Oven Jokes

What are some Oven jokes?

Just burned 2,000 calories.

That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Every cook has a secret

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.

He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.

Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.

Bill Withers Duck joke

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Leave it in the oven till it's Bill Withers.

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today...

I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!

Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...

I burned 2000 calories today.

Last time I take a nap with brownies in the oven.

I burned 1000 calories today...

Forgot I had a pizza in the oven.

I always feel bad for the kids in africa when I waste water..

And when I leave the oven on, I feel bad for the jews.

Grandma's Apple Pie

An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."

Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he comes back empty handed and says "Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says its for after the funeral."

Never have unprotected sex with a cannibal.

Or next thing you know, you'll have a baby in the oven.

If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven...

is doing it in the shower a German oven?

I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex

I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best.

What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out?

Oven mitts.

I burned 2,000 calories today...

I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.

I have this stupid obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.

I really hate my job at the crematorium.

Post your most offensive joke? Sure.

Whats the worst part about being a black jew? Having to sit in the back of the oven :D

Two muffins were sitting in an oven, one muffin says, "wow it's getting hot in here!"

The second muffin says "oh my god a talking muffin"

How do you make a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven at ~~three fifty~~ tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers.

My wife got angry when I said "Samsung"...

Apparently that was the wrong answer to: "What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"

Why are black jews the worst off race?

They have to sit at the back of the oven.

You know what the worst part of being black and Jewish is?

I have to sit in the back of the oven.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

What does Snoop Lion do when he forgets to wear oven mitts?

Drops it like it's hot.

I kept my wife at home in the kitchen all day today, baking

I hope the police don't look in the oven

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

Two muffins are in an oven

One turns to the other and says, boy, it sure is hot in here!

The other muffin replies, Ahhhhh a talking muffin!!!!!

(I'm terrible at jokes and this is the only one that I consistently don't f*k up and my husband actually laughs when I tell it.)

My ex-girlfriend made a really great cake the other day

Getting her legs to fit in the oven was a real hassle, though.

What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?

Baking soda

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree.

-

My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

An old couple had been married for 30 years...

And every morning for those three decades, at precisely 6:30 am, the man would release a horrendous fart that would gag a maggot! His wife would be awakened by said fart and the man would laugh. Oftentimes he would give her the ole' "Dutch Oven". Every time, however, the disgusted wife would exclaim "One day, you're gonna fart your guts out!". The husband would then laugh harder and perhaps wave a little more foul air in her direction.

One day, it was thanksgiving. The wife gets up much earlier to begin food preparation for the feast. As she is removing the innards of her fleshy killed turkey, she gets an idea. She gathers up the fowl gut and brings them upstairs to her sleeping husband. She then deposited the entrails into the back of his jockeys. She returns to her kitchen and waits for 6:30.

When 6:30 arrives, she hears the earth shattering flatulence all the way downstairs which is followed immediately by a despairing cry. The woman giggles behind her hand.

Several minutes later, her husband comes to her kitchen, white-faced and wide-eyed. He says, "All this time, you were right. I finally farted my guts out!" The wife says, " My goodness! Really?". He replies, "Yeah, but I got em' all back in."

TIL people with tiny hands can't use an oven or a range...

They can only microwave.

2 Original depressed baker jokes

Did you hear about the depressed baker who threw himself into his own oven?
Colleagues said it was a final act of self-loafing.

Did you hear about the depressed baker who went on a killing spree?
Witnesses said he came out all buns glazing.

Why does it suck to be a black Jew?

You have to sit in the back of the oven.

What's the worst thing about being a black Jew?

You have to sit in the back of the oven.

So, get this. My friend was over at my house the other day for dinner, and starts screaming at me "Eating meat is murder!"

Or she may have been screaming "Eating me is murder!" It's hard to hear through the oven.

I just burned 3,000 calories.........

I left the cookies in the oven too long! 😎

Two Muffins we sitting in an oven.

The first looks over to the second, and says, "man it sure is hot in here"! The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, "MY GOD, a talking muffin"!!!!

I just burned 12000 calories

I left the pizza in the oven

My new neighbor's super hot but I haven't tried to take her out yet...

When I checked the oven, she wasn't quite done.

Heard about the statistician who liked to kick back with his feet in the oven and his head on a bucket of ice?

On the average, he was quite comfortable.

An Irish Thanksgiving.!

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!

My girlfriend's at home tonight, baking.

So hopefully the police don't look in the oven and find her.

How do you make a duck sing the blues?

Stick it in an oven at 500 degrees until its bill withers.

A woman was baking a cake...

When she heard the oven timer go off, she turned to her daughter, and asked her to check to see if the cake was done.

"I don't know how to check," the girl replied.

"Well," said the mother, "you take the cake out of the oven, and stick a knife in the center. If the knife comes out clean, that means the cake is done. Otherwise, put it back in the oven for another five minutes or so."

"Ok," said the girl, who promptly headed to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, the daughter returned. "Did the knife come out clean?" asked the mother.

"Oh, yes!" replied the daughter. "In fact, it came out *so* clean, I stuck all the other dirty silverware in it, too!"

