Owe Jokes
114 owe jokes and hilarious owe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about owe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the hilarity of Owe Jokes! These jokes are sure to make you cringe in an amusing way as they delve into the often-painful topic of money owed and owing. Need an excuse to laugh grudgingly at the thought of owing money? These funny jokes will provide comic relief to the sometimes-overdue topic of owing and being owed. Get ready to be the hit of the party with your Gimmie, Owe, and Money jokes!
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Funniest Owe Short Jokes
Short owe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The owe humour may include short generous jokes also.
- Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment! I still owe like $262,000, but I'm just not going pay them any more.
- I asked my girlfriend to 68 today She said What's that?
I said That's when you blow me and I owe you one. - Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
Walter: It's on the house. - British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
- After years of poor yields, Old mcdonald will have to sell his farm... ... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.
- A guy died and his three friends all owed him $100 each 1st and 2nd friends both put $100 on his coffin and declared repayment even in death. 3rd guy wrote a check for $300 and took the $200 change.
- Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome... he had a special relative, you see?
- Last night I asked my wife for a 68 ... She said: What that ?
I said: You go down on me and I owe you one. - I owe my success as a fruit farmer to my dear dad. Whenever I felt scared as a kid, he always told me to grow a pear
- Owain Hughes joke Gavin and Stacey Gavin moves to Wales and meets a coworker named Owain Hughes.
Gavin: Before you ask, no I don't Owe Wayne Hughes.
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Owe One Liners
Which owe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with owe? I can suggest the ones about cost and owe money.
- Due to rising costs, Old McDonald had to sell his farm. E-I-E-I-Owes a lot of money.
- If the moon landing was indeed fake NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.
- Temel owes a lot of money to the local shops
- Sorry to hear about your dementia... But do you have that 10 grand you owe me?
- Ever heard of the 68 position? You go down on me now and I'll owe you one.
- My favorite position is the 68. You go down on me and I'll owe you one!
- Why did the chiropractor go bankrupt? He owed too much in back taxes.
- Why was the IRS after the chiropractor He owed back taxes.
- 68? I asked my wife if she wanted to 68. That's when she blows me and i owe her one.
- What's the definition of a 68? That's when you blow me and I owe you 1.
- What did one indebted sheep say to the other? I owe ewe
- What's a 68 to a blonde? She goes down on you and you owe her one
- How can i convince my Buddhist friend that he owes me money from 3 lifetimes ago?
- Do you want to 68? You go down on me and I'll owe you one.
- Why don't we do a 68 That's when you "do" me and I'll owe you 1
Owe Money Jokes
Here is a list of funny owe money jokes and even better owe money puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My homeboy Nick L. keeps borrowing money from my other homie Deion but I can't keep watching it happen... I'm too old to watch Nick L. owe Deion.
- A blind man owes money from his friend A blind man owes money to his friend and said to him, when I see you next time I will pay my debt back to you.
- Do you know the real reason Bigfoot is so good at hiding? ...he owes Chuck Norris money
- Hey, you wanna do a 68?
You go down on me, and I'll owe you one. - My ex had given me a loan, and I finally made my last payment. Now it's just some money I used to owe.
- This guy named Bill keeps sending me letters Says I owe him money or something
- What did the carrot say to the cucumber that owed him money? Hey man, you knew the dill. Now you're in a pickle, and I couldn't carrot all.
- I just ran into that paleontologist who owed me money. Boy did I have a bone to pick with him.
- I've decided to leave my past behind me.. So if I owed you money- I'm sorry but I've moved on.
- I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
Cheerful Fun Owe Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about owe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bucks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make owe pranks.
A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament
Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..
Two blind men.
This morning I had to break up a fight on the sidewalk. Two blind men going at it with their canes.
I said: "Break it up guys,What the h**... is going on here!"
Blind man 1:"You owe me fifty dollars!"
Blind man 2: "I don't understand what the h**... his problem is!, I told YOU! ,"I WILL PAY YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!"
Putin dies and goes to h**...
Putin dies and goes to h**..., but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros.
Two guys are walking down a dark alley
when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.
They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, o**... turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."
68
A man urges his wife to try a new s**... position - The . Curious, she asks about what romantic and exotic position her husband wants to try. "Well honey" he answers, "it's quite simple, you give me a b**..., and I owe you one"
I attended a self-defence course.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me b**..., bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
Johnny Joke
Tell me, Johnny said his teacher, if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?
One hundred dollars, said Johnny.
I'm afraid you don't know your math very well, said the teacher.
I may not know my math, said Johnny, but I know my father.
I asked my wife if she wanted to try a new s**... position called the 68.
I asked if she wanted to try the 68.
Wife: What's a 68?
Well it's when you go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Putin dies and goes to h**...
After a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he decides to visit Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin finishes his drink, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros
I owe my love of b**... all to my dad
When I was a child, he really rubbed off on me.
