overseas Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious overseas puns

A Man Walks Into A Bar...

And orders 3 shots for himself. The bartender asks why 3 shots? The man says that he has two brothers overseas and that whenever they drink, they all drink for each other as well.

A few weeks later, the same man comes in again and orders 2 shots for himself. The bartender asks the man if something happened to one of his brothers. The man replies "Nah, I've just stopped drinking."

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We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.

It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.

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Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?

Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.

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blond joke

A blonde went into an internet cafe to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did.

He then said "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands. Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered .."Well ... Go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... tentatively said .... "Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

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Trump's statement regarding China

Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-long drinking and gambling. Children will roam the streets begging for money. So sad."

 

China foreign ministry: "That's Chinese New Year, dumbass."

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As told to me by an indian bus driver overseas...

Why don't rabbits make noise when they fuck?

Because they have cotton balls.


Apologies if it's a repost.

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A soldier with needs

A soldier has been deployed overseas almost a year ago. He's a single guy and, well after all this time, is starting to have certain sexual needs. They are in a place that is a bit far from civilization so it's kind of hard to meet women.

He mentions this to his superior:

''Sir, I've been here for almost one year and, well, I feel I have some needs, if you know what I mean...''

''Well, there is the camel over there in the shelter, you could...''

''Eww, no! Thats disgusting!''

The soldier, after being proposed this, decides to wait, he was kind of turned off anyways.

After 3 months or so, he feels his need resurfacing and goes to see his superior again:

''Sir, the need are coming back, don't you have any other suggestions?''

''Well, the camel is...''

''No way!'' and he storms out.

After another 2 months, he goes to see his superior again and once again, asks his about what he could to to satisfy his needs.

''The camel is available if you...''

The soldier just leaves, a bit disgusted but finally realizing that there aren't many possible solutions.

He peeks into the shelter and sees the camel. Taking a deep breath, he says ''Fuck it, I've got needs, I have to do this''. So he starts doing his thing.

After about 2 or 3 minutes, his superior walks in on him and, startled, yells:

''What the hell are you doing?!? The camel is to go to the village, you idiot!!''

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If Gandalf wanted to go on an overseas holiday, what would he do?

Fly, *you fools*.

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What do you call an ant from overseas?

Important

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Foreigner buys a hotdog

A man from overseas comes for a vacation to the United States for the first time with his cousin. One day, while walking through the park they see a food cart with the word "Hotdogs" on the side. Since the man had never had a hotdog before, he decides to wait in line to buy one. When it's his turn to buy, he hands the vendor the money and the vendor hands the man a hotdog. The man comes back to his cousin looking very disappointed. "What's wrong?" The cousin asks to which the man replies
" I just waited in line for 10 minutes to get a hotdog and can you believe that of all the parts of the dog I got penis"

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A platoon of soldiers is overseas fighting the battle of a lifetime

when all of the sudden, Private Smith runs out of ammo. He yells over for his Sergeant for some more, when the Sergeant throws him a stick. "What am I supposed to do with this?!" Smith yells angrily. In a joking manner, the Sergeant replies "Point it at the enemy, and yell BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!!

Private Smith mutters "You've gotta be kidding" but just to prove his Sergeant is an idiot, he does it. An enemy soldier comes up, he points the stick at him and yells BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY. Enemy dies. Smith thinks "There's no way that worked, someone else must have shot him, let me try it again." BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! Another soldier goes down. Bewildered, he does it again, and again, with great success. Private Smith kills many people in this manner, and he begins to get very cocky.

His platoon is patrolling a rural road, when they get ambushed, and Private Smith knows that to do. BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!! BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! BANGITY BANGITY BANGI-AAAAGGGHHHH! He starts writhing on the ground in immense pain. His Sergeant pulls him to safety and asks whats wrong. Smith replies "Somebody yelled tankity tankity tankity"

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The lawyer called his client overseas...

..."Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep and I can't reach any other relatives. Shall we order burial or cremation?"

Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both."

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A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Cornishman on an overseas flight.

After a few drinks, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man."

When the Cornishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "and how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once me ansum," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."

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A Blonde irish girl wants to send a message to her mum overseas.

The man in the Post Office tells her it will cost $300.
"I don't have $300, but I'd do anything to get a message to my mum!"
"Anything?" said the man.
"Yes, anything." promised the blonde.
"Then follow me." said the man.
"Now, get down on your knees, pull down my zip, and gently take out my cock." She reached in and gently held his cock. The man closed his eyes and said, "Well, go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to his cock. While holding it close to her lips, she whispered...
"Hello mum, can you hear me??"

