Oval Jokes
65 oval jokes and hilarious oval puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oval that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Oval Short Jokes
Short oval jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oval humour may include short elope jokes also.
- Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."
Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion." - Hillary says it's time to have a woman in the Oval Office. Bill says - been there, done that ...
- I call my toilet the oval office.. It's got a think tank, and a pipeline for delivering healthcare reform.
- No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president.. there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months..
- What did they circle say when he found out he wasn't actually a circle? "Yeah whatever, I'm Oval it"
- When trouble brews, why do members of the White House staff rush the president to the Oval Office? Because he can never be cornered there.
- Wow Monica Lewinski is 50 They grow up so fast. It seems like it was just yesterday, she was crawling around the Oval Office putting everything in her mouth.
- Hillary said she wants to be the next president because there haven't been many women in the Oval Office. Bill said, "That's not true, there's been plenty of women."
- Why is eavesdropping at the Oval Office like watching Sister Act? Either way, you're gonna hear a con-vent.
- Everyone knows Hillary took silverware, but what did Bill Clinton get from the Oval Office? One night stand.
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Oval One Liners
Which oval one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oval? I can suggest the ones about altar and tour.
- Why is the oval office oval shaped? Because the government cuts corner.
- What do you call an honest man in the Oval Office? Lost
- What's gray, disappointing, and in the shape of an oval?
- If the Oval Office could be seen in VR Jeb Bush might just fulfill his dream.
- What's half of infinity? A slightly oval shaped o
- I once saw the President working hard in the oval office.
- What would you get if the sun was oval? A solar ellipse.
- Why is bill Clinton always stratified in the oval office Because he always get a head
- "Hey dad, is mom around?" Dad: I think she's more oval
- Did you know the oval office is full of money? There's a w**... of bill's under the desk
- What did Bill Clinton call the Oval Office? He called it the o**... Office.
- An elegant man call the mailman the other day. This double oval shape o**...
Oval Office Jokes
Here is a list of funny oval office jokes and even better oval office puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does Monica Lewinsky going to the oval office and you cashing your paycheck have in common? In both cases somebody leaves with a hand full of Bills.
- What would Hillary tell Bill when she will sit at the Oval Office? "Close, Bill, but no cigar!"
- Hillary Clinton has announced that she will be running for the oval office next year and released a campaign slogan that reads "Hindsight is 2020" This time, she says, you might remember to vote.
- Was President Obama as good in the Oval Office as was President Clinton? I would say close, but no cigar.
- We need a woman president in the oval office. Because the white house cook is retiring next year.
Uproarious Oval Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about oval you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean orbit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make oval pranks.
An American and a Russian get into an argument about their governments
The American said,"In my country I can walk into the oval office, pound the president's desk and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running our country.'"
The Russian said,"I can do that."
The American said,"You can?"
The Russian said,"Yes, I can go into the Kremlin to the General Secretary's office, pound his desk and say,'Mr.Gorbachev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country.'"
Source : Ronald Reagan
abortion bill
President Bush is sitting in the oval office when a secretary comes in and hands him a slip of paper. Bush asks what it is, and the secretary replies "it's the abortion bill. What do you want to do with it?" "Just go ahead and pay it".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have yourself a laugh on my cake day!
An aide walks into the oval office. George W. Bush is currently president, and the Iraq war is dragging out into a long and grueling occupation. The aide presents the numbers from yesterday to the President.
"Mr. President, yesterday the US coalition forces killed a confirmed 36 insurgents."
The President nodded his head patriotically.
"There were some losses on our end, however." The aide continued. "We lost a US h**... with four soldiers in it to an IED outside of Tekrit, and 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in a crossfire in Baghdad."
The president nodded solemnly with the news of the h**..., but his face was ashen by the end of the sentence, and he buried his face in his hands. The aide looked startled, "Sir, what's the matter."
With scared eyes, the president looked up and mumbled "How many is a brazilian?"