A shark was swimming around looking for food...
... and he catches a squid.
The squid says: "don't eat me, I'm really sick!"
So the shark says: "fine, I won't eat you. But I know just what to do with you..."
The shark takes the squid to his friend and says: "here's the sick squid I owe you."
A man claimed he could jump higher than his house...
A man was talking to his friend and he said, "Dude, I bet $20 that I can jump higher than my house." His friend replied, "Ok, deal."
They went outside and the man jumped a foot into the air. "Well, time to pay up!" said his friend. "Nope!", the man said, "You owe me $20!" "How?" "I jumped a foot in the air, and my house can't jump at all!"
A professor makes a bet with a student
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
Putin dies and goes to h**......
but after a while, he is given the day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros.
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters...
Dear JUSTIN BEIBER haters*
.
.
.
I owe my life to justin.
On march 9th, 2012 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car c**....
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, So I got up and turned the radio off.
Lucky Number 7
I had a vivid dream of the number 7, just a giant 7... and when I woke up, it was 7:00... so I get up and decide to go to the track, because I like to play the ponies.. and I get a cab, and the cab pulls up, and it's number 7... so I get to the track and I ask what I owe, and it was $7.77... I go in through gate 7 and the only booth open is the 7th. I look at the board and in the 7th race there's a horse named Lucky Number 7 and his odds are 77/1. So I put $700 on him... and believe it not... he came in 7th.
(Cr
So the other day I got pulled over by a policeman with Alzheimer's…
He made me roll the window down and says, "Do I know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Uhhh, you owe me 20 bucks?"
He pulled me over three more times, and I made $80 that day.
What do you call a guy who's laying down in front of a door?...Matt. What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?... Bob. What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?...Art. What do you call a gal who you owe money to that you set on fire?...
.........................................................................................
.
.....
..BERNADETTE!!!!!!
Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money.
The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says "here's that money I owe you."
Dear Justin Bieber haters...please respect him.
.
.
I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2014 I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song...
So I got up...and turned off the radio.
Two Jews are walking in Odessa at night...
Suddenly, in a dark alley, they are surrounded by muggers with knives.
-- Money, watches, wallets - quick!
One Jew turns to the other:
-- Abram, remember, I owe you $300? Here they are, returned to you in front of witnesses.
The Answering Machine
Hi, this is Eric.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
My favourite s**... position is the 68
You give me a b**... and I owe you one
I owe my life to Justin Bieber.
On March 9th, 2009, I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible accident. One day my nurse turned the radio over to a song by Justin Bieber, so I got up and turned the radio off.
Can I borrow ten dollars?
Can I borrow ten dollars, but can you only give me five dollars now?
Why do I only want five dollars, you ask? Well, then you'd owe me five dollars, and I'd owe you five dollars, and then we'd both be even.
Two friends Sam and Terry are spending the day together
As they are walking home down an empty street they find themselves at gunpoint with a mugger asking for their wallets.
As they take out their wallets Sam says "One sec" He takes a 20 out of his wallet and gives it to Terry
"Here's the 20 I owe you"
Two men are stranded on a deserted island
Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Really? Why do you think so?
I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.
A 90 year old man walks into a brothel
Says missy, I want your most beautiful girl
Lady at the counter says mister, get out of here, you've had it
He says I did?, well then how much do I owe you?
An old man approaches a p**... ...
He asks " How much for a little fun?"
She looks him over and asks " How old are you ?"
"I'm 87"
She says " You've had your fun !"
The old man says " Alright ... What do I owe you ?"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The neutron asks the bartender, "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
My job makes me feel like a dwarf toiling forever in a mine.
I owe, I owe.. so off to work I go.
Bill and Steve walk out of a bar after having a few drinks together...
Around the corner, a masked man steps from an alley and points a gun at them. "Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!"
Bill says, "Hold on! Just gimmie 10 seconds!" He turns to Steve and says, "Here's that $100 I owe you, man."
To my high school teacher who said I'd never amount to anything...
Please use your psychic gift to tell me next week's winning lottery numbers. My mum will kick me out of her basement if I don't pay the rent I owe!
I owe my life to Nickelback
I got in a horrible car c**... and was in 6 month coma. Then the nurse switched the song to Nickelback. I woke up and muted it.
An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker's last pastry.
Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!
My favorite s**... position is 68
It's when you give me head and I owe you one!
A neutron walks into a bar
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
After my most recent divorce, I'm now paying alimony to BOTH of my ex-wives...
Owe for two.
My friends and I keep track of all the Heath bars we owe each other.
You could say we have a Heath Ledger.
Last mortgage payment!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment!" the guy announces. "I mean, I still owe $273,000, I just can't pay it any more."
My Uncle said he didn't need to breathe for the rest of his life. I said that it was impossible, he proved me wrong.
