Over 30 Jokes
62 over 30 jokes and hilarious over 30 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about over 30 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Over 30 Short Jokes
Short over 30 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The over 30 humour may include short thirty jokes also.
- It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 30 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.
- Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- Cashier: that'll be $19.99 Me: *pulls out a $50*
Cashier: sorry we've been having problems with counterfeit money… Have anything smaller?
Me: Sure! *pulls out a $30* - A company owner was asked a question, How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking." - Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's Mom: use protection
daughter: mom I'm 15
Mom: and I'm 30 - I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me. 13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.
- My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
- How do you get 30 Canadians out of a pool? You say, O.K., everybody, it's time to get out of the pool!
- My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2 He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Share These Over 30 Jokes With Friends
Over 30 One Liners
Which over 30 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with over 30? I can suggest the ones about thirty year old and being thirty.
- 6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
- How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? "Please Get Out The Pool"
- I had a goal to lose 20 Pounds by the end of the year. 30 pounds to go
- Our local auctioneer has passed away. He was somewhere around 30? 35? 35? 40.
- 6:30 is my favorite time of the day. Hands down.
- What's the best time of the day? 6:30... *hands down*
- I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds Only 30 more to go and I'm there!
- 30 people walk into a bar This is the worst game of limbo I've ever seen
- A frog took a DNA test The results said he was 20% British, 30% French and a tad Pole.
- Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek? Because nobody is looking for them.
- 6:30 is my favorite time... Hands down.
- 60% of people in the world are dumb luckily I am in the 30%
- What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day? A barber
- What is James Bond called in Newfoundland? 007:30
- What's one thing you must do before you turn 30 years old? Turn 29 years old.
Over 30 Birthday Jokes
Here is a list of funny over 30 birthday jokes and even better over 30 birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My daughter asked for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet store. They cost $30! That's way too expensive.
I can get one much cheaper off of the web. - Did you hear about the 30 year old virgins' birthday party? It was celibatory
- Looking for feedback on a terribad joke I made up Last night at 7:30 I went to my uncle's sixty second birthday party...
It was over by 7:31. - A woman gets a lifetime bus pass for her 103rd birthday Estimated value: $30
- I asked my father for a 30-year-old e**... for my birthday... He brought home a 30-year-old Ford e**... instead.
- Birthday parties for people over 30 are actually s**... prevention parties.
Cheerful Fun Over 30 Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about over 30 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean over 60s jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make over 30 pranks.
My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her.
It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home.
Did you hear Trump's limo driver got busted for possession of drugs?
They found over 300 pounds of dope in the back seat.
My grandfather destroyed over 30 German planes in WW2...
He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Four old ladies were sitting together...
The first one says, "My son is a bishop, and when he walks into a room, people say 'Your excellence.'"
The second one says, "Well, my son is a cardinal, and when he walks into a room, people say 'Your eminence.'"
The third lady says, "My son's the Pope, and when he steps into a room, people say 'Your holiness.'"
The fourth woman says, "My son's only a priest, hardly 5 feet but over 300 pounds. And whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Oh my God!'"
A guy finally buys his dream car
... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.
Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."
The driver says "Well, to be honest sir, my wife recently left me for a state trooper, and when I saw your car, I was scared you were bringing her back."
My grandfather killed over 30 n**... during WW2
He was the worst doctor in the Wehrmacht
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
A minute later he hears, You look great. Have you lost weight? He looks around, but there's no one near.
Again, a minute later, he hears, You know, you don't look a day over 30. Looks around again, no one but him and the bartender, so he asks, Did you hear that?
The bartender says, It's the peanuts. They're complimentary.
Why should women over 30 never play hide and seek?
Because no one is looking for them
My aunt's parrot can say over 30 phrases, but each one is offensive and belittling.
I say parrot, it's actually more of a mockingbird.
A policeman stopped me for driving over 30.
But I swear I got at least 40 people.
