Outraged Jokes
67 outraged jokes and hilarious outraged puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about outraged that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Outraged Short Jokes
Short outraged jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The outraged humour may include short outrageous jokes also.
- C and C++ walk into a bar... After a few hours, C gets sloppy drunk and spills its drink all over C++. Outraged, C++ shouts, "good God C! Have you no class??"
- "Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!" "Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!" - I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her. After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
- With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue. The outraged side,
And the uninformed. - A C and a C++ walk into a bar... The C spilled his beer all over the C++'s shirt. Outraged, C++ shouted, "Good god, man! Have you no class?"
- Coffee Joke [OC] So the coffee asked the creamer, "Are you outraged by our working conditions too, or do you support management?"
The creamer replied, "I'm half and half."
^^^I'm ^^^Sorry. - I am completely outraged by JJ Abrahms saying the next Star Wars will have an openly gay character in his science fiction franchise Star wars is Science Fantasy, not Science Fiction
- Its outrageous when women complain about gender bias in companies They're just some strong independent companies that don't need no women. They should understand
- car service outrage I recently paid $300 for a limousine and I just found out the fee doesn't include a driver.
I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it. - What if J.K. Rowling is playing the long game and all her outrageous and divisive views and comments are setting us up for the final where she says But guys.... I'm J. K.
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Outraged One Liners
Which outraged one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with outraged? I can suggest the ones about appalled and infuriated.
- Why didn't USA switch from pounds to grams? Because of mass outrage.
- How do you get a feminist to feel outraged? This should do it
- What do you call an outrageous father? Papa-sterous.
I'll see myself out. - How do you get a feminist to be outraged? You don't, they just come that way.
- Very offensive man on the loose with flint and steel Sparks outrage
- I'm kinda like Jesus... I like to hang out with prostitutes and tell outragous lies.
- Florida man cooks and eats dog. Public outraged over cultural appropriation.
- why isnt there any outrage on using dumb so casually Dumb people can't speak
- "If your not outraged your not paying attention" Guess she was the latter.
- Why are twin sisters called fraternal? I AM OUTRAGED!!!!!
- The most unappetizing thing in the world ...Is a restaurant menu with outrageous prices.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Outraged Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about outraged you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean incensed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make outraged pranks.
Mowing the grass.
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
Socrates' Beloved
Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'
When I worked as Tech Support for an ISP I had a woman call outraged that we allowed "filth" on her computer...
After she calmed down slightly she explained that her 10 year old Granddaughter was sleeping over and they were having a "Spa Night" and did a web search on "Facials". . . .I was able to hit the mute button in time to avoid making matters far worse... True Story!
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
On the Duck Dynasty Outrage,....
It's such a double standard.
When a white guy acts bad on TV, people rush to A&E and demand the show is cancelled.
When a black guy acts bad on TV, you don't see people rushing to Fox demanding they cancel COPS.
A man took his dog to the vet thinking he was dead
The veterinarian placed the dog on a table and placed a cat upon the dog. The cat walked across the dog and veterinarian said, "yep, he is dead, that will $535." The man was outraged and asked "Why it is so much?", the vetanarian replied, "$35 for the office visit and $500 for the cat scan."
Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...
Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"
So a tourist walks into an English pub...
A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:
"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"
They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...
So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."
The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the next. Eventually the father relents, and agrees on a compromise. The young vulture could eat some vegetables, but only if he finished his meat first.
The following day, the young vulture asks what they will be eating that evening. The father replies, "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done."
Wheel of Nostradamus
A man was at the fair when he heard a carnie shouting "Step right up and spin the Wheel of Nostradamus and win a prize!" Intrigued, the man approached and asked how much for one spin.
"Only five dollars per spin, sir."
Outraged, the man asked why it was so expensive. The carnie replied:
"I'm trying to turn a prophet here!"
There was an International Job opening.
Two men applied, a Canadian man, and an American. After the test and the interview, they company decided to go with the Canadian man. The American with distraught asked why they decided to hire the Canadian and how he did in the interview and test. They said it was a very difficult decision because they both did equally well on the test and in the interview. The American was outraged. "THEN WHY DID YOU HIRE THE CANADIAN?!?." The manager then responded, "Well, you both did equally well in the interview, but the real problem was the test. You both got 9/10 on the test, but for question 10, the Canadian man put 'I don't know' and you put 'me neither.'"
Shout out to my Math Teacher for telling me this one.
Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy
Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.
Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.
One day Bob gets a text from his neighbor...
The text reads: "Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt about something and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you aren't home. Probably more than you, honestly. I know its no excuse, but I don't get it at home. But now, I can't live with this guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later Bob gets a second text from his neighbor: "Sorry, really should use spell check! That should be 'wifi'."
Edit for clarity.
A feminist and a linguist walk into a bar
They sit down and begin a conversation.
The linguist asks, "Do you have any siblings?"
The feminist replies, "Yes, I have a sister. I'm very close with she."
The linguist, confused, tries to correct her. "Don't you mean 'with her'?"
The feminist is outraged and screams, "Stop objectifying women!"