A young couple is having their first christmas together and they're cooking a turkey.

Just before they put the turkey in the oven the guy cuts an inch and a half off each end. His girlfriend asks "Why did you do that?" "That's how my mom does it." "Why does she do it?" "I don't know." So they phone his mom and she says "That's how *my* mom did it." So they phone the grandma and she says "I had a small oven."

This joke gets told EVERY Thanksgiving... Might as well (re)post it here. "How to cook a turkey"

"How to cook a turkey"


Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Turkey Dinner Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Cup of Beer Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Alcoholic Beverage Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Bottle of Wine Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Turkey Dinner Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!

Two Muffins

Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

The first muffin says to the second, "Is it getting hot in here?"

The second muffin says "AAAAHHHH!!!! A talking muffin!!!"

The brownies I started making in my easy bake oven in 1987

are done if anyone wants some.

What is the worst about a being black AND Jewish?

Sitting in the back of the oven.

Sorry if this is considered extremely racist mods, please remove if you consider it to be!

How to make Emo Cupcakes

What You'll need:

Cupcake Tray

An oven

Milk

Butter

Eggs

Flour

Sugar

We're

Going

Down

Swingin'

What do you call a group of disabled people in a pool?

Vegetable soup.



I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another;

Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair into the oven

I don't get why people love a mother's cooking.

9 months in the oven and you came out awful.

What do you get when you put soda in the oven?

Baking soda!... I'll leave now

How do you know if a hippo is in your oven?

The door won't close

What do you get when you cross an oven with a car?

A hot rod.

NOTE: When I was about 5, I thought this was the funniest joke on earth.

As a Jew, I have heard many Jewish jokes, here are a few...

Why do Jews have big noses? because air is free...
Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? Pizza's don't scream in the oven....
What's faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon...
How many Jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 6 million in the ash tray...
Why did Hitler kill himself? he saw his gas bill...
Why did Moses split the red sea? He saw a nickle at the bottom...
If you all have any I find them hilarious so please share :)

A tray of muffins is in the oven.

One muffin says "Woo; it's hot in here." An adjacent muffin exclaims, "Whoa! A talking muffin!"

Remember, tomorrow is Adolf Hitler's birthday

I've got a cake all ready for him in the oven

What did Hitler get on his 6th birthday?

G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake oven.

What did Hitler get his niece for her birthday?

An easy bake oven.

Chef blonde

Why don't blondes double the amounts in recipes when cooking for more people?

The oven usually doesn't go to 700 degrees.

My mum fed me yeast and put me in the oven.

Just how I was raised.

How do cannibals cook feet?

In a toester oven.

What was the last cooking implement used by Anne Frank?

A Dutch Oven

Two muffins are put in an oven.

The first muffin says, "Man, are you hot or is it just me?" The second muffin replies, "This isn't the time for flirting, Dave."

Why do they call me an oven?

Because when I get turned on things get really hot

I went down to the gym, and lost 1200 calories

Next time, I'll take the pizza out of the oven

Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven?

They were too GUI.

There were two muffins in an oven...

One muffin said to the other, "Boy, it's sure hot in here!"
The other muffin screamed "AHHHH!!! A talking muffin!!!!!!!"

What happens if you put a child in an oven and turn the heat up to max for 1 hour?

I'll tell you in 10 minutes.

There are 2 pizzas in the oven

The first pizza says " aaaaah, it's hot in here!"

The second pizza says " aaaaaaah, a talking pizza!!!"

I just burned 1,500 calories!

I forgot the pizza in the oven.

So, two muffins are sitting in an oven....

So two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other,
"Man, its hot in here."

The other muffin replied, "OH MY GOSH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Jews and pizzas

What is the difference between a Jew and pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

What do you get when you put mice in the oven?

Mice crispies.

Hey dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?

"Because a rose petal fell on her head when she was a baby, dear son," replied the Dad.

"Oh, thanks for telling me Dad!"

"No problem, Toaster Oven."

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes
(credit goes to my Grandma)

Two muffins are in an oven..

One says to the other one "Dude, I am so baked."


^^^^^Ishouldfeelreallyfuckingbad

What's the first step to making your favorite Jewish dish?

Preheat the oven

Two Chefs get in an argument,

And they split the kitchen right down the middle.

One Chef has the oven and fridge on his side, and the other has the freezer, a spice rack, and a microwave on his.

So the first Chef looks at the other and says

"What are you gonna do? You can't cook anything in a microwave, you're finished."

The second Chef looks over and tells him

"I have thyme on my side."

Why don't women wear watches?

Because there is a clock on the oven.

How many men does it take to fix a women's watch?

Why does she need a watch? There is a clock on the oven!

The Oven

Two muffins are baking in an oven.

The first muffin turns to the second muffin and says: "Boy, it sure is hot in here."

The second muffin says: "Wow! A talking muffin!"

Everytime I hear, there's a bun in the oven

I can only think of the inefficiency in cooking one bun at a time.

How to make Oven jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Oven to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Oven? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Oven pick up lines to share with friends.

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