Oval Jokes
74 oval jokes and hilarious oval puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about oval that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Oval Short Jokes
Short oval jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The oval humour may include short elope jokes also.
- Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."
Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion." - Hillary says it's time to have a woman in the Oval Office. Bill says - been there, done that ...
- I call my toilet the oval office.. It's got a think tank, and a pipeline for delivering healthcare reform.
- No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president.. there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months..
- What did they circle say when he found out he wasn't actually a circle? "Yeah whatever, I'm Oval it"
- When trouble brews, why do members of the White House staff rush the president to the Oval Office? Because he can never be cornered there.
- Wow Monica Lewinski is 50 They grow up so fast. It seems like it was just yesterday, she was crawling around the Oval Office putting everything in her mouth.
- Hillary said she wants to be the next president because there haven't been many women in the Oval Office. Bill said, "That's not true, there's been plenty of women."
- Why is eavesdropping at the Oval Office like watching Sister Act? Either way, you're gonna hear a con-vent.
- Everyone knows Hillary took silverware, but what did Bill Clinton get from the Oval Office? One night stand.
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Oval One Liners
Which oval one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with oval? I can suggest the ones about altar and tour.
- Why is the oval office oval shaped? Because the government cuts corner.
- What do you call an honest man in the Oval Office? Lost
- What's gray, disappointing, and in the shape of an oval?
- If the Oval Office could be seen in VR Jeb Bush might just fulfill his dream.
- What's half of infinity? A slightly oval shaped o
- I once saw the President working hard in the oval office.
- What would you get if the sun was oval? A solar ellipse.
- Why is bill Clinton always stratified in the oval office Because he always get a head
- What do you call an oval with a speech impediment? An Elipshhh
- "Hey dad, is mom around?" Dad: I think she's more oval
- Why fat people aren't circles or ovals because they're out of shape.
- Did you know the oval office is full of money? There's a w**... of bill's under the desk
- What did Bill Clinton call the Oval Office? He called it the o**... Office.
- An elegant man call the mailman the other day. This double oval shape o**...
Oval Office Jokes
Here is a list of funny oval office jokes and even better oval office puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does Monica Lewinsky going to the oval office and you cashing your paycheck have in common? In both cases somebody leaves with a hand full of Bills.
- How many people from Donald Trump's team would it take to change a lightbulb in the Oval office? 11.
Donald, on his desk, holding the lightbulb in place. 10 morons rotating the desk - What would Hillary tell Bill when she will sit at the Oval Office? "Close, Bill, but no cigar!"
- Hillary Clinton has announced that she will be running for the oval office next year and released a campaign slogan that reads "Hindsight is 2020" This time, she says, you might remember to vote.
- Was President Obama as good in the Oval Office as was President Clinton? I would say close, but no cigar.
- Barack Obama's initials are B.O. When he leaves the Oval Office it sure is going to stink.
- We need a woman president in the oval office. Because the white house cook is retiring next year.
- Bill: I hope Hillary will have better interns in the Oval Office than I did. All of mine s**....
- Why does Hillary Clinton want to be president? She also wants to get a b**... in the oval office
Uproarious Oval Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about oval you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean orbit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make oval pranks.
An American and a Russian are arguing about who's country is better
The American says, "See in America you can walk into the president's oval office, pound his desk and say, Mr.President I don't like the way you're running your country."
The Russian says, "Well, I can do that."
The American questions, "You can?"
The Russian explains, "Yes, I can walk into the president's office, pound his desk and say, Sir I don't like the way the American president is running his country."
An American and a Russian get into an argument about their governments
The American said,"In my country I can walk into the oval office, pound the president's desk and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running our country.'"
The Russian said,"I can do that."
The American said,"You can?"
The Russian said,"Yes, I can go into the Kremlin to the General Secretary's office, pound his desk and say,'Mr.Gorbachev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country.'"
Source : Ronald Reagan
George W. Bush and Karl Rove are talking...
Karl Rove walks into the Oval Office and says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Four Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq" The president buries his head in his hands, crying "no! No! No! That's awful, that's terrible...." He pauses, collects himself, and says "wait.... How many is a Brazilian?"