He stopped breathing for 10 minutes and died. I owe him 20$.
Dan couldn't sleep all night...
and kept turning in bed. His wife wakes up and asks him "What's wrong dear, why can't you sleep?" He says "I owe $1000 to our neighbor Abraham, I am supposed to pay him tomorrow but I don't have the money." So his wife gets out of the bed, opens the window and yells to their neighbor: "HEY ABRAHAAAAAM! ABRAHAM! DAN WON'T BE ABLE TO PAY YOU THE MONEY TOMORROW." She goes back to bed and tells her husband "Now HE won't be able to sleep."
I hope this isn't a repost, I came up with it on my own but it seems like it should be a thing already
My friend (I call him E) and I went to a competition for our children a few months ago on who could name the most vowels. He gave me five dollars to go get a drink. Now when I walk my daughter to school, I see him and always remember that I owe him money. So, I call out, "Hey! E! I owe you!" For some reason, though, he sometimes forgets and says, "Why?"
An old Jewish couple is going to bed
The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!
A lot of people love the 69 position, personally I'm a fan of the 68...
That's where you blow me and I owe you one!
Justin Bieber Jokes
Dear Justing Bieber Haters, Please respect him... I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2016 I was in coma for 2 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song. So I got up.. And I turned off the radio.
A 90 year old man goes into a brothel
He walks up to the madam and asks for a young, nubile woman. The madam looks at him and says: You're 90 years old, you've had it! He replies: Oh, I have? How much do I owe you?
2 lawyers were stood in a queue at a bank. As they were chatting, some masked robbers came in to the bank and demanded everyone hands over their wallets.
The first lawyer calmly takes his wallet out of his pocket, takes $1000 out of his wallet and hands it to the second lawyer and says here you go, this is that $1000 I owe you
68
I told the old lady I wanted to the other night. She said what's that? I told her it's when you blow me and I owe you one.
Two guys are walking down the street when a t**... lunges from an alley and points a gun at them...
"Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!" the t**... says.
Bill says, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Just a minute! Steve, here's that $200 I owe you!"
An elderly gentleman
An elderly gentleman goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a younger
woman for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90 ! ' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
During an armed robbery at a bank, one teller hissed and whispered to the next teller.
"Here are the 100 bucks I owe you."
(Nsfw) My favorite number is 68.
That's where she does me and I owe her one.
Guy: Hey baby, do you wanna 68?
Girl: You mean 69?
Guy: No, 68.
Girl: What's 68?!
Guy: You go down on me and I'll owe you one.
Put Wings On
I cant wait until they can put wings on humans.
When they can put wings on humans, they can put wings on pigs, and when they can put wings on pigs, lots of pretty girls from college owe me s**....
I owe my life to Justin Bieber.
I really do. I got into a bad accident, spent two years in deep coma, until one day the nurse turned on the TV. There was Justin Beiber singing. I stood up and turned it off.
Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates St. Peter opens them and says "Oh it's you Luciano - come on in!".
Pavarotti says "Hold on, I've got an envelope for you from the Pope." St. Peter opens it up and reads it "HERE'S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU".
Friend hooked it up.
Fist bumped and as we were parting ways, said "I owe you!"
Dad Friend: "Don't forget A&E!"
Me: "Huh?"
Dad Friend: "A-E-I-O-U! Already forgot your vowels-tsktsk."
Pepsi: Well THAT was the PR nightmare of the century.
Fox News: Hold my beer.
United Airlines: Jinx, owe me a Coke?
Pepsi: For reals?
Sean Spicer: Make it a double.
Edgar (His nickname is, 'E') was a good man.
One day he gave me 20 bucks. I said, "Aye, E. I owe you."
I owe my life to Justin Beiber.
I was in coma for two years, until one of the nurses played one of his songs on the radio in my room.
I had to wake up to turn it off.
This morning I wrote a note on my container of spaghetti that read "Marios noodles" and left my lunch in the fridge...
At lunch, I see Luigi eating my Spaghetti!
I say, "Hey, didn't you see the note?" Those noodles were mine! you owe me a dollar!"
Outraged, Luigi stood and pointed at the crumpled up note. "No a pasta fee!"
Favorite s**... position
Guy: "What's your favorite s**... position?"
Girl: "68"
Guy: "I've never heard of that one. What is it?"
Girl: "You go down on me, and I owe you one."
Making a woman pay for dinner on the first date guarantees a second date.
As you now owe her a dinner.
Uncle Mike the roofer
My Uncle mike is a roofer. I got him to do some work on my house. After he finished I asked him "how much do I owe you?"
He said, "The gutters are gonna be a couple hundred, but since we are family, the shingles are on the house."
I still have some faith in humanity
and I owe it to the kind people who leave free unbrellas at public places on rainy days. Just when you need them the most.