Never take a guy with a f**... on a plane...
My buddy d**... near jumped out of the plane when the captain said we were flying over 30000 feet!
My great-grandad was personally responsible for bringing down over 30 German aircraft in WW2.
All the other mechanics in the Luftwaffe never really liked him though.
The most popular guy in school weighs over 300 pounds
People naturally gravitate towards him
If a single germ can infect over 300 people...
Imagine what a married one could do.
Photons hit you at over 300,000,000,00 m/s, and yet you don't even flinch.
It must be because they're so light.
My friend told me he can think of over 300 Spanish names...
but I can only think of Juan.
Did you hear about the cars that had s**... for over 30 hours?
She was exhausted, but he was also pretty tired.
I lost over 300 pounds in 2004 - 2006
It was a long divorce, but I do feel so much lighter now!
Whats the worst thing you could say as a doctor?
I have over 300 confirmed kills
Two Finnish men meet in a bar...
Two Finnish men meet in a bar, they haven't seen each other in over 30 years, but used to be best friends. One raises his beer and says 'cheers'.
The other responds, 'are we here to drink, or to talk?'
What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros?
A cow can't be milked for over 30 years
I don't get all the fuss about Nintendo Labo.
Papa John's has been selling cardboard for over 30 years.
I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in graphic design
I have over 300 confirmed designs and don't have a single job...
My wife doesn't look a day over 30.
She looks at least a couple of days over 60.
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home.
” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years !
So how could you get lost ?
” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear.
Morris whispered, ” I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”
"With our special weight loss supplements and a healthy diet, you can lose over 30 pounds a month!"
Fat chance...
last night i wanted to go to a over 30 party. they wouldn't let me in.
i was 2 centimeters short.
What do you call a person that won't let people with over 30 size waist or Elmer Fudd into their establishment?
Waistist
I own a successful company with over 30 000 workers.
Everything goes fine with girls until they find out I'm a beekeeper.
Tarzan doesn't have a beard. Yet he lives in the jungle for over 30 years.
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Homer gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.
"Now Homer", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost ?"
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear.
Homer whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
Jesus Christ and his friends are out for fun. After drinking some glasses and talking about man-stuff, Jesus tells them the secret that he is over 30 and still a v**...!
His friends decide that they can not leave it that way...especially because he is the son of god... and drag him to the next brothel. They pay him the next best h**... girl and put both to a room and shut the door. Relaxed they started drinking a few more bottles when suddenly the door of the room opens, the h**... runs out n**..., crying and shouting, and disappears in the dark of the night. Jesus walks out and smiles. His friends ask what just happened?
Jesus: "Well, she showed me her wound and I healed it"
Chuck Norris once threw ar party
Over 300 yards.
A man goes to the doctor.
He says to the doctor "I have a big problem. But first I want you to promise me you won't laugh."
"Oh, no sir, that would be very unprofessional. I have been practicing medicine for over 30 years and I've seen it all. So you have my word."
"OK" says the man and drops his pants. As soon as the doctor sees the man's teeny tiny micropenis, he drops to the floor with a hysterical laughing fit. Finally after five minutes, he regains his composure and says,
"I do apologize sir, I really do. What seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen" says the man.
What would you use if you wanted to launch a 90kg projectile over 300 metres?
Trebuchet.
A woman is cleaning out her husband's bedside table...
...and when she gets to the bottom drawer she finds 3 eggs and $3,458.
Confused, she asks her husband about it. He sighs, then says sadly, "You'd better sit down."
She sits, looking anxious. "We've been married for over 30 years", he starts, "and in that time, I've... well I've been unfaithful."
There's an awkward pause, then with tears in her eyes she asks, "What does that have to do with the eggs?" "Well," he explains "whenever I was unfaithful, I put an egg in the drawer."
"Well three times isn't that bad in 30 years, but what about the money?"
"Oh." the husband says, "Whenever I had a dozen eggs, I sold them."
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"
