Outstretched Jokes
5 outstretched jokes and hilarious outstretched puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about outstretched that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Amusing & Witty Outstretched Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What is a good outstretched joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
So there's this man with a parrot.
And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a p**.... He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the t**..., shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
I went into the bank earlier to check my balance
Got some funny looks standing on one leg with my arms outstretched
"For your final police recruit evaluation,"
"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".
The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"
The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the force, son!"
Superman initially flew with his right arm outstretched and his left hand at his hip. Later he started flying with both arms out.
He switched from manual to auto.
An old religious woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot.
Everything is fine until she brings it home. It begins to swear uncontrollably. F this, F that, F you and finally the lady can stand it no more. She grabs the bird, shoves it in the freezer, and slams the door shut. Squawking, shrieking, pounding, and cursing come out of the freezer for a few moments and then it goes quiet.
The woman is scared that she has hurt the bird and opens the freezer. The parrot walks calmly out and steps gently onto the woman's outstretched hand. He looks into the lady's eyes and says "Ma'am, I am truly sorry if my language offended you and it will not recur. If I may ask, what did the chicken do?"
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