Over Sixty Jokes

87 over sixty jokes and hilarious over sixty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about over sixty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Over Sixty Short Jokes

Short over sixty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The over sixty humour may include short over sixties jokes also.

  1. Girlfriend said that she slept with 61 men before. I doubt it, but she insisted that I was her sixty-second man.
  2. I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me... She calls me her sixty second lover....
  3. My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?" It's your sixty second birthday.
  4. Son: Hey dad, can I borrow ten dollars in Bitcoin? Dad: Twenty dollars and thirteen cents? Why in God's name do you need to borrow nine dollars and sixty-seven cents?
  5. My wife must have had sixty-one boyfriends before she married me because she calls me her sixty-second lover.
  6. My dad just told us that he wants his next birthday party to be exactly a minute long. It's his sixty second birthday.
  7. When you turn 61, the next year feels like it's only a minute long … … because it's your sixty-second year.
  8. Did you hear about the circle that graduated college Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees
  9. In the sixties, people said the government would wiretap your home. People today: Hey wiretap, can cats eat pickles?
  10. What did the toast say to his partner while they were doing sixty nine? Babe, I'm gonna crumb!

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Over Sixty One Liners

Which over sixty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with over sixty? I can suggest the ones about sixty and sixty years old.

  1. A deer walks out of a gay bar... "Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"
  2. My therapist asked me how many times a day I act immature. I responded, "sixty-nine."
  3. What is Jeremy Clarkson's PIN number? Nought two sixty.
  4. What's LXIX? Sixty-nine the hard way
  5. My wife must have had a busy life before we met She says I'm her sixty second lover.
  6. Every sixty seconds, in Africa A minute passes. Together we can stop this.
  7. I know Jeremy Clarkson's PIN number. It's Zero-Two-Sixty
  8. If there was a competition for precision... I'd come sixty seventh.
  9. Please help because, every sixty seconds in Africa, A minute passes.
  10. What do you call two skunks sixty-nining? Odor eaters.
  11. I cant find my Gone in Sixty Seconds DVD! It was here a minute ago...
  12. Why are circles so knowledgeable? Because they have three hundred and sixty degrees.
  13. Did you know that every sixty seconds . . . . A minute goes by in Africa
  14. What time is it? It's sixty nine o' clock
  15. What's the speed limit for s**...? Sixty-eight. At 69 you have to turn around.

Over Sixty Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about over sixty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sixty year old jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make over sixty pranks.

A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.

After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?"
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"

A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.
Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand, every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me o**... s**..., the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love."
He breaks down, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him.
"I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you sitting here on this park bench crying?"
The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."

During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle.
"Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said.
"What fer?" asked Pyle.
"Shorter hours."
"Good fer them!" said the r**....
"Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

What is the most famous german s**... Position?


An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...

"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."

The secret to a long marriage

A reporter was doing a human interest story for a local newspaper, and was interviewing an elderly couple celebrating sixty years of marriage. The obvious question the reporter posed was "What's the secret to a long marriage?"
"Oh," the man started. "It's all about perseverance. On our honeymoon, we went to the Grand Canyon and rode on mules down the trail. Well, my new wife's mule bucked her off, and she fell on the ground. She just yelled, 'That's ONE!' and got right back on. A couple minutes, the mule did it again, and she yelled, 'That's TWO!' and got right back on. When the mule did it a third time, she yelled, 'That's THREE!' and she took out a gun and shot the mule dead."
The reporter was shocked at the story, and asked, "How does that relate to a long marriage?"
And the man replied, "Well, I told her that was no way to treat a mule, and she looked at me and said 'That's ONE!'"

Why a fourth time?

A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a f**... director.' After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a f**... director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse careers. With a smile on her face she explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'

Wow, carbon dating has improved in recent years!

A museum visitor was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was. "That skeleton's sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old," the employee replied.
"How can you know it that well?" she asked.
"Well, when I started working here, I asked a scientist the exact same question, and he said it was sixty-five million years old—and that was three years, two months and eighteen days ago."