Brazillian
So it's 2004 and the War in Iraq is r**... on.
President Bush calls Sec. Rumsfeld into the Oval Office to discuss the campaign.
Rumsfeld begins by saying, "Sir, there have been no American deaths today. But we do have word that 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed."
Much Rumsfeld's surprise, President Bush begins crying and b**... his hands on the desk in the office.
Rumsfeld says, "Sir, what's wrong?"
Bush replies under his heavy sobs, "Exactly how many is a Brazillian?"
abortion bill
President Bush is sitting in the oval office when a secretary comes in and hands him a slip of paper. Bush asks what it is, and the secretary replies "it's the abortion bill. What do you want to do with it?" "Just go ahead and pay it".
Don't let your teenage son or daughter drink too many calorific bedtime drinks.
You may end up with an oval teen.
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......
She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.
Monica says "That's not a clock".
To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".
Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.
The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says...
The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says "Mr. President, eight Brazilian soldiers were killed in Mexico today!"
The President is real quiet.
"Mr. President, did you hear me?"
"How many is a Brazilian?" the president asks.
An American boasts to a Soviet about the freedom of speech he has.
He says, "I can literally walk up to the oval office and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country' and I won't get into any problem at all!"
The Soviet replies, "I can do the exact same, too. I too can literally walk up to the Red Square and say, 'Comrade Brezhnev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country' and not get into any problem!"
A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...
"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
The Secretary of Defense sits in the Oval Office briefing Bush on Iraq...
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!" His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
That's a lot of zeros
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
Abortion bill
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
Little Timmy is playing with a shape sorter.
After multiple attempts, Timmy starts getting frustrated while trying to fit a square block into an oval hole.
Timmy's father watches the sheer persistence of his son with a sort of wonder until Timmy screams,
"HOW DOES THIS A SQUARE FIT IN AN OVAL?!?"
Timmy's father, wishing to just put the matter to rest almost comments that it is, in fact, impossible to put a square into an oval.
But then he remembers - anything is possible with enough electoral college votes.
An American and a Russian are arguing about their two countries,
The American said, Look, in my country I can walk into the Oval Office, I can pound the president's desk and say, Mr.President, I don't like the way you're running our country. .
And the Russian said, I can do that.
The American said, You can?
He says, Yes, I can go into the Kremlin to the General Secretary's office, pound his desk and say, Mister General Secretary, I don't like the way President Reagan's running his country. .
(This joke was originally told by Ronald Reagan)
President Trump wakes up one winter morning and looks out the Whitehouse window to see the words "Trump s**...!" Written in u**... in the snow.
Outraged, he tasks the Secret Service to find out who is responsible.
Later that day the director of the Secret Service comes into the oval office and asks, "Sir, we have an answer. Do you want the bad news or the worse news?"
"Give me the bad news."
"We got the DNA test back on the u**..., it belongs to the vice president."
"That's the bad news?" Trump exclaims, "what could be worse than that?"
"Well," says the agent, "it was in the First Lady's hand writing."
Not properly prescripted
- Granny, have you seen my pills? They are oval shaped with the initials "l**..." engraved on 'em.
- F*c**... them, darling! Can't you see there is a dragon in our kitchen?!
A teacher said to her class
A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Timmy's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green." The teacher ignored Little Timmy again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss." No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking." Little Timmy said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib." "Timmy, thats disgusting!" shouted the teacher. " no it's a match, but i like your thinking." Said Little Timmy.
Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.
The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.
Trump shouts Oh my GOD! and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.
After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advisors, How many is a 'brazillion?'
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
America vs Russia
An American and a Russian are arguing about freedom in their respective countries. The American says proudly: I can walk into the Oval Office anytime, I can pound the president's desk, and I can say, Mr. President, I don't like the way you're running our country."
The Russian replies nonchalantly: "Yes sir, I can do that too. I can go into the Kremlin to the President's office, I can pound his desk and say, Comrade President, I don't like the way President Biden's running his country.''