A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...
Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one c**...."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."
A father caught his teenage son filming a lewd act on his cell phone with his girlfriend. He was outraged, having thought that he had raised his son to be better than this.
In his rage, he shouted, "Son! I never, ever want to see you film vertically ever again!"
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
...the first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.
The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".
A man walks into his office
A man walks into his office cubicle on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor.
it reads, "Do you have any n**... photos of your wife?"
Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!!!!"
Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor. Expecting an apology, he opens the e-mail.
It reads, "Want to buy some?"
After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
A doctor and a programmer both like the same woman
Every day, the doctor brings her a flower, while the programmer brings her an apple.
Eventually, she chooses to go out with the programmer.
Outraged, the doctor asks the programmer why he brought her apples.
The programmer responded An Apple a day keeps the doctor away
The new tenants
Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.
Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.
Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.
Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then practising my trumpet.
My neighbour came b**... on my door at 3am last night.
I couldn't believe such outrageous behaviour.
Luckily, I was up practicing on my drum kit at the time so I wasn't too startled by him.
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.
The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .
A football team loses its star player Dante d**... due to an injury...
The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without d**...."
Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.
The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with d**... out."
A wife tells her husband her underwear cost $300...
The husband screams "Three hundred dollars!? That's outrageous!" The wife says "Well you don't wrap a beautiful jewel in newspaper".
The husband replies "Yeah, but you don't gift wrap a dead b**..., either".
$5 h**...
A man goes to see a 5 dollar h**..., he does his business and the goes home. The next day he was furious, he got c**... from the h**.... He decides to go back to the h**... and complain.
Man: This is outrageous I pay you and I get c**...!!!
h**...: Well what did you expect for 5 dollars? Lobster?
An audio technician becomes a comedian
An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.
He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.
At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.
That was the last night he ever did comedy.
The feedback ruined it.
My friends told me I didn't give them enough privacy...
We were at a friend's house when two of them were talking behind my back
Outraged I said "Hey don't talk behind my back!"
But I forgot one crucial thing...
They couldn't hear me from the vents.
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my front door step, drinking a beer and watching my girlfriend mow the lawn.
The lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I smiled and calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass".
The troubles of foreigners in Canada
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
**
A group of mathematicians walks into a bar
The bartender asks, "what can I get you guys?"
The first mathematician replies, "I'll have a beer."
The second mathematician replies, "I'll have a half of a beer."
The third replies, "I'll have a fourth of a beer."
The fourth replies, "I'll have an eighth of a beer."
And so on...
The bartender returns with two beers. Outraged, one mathematician demands to the bartender, "how do you expect us to all get drunk off of two beers!"
The bartender replies, "you guys should really know your limits!"
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.
Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."
A guy is relaxing at home when he hears a loud b**... on his front door. He opens the door to discover his next-door neighbor standing there looking outraged. "
What's the matter Bill?" he asks the neighbor. "I found your son's name written with pee in the snow between our houses!" he responds. "What's the big deal? He's a kid. Kids do that stuff". I'll tell you the big deal! It was in my daughter's handwriting!"
A friend of mine told me an outrageous story while he cleaned his car.
I said you must be buffing.
A rich man brings a p**... to a fancy party
The two enter the ballroom with arms in grasp.
The man, with a new suit, clean shave, and an outrageously expensive watch, was clearly dressed to the nines.
The p**..., barely covered and well worked, had been payed handsomely for her time.
The two approach the bar and both order a whiskey, neat; the prim proper elderly waitress responds with a putrid gasp,
I'm sorry, I cannot serve you, as this is the punch line.
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
Am i gay?
While watching movies with my girlfriend i sometimes compliment male actors on their good, and sometimes outrageous good looks. My girlfriend often asks me, since i do this alot, are you gay? and that she's worried i will leave her for a man. So, am i gay? Or am i just comfortable enough with my sexuality that i can appreciate the beauty of male aesthetics as well?
All this reflection got me thinking, and i had to reach out to my ex and ask if he ever had the feeling that i was gay, turns out, he didn't!
A woman gets on a bus carrying her baby. The driver says 'Oh my, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen' The woman goes to her seat with an angry rage building. The man sat next her asks 'What's the matter?' To which the woman says the driver was so rude to her she might lose it...
'That's outrageous' says the man 'You should go and tell him off for whatever he said. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you whilst you do'
I went on a couple of dates last week at the local supermarket.
The grocer was outraged, and said I destroyed his fruits.
After so long of h**... being just too hot...
The inhabitants decide to steal a/c units from Heaven and install them, making the place a little more comfortable. When the inhabitants of Heaven learn what's been done, they lash out in outrage. "How dare you! We'll sue you!" they cried.
To which h**...'s residents replied: "You can try, sure, but where are you guys gonna find a lawyer?"
A man marches to H.R. to complain that his paycheque is $50 short.
He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.
"This is an outrage!"
The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.
"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 this week. But you certainly didn't complain when we **over**paid you by $50 last week."
The man points his finger at the woman:
"Listen, one mistake I can forgive. But enough is enough!"