Buying Condoms

A sixty year old man walks into a drug store and walks up to the girl at the checkout counter. He asks her, "Do you sell condoms here?"
"Sure. What size are you?"
"I don't know," he replies.
"Well, just let me check," the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and then says over the intercom, "Extra large condoms to the checkout counter please. Extra large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Later, a thirty year old man walks into the store and up to the checkout counter. He asks the girl, "Do you sell condoms here?"
The cashier replies, "Sure. What size do you need?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Allow me to check for you," she says as she unzips his pants and takes a couple of tugs. She then says over the intercom, "Large condoms to the checkout counter please. Large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Some time later, a eighteen year old boy, hoping to get lucky, walks up to the girl at the checkout counter and asks sheepishly, "Um, ah, do you guys sell condoms here?"
"Yep," she says. "What size do you need?"
"I don't know," he says nervously.
"Allow me to check for you," she says. The cashier unzips his pants for a feel, pauses for a moment and then says over the intercom, "Clean up at the checkout counter please. Clean up at the checkout counter."

Number Sixty Nine

Hong and Lin were Chinese immigrants. They had been married for 20 years and operated a successful Chinese takeout restaurant.
One night they are sleeping when Hong wakes up suddenly and immediately rouses his wife. "Honey, I have a hankering for some number sixty nine!"
"Go back to sleep, silly" Lin says. "I'm not going to do that now. It's 2:00 in the morning!"
Hong begs with Lin for several minutes, and finally she relents. But as Lin begins to remove her p**..., Hong stops her and says, "What you doing? I didn't ask for stripper. All I want is some General Tso's chicken, like you make at restaurant!"

Blonde Convention

(*I heard this from a friend, sorry if it is a repost.*)
A group of blonde people decided to get together and hold a blonde convention to prove that blondes aren't dumb. They invited all the blonde people in the area.
In the middle of the event, they chose one random person from the crowd to answer questions, to prove she could answer them as well as anybody else.
"What is twelve plus three?" asked the interviewer.
"Nineteen," she responded. The interviewer felt very uncomfortable, however, the crowd was still supportive. To help get the girl's confidence back up, they shouted, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
"I'm going to ask you another question," said the interviewer. "What is ten times five?"
The blonde was sure she would get it right this time. "Sixty!" she said.
The interviewer shook her head, but again, the crowd cheered, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The interviewer said, "I'm going to give you one last chance. This will be a very easy question. What is two plus one?"
"Three!" said the blonde, happy to get a question she could finally answer correctly.
The interviewer was about to congratulate when she was interrupted by the cheering of the crowd: "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

An elderly priest is retiring

A catholic priest had served the church for over sixty years and finally decided that he was too old to continue the priesthood. He was giving a speech to the congregation.
"I remember when I first became a priest," he said. "I was terrified. I had never done public speaking before such a large audience before, and I was afraid I would mess up. To make matters worse, my first confession was terrible. Adultery, theft, gambling, tax fraud- luckily, it wasn't all like that."
The priest finishes his speech and sits down. Just then, the mayor walks in the door to give a closing to the ceremony.
"Sorry I'm late," he said. "The traffic was terrible. Our priest here will be dearly missed. I remember when he first became a priest. In fact, I was his first confession!"

A guy picks up a waitress at a Chinese restaurant...

A guy picks up an innocent, young waitress at a Chinese restaurant and after a night out gets her back to his place. After some fooling around he's ready for action and says, "How's about a little sixty-nine?" to which she replies, "You want broccoli with beef?!"

The Art Collector [Clean]

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

Motel Deal

My wife and I were travelling cross country when we stopped in a tiny town for the night. There was only one motel.
I walked into the office and asked the clerk, "How much for one night?"
He answered, "Sixty dollars."
"Sixty dollars?" I shouted. "Don't you have anything cheaper?"
"Sure," he said. "You can get a room for half price if you don't mind making your own bed."
I agreed that this was fine.
So they put us in a room with a pile of lumber and a hammer and some nails...