Reagan's Soviet Joke
(All credit goes to Ron)
An American and a Russian are talking about their countries. The American starts to brag; "In my country, I can walk into the Oval Office, slam my fist on the president's desk, and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way you're running this country!"
The russian appears unimpressed and says "We can do that in my country." The American says "Really?" Mhm." says the Russian. "I can walk right into the Kremlin, slam my fist on Gorbachev's desk and say "I don't like the way President Reagan is running his country."
Don't let your teenage son or daughter drink too many calorific bedtime drinks.
You may end up with an oval teen.
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Hillary Clinton want to be president?
She also wants to get a b**... in the oval office
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......
She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.
Monica says "That's not a clock".
To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".
An American an Russian were arguing about whose country is the best...
The American said, "Look, in America I can walk into the Oval Office, I can pound the President's desk and say Mr President, I don't like the way you're running our country."
The Russian said, "I can do that."
The American asked, "You can?"
The Russian replied, "Yes, in my country I can go to the Kremlin, to President Putin's office, pound his desk and say Mr. President, I don't like the way President Trump is running his country."
Joke by: Anonymous Source (Definitely not Comey)
A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...
"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
That's a lot of zeros
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
An American and a Russian are talking
The American says to the Russian, "I feel bad for you folks. You don't have any freedom. In my country, I can march right up to the White House, walk right into the Oval Office, pound my fist on the president's desk and say 'Mr. President, I don't like the way you're running the United States.'"
The Russian says, "I can do that too."
"You can?" Replies the American
"Sure. I can march right up to the Senate building, walk right into the Presidential Cabinet, pound my fist on the president's desk and say 'Mr. President, I don't like the way you're running the United States.'"
Abortion bill
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
Little Timmy is playing with a shape sorter.
After multiple attempts, Timmy starts getting frustrated while trying to fit a square block into an oval hole.
Timmy's father watches the sheer persistence of his son with a sort of wonder until Timmy screams,
"HOW DOES THIS A SQUARE FIT IN AN OVAL?!?"
Timmy's father, wishing to just put the matter to rest almost comments that it is, in fact, impossible to put a square into an oval.
But then he remembers - anything is possible with enough electoral college votes.
An American and a Russian are arguing about their two countries,
The American said, Look, in my country I can walk into the Oval Office, I can pound the president's desk and say, Mr.President, I don't like the way you're running our country. .
And the Russian said, I can do that.
The American said, You can?
He says, Yes, I can go into the Kremlin to the General Secretary's office, pound his desk and say, Mister General Secretary, I don't like the way President Reagan's running his country. .
(This joke was originally told by Ronald Reagan)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Trump wakes up one winter morning and looks out the Whitehouse window to see the words "Trump s**...!" Written in u**... in the snow.
Outraged, he tasks the Secret Service to find out who is responsible.
Later that day the director of the Secret Service comes into the oval office and asks, "Sir, we have an answer. Do you want the bad news or the worse news?"
"Give me the bad news."
"We got the DNA test back on the u**..., it belongs to the vice president."
"That's the bad news?" Trump exclaims, "what could be worse than that?"
"Well," says the agent, "it was in the First Lady's hand writing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not properly prescripted
- Granny, have you seen my pills? They are oval shaped with the initials "l**..." engraved on 'em.
- F*c**... them, darling! Can't you see there is a dragon in our kitchen?!
A teacher said to her class
A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Timmy's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green." The teacher ignored Little Timmy again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss." No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking." Little Timmy said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib." "Timmy, thats disgusting!" shouted the teacher. " no it's a match, but i like your thinking." Said Little Timmy.
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
America vs Russia
An American and a Russian are arguing about freedom in their respective countries. The American says proudly: I can walk into the Oval Office anytime, I can pound the president's desk, and I can say, Mr. President, I don't like the way you're running our country."
The Russian replies nonchalantly: "Yes sir, I can do that too. I can go into the Kremlin to the President's office, I can pound his desk and say, Comrade President, I don't like the way President Biden's running his country.''
