Over The Hedge Jokes
67 over the hedge jokes and hilarious over the hedge puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about over the hedge that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Over The Hedge Short Jokes
Short over the hedge jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The over the hedge humour may include short over the edge jokes also.
- I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued... "It's cutting hedge technology!"
- Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME. As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.
- What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks? A good start. HOLD the LINE.
- To the game stop hedge fund investors: I know you spent 70 billion. But the best I can offer you is $4 in credit.
- Lost my job as a hedge fund manager today, not sure if due to dress code or work performance! All the boss would tell me is something about my shorts and that that they didn't cover.
- I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze. But Soon after, I realized there's already a Charity for them, The US Government.
- Hedgehogs... Why can't they just share the hedge?
One of my favourite jokes to come out of the Edinburgh Comedy festival :-) - What do you call a bleak future society in which people are forced by the state to trim hedges into decorative shapes? A dystopiary!
- I don't understand why people think money grows on trees when clearly, it actually grows on shrubbery. That's where hedge funds come from!
- Did you hear about the engineer who liked gardening? he was developing latest hedge cutting technology
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Over The Hedge One Liners
Which over the hedge one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with over the hedge? I can suggest the ones about hedge and over the hill.
- I bought a new set of Electric Garden Trimmers. They're cutting-hedge technology.
- Hedgehogs Why can't they just share the hedge.
- What do you call a pig that gets stuck in a bush? A hedge hog.
- I own an innovative gardening supplies store. We sell cutting-hedge technology.
- I'm saving up some money to plant bushes for my backyard. That's…my hedge fund.
- Trimming garden hedges... ...is shearious business.
- What do you call a lawn mower that operates on its own? Cutting-hedge technology
- What do you call a bush full of money A hedge fund
- Garden shears will never be outdated. After all, it's cutting-hedge technology.
- What do you call a conglomerate of shrubbery that rules over an area? A hedge-emony.
- A man like me is hard to find. I trim maze hedges.
- What did the Bushes do after they retired from politics? Opened up a hedge fund
- What do you call the CFO of a landscaping company? A hedge fund manager
- Where did the man with an undecorated yard put his spare change? His Hedge Fund.
- How do tree surgeons live? Life on the hedge!
Over The Hedge Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about over the hedge you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean over the hump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make over the hedge pranks.
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice.
"What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…"
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
The Old Driver
A man was sitting on a lawn sunning and reading, when he was startled by a fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a lawn chair.
"My goodness" he exclaimed, "you are quite old to be driving!"
"Yes" he replied," I am old enough that I don't need a license anymore, the last time I went to my doctor he examined me, and asked if I had a driving license. I told him yes and handed it to him."
He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket".
"You won't be needing this anymore", he said.
"So I thanked him and left."
A priest and a math teacher...
die and go to heaven at the same time. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates, and then shows them to their accommodations. He brings the math teacher to a luxurious mansion, with a hedge maze, marble columns, and a fountain. The priest thinks to himself, "If the math teacher gets this, imagine what I might get!" So he follows St. Peter past a row of large houses, a row of suburban houses, a row of small houses, a row of houses for rent, a row of apartment complexes, and all the way to a row of tree-houses. St. Peter shows the priest to a small tree-house. The priest is baffled, and says, "WHAT!? The math teacher got a MANSION!"
St. Peter replies, "We grant houses based on the amount of people you get to pray, and the math teacher got more people to pray then you ever did."
Senior Driver
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore !! "The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.
I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and
left!"
A little old lady was walking down the street...
A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags.
One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, heavens no!" she said.
"My yard backs up to the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms.
So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
My friend was in his garden...
My friend was in his garden, hanging out his washing and telling me about his latest trip, when all of a sudden he picked up a pair of pruning shears and started trimming his hedge. It was a real non secateur.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a mosquito and a hedge fund manager? A mosquito will stop s**... your blood before its head explodes.
Full disclosure: Got this from Bill Mahr
What do you get if you cross a gardener with a banker?
A box hedge fund!
With Jeb Bush's family heritage of presidents
He needs to watch out and not get a hedge of himself.
My English teacher had a sore back today.
When someone asked him why, he said, "Well, i was trimming hedges, and I finished the first one, and i felt a little pinch in my back, but i just ignored it. But after the second one, my back just gave out on me."
To which i replied: "So, like the american economy- Fine after the first bush, collapsed after the second."
Where does a hedge knight invest his money?
In a hedge fund
I hired a private investigator but he spent two days staring at my hedges
Turned out he was a privet investigator.
What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
What do you call a bush in a suit?
A hedge fund manager
How much do you get paid?
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned out the garage, pruned the hedges, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulls up and yells out her window, Say, what do you get for yard work?
The homeowner thought for a moment, then answered, The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.
What do you call a hedge in the morning?
An AMbush
I was concerned about my gambling problem...
...so I came up with a great solution, on the way home from the bookies I threw all my receipts into a bush.
I was hedging my bets.
I hired a dog landscaper the other day.
I guess you can say he was "Ruff around the hedges".
My daughter made a giant pair of shears from outdated computer parts in art class at school
She called it Cutting hedge technology
TIFU by accidentally cutting down by neighbour's hedge instead of my own
Whoops, wrong shrub.
What do you call a landscaper's bank account?
A hedge fund
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a hedge fund manager's work to punch him in the face
And order a McDouble
After being shorted by hedge funds, Gamestop, AMC, Blackberry and Nokia are watching those funds cry about their losses
I guess you could say those... companies love misery
A redditor repeating 15, 15, 15 ... passes by a hedge fund manager.
The hedge fund manager starts to follow him curiously. The redditor keeps repeating 15. The hedge fund manager follows him out of the town, on an unpaved road, to the edge of a cliff where the redditor looks down repeating 15. The hedge fund manager comes next to him to look down into the cliff. The redditor pushes him in. 16, 16, 16....
Did you hear about the axe that could cut trees instantly ?
It's cutting hedge technology