What's the square root of sixty-nine?

What's the square root of sixty-nine?


A famous art collector is walking through Greenwich Village when he notices a mangy old cat lapping milk from a saucer in front of a store. And the collector does a double take when he sees the saucer. He knows it's very old and very valuable.
So he saunters casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
But the store owner says to him, 'I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.'
And the collector says, 'Please. I need a hungry old tomcat around the house to catch mice. I'll give you ten dollars for him.'
And the owner says, 'Sold,' and takes the ten dollars.
Then the collector says, 'Listen, I was wondering if, for the ten dollars, you might include that old saucer. The cat seems to be used to it. It'll save me a dish.'
And the owner says, 'Sorry, buddy. That's my lucky saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight cats!'

David Guetta - Shot Me Down (p**... version)

I was five and he was six...ty nine , bang bang

Mrs. Barber, medically impossible though it seems at your age, there's no doubt about it: you're pregnant.

Carla was well into her sixties when she went to her doctor complaining of nausea, exhaustion, and occasional cramps. After a thorough examination the doctor sent her to the hospital for a battery of tests, and finally confronted her with the results. Mrs. Barber, medically impossible though it seems at your age, there's no doubt about it: you're pregnant.
Impossible, she cried, and fainted dead away. When she came to, she staggered to the phone, dialed her seventy-eight-year-old husband, and screeched, You've knocked me up, you r**... old goat!
There was a long pause at the other end of the line. Then a voice said, And to whom am I speaking?

whats hitlers favorite s**... position?

sixty NEIN

Interviewer: You said you are quick in mathematics, could you tell me what is a two hundred and fifty times eighty whole divided by sixty nine?

Man: Six thousand eight hundred and fourty five.
Interviewer: Hm... that's not the right answer...
Man: But i'm quick.

Ten, Twenty, Thirty, fourty, fifty, sixty, sixtyten, "what?" four twenties

"France, stop it" four twenties and ten. "France you're drunk"

My uncle has a television set in his automobile, but it led to a little trouble.

You see, he was sitting in the car, watching television, while his wife was driving on the highway at sixty miles per hour.
Then the commercial came on, and he stepped out to go to the bathroom

A museum tour guide points to a fossil "This fossil right here is sixty-eight million and three years old."

One of the visitors asks: "How can you be so precise?"
"I first started working here three years ago, and on my first day the head of the museum told me it was sixty-eight million years old."

A man marries a Chinese restaurant waitress...

On their wedding night, she says to him -
Bride: "Dear husband, I want to give you anything you want! Just name it!"
Groom: "Ooh, that's tough to chose. OK, I really want a sixty nine."
Bride (confused): "You want beef broccoli *now*?"

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary.

Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.
When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.
He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Instantly he turned 93 years old.

What's the LGBT community's favorite s**... position?


An older couple decided to try "swinging"

They'd both recently turned sixty and, what the heck -- YOLO. So they went to a swingers party and, to their amazement, connected with a very young couple barely past their teens. After an hour and a half of "play time" they got dressed and headed home.
"Well that was disappointing," he said. The young lady was fantastic but I couldn't keep it up and didn't finish. "
"Too bad, honey. I thought it was spectacular," she replied. "That young stallion ran the full race three times!"
They should've known, it's simple arithmetic: 20 goes into 60 a lot more times than 60 goes into 20.

How many bacteria does it take to change a light bulb?

No, two. Actually, four.
No! Eight. No, sixteen. Oh God. Thirty-two. Nope, Sixty-four. No...

A couple had been married for sixty years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife remarks, Just think, sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.
"I know, the old man replies. We were probably sitting here n**... as jaybirds sixty years ago. Well, says his wife, Let's relive some old times. Whereupon the two s**... to the buff and sit back down at the table. You know, honey, the old woman says, My n**... are as hot for you today as they were sixty years ago. I'm not surprised, he responds. One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

Things are not working out with my math teacher girlfriend but she is really good at s**....

