, it is where you only eat things that have fallen from trees. I only lasted one day. All I ate was 3 apples and an owl. (Joe Lycett)

Why didn't the night owl go to the funeral?

He wasn't a mourning person

I'm like a dead owl...

I just don't give a hoot anymore.

Somebody said you sound like an owl

What does a narcissistic owl say?

A: Me. Me. Me.

What is the lifespan of an owl?

6 1/2 books.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops. They pull into a forest and each climb up a separate tree. The cop parks and walks up to the tree with the brunette.

"I know you're up there, get down from there."

Cheep cheep cheep cheep....

He hears the chirping and is convinced it's just a bird. He goes to the second tree with the redhead.

"Get down right now. I don't have the patience."

Hoo. Hoo.

He hears the hooting and is convinced it's just a owl. He walks up to the tree with the blonde.

"I know you're up there. Get down right now."

After some silence and much thought....

"MOOOOO!"

Sleep joke

Why be an early bird or night owl when you can just be an insomniac and get the best of both worlds.

I tried being a fruitarian

That's where you can only eat things that have fallen off trees.

I managed one day, I had 3 apples and an owl

An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by

The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year

But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn't know the victims' names.

An avid bird watcher heard an owl hoot

So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter species communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights calling to owls," the wife commented.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband."

What do you call an owl that can travel through time?

Doctor Hoo

What's the average lifespan of an owl?

About 6 and a half books

How long does an owl live?

About 6 1/2 books

What is the most common Owl in the UK?

The TeatOwl of course;)

Whats red and white and sits in a tree?

A sanitary owl

If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don't flush...

Because you aren't supposed to flush moist owelettes.

Girl: One of my ex-boyfriends sounds like an owl.

Boy: Who?

Help needed to workshop owl-based joke.

With an accomplice it works fine, I'm trying to get it to work with any random. Here's the stage it's at so far.

Someone you know told me that you do a really good owl impression.

Who?

Oh, I thought it would be better than that.

The problem is that most people's initial response isn't "Who?" but "Owl?". I'm trying to phrase it to elucidate the former but I've run out people I know to test it on. I'm not even sure it's possible, or worth it for that matter. THANKS!

What did the owl say to the squirrel?

Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.

"Hey, I heard somebody called you an owl today."

Who?

So the Judge says "OK, I see that circumstance and duress made you eat the endangered spotted owl. NOT guilty." Then he leans over and whispers "Between you and me, what does a spotted owl actually taste like?"

The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."

What do you call an owl escapologist?

The great Hootini

How long does an owl live?

About 6 and a half books.

A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.

He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.

The man replies I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.

Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let's him off the case. But being curious, the judge asks Well, how did it taste like?

The man replied Have you ever had Spotted Owl?

What is the average lifespan of an owl?

A little over 6 books.

What did the bird say when it flew into the window?

Owl

What do you call an Owl taking a bath?

... A moist owlette

Whats the difference between a white owl and black owl?

A white owl goes : Who? Who?
A black owl goes : Who dat? who dat?

3 men died and were taken to God....

They were taken to the top of a cliff . GOD SAID to them that since they had been such outstanding citizens on Earth that they'd be given one chance to become anything they desired.
The first man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted."i want to be an eagle". Instantly he was changed into an eagle and soared off into the sunset.
The second man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted "I want to be an owl." Instantly he was changed into an owl and soared of into the sunset.
The third man ran towards the edge of the cliff, tripped on a rock and shout " Oh, sh*t"....

Been trying out that 'Fruitarian' diet recently where you only consume things that naturally fall from trees.

So far this week I've only eaten two apples and an owl.

What are the funniest owl jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Owl? Well, here are the best Owl puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Owl pick up lines to share with friends.

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