Outrageous Jokes
36 outrageous jokes and hilarious outrageous puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about outrageous that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Outrageous Short Jokes
Short outrageous jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The outrageous humour may include short outraged jokes also.
- C and C++ walk into a bar... After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"
- "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her. After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
- With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue. The outraged side,
And the uninformed. - A C and a C++ walk into a bar... The C spilled his beer all over the C++'s shirt. Outraged, C++ shouted, "Good god, man! Have you no class?"
- Coffee Joke [OC] So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"
The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."
^^^I'm ^^^Sorry. - I am completely outraged by JJ Abrahms saying the next Star Wars will have an openly gay character in his science fiction franchise Star wars is Science Fantasy, not Science Fiction
- Its outrageous when women complain about gender bias in companies They're just some strong independent companies that don't need no women. They should understand
- car service outrage I recently paid $300 for a limousine and I just found out the fee doesn't include a driver.
I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it. - What if J.K. Rowling is playing the long game and all her outrageous and divisive views and comments are setting us up for the final where she says But guys.... I'm J. K.
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Outrageous One Liners
Which outrageous one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with outrageous? I can suggest the ones about obscene and atrocious.
- Why didn't USA switch from pounds to grams? Because of mass outrage.
- How do you get a feminist to feel outraged? This should do it
- What do you call an outrageous father? Papa-sterous.
I'll see myself out. - How do you get a feminist to be outraged? You don't, they just come that way.
- Very offensive man on the loose with flint and steel Sparks outrage
- I'm kinda like Jesus... I like to hang out with prostitutes and tell outragous lies.
- Florida man cooks and eats dog. Public outraged over cultural appropriation.
- why isnt there any outrage on using dumb so casually Dumb people can't speak
- "If your not outraged your not paying attention" Guess she was the latter.
- Why are twin sisters called fraternal? I AM OUTRAGED!!!!!
- The most unappetizing thing in the world ...Is a restaurant menu with outrageous prices.
Ridiculous Outrageous Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about outrageous you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ridiculous jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make outrageous pranks.
The troubles of foreigners in Canada
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
**
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
...the first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.
The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".
A man marches to H.R. to complain that his paycheque is $50 short.
He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.
"This is an outrage!"
The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.
"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 this week. But you certainly didn't complain when we **over**paid you by $50 last week."
The man points his finger at the woman:
"Listen, one mistake I can forgive. But enough is enough!"
So a tourist walks into an English pub...
A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:
"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"
They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
A doctor and a programmer both like the same woman
Every day, the doctor brings her a flower, while the programmer brings her an apple.
Eventually, she chooses to go out with the programmer.
Outraged, the doctor asks the programmer why he brought her apples.
The programmer responded An Apple a day keeps the doctor away
A feminist and a linguist walk into a bar
They sit down and begin a conversation.
The linguist asks, "Do you have any siblings?"
The feminist replies, "Yes, I have a sister. I'm very close with she."
The linguist, confused, tries to correct her. "Don't you mean 'with her'?"
The feminist is outraged and screams, "Stop objectifying women!"
After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...
Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one c**...."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.
Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."
Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...
Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy
Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.
Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.
There was an International Job opening.
Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because they both did equally well on the test and in the interview. The American was outraged. "THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THE CANADIAN?!?." The manager then responded, "Well, you both did equally well in the interview, but the real problem was the test. You both got 9/10 on the test, but for question 10, the Canadian man put 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither.'"
Shout out to my Math Teacher for telling me this one.
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.
The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .
A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...
So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."
The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the next. Eventually the father relents, and agrees on a compromise. The young vulture could eat some vegetables, but only if he finished his meat first.
The following day, the young vulture asks what they will be eating that evening. The father replies, "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done."
One day Bob gets a text from his neighbor...
The text reads: "Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt about something and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you aren't home. Probably more than you, honestly. I know its no excuse, but I don't get it at home. But now, I can't live with this guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later Bob gets a second text from his neighbor: "Sorry, really should use spell check! That should be 'wifi'."
Edit for clarity.
The new tenants
Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.
Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.
Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.
Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then practising my trumpet.
When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...
After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!