I don't know whether to eighty-six her or sixty-nine her.

Last night I watched a documentary on a man who spent sixty hours a week crushing Coke cans

It was soda pressing

Two old, drunk friends are in a bar reminiscing about their love life...

Pete: "John when I was 20, and ready to make love, mine was as hard as an iron rod, it was impossible to bend it."
John replies: "Yeah, me too. It was impossible to bend, but when I turned 30 I could bend it a little bit."
Pete: "True, when I turned 40 I could bend it more than a little bit"
John:"Yeah...same here... in my fifties I could actually bend it quite a lot."
Pete:"Me too, but in my sixties I could almost bend it in half."
"same with me" John replies and takes a sip of his beer "..... Pete... how strong do you think we are going to get?"

A blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever s**... thing you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

Miss Piggy could never really count to sixty-nine on camera.

Every time she did, she got a frog in her t**....

Whats a German r**... victim's favorite s**... Position?

Sixty NEIN

Apparently, married women over sixty are "more likely to become furries".

I think it's an old wive's tale

Maradonna was asked by a reporter if his '86 national team could beat Iceland.

He replied "Yes, I think 1-0"
"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.
Maradonna answers " yeah we are nearing our sixties"

Looking for feedback on a terribad joke I made up

Last night at 7:30 I went to my uncle's sixty second birthday party...
It was over by 7:31.

An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband

"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably n**... as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get n**... again for old time's sake?"
So they s**... off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my n**... are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

Three friends throw darts for high scores at a pub...

The first dude hits the 20 three times and calls: "SIXTY!"
The second one hits two darts in the 20 and one in the triple 20 and shouts: "ONE HUNDRED!"
When the third guy takes his turn, after throwing a 20 and a triple 20 the third dart deflects off the board and hits a nun sitting at the table next to it right at the temple. The woman immediately drops off her chair and the player goes: "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY!"

A sixty year old millionaire ran into an old friend in a jewelry store after a gap of several years and proudly introduces him to his gorgeous twenty eight year old wife.

The friend eyes her as she tries on a necklace in the tabletop mirror and whispers, "You lucky dog, how did you net someone like her?"
The millionaire leans in closer and whispers conspiratorially, "I told her that I was eighty."

A Chinese husband and wife are having a busy night in their restaurant..

..when an old friend of the husband makes a surprise visit, the two men have a few drinks to celebrate and after a while the husband tells his wife they are going to a nearby pub, but won't be long.
The husband eventually comes home at 3am and gently awakens his wife and asks "Hey, what about a little sixty nine?"
She flies into a rage, "You go out drinking with your friend, you knew how busy the restaurant was, you leave me to do all the hard work, and now you expect me to get up and make you Mongolian Lamb with Snow Peas!?"

A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: "How old is this dinosaur skeleton?"

He replies: "It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old."
"Wow! It's amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?"
"I don't know" says the guide. "But when I first came here they told me it was sixty five million years old. And I started here fourteen years and three months ago."

A bloke walks into a bar

And there are two Nuns playing darts. He offers to do the scoring. The first Nun hits a treble twenty with her first and second darts and double twenty with her third. The man shouts out "One hundred and sixty." The second Nun goes to throw and hits a treble twenty, a single twenty and the third dart hits the wire and rebounds straight into the Nuns eye, killing her instantly! The bloke shouts out One Nun dead and eighty."

The Age of a Dinosaur

This old natural museum guide, near retirement, is talking to a group of visitors about a T-Rex skeleton.
"This dinosaur is sixty-five million and thirty-three years, ten months and six days."
"How can the age be so precise?" asks a visitor.
"Well", the old man ponders out loud, "when I started this job, I've been told the T-Rex was 65 million years...'