A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."
Get your drunk ass off of the merry-go-round.
He decides to take it on the highway to see how fast it can go. Once he hits 100, he sees the red and blue lights of the cop car light up. He thinks to himself, maybe I can outrun the cop. So he continues to floor it. He makes it to 140, and the cop is still right behind him. So reluctantly he pulls over. The cop comes up and says to the man. Son, I'm at the end of my shift and you just racked up a ton of charges and paperwork for me. I'll tell you what, if you can give me the best story as to why you were speeding, I will let you go. The man sat there and thought for a minute and said. Well, 3 years ago my wife left me for a state trooper, and I was scared that y'all were bringing her back.
No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.
A man fell for a speed trap along a road and wanting to avoid the ticket proceeded to speed, hoping to outrun the cop who was in hot pursuit. Finally the man pulled over. Realizing there would be a lot of paperwork involved and being the end of the day, the officer told the speeder, "I'll let you off with a warning if you can give me one good reason as to why you were speeding." The speeder responded, "You see officer, my wife left me last week for a cop and I thought you were trying to return her."
A 14 year old who can outrun her brothers
Because he wasn't a vegetable.
A virgin
Three fugitives are trying to outrun the cops. They come across a farm, and quickly find places to hide. The first one hides in a pen full of sheep, the second one hides in a pen full of cows, the third one hides in a pile of potatoes.
The cops bust into the farm, and start looking for the fugitives. First they search the sheep pen. The guy hiding there goes "Baaaaaahhhhhh" and the cops say "Just a bunch of sheep here." and move on.
Next, they search the cow pen. The guy hiding among the cows goes "MOOOOOOOO" and the cops say "Just a bunch of cows here." and they move on.
Finally, they come to the pile of potatoes, and look around. The guy hiding under the pile says.
"pooooooootaaaaaaaaatooooooooo....."
Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces.
His friend said ''Hey are you crazy!!!! You can't outrun a leopard.''
His friend replied, '' Mate, i don't have to,I just have to outrun you!!!!''
One man bends down to tighten the laces on his shoes.
The other man looks at him and says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!"
The first guy, while tying his shoes, replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."
When they come upon a Grizzly Bear. The first man bends down quickly and begins to tighten shoelaces.
The second man says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"
As the first man begins to stretch he replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
A girl that can outrun her brothers.
A virgin.
Take the toll road.
From the sheeps that can outrun the sheppard.
You just have to outrun your friends
Virgins.
A man in Arizona gets a new sports car and decides to test it out. He gets out on a long stretch of highway and begins to speed up. No cars are around, so he hits 65, the speed limit. A few moments later still no cars, so he gets it up to 85. Suddenly blue lights go off behind him.
Fuck it, he thinks, I'll outrun him!
The man hits the gas, getting up to 100, then 110. But the cop stays on him. Finally after four miles of this he decides he's not going to lose the guy, so he pulls over.
The cop gets out and walks over to his car. As the man rolls the window down the cop says "Look, it's the end of my shift. I've wrote a whole book of tickets today and just wanna go home. If you can give me one good reason why you were going so damn fast, son, I'll let you off."
The man thinks a moment, then says "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I thought you were trying to give her back."
The first man takes off his boots and starts puttin on runnin sneakers.
The second man asks "do you really think you gonna outrun a bear?"
First man replies "I just gotta outrun you"
A Virgin.
A 16 year old girl who can still outrun her brothers
She can outrun her brothers...
*mic drop* "I'm out..."
I'm almost certain If she's wearing high heels.
If she is wearing anything else, I'm not sure if I can outrun her...
So lately i have been drag racing. I win most of the time, it's hard for them to outrun me in heels
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second guy says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."
The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear."
The first guy says, "I don"'t have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
An 8 year old that can outrun her brothers.
Two guys check in at the ranger station before heading to their camp and the ranger says, "Keep an eye out for bears... they can outrun any human". The guys get to camp, set up and just as they're getting ready to relax, they look up the hill and see a huge grizzly bear roar and start charging down towards them. One of the guys immediately sits down and starts lacing up his shoes. The other guy, in disbelief, says "What are you doing?!? The ranger said we can't out run that thing"... and his buddy replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear... I just need to outrun you."
A man is driving his Ferrari on the highway speeding slightly above the limit when he sees cop lights flashing in his rear mirror. In a instant of madness, the man thinks "what the hell, I'll just outrun him". After a few moments of extreme speeding the man comes the his senses, realizes he is acting crazy and pulls over.
As he rolls down his window the cop tells him "I should arrest you on the spot for that but you know what, it's the end of my shift and I'm tired. So if you can come up with one excuse that I never heard for doing that, I'll let you off with a warning.
The man thinks for a while and replies "Well you see, a few weeks ago my wife left me for a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
Throw Judith behind you.
...or even sell more drugs than he could.
Luckily for me, they only have little legs
The guy holding the gun.
They are the ones that can outrun their brothers and father.
A Virgin.
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