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I adopted a child from overseas...

I adopted a child from overseas.
To prevent him from working child-labour factories.
And on his very first birthday, we took him to build a bear workshop.

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A blonde goes into an overseas transmission center...

So this blonde goes into this transmission center to go talk to her mother, which is in another continent working 12 hours a day. The male receptionist said "100 dollars please," and the woman remembered she left the cash at home. She didn't have the time to wait, so she said to the male receptionist, "I don't have the money, but please, I'll do ANYTHING to talk to my mother!"

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would suspect) and said again, "Anything?" "Yes," said the blonde. So the man told her to come into a room with him, lock the door, unzip his pants, and pull his tool out.

She did as she was told.

And after a few moments of silence, the man whispers "...well...go on..." And so the woman goes really close to his tool, puts her mouth right in front of it, and........ "Hello? Mom? Can you hear me?"

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The obesity epidemic is getting out of hand.....

Americans are becoming huge targets overseas

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"My wife can't be pregnant!"

A man shouted over the phone to the family doctor. "I've been traveling overseas for the past 10 months!"

"We call that a grudge pregnancy," the doctor said. "Someone had it in for you."

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What do you call domestic abuse overseas?

Abusing a broad

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Trump really does make everything overseas

He had his shirts made in Korea, his glasses made in China, and his Presidency made in Russia.

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A Vulture Goes Through Customs at the Airport

So this vulture is returning home from an much needed overseas vacation. As she passes through the customs line one of the agents asks, "Do you have any checked luggage?" To which the vulture replies, "Nope, just carrion."

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I adopted a child from overseas to save him from labor factories.

For some reason he hates it when I take him to Build-a-Bear Workshop

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So after serving overseas for 6 months a soldier calls home...

...his brother picks up the phone, they say their hellos and ask how each other are doing. The soldier then asks how everything is with the rest of the family. The brother says, "Well, the cat died."
The soldier is shocked by this and answers, "You can't just drop that on me, you need to ease me into it! Start by saying 'Fluffy got on the roof the other day' then 'Fluffy fell' and 'Fluffy didn't make it.
The brother responds, "Alright, I'm sorry. ...Mom got on the roof the other day..."

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What do you call hiring German engineers to work on your overseas project?

Krautsourcing

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What do you call a bean that lives overseas?

A broad bean.

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Do you need help transporting a lot of animals overseas?

Because I Noah guy

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How did the domestic goods feel when they were being shipped overseas?

Tarrif-ied.

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I'm going overseas soon and I've been thinking about checking out the Dalmatia Coast.

I've heard it's got some great spots.

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What do you call a Harley-Davidson manufactured overseas because of tariffs?

A Smoot-Hawley Davidson!

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How did the domestic goods feel as they were exported overseas?

tarrified.

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After shopping for the first time overseas in a middle eastern market, the American tourist was quoted saying

"How bazaar"

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What do you call a geologist that smuggles rocks overseas?

A Pyrite

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A Texan was talking to a rancher from Canada...

about the overseas market. The Texan was bragging about his huge herds and the vast amounts of money he was making shipping thousands of heads of cattle overseas every year to the Chinese market.

The Canadian, not wanting to be outdone, shot back, "Yeah? Well I ship that much cattle every month!"

The Texan looked at him for a moment, then smiled as he said, "Well, you got me there then. You clearly are the biggest bull shipper I ever met!"

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An American, a Canadian and a Macedonian...

An American and a Canadian were seated next to a Macedonian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.



"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the American bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."





"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Canadian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me how she could never love another man."





When the Macedonian remained silent, the Canadian smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"




"Once," he replied.




"Only once?" the American arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"




"Don't stop."

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You say "two plus two equals four"

But they show you the edict: as of yesterday, it's five. You insist: four. But now it's six. And those who said it was five are in prison. You yell: four. But they admitted past missteps and made it clear that if we all pull together, we can make it seven. And if we leverage, we can even get up to eight. You yell: four. But they look at you like you're mentally challenged - we considered him intelligent, but he's like a broken record: four, four, four. No imagination, no vision. Not like overseas!

Source: comedian Viktor Koklyushkin talking about living in Russia

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What are the most funny Overseas jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Overseas? Well, here are the best Overseas dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Overseas pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes